Harley Quinn

I'm not claiming that my blog, Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, is entirely responsible for the atmosphere that has led to the awesome Harley Quinn cartoon but there was an awful lot of finger banging talk in Season One, Episode Two.

So, I mean, you're all welcome.

Harley Quinn #7

Face piercings and tattoos are way easier than actually having an interesting and unique personality.

When I give writing advice, I usually give terrible Grunion Guy writing advice that doesn't make any sense but makes me laugh. Today, I offer real writing advice: writing doesn't just take place when you sit down to do the hard labor of writing. "Duh!" you're probably saying. Well, "Fuck you!" is what I'm saying back! Sorry! I'm always a little pre-defensive when I know I'm posting something on the Internet because the Internet is full of Know-It-All Motherfuckers whose favorite word is "Actually." To explain a bit further about the writing, you know how some people say they do their best thinking in the shower? I'm sure you've seen all those Memes that are labeled as Shower Thoughts. It isn't that the shower is a magical place where ideas fall like hot water from a shower head or masturbatory juices from self-pleasured genitals. It's just a place where your brain is freed up from concentrating on anything else. Unless you're going through some kind of physical therapy from an accident or a stroke, taking a shower is so routine that your brain doesn't need to concentrate on any part of the process. It's freed up to wander and contemplate. Most people spend nearly every minute of the day engaged in some other activity that takes up brain power which means you're not doing writing. When you sit down to write, it suddenly becomes difficult because you have nothing to show for the other twenty three hours and forty-five minutes of your day spent not at the computer (or typewriter or pad of paper or mustard-stained napkin). You're beginning the race unprepared for the starting gun. You at least need to stretch and probably eat the right kind of meal and hydrate. Um, this isn't running advice. I know nothing about running. So getting back to writing, if you aren't writing away from the computer, you're going to have a hard time writing at the computer. That means your brain cannot be constantly occupied by being on the Internet, or engaged in text conversations, or playing Candy Crush. You know why people think the shower is so magical? You can't take a fucking phone in there!

And before you get on me about being down on people always needing their phones, fuck you. I don't care about people always being on their phones. But if you think of yourself as a writer, you'd do yourself a huge favor to turn it off and leave the headphones out of your ears and go for a fucking walk without anything but your own head-space. My writing has suffered drastically over the last two years because I began listening to a lot of podcasts during work and walks instead of just being up in my own head thinking about things (there are some other reasons which lead to wanting to tune out some things which has lead to listening to Podcasts. But I won't get into that stuff because it's all been mentioned in this blog before). I always had something to discuss before getting into the comic book because I had many hours without distraction to "write."

One more bit of evidence that what I'm trying to get across is accurate and not just a condemnation of cell phones. Keep your bloody fucking cell phones. I don't give a shit who uses them or when. But one of the reasons transcendental meditation is so huge with ambitious extroverts is that it forces them to take those moments of down time where they end up in the Shower Thought space. The more time you allow yourself to not be engaged in anything but a rote activity that your body can take care of practically all by itself (I'm not talking about rote activities like Candy Crush or watching television where your mind is otherwise engaged. Even listening to music can interfere, although mostly the thinking interferes with the music and you'll find yourself replaying a song you were excited to hear again because you thought right through it and missed it), the easier you'll find writing when it's time to actually sit down and do the laborious part. You know, the actual writing.

As far as Harley Quinn goes, this is the last issue I'm reading. I'd like to just get it over with as fast as possible and maybe go eat dinner, so I'm going to write the ranking review bit before reading it!

The Ranking!
No change! I really liked the part where she said "Holee Something-olee!" So hilarious. And the way she mentioned her beaver in that bit that sounded dirty! It was like watching another Austin Powers movie! Plus her rooster is named Mike! As in Mike Cock! As in My Cock! Shit, my stomach muscles are sore from laughing so hard. Oh! You know what my other favorite bit was? When Harley Quinn almost fucked that other woman! Wowzers! So modern! P.S. If I have anything else to add after I read it (which I doubt I will), I'll add a postscript.

P.P.S. I mean a another postscript! After this one!

Harley Quinn #6

Your days are numbered, Harley Quinn!

My lack of interest in reading this comic book just caused me to break out a pad of paper and begin a list of comic books I'm cutting. Off the top of my head, I've got about sixteen series on the chopping block. There would be more but a few of them I'm going to ride through until the end, like Earth Too and Doctor Fate. I mean, technically those are still New 52 books so I have to read them! I think? This should open the door to me reading more interesting and better written comic books rather than having an obligatory tether to DC's bullshit. Needless to say, after this month, I'll never read another comic book written by Scott Lobdell!

I just heard my subconscious scream "Hooray!"

Harley Quinn's punk band is called GG Harlin and the Skull Bags. Why would she choose that name? I mean, I don't care about the Skull Bags but the other part of her name is going to create an expectation that she'll eat her own bowel movements on stage. I already found this comic book hard to read! I don't know if my stomach can handle that!

Harley avoids eating her own shit by murdering a spectator on stage. That's cool. So punk. Rock and roll. Whatever. Then she hurls dog shit at the crowd and the crowd eats it up. I mean they enjoy it as opposed to going up on stage and kicking the fucking shit out of her. Because punk rock! I guess being punk rock means having no self-respect?

Harley Quinn winds up at a superhero and supervillain fetish club at the end of the night with the punk rock band she's been hunting. I don't know why they were let in though because none of them are dressed like superheroes or supervillains. They're just dressed the way people dress when they want people to know they don't give a shit about the rules! I mean, they give a shit about the rules of wearing a certain aesthetic that lets people know that they don't go in for rules and don't ever conform to anything ever! I mean, except for the fashion sense and hair styles of the non-conformers! That's like totally different and shit and if you don't believe it, you can get your ass beat, normie!

The Ranking!
I refuse to rate this comic book on the grounds that it might expose my inability to remain unbiased as a comic book critic! It's possible my usual reviews already exposed that but I doubt anybody ever reads that closely. I'm just excited that I'm freeing up so much of my time by dumping all of these terribly mediocre comic books! It was fun reading comic books when The New 52 began because so many of them were absolutely terrible. But DC Comics seems to have cracked down on the truly terrible writers and now most of their worst books are simply bland and uninteresting, like Harley Quinn. I never felt like I was wasting my time reading comic books written terribly. But I always feel like I'm wasting my time when I read something that is technically acceptable in every way except in a way that makes it interesting.

Harley Quinn #5

Doctor Martens! Doctor Martens! Doctor Martens boots!

The Review!
I get the feeling a lot of people are buying Harley Quinn comic books but aren't actually reading them. What's the point? Harley gets into a misadventure where she's able to say "Holee Nounarolee" a few times, gets naked once or twice, engages in acts of extreme violence, and overuses sexual euphemisms! But if you consider yourself a huge Harley fan and want others to consider you the same, you have to buy her comic book! Just like I'm proud to have every issue featuring Ambush Bug (not really), Harley fans need to be able to remind everybody how many Harley Quinn comic books they have. They're a big fan, after all! Probably the biggest!

You know, I used to be a fan of Harley Quinn myself. And then I was inundated with all of these stories of her zany adventures outside of Gotham and I said to myself, "You're a stupid ugly loser!" I rarely say anything else to myself these days. Sometimes I'll say, "Go get a burrito, dum-dum." What I'm trying to say is that my self-esteem isn't the greatest and I'm fucking sick of Harley Quinn and her zany cast of characters in her crazy New York home.

In this issue, Harley decides to start a punk band to go undercover to catch a punk band full of criminals. That's the whole story. She makes a decision. I could say she gets a hair cut and finds members of the band and notices the punk band commit a crime which is how she gets on the case...but I actually said all of that when I said she makes a decision. Maybe it's the little details that people enjoy. Like when Harley takes a crap? Or when her towel falls off and she stands naked in front of her band? Or when Dead Tool cuts the strings on a woman's blouse so he can see her tits just before he kills her?

The Ranking!
-2! That's -1 for being a relatively boring comic book and -1 in additional lowered rankings because of my personal bias. I think that's fair since it was Harley that made me hate Harley.

Harley Quinn and Her Gang of Harleys #6

Ending time! One last call for alcohol because I can't read this book without any!

The Review!
Observation: Christians won't let go of any proclamations in The Bible that are against homosexuality. But even though the rainbow is a sign of the covenant with God that he won't destroy the world ever again (at least not by flood! Technicality!), they fucking abandon that shit as fast as they realized it was a symbol of gay pride.

I only mention that observation because the cover had a rainbow on it and I like to needle religious types whenever I can and because typing the observation was time spent not reading Harley Quinn and Her Gang of Harleys. It wasn't much of a reprieve but it was enjoyable while it lasted. Now it's time to read this shit. Although it might be kind of enjoyable since the whole way through it, I'll be able to think, "Only 20 pages left!" And then "Only 19 pages left!" And then...you probably already see the pattern so I'll spare you the rest.

Harley Quinn decides she doesn't want to kill Harley Sinn because Harley Sinn has mental and emotional problems and just needs help. But she doesn't mind killing all of the mercenaries Harley Sinn hired. I guess if somebody is willing to accept money to kill somebody, it means they're mentally competent enough to die. But the person who hired them? That's a totally different story because look at how Frank and Jimmy aren't just having Harley punish the crazy person! I mean, I'm sure some of the mercs were crazy too but they don't count for some reason. Probably because the writers didn't spend any time on any of their back stories so that the reader could possibly empathize with any of them.

