Friday, February 3, 2017

Action Comics #971

Superman as executioner! This feels like a cover from the sixties.

This whole setup is perfect! Superman can kill Lex and return to Earth like nothing ever happened.

Lois: *while doing laundry* "So, what happened to Lex?"
Clark: "Oh, um, couldn't find him."
Lois: "That's, why is the inside of your suit covered in dried semen?"

Having discovered Lex Luthor was hiding a Mother Box in his rectum, Superman now believes that Lex Luthor is completely guilty of everything ever. Although if I know Superman (and I'm pretty sure I know Superman. He's not too smart, a little naive, writes editorial pieces as Clark Kent praising the fuck out of himself, punches things in the face constantly, etc.), I have to assume he's faking so he can come up with a plan to shit all over this planet's laws and rescue Lex from the gallows.

After saying that, Superman does this:

Way to fake a whole bunch of stupid tension for two pages, Jurgens!

Superman tries to escape with Lex in a Boom Tube. But L'call manages to hack the Boom Tube and they wind up on a swamp planet with a red sun. See? I knew Superman was going to get careless and fuck himself by leaving Earth! Lex would be better off having relied on Aquaman. Although it would have to be Cullen Bunn's Aquaman since that's the Aquaman that travels through space. If I were Lex, I'd rather die.

L'call and Zade arrive and there's a big fight where Lex has to play the hero because Superman is powerless. The end of the fight doesn't take place before the end of this issue.

Meanwhile on Earth, Lois and Jon are hanging out in New 52 Lois's apartment when Fake Clark Kent drops by with some Chinese food. He's been suspicious that Jon had something to do with Lois and Superman which is why he's been snooping around. Now he's probably killed the takeout delivery guy so he could catch Lois together with Jon.

The Ranking!
Ugh. No change, I suppose. I probably would have dropped this comic a few months ago but I can't drop it before it gets to Issue #1000, can I?! I'm such a sucker! What a dope! I hate myself for my weakness!

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