Thursday, February 16, 2017

Super sonS #1

Why couldn't Jon have been a Martha?

Sometimes people wonder why I discuss Donald Trump. Mostly they wonder that because the things I write are less than flattering towards Trump and his supporters. But I'd like to point everybody to Trump's February 16th, 2017 Press Conference. It's evidence for why I often point out Trump is a moron and anybody who thinks otherwise can't be too smart either. I'll allow that some people support Trump even though they know he's a gigantic idiot, even if I have no idea what those people are thinking. But if anybody can listen to the guy speak and think he even has an average intelligence, they are obviously just as stupid as he is. I don't mean that as an elementary school playground insult. I'm not screaming "Ha ha! You're so stupid!" just to get a rise out of a person. I'm just stating a verifiable fact. The guy has no idea what he is talking about, ever. He lies about everything and then excuses his own lies by saying, "Well, that's what I heard." And he can't form one single coherent sentence whenever he's speaking off the cuff. Hell, even when he has a speech in front of him, he can't help interrupting himself and mangling the entire thing. The guy is a fucking idiot and anybody who thinks he isn't is also an idiot. Again, that's a fact and not an insult! You just can't be smart if you think he's smart because he so obviously isn't.

The Review!
This story has a prologue! It's about a kid who has a family. But the family is super scared of the kid. See, he's also a super son, probably. But he uses his super incorrectly. He's using it to induce fear! But not in the correct way to induce fear like Batman! He makes people other than criminals fearful which is probably bad for some reason that I'd totally know if I had any kind of a moral compass.

The kid and his family live on a movie set. That'll probably be important later. Like it'll be some kind of lame commentary on reality television. Are people still upset by reality television? Since it hasn't killed well produced and well written shows, shouldn't we have moved past it feeling like a threat to writers, actors, and directors in the entertainment industry?

After the prologue is over, the real story begins. That's the part where Robin and Superboy are fighting robotic versions of themselves in a jungle. It would be more exciting if one of them was a daughter (although it would make the title a bit confusing).

No wait. I spoke too soon. The battle in the jungle might be the real story but it doesn't really begin there. It begins two days earlier in Hamilton County. That's where Jon Smith gets into a snowball fight with a bunch of bullies. The bullies don't resort to slush balls (which I can't help but think of rape when I mention them. Thanks a lot, Cosby, for tainting all of the your funny bits!); they put rocks in the snowballs. That doesn't sound like a cute idea at all although I always laughed when Mei would say, "I'm putting a rock in this one," in Mei's Snowball Fight in Overwatch. So I guess it's kind of cute and funny.

Damian shows up to win the snowball fight and show Jon that it's fun to shirk the rules. I don't think Jon is buying it. I wonder if this exact same script would work for a regular Superman and Batman story, with a few minor cosmetic changes, of course! Like school would be, um, traffic school! And the snowball fight would be an adult snowball fight with cussing!

Later that night, Damian visits Jon in bed.

Imagine how titillating this scene would be with adult Superman and Batman!

Later, Jon lies to Damian.

It was Jon White. Then Jon Smith. Is this Tomasi's way of saying, "You know what? Fuck it. They're back to being the Kents." Maybe they changed their names in the most recent Action Comics which I have yet to read.

Damian convinces Jon to get his Superboy kit on and head to Metropolis to investigate a mystery at LexCorps. While they're climbing the side of the building, Lex Luthor flies by to chastise them. Or maybe more than chastise them since that's the cliffhanger ending. I don't think Lex will do more than scold them though. Even Lex Luthor wouldn't punch young kids in the face. Would he?

The Ranking!
About average. I figure a Tomasi book about the Super and Bat kids will have some moments that get me right in the tear ducts but right now, it's exactly what you'd expect. Superboy being a good kid and Damian trying to push all of Superboy's buttons because Damian is an asshole.

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