Harley Quinn offers to get Harley Sinn help if Harley Sinn loses in a one on one fight against Harley Quinn. But if Harley Sinn wins, she doesn't get help; she gets a job. Which seems like an odd deal. Why not just offer to get her help if she cares so much?

Harley Sinn loses or double loses or cheats or something. Anyway, Harley Quinn tries to make sure she winds up in a place that can help her but she winds up in Arkham Asylum instead where The Joker begins hitting on her. Apparently it's supposed to be a big surprise that it's the Joker talking to Harley Sinn because the reveal isn't until the last page where The Joker finishes the "You may know me as..." statement made on the previous page with "THE JOKER!" Why even bother? Everybody knew it was The Joker anyway! And if they didn't know immediately, they probably knew from the font used. And if they didn't know from that, they probably knew when he called Harley his ex-girlfriend. And if they didn't know from that, well, yeah...I guess it was a great reveal! Then the series ends with a "End...for now" tag and I vomit all over everything and more.

I hate Harley Sinn and this entire comic book and I'm going to need trigger warnings for anything that uses the phrase "Frank Tieri" from now on.

Harley Quinn #4

Normally a Harley Quinn comic on the top of the stack drives me away from the blog for about 24 hours. This time, I'm just going to power right through!

The Commentary!
What do you think Harley's nipples look like? I bet they're green. Her butthole too! If they are, it's probably less likely staining from the ACE Chemicals vat and more likely Poison Ivy's lipstick.

This issue is called "108 Million Ways to Die!" That's probably an exaggeration because even in the smallest legible font, I doubt they could list that many ways in twenty pages. Maybe if they hadn't wasted the first page with a James Bond style Harley pose in front of a Choose Your Own Adventure book cover. There might be clues to the upcoming story because it has buildings that look like swirly ice cream cones, Too Fast For Furious cars racing, and bullets flying out of Harley's vagina. There's also that famous crypt in India that people love to talk about seeing in person after they spent a lot of money to go see it in person.

The issue begins in New York with Harley making wiener comments and some guy adding a "That's what she said!" joke. I mean, it's not really a joke, is it? It's just something you say after anything because you're not witty enough to come up with any material of your own. I know a lot of people say it because it's a stupid thing to say and it's particularly more entertaining when said after something that makes no sense. I mean, my favorite response to everything is "You're an X!" where X is just some noun the other person used in the previous sentence which probably had nothing to do with me.

Harley meets some guy named Frank Frank who amazes her by saying the most obvious shit. Who the fuck is Frank Frank? Why did he make an appearance here? Stop writing your stupid friends into the comic book, Jimmy and Amanda!

When is the first way to die of 108 million going to take place? I'm getting bored!

Harley discovers she has a mission to shut down some scam phone callers in India. She takes Bolly Quinn with her on their adventure. Hopefully she likes showering with Harley Quinn as much as Poison Ivy does.

I never find out about Holly's love of shared showers because the changing scene happens off-panel. But that's the only reason I purchased this comic book? So I could see Harley Quinn in her underwear! I mean, the rest of the story wasn't worth the cover price at all! Harley kills some Russian thugs and stops the international phone scammers. Did Jimmy and Amanda write this story simply because they were sick of getting voice messages about how the IRS was about to sue their asses? Maybe they had a relative who was taken in by the scam! If that did happen to them, it wasn't interesting enough to make a comic book out of. If it didn't happen to them, why the fuck did they make an uninteresting comic book out of it? And just when I thought I was okay with Harley Quinn comics! I guess Frank Frank's declaration at the beginning that life is meaningless was a big hint that this comic book was also going to be meaningless.

The Ranking!
-1! I was so bored with this comic book that I kept saying out loud "That's what she said!" after reading every speech bubble.

Harley Quinn #3

I'm a huge fan of Ivy's new dildo.

The Facts!
• Previously in Harley Quinn, Harley was living with a stuffed beaver, a wiener dog, and a cock named Mike. If those three things set you to giggling, you'll love this fucking comic book.

• The issue begins with Wannabe Deadpool (who is Wannabe Deathstroke, so we're really getting into some comic book history layers here) receiving a new arm in the hospital. I didn't know that if you arrived at a hospital missing an arm, they'd just stick a new one on! I'll have to remember that!

• Vertigax, the alien who became hot dogs which turned everybody into zombies, has parents who care for him on a planet far away. They had put a tracker on their teenage son because they're busybody, micromanaging assholes. Maybe it's a good thing they did though because now they can track him to Earth and discover he's been spread out among dozens of human stomachs.

• Did you grow up in the late 70s and early 80s? Remember how they used to have days at school where they would fingerprint all of the kids just in case they went missing? I can't believe our parents fell for that shit out of fear. All the fucking cops wanted was a record of our prints so we could easily be caught when we became teenagers later and began vandalizing shit. Fucking pigs! Do they take samples of children's DNA now and pretend it's for safety reasons?

• You can get DNA samples in other ways then jerking kids off, right?!

This page takes care of all of the formulaic bits at once! Harley and Ivy being sexy and naked. Mike Cock strutting around all hard and erect. Harley's stuffed beaver turning into Eclipso. And the wiener dog licking the weed whacker. If that doesn't sound dirty, I probably should have put a little more thought into it to make it sound dirtier.

• I just remembered I forgot to buy Sheriff of Babylon #10 this week. Eep!

• Oh wait! Here's a better Mike Cock joke!

"Dammit! Mike Cock is blocking the television!" Har har har!

• Harley and Ivy shower together so I'll be stuck on those panels for awhile.

• Oh yeah. Scrub that back. Lower. Come on! Lower!

• That reminds me of a time I was lying in my friend Doom Bunny's bed the day after a party. He was lying next to me and next to him was his friend Amanda. That's her secret name because I don't want to expose her true identity or the fact that I can't actually remember her name. We were talking and I was rubbing her back with my arm over Doom Bunny. I said something about how I didn't want to rub any lower because things would get weird and Amanda said, "You can rub lower." So things got weird.

• Sorry! That's the end of the story! Actually, the end of the story was when I couldn't get my shoelaces to tie later and I said, "Please Baby Jesus! If you let me tie my shoes, I'll never ask for anything ever again!" And then they were tied! I really fucked up with my huge miracle prayer! The really scary part was that I was getting on a plane in an hour!

• Speaking of planes and flying, I used to do this thing where I would carefully check out everybody in the waiting area to make sure they looked like major characters in their lives. Because major characters don't die! You don't want to look around you and realize you're getting on a plane with background players and people who only ever get one line!

• Wannabe Deadpool wakes up from his operation to learn he was given the arm and hand of a chronic masturbator. One who did it in public even! Constantly! He totally freaks out because, I suppose, he believes the hand is gay. I mean, it did touch a lot of another guy's cock.

Like that matters! I'm right-handed and I jerk off with my left hand! Seriously! It's because when I was a teenager, I noticed my cock was getting a curve in the other direction from the frequency of my masturbation. So even though it was awkward at first, I began jerking off with my left hand. And now it's the only one I use! I mean, it's the main one I use! I totally need both to do it properly! Wink, wink! You know why I'm winking, right? Because I need to put a finger of my right hand up my ass to really do it right.

• Also, it turns out Chronic probably was right-handed and the doctor was just calming down a patient. Does that mean I exposed my way too personal history for nothing?!

• Enh. I'm sure I've told that story before!

• The Harley Crew (different from the Gang) decide to escape the area via the tunnels under the Wax Museum. This allows me to complete my Harley Quinn Bingo Card when she says, "Holee Spelunkerolee!"

• Harley's House of Leaves Exploration B Outfit is pretty cute. I'd buy the Action Figure.

• Poison Ivy smells mothballs on the way to the tunnel and I want to smell them too! So I pull out my Leather Goddesses of Phobos Scratch 'n' Sniff card and go to town!

• Nope. That's chocolate.

• Leather.

• Pizza.

• Oh! There we go! Mothballs! Ew. Gross.

• You know what? Supergirl #1 was a total rip-off because there wasn't one shot of Supergirl's Bum. There wasn't one in Supergirl Rebirth #1 either! I guess I'm going to have to drop Supergirl as my favorite butt in comics. Good thing there seems to be a replacement in this issue of Harley Quinn!

Oh yeah, Ivy. That's the stuff! Is that costume painted on?

• The door to the tunnel is the most obvious door to Hell anybody has ever seen. Which makes Harley want to go through it more than ever.

• The tunnel leads to a room full of doors. I think it might be the Hall of the Mountain King.

• The doors are just plot droppings for future plots. For now, the Harley Crew stick to the plan and go through the door that will lead them outside the radius of the Alien Zombie Hot Dog Apocalypse.

• The exit doesn't go far enough and the Harley Crew find themselves once again fighting zombies. Who's going to save them this time? Catwoman with a powerful laser pointer?

• Of course it isn't Catwoman! It's the alien's parents! They pull a transporter beam trick which yanks out all of the pieces of their son so they can put him back together. All of the creatures he was inside die in the transfer though. Oh well! The Aliens Ex Machina saved the day!

The Opinions!
So far, this series has breathed some fresh life into the way too formulaic and overused Harley Quinn. I'm enjoying it and not dreading it in the way I used to. I'm going to allow the comic book to get the credit for that this month and not my brain chemistry. But it could be my brain chemistry. Because--let's face it--I really enjoy the me part of these commentaries more than the comic book part of these commentaries.

