Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Blue Beetle #5

This is how I played basketball in junior high.

In junior high and high school, we got to pick from a variety of "sports" every quarter for physical education. What "sports" you were able to pick from depended on what teachers were teaching the period you were given P.E. At the top of my hierarchy of choices was weightlifting. Mostly because you sat on your ass all period. I usually worked on my legs and sang whatever song was playing on the radio a little bit too loud and then being really embarrassed when the girl I had a crush on would make note of it. Second on the list was ultimate Frisbee. Third was any sport with a racket. I preferred badminton but I never ruled out tennis. One time when we were choosing classes, I had to consider basketball because the girl I had a crush on, Marilyn Mendoza, was in line for basketball with her friends. But I hated basketball and even though I desperately wanted to be in the same class with her, I had to pick tennis. While dying from this junior high school Sophie's choice, Marilyn convinced her friends to get in the tennis line. I didn't realize at the time that she had a crush on me as well.

As I noted, basketball was the worst. I hated getting stuck with basketball, swimming, or soccer. Pretty much anything that had too much cardio!

This issue begins with the Green Beetle, Mordecai, attacking Jaime's mom's free clinic. Luckily Blur and her other Posse buddy, Fingerbangs, are there to save her.

Unluckily for Fingerbangs, nobody is there to save him. Ew.

Blue Beetle shows up to save his mom by distracting Mordecai. Mostly he distracts Mordecai by acting like a really squishy punching bag. Blur teleports the doctor away again but loses her the way Blur tends to lose people she teleports with. Jaime's mom winds up in a coffee shop with Sugar and Spike. They've taken a case for Ted Kord and it involves Jaime so they go after his mom. I can't imagine what kind of embarrassing past Jaime Reyes can have at fifteen. Maybe a rumor was started in junior high school that he masturbated into a breadbox. Yeah, I don't know why that would become a rumor either but it happened to a kid in my eighth grade class. It's kind of hard to own a rumor like that at that age. If it happened to me now, I'd just say, "A breadbox?! No way! Dozens of different socks, various plastic bags, rolls and rolls of paper towels, hotel ice buckets, every sink in every bathroom at every place I've ever worked, various places outdoors, the stairwell at the Portland State University library, under the sink in my college dorm until it looked like a massive candle had melted under there, and way too many other places to remember. But a breadbox?! Gross!"

I can think of lots of embarrassing reasons why Ted Kord would hire Sugar and Spike but I covered that last commentary. Although it is Rebirth Blue Beetle so he probably has a lot of new embarrassing moments from his superhero past.

The Posse arrive to save the day but that probably won't last long because they're just kids. Their day is going to need saving by Blue Beetle and Teri Magnus. It looks like Teri Magnus still has superspeed powers left over from her stint as a character in Justice League 3001. Teri and Ted pick up Jaime's family because he needs to explain to everybody exactly what's going on. He picks up Jaime too right after Mordecai is called away by his master.

Mordecai's master is imprisoned in a weird box underground guarded by the bugs Blue Beetle sleep-fought an issue or two ago. It seems Doctor Fate has been set to guard this prison. That must be why Doctor Fate knows so much about the scarab and how dangerous it is.

I still don't know which Doctor Fate this is. Maybe it's best for Rebirth if his or her secret identity is just never revealed.

The Ranking!
No change!

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