Thursday, February 9, 2017

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #11

Now kiss!

The Review!
This issue begins by telling the story of how Larfleeze began working with Brainiac 2.0. It might be the most boring, unnecessary two pages of flashback in any comic story I've ever read¹. We learn that Brainiac 2.0 was in Larfleeze's junk pile and came back to life when Larfleeze tried to fuck it. They then became best friends due to their shared love of collecting things and being fucked.

I just made the flashback more interesting than it actually was, thus ruining my point about how boring and unnecessary it was.

I suppose if the flashback wasn't added to the comic book, fangenders would forever be wondering how the two of them came to be working together. Nobody would have ever come up with the theory that Larfleeze just collected the collector and they bonded over collecting. That's just too far outside of any imagination ever imagined.

Brainiac 2.0 is me in Junior High.

John Stewart comes up with a plan when he realizes Larfleeze is their real captor. When he thought it was Brainiac 2.0, he was all, "Poo! This is impossible! We're stuck! I've failed again!" And Guy was all, "At least you haven't blown us all up yet, amirite?!" Then John cried. But now he has a plan because he understands Larfleeze's greed, having been raised in America. Hopefully he won't have a flashback to his times in the Marines to explain his plan. Can't he ever remember that he was once an architect too? He's supposed to be a bridge-builder but Cullen Bunn just turned him into military thinker. Those are practically the opposite!

Meanwhile, Hal Jordan explains his vision of heaven to the last two Guardians and Kyle Rayner.

The universe being managed by hard light created through the use of six different emotions (plus willpower) is a totally acceptable theory. But a Green Lantern Heaven?! Get the fuck out!

John's plan seems to be to battle with the Yellow Lanterns until Larfleeze gets so distressed that some of his collectibles might kill each other that he'll try to separate them. Unless his actual plan is just to punch Soranik in the face because why not? Either way, I guess he's using a little bit of both of his pasts. He's using violence like he learned to use in the military. And he's using his architect's brain by realizing a greedy motherfucker who owns a building probably doesn't want that building to fall down.

Larfleeze falls for it and destroys the container before his collection can reduce itself through infighting. All this talk of collecting makes me realize I have less than a week to collect the rest of the Year of the Rooster skins on Overwatch! Why am I reading comic books and not playing video games? Life is so difficult!

Back on Mogo at the center of the universe, Hal Jordan has finally returned to reunite with the Green Lantern Corps. He finds them missing and panics for about three seconds before Mogo lets them know that communication with the Green Lantern Corps has returned and they're busy visiting Okaara. I guess I'll finally get to see how powerful Larfleeze is when he's in a real continuity comic book and not an off-shoot Giffen/DeMatteis universe.

The Ranking!
No change!

¹Discounting stories written by Lobdell, DeFalco, Nocenti, Krul, Finch, and Liefeld. Probably a bunch of others I can't remember because my brain is kind.

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