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #5

The palm tree and coconuts as penis and testicles was so hilarious that it needed to be stuck on the cover for added hilarity.

The Things!
• Don't fucking bring me down today, Internet! I'll fucking kick you!

• Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys isn't over yet so I guess I'll say a few things about it before completely forgetting every single thing I said about it and every single thing I read in it and, in a few months, that it was ever even a thing.

• The issue begins with Harley Sinn whining about her shitty childhood. Not that her childhood was shitty. But she made it shitty because she insisted on her parents paying attention to her. Such weakness! I wish I was raised by maids, cooks, and butlers!

• Harley Sinn's father is named Dick Brand. I guess he's a caricature of Donald Trump but that doesn't matter because the story isn't actually saying anything. He was just a rich guy that didn't love his wife and neglected his daughter. Except for the rich part, that could describe all the fathers!

• The Gang of Harleys are fighting robots so Frank Tieri has Big Tony mention the Terminator and Linda Hamilton. Because 80% of Frank Tieri's writing is just references to pop culture.

• Harley Sinn's sob story continues. I don't give a shit about her.

• To defeat the robots, the Gang of Harleys lead them through the Eggy Minefield. The mines all blow up on the robots and destroy them even though two of the three robots were flying.

• Harley Sinn falls in love with her new step-sister which isn't gross at all. It's totally normal. Weren't all the Brady Kids fucking around with each other too?

• The Gang of Harleys eventually find Harley Quinn stuck up a tree with Mutant Goats trying to eat her. So Harvey uses one of Robot Power Girl's boob rockets to kill them all.

Ha ha! I get it! Feeding time! Because it's a boob! And boobs feed kids! And young goats are kids!

After being rescued, Harley Quinn decides to stay on the island so she can kick Harley Sinn's ass. But Harley Sinn has hired a bunch of mercenaries to chase down Harley Quinn and kill her! Actually, she didn't hire them at all. She decided to hold a contest with a single prize payout. So she's really just wasting most of their time. Why would they even apply for this job when 99% of the people hired aren't going to get paid? Harley Sinn really is her father's daughter.

Final Thoughts!
This comic book wasn't too good to begin with and it's just getting worse. Once again, DC Comics decides to make a mini-series six issues because that's the proper length of a trade paperback instead of allowing this series to be over in four issues since that's all the story that's really here. I wonder if DC was hoping Harley Sinn would become their next huge hit? I bet whoever thought of her walked into a pitch meeting and said, "Imagine this: Harley Quinn crossed with Lobo!" Then everybody's eyeballs turned into dollar signs. I hope she's completely forgotten after this series ends. She's terrible and her origin is terrible and I'm tired of reading Harley Quinn comic books!

Harley's Little Black Book #4

So the new publishing schedule of this title is "Whenever the fuck we feel like it"?

The Things!
• Yay! Now Harley can say all of the disgusting things I've been thinking about the DC Bombshells! This way is much better. People will think it's cute and endearing and sexy when Harley says the exact same things that I want to say which would sound creepy, sexist, misogynistic, possibly racist, inhuman, psychopathic, and sexy!

See? I probably couldn't say hardly any of this!

• I mean, I could say anything I want! But as everybody loves to parrot, "Free speech doesn't free me from the consequences of my speech!" But apparently saying "Free speech doesn't free you from the consequences of your speech" frees you from the consequences of your speech which is most likely going to be the worst speech anybody's ever heard. But I guess that's the attraction of the Twitter mob. You're relatively safe from consequences if a thousand other people are also telling the person who said something you disagreed with to kill themselves.

• Apparently if you're a good person, you're allowed to say any horrible thing you want to a person you've decided is a bad person. I think maybe Jesus gave the go ahead on that one?

• The world isn't going to change because you find a flaw in everybody in the public eye. Although your world will, and it will be miserable. Except, I suppose, for those moments you're attacking somebody someone said was a dick for some reason and it gets your adrenaline spiking and your brain jizz flowing. Those are probably satisfying moments.

• I should probably get back to reading this comic book so I can point out how terrible the writers are. I need a moment of satisfaction in my miserable existence.

• Do editors nowadays demand that comic books waste the first page or two on a future scene before rewinding the narrative back to the beginning of the story where, from that point on, it goes like normal until it arrives once again at the scene that began the comic book?

• Can editors nowadays stop demanding that comic books waste the first page or two on a future scene before rewinding the narrative back to the beginning of the story and just being the comic book from the beginning of the story?

• Harley Quinn time travels. That's how she winds up in World War II. If you thought maybe she wound up in World War II some other way, you're weird.

• Maybe you're not so weird though because is it really time travel if Harley Quinn winds up in a version of World War II where people she knows are fighting the war? I guess it's more accurate to say she alternate universe travels. Right, weirdo?

• Harley spends a good amount of her time in the past noticing people say and do offensive things. Too bad there's no Twitter so she can ruin their lives.

• It's strange how we all have these many unbearable sadnesses existing within us and yet we still manage to act like we aren't completely and utterly broken.

• The Nazis plot their insanely evil plots that are so insane that they will ensure people will think of them as clowns for decades after and where their uniforms in mock hilarity. What? My new editor is saying you can't wear Nazi uniforms to parties anymore. She also says I probably shouldn't wear them while writing as well.

• I hate to be that nerd but seeing as how we're all so into STEM and shit...Actually, hot air rises. Which, I mean, is practically the same thing given the environment we live in. But what if you found yourself living in a vacuum with another person and a bunk bed and the heater was on the floor and you were all, "Oh! Oh! I'll take top bunk! Ha ha ha!" Then you'd freeze to death! I think. I mean, I don't actually know. I'm probably not the person to be "Actually"ing any STEM subject. Unless the "M" stands for "Masturbation".

• Harley Quinn is hit by the car that past Harley Quinn is in just after the above panel. So now they'll probably kiss.

• Harley Quinn winds up unconscious for awhile so another artist can fill in the extra pages on this $4.99 monster with a hallucination.

• In Harley's hallucination, she battles Hitler Joker Dracula. I hope DC puts out a figure for him! Speaking of figures, here's my Amazon Wish List for anybody who wants to throw some money away!

• Harley Quinn wakes up and decides she understands the physics of comic books. I suppose if anybody does, it's her. So when she realizes she changed the past and created a parallel universe, she decides she can do anything she wants in the past. Like maybe kiss herself in a secret place, right?

• When I typed "secret place," I meant Hitler's underground bunker!

• In this parallel universe, Germans don't speak German with other Germans. But they do speak in bad Hogan's Heroes accents!

• Hitler will be at the thing the Bombshells are planning to thing, so now the thing is another thing. Harley Quinn had better get there fast so she can do something hilarious to Hitler and say, "Ain't I a stinker?"

• Hitler never makes it to the thing because his car picks up Harley hitchhiking up the mountain. She then spends a few pages treating Hitler the way a good portion of the world would treat him. Did I say "a good portion of the world"? I meant "the good portion of the world." The dickholes would probably jizz in their pants.

• Harley steers Hitler's car into a snow drift and then fills the car full of bullets. Hitler escapes with his life. Oh man. I bet he's going to be so pissed after this that he'll...well, I don't know how he could be any worse.

• After the big Nazi versus Bombshells battle, Harley winds up in Adolf's bunker to abuse him some more. He kills himself for some reason. I thought he loved being berated and beaten by women? Maybe he just got so wound up thinking about her shitting on him that his pistol accidentally went off.

• Harley returns to the present where the issue ends without one mention of her beaver, cock, or wiener dog.

Harley Quinn #2

I guess it's okay for Amanda Conner to sneak a zombie finger sliding up Harley's clown car. But it would be wrong if Frank Cho drew this, right?

The Commentary!
Tumblr has that "Recommended Blogs" column off to the right on the home page which I sometimes click on but mostly ignore. But I think I need to ignore it forever now because just looking at it depresses the fuck out of me. Thanks, Tumblr, for recommending Monster Man's blog so that I could click over to see some "Monsters Forever" and be greeted with this post:

Hi all, on Sunday, June 12th, the Monsterman passed away. He leaves behind his beautiful daughter and me his loving wife. Running this site gave him so much joy. We will miss him and love him always.

I suppose I shouldn't complain. It's a loving note of tribute and more than anybody will get on my blog when I'm found lying face-down in the cat's litter box, bloated from the gasses of decomposition. It's not like it's Tumblr's responsibility to post warning signs all over the place that life fucking sucks and, to top it all off, it just ends in the complete erasure of your existence. It's not like there aren't little reminders all around us every day which we desperately try to avoid although, when we can't, we frantically try to figure out a way to repress the reminder and get back into our heady, daily denial of the Faustian deal we unknowingly made with the universe! Because don't get me wrong! I'm glad I somehow, improbably, exist to experience all of this! But if the universe had an identifiable set of testicles, I'd definitely kick them as hard as I could.

I wonder if during the years Carl Sagan was battling with cancer if he ever just went into his backyard at night and flipped off the stars. That guy was way too optimistic and chipper. I'd feel better if I knew he had some bad days where he felt the full weight of the universe's mocking betrayal of his curiosity and wonder. Fuck you, universe! Fuck you!

I wish I believed in God because screaming "Fuck you, God!" is so much more satisfying than screaming at the universe. It's like calling the coffee table in the living room a cunt after stubbing your toe on it. I'd rather yell at the person who put it there.

