Team Titans #4

Worst prom ever.

This issue is strange because it's not a great issue but it's better than a Titans book has been for quite some time. I never realized when I read this series decades ago how much influence editors have on the direction of a series. But upon reading this and the Titans series again, I see how editor Jon Peterson put Marv on a leash and led him into pure X-men territory. Not that, in some ways, leashing Marv wasn't a good thing! The things Marv usually did poorly seemed better but the stories, under Jon, lacked most of the characterization which drove the Titans in the first place. All the usual characters were killed or ousted while a bunch of one-dimensional characters like Pantha, Phantasm, and Deathstork took their places. All in all, the series just didn't feel like Wolfman was writing it anymore, or cared about writing what he was being told to write. It may have increased sales for a bit (I have no idea if it did but Jon Peterson's enthusiasm in the notes and letter pages makes it seem so?) but it really just left the Titans in an awkward place, emulating the X-men and their time travel stories, waiting to return to glory. I'm using "glory" quite loosely here.

This story is pure Marv Wolfman! That doesn't mean it's good! It's just different from what it was and, in a weird way, better. Especially after all that Teeny Titans bullshit.

Marv introduces us to Metallik, a Team Titans group from the future that is an amalgamation of every cartoon of the eighties created to sell toys. They're basically Jem and the Holograms who turn into Voltron and look like minor residents of Eternia. Throw in Battalion who is the meanest G.I. Joe you've ever seen (but with the biggest heart of all!) and I think this comic may have spawned a few dozen lawsuits.

No wait. Battalion isn't a G.I. Joe at all. He's just Lobo crossed with Wolverine and dressed like every 90s extreme character with death, dead, kill, or lok in their names.

The plot revolves around Judge and Jury becoming a rogue Team Titans team from the future who have decided to hunt down and kill all of the other Team Titans. The Team Titans all arrived at random points in the past so none of them know where any of the others are. It's time for Battalion to gather them together and protect them! The Team Titans team in Titans probably won't be an extremely important part of this comic from here on out. I think they get to be a whole group of sidekicks for the regular Titans.

Scooby Apocalypse #4

I think Shaggy's cock is hanging out of his fly.

The Facts!
• Here's how I hope the romantic hook-ups go: Fred and Shaggy; Scooby and Daphne; Velma and every piece of vibrating electronics she can get between her legs.

• I like how Jim Lee gets a "based on a concept" credit for this book. Does he get royalties for thinking up the concept of the Scooby Gang battling real monsters in a post-apocalyptic world?

• How about Perfect Strangers in the dark ages? If anybody uses that, I want a "based on a concept" credit!

• Currently, the Scooby Gang has stopped at a gas station convenience store to stock up on snacks. They probably should have read the signs before heading in because they're just the kind of signs that wink at the reader in just that way that says, "We get what's about to happen, right? 'Stop in for a BITE'! Get it? 'Open dawn till dusk'? Get it? I mean, reverse it and get it? 'Service with a "smile"'? Why is the word 'smile' in quotes?! Seems ominous!" Oh, also at the end of the last issue, there was a vampire in the stock room.

• Daphne seems to have gotten over the guilt of murdering monsters who used to be people because she's now confidently wielding a huge gun she found in the Mystery Machine. She doesn't look a bit worried about having to kill more people-monsters!

• Daphne still doesn't trust Velma because Daphne was one of those conspiracy journalists who chase after every story which could prove that seemingly trustworthy people aren't trustworthy at all. Who better to bring down than a bunch of arrogant scientists who claim they're using science to save the world? More than likely they're using science to advance a nefarious agenda that isn't completely made up in the heads of lunatic paranoids at all!

• The trouble with this comic book is that Daphne is right and the scientists are doing exactly what she suspected they were doing. But Velma isn't one of them! She really should trust Velma. How can you not trust somebody who wears that short of a skirt? She's got my full attention!

• Daphne has been left on guard duty while Fred and Shaggy sleep and Velma worries. Scooby is just standing around staring at who-knows-what.

I never understood why vampires make more vampires. Isn't that just making more competition for limited resources? I mean, unless you meet a limited resource that you think you might want to fuck for eternity. Then I can understand making them into a vampire. Although according to Ann Rice, if you make somebody a vampire, you lose your intimate connection with them and everything falls apart and then Lestat goes off to pout for another century.

