Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Superman #16

Why is Superman so angry at his logo?

• Superman's plan from last issue worked perfectly and like a charm as well. It worked so well that he's now powerless and in the clutches of Prophecy. But since that was the plan...success! Way to go, Superman!

• Since Prophecy is full of the power of multiple Supermen and Super Rabbits, he is five hundred feet tall. Also his head is on fire. That means he's full of energy, probably. Also because he's so powerful and Superman has lost his powers, Prophecy decides to tell Superman why he's doing what he's doing. What harm can it do? At the very least, Prophecy is helping Superman to understand that some sort of crisis, probably infinite in scale, is coming to destroy the universe. Usually I'd ask grumpily, "How the fuck does he know?" But his name is Prophecy so that answers that.

• Prophecy needs the powers of all of the Supermen to save his dimension (I still don't know what number it is. Probably 48). After he accomplishes that, he may save the other universes too. But only if he has time. When Superman hears that, he's all, "When you believe you're going to be the savior of the universe, you're always destined to lose!" I think he learned that from Sun Tzu's dumber brother.

• Superman is tossed into a giant grave which the Supermen of the Multiverse are digging. But not Captain Carrot, even though rabbits are great diggers. He's just sitting there looking adorable.

That grave is big enough for a five hundred foot tall Superman, hint, hint!

• Superman took the only ship that can travel across the Multiverse (aside from the Eye of the Storm, I suppose) so Red Racer has to build another one at superspeed. This winds up killing him because of physics or something. It might have had something to do with his being gay as well.

• With the new ship, Justice League Incarnate can follow the beacon of the original Ultima Thule's music. They can travel to Prophecy's world and rescue the cute little rabbit.

• With the arrival of Justice League Incarnate, all of the supermen and superwomen and superrabbits get their powers back for some reason. Physics, again, I guess. Probably not homosexuality this time.

• Prophecy's hand is removed by the Supers because that's where he was storing their power. Then he teleports away while claiming he's all that stands in the way of oblivion. Or Oblivion with a capital O, I suppose. Maybe he meant Obsidian. He's gay!

• And that's the end! Everybody lives...FOR NOW!

The Ranking!
No change! That ending was anticlimactic in the extreme. It was so extremely anticlimactic that it was sort of climactic! Because I was totally expecting a bigger, more thrilling fight! I was expecting a plan to come together! I was expecting something other than "Hey! Hey! We got our powers back now everybody punch Prophecy at the same time! Winners!" But instead I got something disappointing which was a total twist which means it was a surprise which means it was climactic, right? No? Anyway, Prophecy has found himself with Tim Drake, a prisoner of Doctor Oz(y(man(hattan)dias)). Apparently the biggest secret of the DC Universe is that no character has ever died ever in the DC Universe's existence. They're all just locked away in some afterlife zoo.

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