I wonder how many people who believe in God just switched into their own issue after that and started yelling at me, "That's proof! Proof of God! Who do you think put the universe there? Hunh? Hunh? Hunh?!" I'm not falling for your simplistic arguments! If you can believe in a magical being who can do anything (but seemingly does nothing!) who has existed forever then maybe you can imagine matter that has, somehow, existed forever and isn't magical at all. It's just, you know, a mystery! Not God's mystery! Enough with God! Shove God!

At this point, you might be thinking, "Tess? Do you have anything to say about Harley Quinn?" It's a fair question! And a good one to since the answer is "No. No I do not. It's the same fucking comic book every month and I really don't have anything new to say about it!" I suppose I'll try anyway but I'll warn you: my Carl Sagan bit was the best part of this entire entry. It's all downhill from here! Probably. I mean, I haven't written anything else yet (or read the comic book, for that matter!) but I can't see myself being clever from this point on.

How cute! The BLAMs look like a little mushroom!

Hopefully an out of context panel of Harley firing off round after round from her AK-47 wasn't too disturbing for people constantly thinking about the next mass shooting. She wasn't doing anything intentionally horrible with her gun. She was just shooting out the windows of three floors of a hospital and endangering everybody within just to save Redtool's life. She's so thoughtful when it comes to people she knows!

Meanwhile, zombies are ravaging her neighborhood. But it's okay because her Gang of Harleys and all of her friends are safe. The people getting their arms ripped off and their faces bitten off and their legs torn off don't matter. You know how it is! Writers don't have time to write fulfilling conclusions to the story of everybody who just marginally appears in their stories. If they had that kind of time or interest or writing ability, why would they do what they did to Barb Holland in Stranger Things? Sometimes fucking a character in the ass and tossing them in the garbage is the only move an auteur has left, time and money being what they are. You know, time and money!

Luckily for the rest of the DC Universe, the zombies won't go further than a half mile away from the source of the infection: Nate-Man's Hot Dog Stand. I guess the alien that's infected them can't spread itself too thin.

Harley winds up falling off of the roof and into the horde of zombies. Previously, she didn't want to kill them because they're the people in her neighborhood, in her neighborhood, in her neigh-bor-hoooooood! But now she doesn't mind kicking their heads off because remember what I said about non-essential characters? Fuck 'em! They're like the Monster Men in my life! Their deaths only exist to remind me of my own mortality! Although, really, I just wish they'd stop with all of these reminders. But just like me, Harley decides she needs to do whatever she can to survive! In her case, that means having a great time killing her neighbors. In my case, that means playing video games until the constant thoughts of my eventual demise disappear into a flat hum in the background of my brain!

Harley's tits looked pretty good while she fought the zombies though! I didn't want to type that but I've decided to allow my Male Gaze at least one sentence per commentary. I have to pay a daily tithe to my masculinity or it'll go toxic!

Harley gets a few pages of crazy scenes like this as she Dead Risings her way across Coney Island.

Harley is rescued by her friends but then they all wind up trapped in the Bumper Car ring because apparently Nate-man's is a popular place to eat. They're surrounded by hundreds of zombies! It's the end for the heroes! Which is fine because why should they get to live when everybody else is dying? Seems so unfair, not to mention totally contrived.

But wait! One last savior appears and she's really doing the Dead Rising thing! Poison Ivy appears with a table saw blade attached to a weed whacker! Unless maybe it's just supposed to be a weed whacker but since when do those have blades in them? Maybe it's some kind of tree branch trimming tool! I might be able to tell the difference between a spade and a shovel but that's about where my gardening expertise ends. And speaking of endings, this is where the issue ends! What a smooth conclusion! It's like I'm back in high school writing another shitty paper that I was way too proud of! And I was probably just marked down right there for not writing "of which I was way too proud!" Mr. Borror was a dick! May he rest in peace. Probably. I mean, no way he can still be alive, can he?

Apparently he is! 82 years old! I actually really liked him but the dick thing wasn't too far off if you were a piece of shit who wasted his time. Check out his ratings at Mission College (I had him as my high school AP English teacher)!

The Review!
Just because I don't really have much to say about this comic book except that it's formulaic and repetitive, it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable. It's just the no-calorie rice cake of writing! If you love Harley, you probably love this book. You get to spend twenty pages with her silly antics and cute tush and violent tendencies. It can be a fun ride! It's just a ride that maybe I've been on one too many times and I'm beginning to feel nauseated by it!

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #4

Whenever this comic book gets to the top of the stack, I seem to take a day off.

The Review!
I hate the phrases "meh" and "it is what it is" because they're used to say, "I don't even think enough of whatever is happening to put any coherent thought into thinking about it." But, well, here's my review of Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #4: "It is what...no! I can't do it! I can't even do it as a joke! God help me I can't do it!"

The Commentary!
The issue begins with Hannah Borgman battling a Chuck Norris Waiter in Sy Borgman's hotel room. I don't remember if that's where the last issue left off or not. The only thing I remember about the last issue was that Tieri used "whomever" when he should have used "whoever" and Bolly Quinn's parents serve mint chocolate chip ice cream at their Indian restaurant. That's my fault though because I haven't been paying this comic book the respect it would deserve if all comic books deserved respect which they don't and this is one of them. It's not bad in the way Grifter was bad back when Grifter was somehow thought of as a publishable comic book. It might even be entertaining to somebody just wanting to sit down and relax after a hard day of human trafficking or gun running. But to a discerning, intelligent person like I pretend to be, it's just not up to my high standards. Technically, no DC Comics book is up to my high standards. But I figure if I were reviewing Heavy Metal, I'd basically be running a porn site.

Oh, my standards aren't high because they're pretentiously academic! They're high because they insist on some lesbian action! And not any old lesbian action! I need the male gaze kind of lesbian action where you can imagine the two women having sex have to keep stopping and asking, "Am I doing this right? Is this where my tongue is supposed to go?" Oh yeah! That's some hot stuff!

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys probably should be that kind of comic book. I mean, it is being written by two white males who I'm also fairly certain are heterosexual since Jimmy is married to Amanda and Frank Tieri once wrote a script where one character tried to humiliate another by putting gay porn in his backpack. And you don't write that scene unless you're a jerk heterosexual or a self-hating homosexual. So, well, you know. Maybe I'm wrong about Frank.

That wasn't meant to be read as me trying to humiliate Frank for being gay! That was just me admitting that I might possibly be wrong in one of my assumptions. And me admitting I might be wrong happens far less than me actually being wrong! So, you know, enjoy the moment!

The Chuck Norris Waiter battling Hannah says, "You've got heart, kid. I'll give you that. Shame I gotta cut it out now." Too bad this isn't the original script because I bet it would have Frank Tieri's semen all over it as he knocked out a congratulatory wank for thinking up such a cool action line. But even better, Hannah gets to say a line about the real shame that takes about ten seconds which goes along with her kicking a suitcase into the feet of Chuck Norris Waiter which takes about half a second. Now that's the real shame! How comic book dialogue never works with the timing of the action. Also, nobody ever seems to be out of breath after a fight even though they jabber incessantly through the entire thing.

Hannah gets sliced open in the fight and Chuck Norris Waiter gets knocked off the balcony. He'll probably be back because everybody knows people falling off of hotel balconies wind up landing in the pool. And Hannah will almost certainly be okay because the violence in Harley Quinn comic books is cartoon violence. The only people who die are the ones who never mattered anyway or whose deaths simply serve to move the plot along swiftly and in the right direction.

The scene changes to Harley Quinn waking up on a deserted island that's also a dick gag.

See? The testicles are the cocoNUTS! This comic book has the most sophisticated penis humor.

Harley Quinn decides to make some Jaws references because Frank Tieri is writing this book and he loves movie references! He can't get enough of them! I guess if you can't write the character you're supposed to be writing, you might as well just write the kinds of things you want to talk about. Although I wouldn't put it past Harley to be obsessed with Jaws. I accidentally typed Jawas at first and of course the internet is full of Jawas movie posters parodying the Jaws poster. That'll do, Internet. That'll do.

Harley discovers she's actually in a simulation chamber run by Harley Sinn and not on an island at all. Harley Sinn is able to change Harley's world and outfit on a whim. She'll probably end this scene by saying, "Ain't I a stinker?"

Also, Harley really is on a deserted island! I mean, it's deserted by everybody but Harley Sinn who has made it into her evil headquarters. Her Castle Harleyskull has a volcano and robot sharks and corpses on spikes and the simulation chamber. She's either so rich that she can pursue anything she wants (which is to have Harley Quinn as a friend, apparently) or she took out a loan from The Ninth Circle. Now she needs Harley on her team so they can go on a crime spree to pay back the interest on The Ninth Circle loan. Or she'll get lucky and Green Arrow will destroy The Ninth Circle and nobody will have to pay back their loans and all the villains will suddenly find they're debt gone leaving them no reason to continue to be criminals. Green Arrow might just save the world!

The Gang of Harleys track down Harley Sinn's father, Dick Brand, who is a rich guy that totally isn't a caricature of some actual rich guy. So that's where Harley Sinn gets all of her money. Dick Brand decides to help the Gang of Harleys because he's tired of throwing money at his daughter to make her go away. So he draws them a map to her secret island headquarters and they're off to save Harley Quinn. Although there are still two issues left so it won't be quick and easy. Darn it.

The Gang of Harleys encounter some typical evil mastermind traps and evade them. They even encounter explosives shaped like Eggy but nobody even makes an eggsplosive joke! Was I supposed to just assume that was the joke? Stupid subtlety! Eventually they encounter robot versions of Poison Ivy, Catwoman, and Power Girl. So they're probably going to be defeated by robots. Good thing Harley is escaping on her own.