• Scooby Doo is way too brave in this comic book. He's supposed to run from danger not confront it head on! Was one of Jim Lee's concepts to have none of the characters act like they did in the cartoon? That seems like a pretty bold idea! "I know!" he probably began pretend humbly. "I'll draw the characters to look like the cartoon characters (although maybe tighten up Velma a bit so she makes Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea's dick hard) but Shaggy will be useful, Scooby will be brave, Daphne will be...um, what was Daphne? Wasn't her personality just hot and stylish? No wait. Wasn't that Fred's personality? Did they have personalities in the cartoon?! Anyway, um, Keith and J.M. (what does that stand for anyway? Jerk Machine?), just do whatever you want with the characters. Don't bother watching the cartoons for research because they're terrible."

• Daphne blows off the top half of the vampire. She really has come to terms with her new life of killing people who probably only need a shot of Anti-Nanites to return them to normal.

• Velma's turtle neck is actually a mock hoodie. I mean a real hoodie and not a mock turtle neck. I don't even know if I'm using mock turtle neck right. What the fuck is that supposed to be? Anyway, I just wanted to point out that there's a panel where she has her hoodie up but the colorist, fucking robot extraordinaire Hi-Fi, colored the hoodie the same color as her hair instead of orange. Way to fuck up, you stupid robot.

• I wish robot's had feelings so Hi-Fi would feel bad about its mistake!

• Since the vampires regenerate, the Scooby Gang decide to declare the case closed, hop in the Mystery Machine, and flee the scene. Since this issue is called "Fur and Fangs", I figure they'll run into a pack of werewolves next.

• The Scooby Gang finally come to the realization that they're going to have to hunt down the four scientists who got the world into this mess. If they'd been reading my commentaries, they would have known that during Issue #1! Unless I first pointed out that was going to be the basic structure of the story in Issue #2's commentaries. Whichever it was, let me just say: Grandmaster Comic Book Reader!

• Usually Keith and J.M. recycle the same jokes over and over. In this series, they just keep recycling the same conversation between Velma and Daphne over and over. Velma says the scientists didn't do this. Daphne says they did. Velma says they didn't. Daphne says they did. I think I've read that argument at least seven times since this series began.

• Scrappy-Doo makes an appearance way earlier than I imagined he would. He's not dead so nobody has to drink until they die (those were the rules of my Scooby Doo Drinking Game!). And he isn't the cause of the apocalypse, so nobody has to never drink again (more rules!). But he is an articulate little bastard who thinks Scooby is a coward and a moron. He doesn't say, at least not yet, "Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!" When he finally does say that, y'all should probably drink.

• I think maybe the "fur" in the title referred to Scrappy-Doo and his army of semi-intelligent, half-robot dogs.

• The bonding I thought was happening last issue happens less subtly this issue. And by less subtly, I mean Fred says, "Well, whaddayou know? You're bonding!" So see? They'll be the regular old Scooby Gang in no time! Plus Shaggy and Scooby are total pigs so at least that part of their personalities is intact.

• While looting a store, the Scooby Gang fail to notice the place being surrounded by devil creatures. So this issue is ending exactly like Issue #2 ended with monster mechanics about to attack, and exactly like Issue #3 ended with vampires about to attack. I guess if the cartoon could be formulaic, why can't the comic book?

The Opinions!
This issue didn't have enough shots of Velma's ass.

New Titans #94 (January 1993)

Ha ha! Get it? A few days to kill! Smoking!

“Smoking!” or “I’m smoking!” is how my friend Doom Bunny and I tag any pun-based or sort of stupid humor. It comes from this kid John who was one of the younger kids at the Junior Theater where Doom Bunny worked doing lights and I volunteered to help backstage. During the Wizard of Oz, we were testing the smoke machine for the Great Oz scene and John kept running into the smoke and miming as if he had a cigarette and yelling, “I’m smoking!” I want to say we made the mistake of laughing which encouraged him to keep doing it but the fact that he kept doing it was what made it so great so it wasn’t a mistake to laugh at all! Christ. That was over twenty years ago and we still say it. I wonder if John has gotten any funnier?

