Saturday, February 11, 2017

Teen Titans #3

Super-villain teams should really think about hiring twice the members of their rival team.

The Review!
Back in the past (not more than six years ago or else Damian would practically be a fetus in the memory), Damian and Mara were battling cousins. They were drawn like adults although in some panels the artist over-corrected and then they looked like sword wielding toddlers. In the past, Damian proved to Mara that he as better at everything. It seems Damian's been trying to prove to everybody forever that he's better than everyone. He's probably compensating for his lack of a father figure, his overburderning mother, and his too legendary to live up to legend of his grandfather. Also probably his tiny penis but he won't understand that overcompensation until he's older or Starfire begins to try to fuck him.

Meanwhile in the present, the Teen Titans are proving their moral compass is just as broken as the previous team's.

"Robin steals billion dollar machines that he probably shouldn't even be flying? SUPER COOL! Can we also break into a prisons and help harbor fugitives?"

The Teen Titans rush off to hide from the Demon's Fist because they're terrible at being a team. But Starfire is ready to beat the Demon's Fist because slavery or something. She's totally passionate about that subject. And Kid Flash is ready to beat the Demon's Fist because they stuck a tracker up his penis. And Changeling and Raven are ready because what else do they have to do (aside from Raven starring in her own six issue series which could have probably been two issues)?

The old Preboot Titans once went camping to get their heads straight and to bond as a team. Now these Rebirth Teen Titans decide that the best way to defeat the Demon's Fist is to make S'mores together.

Waiting around? Changeling does know why he's called Kid Flash, doesn't he?

Over the campfire, the members of the new Teen Titans all learn they have serious family issues. Starfire's sister is a slaver. Raven's father is a demon rapist. Kid Flash's father is Reverse Flash (and probably somewhere in the stone age). Robin's grandfather is the leader of the League of Assassins. And Beast Boy's father is Mento. But his mother is Elasti-Girl! Or maybe not. Beast Boy says he's lost his family and this is Rebirth. Maybe his old history was too complicated to go back to. Easier to believe his parent are dead than have them exist in the Young Animal universe while he's in this one.

I don't know that Rita Farr or Steve Dayton will wind up in the Young Animal version of Doom Patrol but probably! I think Rita may have already been mentioned.

The team begins to get comfortable with each other which means it's immediately time for Beast Boy to begin sexually harassing Starfire. Some things never change, I guess!

Damian realizes his team is a bunch of soft losers so he sneaks off to throw himself before his grandfather to plead for their lives. If Ra's calls off the Demon's Fist, Damian will rejoin the League of Assassins and throw away years of hard work with Batman. I guess that's what it means to have pals! But Beast Boy saw him fly off so if the Teen Titans really are Damian's new pals, they'll come rescue him.

The Ranking!
No change! So far this has followed the template for a Teen Titans comic book perfectly. Bunch of heroes with family problems wind up forming a superhero team that never actually does anything heroic and simply spends all of its time defending itself from personal threats. Great job, Percy!

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