Harley Quinn #1

I would like to think this cover means Harley is going to be more crazy-scary and less crazy-goofy-scatapulty.

The Review!
I read a lot of comic books that I know don't have any reason for existing except so that fans of the characters can give DC Comics their money and then complain that DC is writing them wrong. I know that I'm really not getting anything out of them since I'm generally not a fan of the character, and the amount I enjoy the experience is proportional to the amount I found ways to make writing about it fun. Harley Quinn isn't one of those comic books because it just seems to be the same comic book every month. Amanda and Jimmy figured out their template and they beat it into Harley fans' brains month after month. It's like eating a familiar sugar-free candy sitting in a bowl in front of me. I know what I'm going to get when I reach out for another one--a bland, uninteresting, semi-sweet taste that's gone from my memory as quickly as it's gone from my tongue--but I grab one after the other out of habit and boredom. Maybe I should take up painting instead of reading Harley Quinn comic books?

The Commentary!
I guess I misinterpreted the cover! I guess Harley chopping off somebody's hands and using them to pose for a picture is crazy-goofy-scatapulty because the issue begins by definitely sticking to the New 52 Harley recipe: lots of half-naked women and near lesbian action! It ends as if Rebirth never happened and then has the audacity to call this issue "Afterbirth" as if I haven't been calling Rebirth books that since before Rebirth even started. Probably before The New 52 even started! I can't find any proof of that but I'm sure it's out there. Just take my word for it. And if you don't, just give me some time to edit an old commentary with a bit about me calling the Post New 52 universe the Afterbirth Universe. That should convince you dumb dumbs.

Harley and Poison Ivy have gone to a spa and possibly the Bahamas just like they planned on doing at the end of Harley Quinn #30. It gives them a chance to show a lot of side-boob! They even hang out with a woman whose fuzzy pink towel somehow shows the contours of her belly button. It might even go up her vagina but there's some steam blocking her secret garden so I can't be totally sure. Except that I'm totally sure anyway. It's way up there!

Once again, Harley doesn't wind up with Poison Ivy in every crevice. This comic book is the biggest tease in the world.

After getting the nearly nude scene out of the way immediately, along with the almost sex with Poison Ivy (two staple ingredients of this book), Harley rushes right into a barrage of naughty innuendo.

Is there anything more to say about this issue? This pretty much covers the experience!

Just in case somebody picking up this comic book didn't know anything about Harley Quinn, this first issue reads a lot like if it were a Rebirth #1 issue. I don't know why Harley didn't get one of those. Maybe she accidentally had sex with Poison Ivy in it and DC had to scrap it because they hate their fans.

Apparently there is a new character named Jimm Salabim, a genie who lost his magic, who appeared in Harley Quinn Loot Crate Special which I totally don't have and will never have because Loot Crates are fucking garbage. Oh, sure! Getting presents is a lot of fun! For exactly the minute it takes to root through your new crate of crap to discover all of the secret treasures. And then you just have a big box of crap to clutter up your life. But the cool stuff makes you unique and quirky, I guess! Or at least as unique and quirky as everybody else willing to pay a monthly subscription to have somebody else tell them what they should like. Fuck you, Harley Quinn Loot Crate Special! I will never read you! Ever!

Unless you come with some candy and a surprise paranormal toy!

While Harley tells Deadfool that he's never going to put his hammer in her toolbox, the Scooby Gang are attacked by zombies. I don't know. Do you think hammer in her tool box was the way to go? Should I maybe have mentioned a drill or a screwdriver? Why is a ratchet ho called that? Is it because a ratchet fucks dozens of sockets?

The zombies are a bunch of New Yorkers who ate hot dogs made out of an alien cow. It's this whole story within a story thing that had a lot of disgusting imagery like a guy stroking off a dog and a man sucking on a horse's wiener and some nearly naked people deep throating some shlongsages. It almost made me ashamed of my own body and how many times I've put my penis in a bun and slathered it with hot mustard and relish.

And that's the final ingredient for a typical Harley Quinn comic book! The Holee Wordarollee!

Tooldude winds up getting bitten in the arm by one of the zombie people and Harley decides to cut his arm off so that he doesn't turn into a zombie too. So this is sort of like what happened to Hacken in Hitman. A probably unnecessary amputation for kicks and giggles. Tooldude whines a bit about his arm and Harley decides maybe she jumped the gun a bit. So she decides to send him and his arm to the hospital via the scatapult. I guess if I hadn't realized this entire thing was crazy goofy up until this point, the fact that the scatapult made an appearance would have clinched it.

Deadfool gets launched toward the hospital but he passes out in midair. So he'll probably plummet to his death next issue. Which is a good thing because there are way too many characters for this comic book. Although Redtool and Harley Quinn have yet to appear in their own six issue mini-series, so I imagine he'll live.

Harley Quinn #30 (Or, A Review of Suicide Squad, the movie (And Maybe A Bit On Preacher Too))

I'm going to get Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea tattooed down my arms and legs! So sexy!

The Review or Whatever!
Hillary Clinton and the Suicide Squad movie have something in common. Whenever anybody expresses their appreciation for either, they begin by starting on the defensive and admitting that they have their flaws. Well, fuck that. And fuck all of you assholes who fall into a culture of allowing the idiotic naysayers to control the conversation. If you want to discuss what you love about something, just fucking discuss what you love about it. You don't need to pay lip service to the future assholes who are going to bombard you with negative bullshit. Don't point out you know the flaws in some misguided need to seem impartial or more intelligent than somebody who only sees one side. If you want to talk about the things you love about Hillary and/or the Suicide Squad, just do that. If you want to talk about the flaws in a more critical piece, you can do that to! But if what you want to say is you enjoyed the Suicide Squad (I'm leaving Hillary behind at this point because this is a comic book blog and not a political blog!), you absolutely do not have to begin with "I know it has its flaws but...". Don't let the scumbags of the world dictate the conversation! Think about it this way: if a person doesn't have the intelligence or the imagination or the willingness to try to find the good in something, they're not much of a critic. It's easy to fall back on common movie criticisms rather than spending some time getting into film and dissecting the things that bothered you about it. And it's good eyeballs to your page if you can think up some really hyperbolic ways to say that there was no plot or there were too many characters or the movie relied on too much exposition. And if you say it loudly enough and with enough cosmic vitriol, people will parrot the statements without ever feeling the need to see the movie. Or, like good little idiots, they'll go see the movie with your comments already firmly enmeshed in their psyche and they won't turn on their brains to come up with their own opinions.

Suicide Squad is not a bad movie. It's far from a bad movie. It's a fucking enjoyable movie and I wonder if the people hating it are subconsciously tuning in to its heavy criticism of America? Because Suicide Squad has a few things to say about America and most of those things said overuse the phrase "cunty cunts" quite a bit. I mean, metaphorically! I should maybe say the movie criticizes the government but, subconsciously or consciously, most people wouldn't mind a movie criticizing the government. So I'm just going to stick with my theory that it criticizes America as a whole and hope I can come up with some examples as I blather. There is a plot to Suicide Squad but plot is often poison and it's just the deal a two hour movie makes with an audience that the movie will have a format that they're comfortable with. Love story that ends well? Check! Big bad monster that gets defeated? Check! I was hoping to insert a third typical movie plot but I think mainstream American film only has those two. If you want any others, you'll have to watch independent movies and then you'll get things like, "Guy goes crazy from contemplating math and drills a hole in his head? Check!" Or "Guy fucks up his life traveling through time and has to escape as a third or fourth version of himself to watch from the outside and offer advice to his self still trapped in the struggle of righting the sinking ship of his life? Check!" Or "Man dying in the electric chair imagines his life as a younger, totally different actor? Check!"

I want to talk a bit about Preacher before I continue to talk about Suicide Squad! The first season of Preacher has no plot. It feels like it has a plot. It seems like it has a plot. There's plenty of story arcs that feel fulfilled by the time the season comes to an end. But guess what? It doesn't have a plot! I know, I know! You're telling me all kinds of things about the story right now in your desperation for me to be wrong! Jesse Custer comes back home to fulfill his promise to his dying father to be good and he fails. That's not a plot! Tulip O'Hare comes back into Jesse's life to get him to kill the guy that caused them to lose their baby and, well, fails, really. Cassidy...well, I don't think Cassidy was meant to have a plot. And Arseface just goes to hell. And the mascots hang themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact. And Quincannon never finds faith. And the whole town just gets wiped off the map by an industrial nuclear meat accident. I mean, sure, there's story! There's a whole lot of story. But the plot of the first season of Preacher wasn't the point. The point of Season One was to tell Season Two. Because here's what Season One did that will make the telling of Season Two easy: it spent ten episodes allowing Tulip, Cassidy, and Jesse to bond. Season One is simply about cementing their friendship and allowing us to understand why they're a tight, got-each-other's-backs crew. But...but...but...you say! You say there was more, maybe? It couldn't be just that? Au contraire, mein amigo! There's a reason all of the characters and the town were completely wiped off the face of the Earth in the last episode. Because they weren't needed anymore. They didn't matter. They weren't a part of the real story and that story is about Jesse, Tulip, and Cassidy. Yes, there is also the Saint of Killers. But he had his own separate story interwoven through the season and holy fuck was that well executed! And there's also the surviving angel and his comic books. Sometimes you just need somebody to luckily survive life, just to show it can be done.