The reason I told that story was to pad out this review of New Titans #94. There’s not a lot to say about it. Phil Jimenez’s art is terrible in that way that some people would think it isn’t terrible even though it is. And the story is bland. I don’t want to blame Louise Simonson for the blandness though! She was given Red Star and Cyborg to work with so how exciting could she have made it? Especially since Cyborg is mostly brain dead.

This story is at least a two-parter which seems a bit absurd given that it’s probably just meant to get Cyborg back to his old self. I suppose that was so Marv could take a bit of a break from this series so he could decompress and find himself after being manipulated by and forced to write pseudo-X-men stories by Jon Peterson for so many years.

Scooby Apocalypse #3

Every cover should just be a pin-up of Velma.

The Facts!
• I should probably read the comic book instead of looking at women in Velma costumes on the Internet.

• This issue begins with the Scooby Gang driving the Mystery Machine across the Nevada desert. I guess they escaped the laboratory. I don't really remember if that happened at the end of Issue #2 or in the space between issues because it's been a long time since I read the last issue of this comic book.

• Velma bites her thumb at one point and I'm like *SWOOON!*

• The fight back in the garage is coming up soon! Apparently Fred was nearly killed and now I guess I'm supposed to want to find out how that happened. I'm not really too bothered by it, really. I'm just hoping the Scooby Gang find a laundromat soon where they'll all have to strip down to clean the one outfit they all wear.

• A few hours earlier in the Mystery Machine's garage, the Scooby Gang had to quickly come to terms with their ability to murder their fellow human beings. At least it's easy enough to rationalize because their fellow human beings look like monsters and are trying to kill them. Although by that logic, I probably have a right to kill anybody with the flu who comes near me, right? I mean, the flu can kill me so any contagious person who gets near me is threatening my life. And have you seen how horrible people look when they're sick with the flu? Just like monsters!

• I should probably consult a lawyer before I murder somebody with the flu, just in case my logic isn't as sound as I think it is.

Here's Shaggy's rationalization. Can't argue with that! I mean, I can! But I won't!

• The Scooby Gang continue to murder the people who are just suffering from a disease brought on by scientists who flew too close to the God. But they're all really anguished and upset about having to save their own lives by taking other's lives. So that makes it okay!

• Man, I really wish there had been an episode of the cartoon where Shaggy got his hands on a gun. Then when the ghost appears, he panics and shoots it in the face, blowing Old Man Smithers' brains all over the haunted wall behind him. Then the cops would have arrested Shaggy and he would have went down for manslaughter and probably placed in a haunted prison.

• Shaggy gets to shout, "Scooby Doo? Where are you?" It's totally satisfying.

• The flashback ends and Fred was never injured in any kind of way that would explain why everybody was so worried about him. Wait, let me check again to make sure. Oh yeah! It ends with Scooby Doo being outside of the Mystery Machine! So there must be more flashback where Fred goes out to save Scooby Doo and takes a shot to the head. Otherwise the only explanation for him being down and out would be that his ascot was drooled on.

• Velma isn't totally sure that the current problem is the nanite program that was created to make people more chill and brainwashery. If so, it would be her fault since she released the nanites in Issue #1 a year prior to the beginning of the apocalypse. But there's also the possibility that the four scientists she was working with manipulated her so that they could use the nanites for their own ends. That's probably what happened and now the main thrust of this story is finding those four scientists so the Scooby Gang can transform the monsters back into people instead of killing them all.

I'm tempted to make these Scooby Apocalypse commentaries just a string of sexy Velma scans. This is one of the best. I imagine she's screaming, "Put it in my ass right Goddamned now!"


This is what I scream right before I put it in the Goddamned ass!

• I'm starting to remember why I watched Scooby Doo so intently as a kid.

• Fred gets clawed in the head as we return to the flashback. I almost missed it happen because there were so many ass shots of Velma.

• The escape bonds the Scooby Gang together. So now the reader doesn't have to just think of them as wacky strangers fighting for survival. I think we're allowed to start thinking of them as friends. Which is good because their first real mystery since the apocalypse is about to bite them in the face next issue! Unless what it really wants is to scare them away from the market they're looting so it can buy up the property for cheap and dig up the treasure hidden under the floorboards.

