Saturday, February 18, 2017

Nightwing #15

Dammit! I dropped the comics starring these guest stars for a reason!

• This issue begins 68 days ago. That must mean Nightwing won't die for the next 68 days worth of story. There isn't going to be any tension in this comic book at all!

• Nightwing begins telling his story by pointing out that every good hero has a love interest. Is that really true? I don't remember Bilbo getting laid. Or Gandalf. Or Jesus.

"Mournful gyrating" is how I describe my lovemaking as well.

• It pained me to type "lovemaking" but I couldn't think of a better way to put it in the context of that caption without changing the intended tone. "Sexing?" "Intimate penetrations?" "Organic docking procedures?" "Failing to please a woman?"

• Shawn has blue hair which is the exact opposite of what Dick usually goes for if blue is opposite red which I'm pretty sure it is.

• After failing to dock (the mournful gyrating was really just dancing at a Goth club. Duh!), Wally West stops by to smell Dick's fingers.

• That's so disgusting! I can't believe I even typed that! It totally grossed me out. One time when I was at my cousin's house in high school where we were playing Blood Bowl, his cousin (which wasn't my cousin due to the way marriages work) came in from hanging out front in his Z-28 with his girlfriend. As he walked by my cousin, he just casually stuck his fingers under my cousin's nose. That's the end of the story, really. I know, it wasn't even worth telling! Although the part about David fucking his girlfriend out front in his Z-28 could probably make a great movie! Or at least a pastoral poem.

• Six days after 68 days ago, Dick and Shawn gyrate mournfully. Shawn said she was being traditional. Although I don't know how traditional. When was the last time two people dating waited six days to fuck?! It must have been a week in the early sixties. During that week, it went from waiting five years to fuck to fucking during the second song of the outdoor festival you met the person at.

Me discussing the lovemaking.

• After Dick leaves, Stallion calls up Shawn to smell her fingers. This is Rebirth! They might have cell phones capable of transmitting smell. Smell phones!

• Stallion was all, "What did his cock look like?" And Shawn was all, "Just like Nightwing's!"

• Twenty-seven days into the relationship, Dick tells Jason Todd a story where Shawn did something of which he didn't approve. Uh oh! That's the story Dick will be telling in the future when he describes the time he knew the relationship was over!

• The same day, Shawn tells Mouse a story where Dick made her question their commitment! Things are already falling apart! Unless the point is that people have to invest in a relationship to make it work. I wouldn't know because whenever a relationship becomes work, I take off! I mean, the woman wants to orgasm every time too?! Sheesh!

• Fifty-one days into the relationship, Dick Grayson cheats on Shawn with Starfire. Probably!

Oh yeah. They totally did it! It's basically how Tamaraneans say hello!

• Shawn's father is a chef who owns his own restaurant. He's also Chinese. So when he says he made them food, Dick is all, "I love Chinese food!" But then Shawn's dad is all, "I have an Italian restaurant!" And then Dick is all, "Oh, I would be embarrassed for assuming that you made Chinese but I fucking smell Chinese food, you asshole." And Shawn's dad is all, "I know! It was a joke! I totally got you and made you sound racist!" And Dick is all, "No, you didn't. I could fucking smell the Chinese food!" And Shawn's dad is all, "Ha ha! Oh, you gullible kid!"

• Sixty-four days into the relationship, Dick has to tell Barbara Gordon that she isn't getting any of this. He points to his lower half while doing a slight twist when he says "this."

• Sixty-seven days into the relationship (one day from the present!), Dick tells Bruce about the woman he's been gyrating mournfully with.

Oh don't you start getting all judgy, Mr. Catwoman.

• Since this story is the story of the past sixty-eight days, the Narration Boxes are Nightwing speaking from the present. And he finishes with one of the first Women in Refrigerator tales. Which doesn't bode well for Shawn, does it?! Also in the last panel, somebody sneaks up on her as she's painting and nabs her!

The Ranking!
+1! So much to like in this one! So much! Which should mean I'd have a lot to mention, right? Well you're wrong because saying "so much to like in this one" is a way of saying "I liked it but don't want to bother articulating all of the reasons why I liked it, like the side boob shots of Shawn in her bra and Alfred being told not to speak while serving Bruce and Dick dinner. I mean, he probably was told not to speak because he's always making snarky comments towards Bruce and can't he just fucking let the whole Batman thing go sometimes?!"

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