Preacher was my example of how something doesn't have to be plot based. It was simply about establishing some characters and getting them to a point where we understand who they are when they go on the plot-driven part of the story where they search for God. Suicide Squad is like that. We're given a film that sets up a group of characters for when they're ready to go on their first mission in the sequel. Yes, I said first mission. We can hardly call what happened in this first movie a mission! This is where the critique of the American government comes in. What we have for a "mission" in this film is simply the United States Government cleaning up its own mess while portraying the danger as a threat from outside the country. Just slap the label terrorism on your governmental screw-up and then be the hero when you've fixed it! Just another day in the life of the good old U. S. of A. Without Enchantress on the Squad, none of this would have happened and there would have been no need for the Squad. Therefore, no plot.

But let me say that again: without Enchantress on the Squad, none of this would have happened and there would have been no need for the Squad. In other words, Amanda Waller gets her Squad by forcing the United States Government into a position where they need her Squad because her Squad has put them in danger. If you're not familiar with Amanda Waller from Ostrander's Suicide Squad, you might not readily buy into the idea that Waller knew Enchantress would go rogue and that she would be the catalyst for the government sanction of Task Force X. If you are familiar with that Amanda, you were just thinking while watching the movie, "Of course!" But Waller isn't just a Machiavellian narcissist who simply wants what she wants. She also actively believes that Task Force X is what the country needs and that she is helping the country. Knowing that Enchantress is a danger to the entire world and that it's only a matter of time before she loses control of her, Amanda is also setting up the scenario to end that threat. By causing the threat, she preemptively sets about ending it before it can do so out of her control of the situation. And she also gets her Task Force while doing it.

Is that too convoluted a take on the movie? Maybe. But the movie works in this context and it works because it's what Amanda Waller does. She controls and she manipulates and she believes pretty fucking mightily in her ability to so.

I've seen several reviews where people state that you wouldn't have much movie without Harley, Deadshot, and Waller. That might be the dumbest thing I've ever read because guess what? Citizen Kane wouldn't be much of a movie without Charles Foster Kane, Jerry Thompson, and Rosebud! The fucking movie was about them! I've never seen a movie more harshly criticized by pointing out that the supporting roles were too supporting. And how about the people who didn't understand Slipknot's role in the film? He wasn't just there to be a casualty. And he also wasn't just there to prove that the nanobombs were real. Yes, that was his main role. But the main, main role was to help establish Captain Boomerang's personality. Boomerang doesn't believe the bombs aren't real. He's as unsure as the rest of them. So he weighs up his compatriots, finds the weakest willed one he can manipulate into believing they can escape, half-heartedly attempts that escape knowing Slipknot was conveniently introduced as the man who can escape from anything, and waits to see if Slipknot's head explodes or not. In a sense, Slipknot was Fridged simply to add to Boomerang's character. Slipknot died for the greater good of making Boomerang that much better.

Back to the main characters though! This really was Deadshot, Harley, and Waller's movie. I suppose it was Diablo's movie as well but I don't really care about him and he's dead now and won't be in the sequel which, as I've said, is when the plot begins. The audience finds out the least about Waller. We learn she's ruthless and manipulative, willing to do anything to get what she wants. But we don't get to know much about her personally. That's fair because it's not needed. We know about as much as the Squad and she isn't meant to be sympathetic. Getting into her personal business would muddy the waters at this point. That's for future movies. For now, she's exactly who we see on screen killing FBI Agents because they saw too much. Pretty fucking horrible person, right? But a terrific character! Deadshot's story involves a child and love of the child and whatever. I know his child is carrot on Amanda's stick but I would have liked to see more of the "I want to die" Deadshot.

As for Harley, I think the filmmaker's made the biggest mistake with her story. The film should not end with The Joker breaking her out of prison. The film should end with Harley realizing The Joker never gave a shit about her. He leaves her underwater and stuck in the windshield of the car when Batman apprehends her. He uses her to kill rivals. He thrills at the idea of somebody living completely for his whims. But he's also very possessive of her. Trying to get her out of the grip of the Squad, I can understand. But the filmmaker's missed a great opportunity to have Harley really become a member of the Squad and to leave Gotham and Mister J behind. When they were escaping on the helicopter, Harley should have said something about liking Deadshot (in just a friendly, made a new friend kind of way) which should have triggered The Joker's anger. They should have argued and then The Joker should have somehow used Harley against her will so that he could survive being shot down in the helicopter. She should have realized he didn't care and that would have cemented her willingness to be part of this new family. It was almost as if the filmmakers decided The Joker and Harley Quinn were a love story when they are exactly not that at all.

Speaking of love stories, June Moon should have died along with the Enchantress. The Suicide Squad is not about happy endings. It isn't about the bad guys feeling uplifted that Flag's lover (aka Flag's carrot on Amanda's stick) survived. When June Moon came back, they should have at least all rolled their eyes and made jerking off motions with their hands. Or at least Boomerang should have.

Anyway, yes, I would have loved more characterization of Boomerang and more scenes of Katana speaking Japanese. But I won't fault a movie for not delivering the things I craved more of after leaving the theater. Remember when that craving used to be a good thing? Now what? We expect every fucking thing we can think of on a platter? Movies are not twelve episodes of a Netflix superhero show binged in one evening. Fuck, I wish Suicide Squad would have been that! I'll take a twelve episode season over a movie every single fucking time! But we got the movie and it fit in well with the Death of Superman and the Batman of the new DC movie universe and I, for one, have never been more excited about the future of DC movies. All y'all haters can spit and spin. Yes, I said spit. Because you're going to need some lube for your asshole.

Do I even have the space for a review of the final issue of New 52 Harley Quinn? Let me read it and I'll get back to you!

No truer words have ever been said, The Penguin! And I don't just mean to Harley. We should all have this quote plastered on on our bathroom mirrors. Just as a little reminder to our day!

Harley is out watching a movie with her friends and other characters written and/or drawn by Jimmy and/or Amanda. The movie is called The Kill Yourself Crew and it sounds terrible. Just the worst movie ever made, probably. Like a dumpster fire started inside another dumpster that was on fire and somebody dropped a dumpster on fire to try to fight the dumpster fire with dumpster fire.

After exiting the theater to get popcorn and not being able to find her way back, Harley gets pissed on by an old man. Oh Harley! Such shenanigans!

Except the old man peeing on her was just her own pee dream because she's actually chained to a tree in Brooklyn to save it from a bulldozer. Oh Harley! Such shenanigans!

Except Harley has to go to work so she has an encounter on the subway with some horrible manspreader. Oh Harley! Such shenanigans! Get use to it! It's "Oh Harley! Such shenanigans!" all the way down from here!

Except Harley winds up investigating phone scams bilking old people out of their life savings. Oh Harley! Such shenanigans!

Except Harley has to help an old guy depressed over losing his pet parakeet. Or his wife? Oh Harley! Such shenanigans! (I warned you!)

Except Harley kills a construction worker just trying to do his job. Oh Harley! Such shenanigans! Is murder a shenanigan? I think in Harley's case, it is.

Except then she goes to have a drink at a bar while she waits to fuck Poison Ivy. Oh Harley! I hope those wind up being on-panel shenanigans!

I have a better version of this joke! "A grasshopper walks a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Tom Collins?!" No wait! This one is better! Batman walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" And Batman says, "You have a drink named a Bruce Wayne?"

Harley and Poison Ivy never get around to fucking before the issue ends. Why wasn't this issue one page longer?! Jerks.

Suicide Squad Rebirth #1

Suicide Squad goes from a logo that actually took a bit of graphic design to something a tenth grader would come up with for the cover of the yearbook.

The Commentary!
I will probably be going to see the Suicide Squad movie in a few days and I will probably enjoy the hell out of it, even if Harley has a scene with The Joker where she screams, "Martha?! Who's Martha?!" No matter how enjoyable the movie might be, it won't get a fair shake from the internet. I have a feeling Marvel fans are just waiting for the first widespread theatrical showing of Suicide Squad so that they can begin blogging their comments about how bad the movie was based on the early reviews they've already read. They'll have no original thoughts of their own because that's the fucking internet for you. Judge something on its own merits based on your own ideas and perceptions? Fuck that! If you disagree with the Internet, you'll be crucified! So instead of talking about the good points to Batman Loves Superman: Dawn of Just Us, just keep repeating the Martha gag over and over and fucking over (just like I did earlier!). Instead of pointing out how the scene makes emotional sense but was horribly directed, just pan the entire movie due to Snyder's poor interpretation of Batman's sudden realization of the humanity of this powerful alien. You know what? I shouldn't put all the blame on Snyder. Where the fuck did Jesse Eisenberg come up with that interpretation of Lex Luthor?!

Here's the deal: I'll tell you if the movie is good and why. I've been a fan of the Squad since Legends, so I'm not going to be happy if it's terrible. I mean, I'm already not happy that they're using the version of the Squad they're using! I'm fine with Amanda Waller, Deadshot, Captain Boomerang, Rick Flag, and Enchantress. And I understand DC's feeling that Harley Quinn is necessary. Hell, she'll probably steal the entire movie for most people. But I don't know how I feel about Katana being in the group. And I don't give a shit about Killer Croc. And El Diablo? Well, I guess they need somebody they can kill. If it were up to me, I would have included Oracle in this movie since Suicide Squad was when she first made her appearance. Since The Joker is in this movie, maybe have a scene where he shoots a young Barbara Gordon during some ribbon cutting ceremony in Gotham while she's on stage with her father. Make it sort of a background thing that you can replay again later in the movie from a perspective after they discover Oracle is helping them. Now that I've written that, I'm thinking, "How the fuck did they miss this opportunity?!" And now I'm thinking, "Oh! Maybe they didn't! I haven't seen the movie yet! Maybe Oracle is in it!" But now now I'm thinking, "I'm pretty sure I would have heard about Oracle being in the film if she were in the film so stop dreaming, asshole."