The Opinions!
I know I'm sort of waiting for the scene of Velma in her underwear but do I really want that? Isn't it better to continue to have tantalizing glimpses of her undergarments during chaotic physical confrontations with monsters? That's hot! I'm not attracted to any of the others. Maybe if Scooby Doo weren't a dog, I'd be into him. But the others definitely aren't my types. I hope science doesn't continue to be the enemy and, in the end, the Scooby Gang discover that it wasn't Velma's nanites that turned everybody into monsters but God's wrath during the end times! Seriously, it would be more fitting for a Scooby Doo comic book to have religion as the enemy rather than science. Scooby Doo is supposed to be about logic winning out over superstition! I don't want logic and science to be the cause of the end of the world! That's moronic anti-vaxxer science-skeptic talk!

Earth Too: Society Annual #1

Haven't we reached peak Batman saturation yet?

The Facts!
• I am not an earnest, well-intentioned Writer who says the things that people want to hear so they can feel righteous in their daily vitriolic anger. I cannot lead the revolution! If I were to discuss anything of any real import, I would just wind up making light of it and not treating it seriously enough for the people who actually care about it. Sometimes there's a place for earnestness and optimism. Even I enjoy reading and listening to people who really want to say something meaningful and important in a completely unselfish way. But this isn't that place. This is where you can come to pretend you don't live in a world where every single statement by every single person is gross and problematic to at least one other person in the world and thus nobody should actually say anything at all ever. Let me be your martyr. Let me be crucified for your gross and problematic sins. Believe in me and you will...well, you won't have everlasting life or anything. You might, if you're lucky, realize that people can joke about pretty much everything because the world is a shitty and painful place and who has the right to tell anybody else that they can't make a joke about something if it somehow lightens the world a little for them. I mean within the well-established rules of who can joke about what, of course! I would obviously never make a joke about the Portuguese because I'm not Portuguese! Although aren't we all brothers and sisters? Are we not all the same? Do we not all share a common ancestor, far back in the hidden recesses of our unknowable history? So I probably can make a Portuguese gardener joke, right?!

• I'm so sick of people aspiring to inspire. Inspiration is bullshit. Inspiration is like taking a shot of adrenaline, pumping your fist in the air, and screaming "This!" at the top of your lungs and then, as the excitement of the moment moves further and further into your past, slowly descending back into your pathetic do-nothing attitude surrounded by boxes of empty Oreo containers. Inspiration without motivation or ambition is as useful as a power surge. Inspiration has simply become a major buzzword because it slaps a layer of selflessness over something that is inherently selfish and self-involved. It's a way to believe that the fulfillment of your dreams (which, generally, could technically be described as "selfish desires") has a bigger impact on the world than just making you happy and satisfied.

• Oh, I brought up inspiration because this story is called "Legacy" and we all know what that means in comic book parlance. A hero is an older person who the company thinks fans can't identify with so that hero inspires a younger generation to completely rip them off. Now the company has the same hero but with a younger demographic. Cha-ching!

• Dick is speaking with his son John about taking over as the next Batman after Dick gives up his life to save Earth-Too. How did John and Dick get back together? Who the fuck knows? I don't really care but I'm certain this comic book is about to tell me.

• Is it really wise to have a six year old as the new Batman? I know his body looks sixteen! But he's got the mind of a six year old! His relationship with Legacy Catwoman is going to be just a lot of her chasing him around Gotham as he screams, "Gross!"

• The story finally gets around to beginning at the beginning where Ultra-Humanite is still trying to convince a six year old that he doesn't need his deadbeat dad in his life anymore. That's when The Huntress falls out of the sky screaming at John that he has to come with her. Doesn't she know you probably shouldn't startle a six year old holding a flamethrower?

• Before John can go with Helena, he must deal with his grief.

I mean, he has to battle a kid named Grief.

• I wish somebody would accidentally knock over the Pandora Vessel--I mean Casket!--and just remake Earth-2 already. If these characters survive, I won't be particularly happy with the Rebirth Earth-2 comic book. Am I truly supposed to care about John Grayson? Unless he begins acting like a six year old in a sixteen year old's body, I just can't take him seriously.

• Remember how Superboy was a newborn baby in a sixteen year old's body? I never took him seriously either!

• The six year old psychoanalyzes his father. I guess John Grayson is just another fucking genius child in the DC Universe. They're all so fucking smart! When do us stupid people get representation?! I mean aside from Jaime Reyes.