Suicide Squad Rebirth begins with President Obama shutting down Task Force X. Being a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader, I know that this proclamation won't stick because this comic book is just starting. It's those kinds of things that separate the Grandmasters from the Amateurs. An Amateur Comic Book Reader probably read "The Suicide Squad is finished" on page one and thought, "What?! But it hasn't even started yet! I just wasted three bucks!" The really dumb ones probably think the comic book ended on that first page and went on to the next comic in their stack. Ha ha! Fools! But I know better! I know that all DC's $2.99 comic books are twenty pages long, even if they start off by saying that they're over!

It's up to Amanda Waller (fat again! Yay Rebirth!) to convince President Obama that he can shut his dumb lame duck fucking mouth!

The only problem with this whole program is that everybody fucking knows about it! Hopefully Rebirth makes it secret again!

It's hard to justify the Squad's existence on the basis that they take care of problems for America too sensitive for the government to deal with when all of the other governments know that when a team of supervillains attacks some organization within their borders, they're doing it on behalf of the US Government. And yet that's exactly how the last series, New Suicide Squad, began! Hopefully Rob Williams will make a better go at keeping the team covert.

I just realized the Jim Lee is drawing this book every two weeks (or, at least, eight or so pages of it, depending on how badly he fails his deadlines). Can he draw fat women?! Will Amanda be fat on issue and skinny the next?

Amanda's new plan for the Squad is to hire a war hero to lead the villains so that they retain some kind of moral compass and direction in the field. That hero is Rick Flag! Or Rick Flag Jr! Or Rick Flag the III! However he fits in, he's fucking Rick Flag, okay? Golden boy war hero! The man who can look Deadshot right in the eye and say, "What the fuck is wrong with you? That mustache is ridiculous." Rick Flag! The man who won't wind up putting his wiener in Harley's clown car! Rick Flag! The man who Captain Boomerang once called "the biggest buzzkill this side of some place in Australia!" I don't have time to research places in Australia! Just fill that quote in if you know of one. Like maybe New Zealand?

Hmm. Maybe all those things I said about Rick Flag? I must be remembering his father.

Apparently Rick Flag is in Guantanamo Bay, charged with terrorism. But it's not true! The terrorism charge is false! It's a--oh god--false Flag! Um, so, yeah, apparently Rick Flag refused to follow a superior's order because it would get his men killed. His men were forced to follow the order anyway and they were all killed. Somebody didn't like that Rick Flag was right and they disappeared him. And now Amanda Waller is here to free him! But not for free! He still has to do what she says and lead a team of villains on reckless and dangerous missions. For the good of the US of A, of course!

Amanda gives Flag the details of Task Force X. First she starts with the most important members: Harley Quinn, Deadshot, and Captain Boomerang. Sure, he's only called Boomerang since The New 52 but I'll always refer to him as Captain Boomerang since Boomerang sans Captain is part of that other universe. The one that takes place only in New York. Anyway, Amanda doesn't bother naming any of the other members because they're the ones who are likely to die. I mean, not Katana, of course. Or Killer Croc. Don't worry, I'm sure they'll find some disposable villains this time around. I trust Rob Williams to know the definition of "suicide".

Although how much can I really trust Rob Williams when the first mission he sends the Squad on is to rescue a scientist who has made a bomb that can turn off superpowers. I should probably just copy and paste the same rant into every single fucking comic book commentary I write since they all seem to use some kind of weapon that magically takes away superpowers. It's such a crutch! Although, to be fair, nobody currently on the Suicide Squad will be affected by the weapon since none of them have powers. It's just a threat to America that must be stopped before it gets used and creates another boring ass story I have to read about The Flash or Superman or Green Lantern losing their powers. So maybe I can trust Rob Williams! Maybe this is his way of saying, "My Suicide Squad is going to save the world from boring comic book tropes!" I would totally high-five Rob Williams if he were here right now and I weren't deathly allergic to giving high-fives to people older than four years old.

The scientist makes the ultimate mistake of telling the Suicide Squad that if he's captured, millions of innocent lives will be lost. Well, you know the easiest way to make sure the bad guys don't get their hands on him, right? Deadshot?

Or Boomer! Whatever!

I guess Boomer just got the plans for the bomb. Deadshot will have to deal with the scientist. Then they can dust off their hands and head back to America, heroes!

Speaking of heroes, there's an advertisement for a twice monthly Cyborg book starting in September. DC Comics is still trying to make Cyborg interesting?! Hasn't Cyborg been given enough chances?! Unless this new book is about how he's sleeping with tons of women due to his new wrist attachment, I'm not interested!

So, um, Rick Flag agrees to lead the team because it's either that or Guantanamo Bay until he dies. Go America!

The Review!
Rob Williams begins a wonderful new chapter in the history of the Suicide Squad! I can sense it! It's got all the makings of the Squad I remember. Waller alone in complete control. Rick Flag as the leader and moral compass. Deadshot and Captain Boomerang exchanging insults. Harley Qui...well, I guess some things are new. But the old Squad had Punch and Jewelee, so how different is Harley, really?! I'm looking forward to the Suicide Squad more than I have in a long time. I mean, Tim Seeley had a nice finishing run on New Suicide Squad. I could have seen him keep on keeping on with that version. But it seems like Rob Williams has a feel for the Squad. At least for the Squad I remember! And I only like things that I used to like and not things that are new!

Harley Quinn #29

Issue #29?! I ran out of things to say about Harley by Issue #11!

The Review or Whatever!
I figured out the main ingredients to a Harley Quinn comic book last issue! I know, I know! How the hell did it take me nearly thirty issues to figure out what makes this book tick?! I suppose I was distracted by one of the main ingredients: lots of half-nude panels! This one starts off strong with the near nudity right there on the cover! Okay, so it's just a bit of breast smashed against a window. But you know what seeing a bit of breast means to a twelve year old boy¹? Plus the image of Harley as a gigantic robot on the first page is so sexy that I just fucked my toaster². Another main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic book is loads of innuendo. Consider innuendo the onions of a Harley Quinn meal. If prepared right, they'll highlight the flavors and bring it all together. But if you fuck up, you've got food that tasted like an onion farted on it. While reading this issue, I will almost certainly wind up with innuendo fart breath. On the first page alone, you have a picture of a rooster named Mike which is a totally great dirty joke if you're just the right mix of mature and immature to understand it, and picture of Harley's beaver. That's an innuendo because she has a real beaver. It's stuffed³. And the main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic which can successfully bring all of the other ingredients together: hinted at sex with Poison Ivy! I'm pretty sure that's the main reason fans read this book. Because they get some in canon material to help them jerk off⁴ to their Harley on Poison Ivy action. Oh! I almost forgot the spices! Sprinkle in a whole bunch of Holee Wordarollees and you're done!

This issue begins with a Japanese business man buying a Transformer to kill his unfaithful wife.

Here she is being unfaithful. And here I sit with an erection. I don't think the man's nipple had much to do with the erection.

The man the wife is fucking gets his head blown off in the middle of coitus. I think this means this comic book can't be sold in Germany! At least not to kids. Of course it's Rated Teen Plus, so obviously no kids in America are reading it either! If it weren't for the fucking bit, I bet this would be rated G for Goodness Sakes, Why Can't All The Little Tykes Enjoy It?!

After killing his wife's lover, his wife, and everybody in the company except his sexretary, the man makes the Transformer blows it's head off⁵. And since the head is where the pilot sits, the guy just killed himself. I suppose Harley will gain access to a Transformer herself before this issue is over. And maybe her Transformer will totally eat Poison Ivy's transformer's robot pussy!

After the robot death intro, Harley Quinn and Little Tony take to fussing with snow globes.

First actual Beaver Joke of the issue.

I maybe should have read a little further because Amanda and Jimmy make the Beaver Joke more explicit, just in case all of these beaver innuendos are way too subtle for the sophisticated readers of Harley Quinn.

After filling her beaver with balls, Harley heads out to get lunch with Poison Ivy. I don't think editorial has allowed anybody to make Harley and Poison Ivy's relationship sexually explicit, so it's just a bunch of scenes of cheek kisses and ramming huge hot dogs down their throats and talk of how they would fuck each other if stupid editorial would just butt the goddamned fuck out.

To pay their bills, Harley and Little Tony head out to steal some Transforming cars. They don't know they're Transformers yet! They'll probably figure that out when later they're attacked by that mobster who wants to kill Harley.

For some reason, they have a monkey with them.

After the job is a success and some bowling gets played, it's time for the robot fight. And then after the robot fight, it's time to kill the mobster who wanted Harley killed! And then after that, it's all over⁶!

_____________________________________________________________________________⁷
¹Twelve-year old boy is a synonym for "men of all ages".
²That didn't work out as well as I was hoping.
³I know it's stuffed because there's a formula for how many times that joke has been used. (X*Y)/(8=D) where all of the variables are equal to too many times.
⁴Jerk off is used here as a term for both male and female masturbation. Because it just sounds great even if women have nothing to jerk. Or do they?
⁵If it's called a cockpit, why isn't it in the cock? Not that this robot had a cock. But then shouldn't a synonym for vagina be cockpit?
⁶I suppose I could go into greater detail but it's all kind of silly.
⁷Is that enough underscores?

Harley Quinn #28

Even if Harley survives the explosion, she's probably going to lose her left leg.

The Review or Whatever
Somebody was trolling everybody concerned about Melania Trump's "ghost" writer for her speech at the RNC. They created a fake Twitter account for this "Meredith McIver" who probably exists but is really just a scapegoat for whoever actually wrote the speech plagiarizing Michelle Obama (whoever actually wrote it had to have been some joker sabotaging Trump. I picture the person just sitting back and smiling a goofy grin as Melania read Michelle Obama's words as a room full of Republicans applauded). This person was vehemently defending obviously photoshopped pictures of her with Trump and it was truly hilarious how people kept arguing with this "Meredith" about the reality of such obviously fake pictures. This person even had a poorly faked picture of Meredith standing outside 10 Downing Street with Piers Morgan.

The obviously Photoshopped image.

Seeing that this photo was such an obvious Photoshop of this person, I had to dig up the original. And I was so satisfied when I did!

I hate that, due to Photoshop and camera tricks and the influence of our lizard leaders, people think Piers Morgan has a human face.

Previously in this comic book, some editor was all, "Wouldn't Deadpool and Harley Quinn be perfect for each other?!" And another editor went, "Mmmphbmmphlemmph!" And the first editor went, "What was that?!" And the second editor took their tongue out of the first editor's ass and was all, "High-Lair-E-Us!" So after cleaning up the carpet, one of them called Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti's house to tell them the good news about their next story. Amanda answered the phone and was all, "Mmmphbmmphlemmph?"

That was a terrible joke that makes no sense! The reality is that the person getting their ass eaten out would answer the phone. Also, I'd rather imagine Amanda's ass being eaten out then Jimmy's. I think I went wrong on that count too.

Not surprisingly, this comic book begins with a "Holee Wordarolee" exclamation and then Harley making up a funny name for Red Tool. Up next, Harley makes an innuendo about her beaver and farts.

Whenever Harley says a Holee Somethingolee, I just lose my shit! I don't mean I laugh hysterically! I mean I tear my fucking house apart.

It must be such a sweet job to get the Harley gig at DC Comics. You can put in minimal effort writing scripts because you know you've got a loyal fan base who will buy plenty of copies. As long as the script offers plenty of fan service with semi-nude shots of Harley and a heaping holee helping of near sexual encounters wit Poison Ivy, nobody is going to complain that the jokes are tired and the passion missing.

Semi-nude shot? Check!

The issue finishes up with another semi-nude shot while Deadpool gives a five page book report on Harley Quinn's history and her motivations. You know, to prove to the readers that Amanda and Jimmy know the character super well! It's a bit obnoxious for the writer to just lay out their take on the character but at least it's a better summary of Harley than Sean Ryan's take in Suicide Squad #22.

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #3

This comic book was created to increase the number of half-naked cosplayers at Comic Con.

The Review!
Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys is a comic book about Harley Quinn's Gang of Harleys. They all dress in variations of Harley's outfit but are a more diverse group of characters than just white bisexual female clowns. It might be a good comic book for representation if it wasn't being written by Frank Tieri and Jimmy Palmiotti. I haven't done the research but I'm going to assume they're both white heterosexual males. I think this comic book is suppose to be funny but it's just annoying and I'm still going to read it through Issue #6 because I guess I hate myself.

The Visual Commentary!

Because this is all I have the patience for with this Gang of Harley shit.

"Whoever."

Why is there Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in the freezer of an Indian restaurant?

New Suicide Squad #22

Adult Harley Quinn just smashed Baby Harley Quinn into jelly with Super Powers™ Joker's mallet.

The Review!
Remember how I told myself I can just believe that the previous issue was the final issue until Rebirth? I probably should have taken myself seriously. This issue added nothing to my knowledge of Harley Quinn. Although it did add one more piece of evidence to my theory that every character in the DC Universe has severe Daddy Issues. If you're a Harley fan, you probably already wrote this comic book in a piece of fanfiction and you probably did it better. And if not, at least you didn't charge anybody money for it.

The Commentary!
This month, we get a look inside of Harley Quinn's head. Most of you can just ignore it because it probably won't be how you think it should be inside Harley Quinn's head. And before you think I'm criticizing you, you should know that I don't think Sean Ryan has any better insight into Harley Quinn than any of the people writing Harley fanfic do. Which makes sense since about 99% of all comic books are fanfic anyway. Except they're fanfic with limitations! I mean, for some stupid reason, you're never going to get a scene where Batman's dick accidentally flops out of his costume and Superman can't stop himself from sucking Bruce off. Why do you think that is? We all know it's happened once or twice. Batman probably even has a special "Batfly Failure Batsuit" that he wears when he knows Superman is alone on Watchtower duty. And if people don't want Clark's belly full of Batsemen as canon, they can just ignore it like they ignore every other bit of canon that they disagree with. Or they can go on the internet and perform a textual representation of their head exploding across several comic book website forums.

Harley's psychiatrist (psychologist? I admit it. I don't know the difference! I think one of them is on drugs when doing therapy and the other one takes sexual advantage of you under hypnosis) makes sure her face is hidden from view so that the reader will be surprised by who she is at the end of the comic book. Probably Harley since she loves to do therapy on herself. Although maybe it's just a visual representation of how the therapist may be present in the therapy but actively tries to remain detached from it too. Kind of like how I read comic books but actively stay detached from the characters. Except for Vampire Tig. I still have sex dreams about her.

Mmm, this is some good therapy!

Apparently Harley Quinn hasn't been crazy enough lately and it's driving her crazy. Plus her character needs to be fine-tuned to match whatever her personality will be like in the movie or else people coming to the comic book from the movie will be all, "This isn't the real Harley Quinn?! What did they do to the real Harley Quinn!? And she hardly looks like Margot Robbie at all!"

Harley Quinn ignores her Mind-Batman and decides to go into the part of her brain that is fun and not Victorian. Batman is all, "You'll be sorry! They wear their skirts above the ankles in there!" And Harley is all, "That's cool! I almost wear my shorts above my vagina!"

Once inside the wacky part of her brain, Harley has an orgasm.

She's coming so hard that she forgets how to spell orgasm.

Linguistically, I don't think there's any real difference between "Carnal-vale" and "Carnival". It's just less subtle! My favorite ride at Harley's Carnal-vale is the Sodomy-Go-Round! That's a less subtle but also linguistically similar way of saying Merry-Go-Round. Or Mary-Gets-Around, amirite?!

Harley decides to ride the Deathtrap first. It's a good thing Deadpool can't see inside Harley's mind or he might be a little bit jealous that Harley is fantasizing about riding Deathtrap. Unless that's not what Sean Ryan meant by this scene at all and it's just an unfortunate turn of events that Deathtrap was a character in the previous issue. Because the ride actually turns purple, green, and white. And we all know what that means! Usually I would have a joke answer other than "The Joker" but I couldn't think of one.

Where's my cigar and thick eyebrows! I actually have a joke for this one!

How many people reading the previous caption thought I mean to do something dirty with the cigar because they don't know anything about Groucho Marx? It's hard to tell anymore what anybody of any generation will know because the Internet has made the popular culture of every decade accessible. It might be time to rethink my aversion to dating people in their twenties! They just might get all of my references now!

Harley's day at the amusement park (cleverly called an "abusement" park in her head!) turns disastrous when she finds herself covered in human teeth. Gross. I thought this comic book was going to be sexy but now I can't stop my head from imagining I'm smelling the smell of rotten teeth. Is there any worse smell in the world?! Maybe a durian shoved into an unwashed sumo wrestlers bunghole. But I've never smelled that so I can't imagine it.

Harley escapes the teeth and finds herself as a fifteen year old being lectured by her mother. It's 2004 which means I can do math! I mean, it means Harley is 27! That must be the age DC Comics finds it acceptable for female characters to feel free enough in their sexuality to fuck plants.

Harley asks her mother when her dad is coming home so I just figured out the root of all of Harley Quinn's problems: Daddy Issues! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I really wish somebody would take my virginity already!" But enough about you! I probably should have guessed that Harley had Daddy Issues because everybody in DC Comics has Daddy Issues. Also there's that whole abusive relationship with The Joker thing.

Me too! Just once, can't somebody have a Mommy Issue? Get me some representation up here in this bitch! I mean mother!

Harley has some more memories about how her Daddy wasn't there for her and he was always having fun and how he totally shaped the world which she grew into! And then there's a disturbing advert for the Suicide Squad movie!

What is with the electric taped X pasties and the vagina graffiti?

The big surprise twist ending is that Harle Quinn was talking to Dr. Harleen Quinzel about her dead father. I think. Or something. I mean, obviously Harley Quinn has never gotten over her daddy issues or she wouldn't have fucked Deadshot in Issue #3 (First New 52 Edition) while calling her vagina a clown car. That's total Daddy Issue talk! And now she's busy going crazy trying not to think about her father or how The Joker was her father or how Amanda Waller is now her father. The issue ends with nothing being resolved and nothing really being explored and nothing nothing with more nothing. But it had Harley Quinn in it! So that's a big plus to DC's pocketbook!