• Dick points out to his kid how he isn't fit to be Batman. He was just a lousy journalist. His entire training consists of watching his wife fight people to protect the family and breaking his back. But I guess that's enough because he hasn't been killed by Earth-2 Joker yet. Oh, I guess he was also trained by Huntress and Wildcat. But that was only after he survived all the Conversion Earth-2 bullshit.

• Dick almost quits but his son throws a tantrum and is all, "I want Batman as my daddy!" So Dick decides to keep being Batman and John decides to be his sidekick and earnest people everywhere who can't listen to "Cat's in the Cradle" without turning into a soaking wet ball of snot probably feel a twinge of sentimentality while reading this story. My dad is a piece of shit who was drunk through most of my first two decades and then expected to become my best friend in later years and I don't feel anything when I hear "Cat's in the Cradle" or read stories where fathers and sons bond. Although sometimes Nick Cave's "The Weeping Song" penetrates the callus over my heart and makes me feel like maybe I'm causing my dad pain by not allowing him to think he's my best friend. What's up with that?! Why does that song suddenly make me feel like the bad guy?!

The Opinions!
I don't care about this version of Dick Grayson and I certainly don't care about his son John whom Dick couldn't be bothered to protect for about thirty or more issues of Earth-2. So now I'm supposed to buy into this relationship because of the way John keeps calling Dick "Daddy"?! Fuck that! Somebody open the Pandora Casket already so we can get back the Justice Society!

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #5

The palm tree and coconuts as penis and testicles was so hilarious that it needed to be stuck on the cover for added hilarity.

The Things!
• Don't fucking bring me down today, Internet! I'll fucking kick you!

• Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys isn't over yet so I guess I'll say a few things about it before completely forgetting every single thing I said about it and every single thing I read in it and, in a few months, that it was ever even a thing.

• The issue begins with Harley Sinn whining about her shitty childhood. Not that her childhood was shitty. But she made it shitty because she insisted on her parents paying attention to her. Such weakness! I wish I was raised by maids, cooks, and butlers!

• Harley Sinn's father is named Dick Brand. I guess he's a caricature of Donald Trump but that doesn't matter because the story isn't actually saying anything. He was just a rich guy that didn't love his wife and neglected his daughter. Except for the rich part, that could describe all the fathers!

• The Gang of Harleys are fighting robots so Frank Tieri has Big Tony mention the Terminator and Linda Hamilton. Because 80% of Frank Tieri's writing is just references to pop culture.

• Harley Sinn's sob story continues. I don't give a shit about her.

• To defeat the robots, the Gang of Harleys lead them through the Eggy Minefield. The mines all blow up on the robots and destroy them even though two of the three robots were flying.

• Harley Sinn falls in love with her new step-sister which isn't gross at all. It's totally normal. Weren't all the Brady Kids fucking around with each other too?

• The Gang of Harleys eventually find Harley Quinn stuck up a tree with Mutant Goats trying to eat her. So Harvey uses one of Robot Power Girl's boob rockets to kill them all.

Ha ha! I get it! Feeding time! Because it's a boob! And boobs feed kids! And young goats are kids!

After being rescued, Harley Quinn decides to stay on the island so she can kick Harley Sinn's ass. But Harley Sinn has hired a bunch of mercenaries to chase down Harley Quinn and kill her! Actually, she didn't hire them at all. She decided to hold a contest with a single prize payout. So she's really just wasting most of their time. Why would they even apply for this job when 99% of the people hired aren't going to get paid? Harley Sinn really is her father's daughter.

Final Thoughts!
This comic book wasn't too good to begin with and it's just getting worse. Once again, DC Comics decides to make a mini-series six issues because that's the proper length of a trade paperback instead of allowing this series to be over in four issues since that's all the story that's really here. I wonder if DC was hoping Harley Sinn would become their next huge hit? I bet whoever thought of her walked into a pitch meeting and said, "Imagine this: Harley Quinn crossed with Lobo!" Then everybody's eyeballs turned into dollar signs. I hope she's completely forgotten after this series ends. She's terrible and her origin is terrible and I'm tired of reading Harley Quinn comic books!

Gotham Academy Annual #1

Yes! I'm down with Detective Club!

My Commentary!
• Will this be the issue in which Maps reveals she's trans? Probably not. It might, however, be the issue where she reveals she's adorable. Just kidding! That issue has already been published and it was called all of them!

• This issue begins positing a strange question: what if you could be better than a great, strong building and live forever but the main reason you want to live forever is to outlive your enemies and their progeny? That seems oddly specific? Can I just answer "Would you want to live forever?" Do I have to have weird ulterior motives and, for some odd reason, compare my longevity to that of a building, especially when I don't think of buildings as having a rare ability to withstand the ravages of time.

• Olive is awakened by a nightmare (or Maps touching her in her sleep) just in time for Olive and Maps to catch a glimpse of a caped figure leaping across rooftops! They also notice the chapel has been struck by lightning and is on fire. Stupid chapel! It should have been stronger and greater!

• Maps touches Olive on the back and moans. Then she says, "Let's get Detective Club together! Do you want to try out the new uniforms I got us?!" The new uniforms are crotchless panties. Olive declines.

• The caped shadow is seen by the Detective Club stealing a coffin out of the chapel's Antiquities Room. That's the room where the Antiquities are kept! And apparently coffins!

• Olive gets sick and collapses. I bet Maps is poisoning her so that she can take care of her by undressing her and placing bags of frozen peas on her nipples to cool the fever. "Starve a cold, place frozen bags of peas on the nipples to squelch a fever" my grandmother used to always say.

• Pomeline declares that it isn't a flu going around campus but a bunch of vampires! That seems like a Coast to Coast AM summation of events. Did she hear it from an old white truck driver who once thought, "I bet the flue is really caused by the transmission of undead blood cells by late night roaming monster men!" And because he had that thought, it was equally valid as anything Newton ever came up with. I mean, what's the difference?! Why should Newton's "theories" be any more valid than a dope who doesn't understand the difference between O₂ and O₃?!

• I think I know the difference! The smell!

• Part of Pomeline's proof is that Jen Thompson had a hickey. She might be on to something. Jen Thompson does sleep around with a lot of guys which would leave her open to sleeping with a vampire and thus wind up with a bruised and bloodied neck!

• Colton believes a new professor is behind the sickness and the coffin stealing and he has even lousier evidence to support his theory than Pomeline had! Which is what makes Pomeline's theory so perfect. Because so far it's the only one anybody has said that doesn't make sense but at least doesn't make less sense than the others!

• These kids in Detective Club aren't very good at their job. You don't just come up with a theory and then search for evidence of that theory! You search for clues and then build a theory based on the clues! Haven't any of them taken the Trixie Belden's So You Want To Become The World's Greatest Detective Home Course?! Amateurs!

Yes! Yes! Go there! Is it Olive?! Or Kyle?!

• The Detective Club suffers a schism as Pomeline and Tristan rush off to fight vampires and Colton and Kyle rush off to stalk a teacher. That leaves Maps to go tend to Olive whose temperature is probably making her really uncomfortable right now with that wool school uniform still on.

• Colton and Kyle don't discover that Powers, the new teacher, is a vampire but they almost do! So maybe Pomeline and Colton are both correct, no matter how absurd that would be!

• Warren, Colton's paid sidekick, sometimes has blonde hair and sometimes has orange hair. Is that a vampire thing?!

I guess it is a vampire thing!

• It's obvious what's happening now! Dracula has come to Gotham Academy and Van Helsing has changed his name to Powers and gone undercover at the school to capture him. Case closed!

• Pomeline and Tristan chase Warren and run into Dracula. Duh! I figured it out in the last bullet point! That Trixie Belden's So You Want To Become The World's Greatest Detective Home Course is really paying off!

• Dracula claims his name is Gustav Decobra which isn't quite an anagram of Count Dracula but could be if you've recently suffered a head injury. And Powers says his ghostly name is Blight but if he has one alias, he's bound to have two! So he's obviously Van Helsing hunting Decobra. I don't even have to read any more of this comic book because I totally figured it out.

• My theory is totally correct and the kids do a thing and save the day. The end. Grandmaster Comic Book Reader!

Shut up, Maps! That isn't what happened at all! It was Dracula and Van Helsing!

• I wonder if Maps is going to guest star in the new Batman Beyond series now that she traveled to the future? That part wasn't important to the Dracula/Van Helsing story so I didn't mention it. Just forget I said anything.

The Review
This is an Annual! I don't fucking review annuals! They're always just so...so...ANNUALLY!