Talon #11

Mostly I enjoy reading and writing about comics. But Talon makes it all seem like work.

For once I really am going to speed through a commentary because Talon is boring and if I become distracted for just one second, I'm going to wander away and do something...oooh! Call of Duty!

The first thing that happens is Casey escapes from Gotham Police Custody. Yeah, yeah. I already called that last issue. "Captured. For now! Because she has to save her daughter." That might not be an exact quote because I don't even have the ability to quote myself. I like to save my brain space for new thoughts rather than housing and storing shit other people wrote. I'm including past versions of myself in "other people."

Gotham City cops are stupid. "Hey chief?! Which way to the fucking roof?!"

Casey is heading up to the roof to turn on the Bat-Signal without Gordon's authorization. Oh man. That's going to earn her a scolding about wasting electricity and shit. Apparently the Bat-Signal has multiple settings because the only creature Casey summons by using it is The Butcher of Gotham. And he's not happy. I mean, he's happy in the way that he really enjoys hunting and hurting people. But from Casey's perspective, the breaking of her arm and verbal abuse doesn't really register as "happy." Will Batman save her? Is Batman allowed to make a guest appearance in Talon this month or have the editors forbade it? It would really suck for Casey if Tynion couldn't sign off on getting Batman.

Back on Santa's Prick Island, Bane and Wolf Spider and Malicia and the guy with the exposed brain and the big dumb brawny one begin chasing Talon and his friends. One of Talon's friends, Anya, is a refugee from the League of Assassins and she makes sure that all the readers know that Ra's al Ghul and his League are having exciting times over in Red Hood and the Outlaws! The editor's note made a huge mistake though. It really should have highlighted, for those yet to have heard, that Scott Lobdell isn't writing that series anymore. More people might actually give it a chance.

A couple of Talon's other friends are beset upon by The Brain and The Brawn (unless they have other stupid names. Oh! Like Brute!). This might be the best super villain team since that psychotic patriotic Firestorm villain whose name I can never remember. Captain I'd Fuck the Flag if it had a Vagina, I think his name was. The brains of this duo sings America the Beautiful and it gets the brawns of this outfit into a lustful frenzy whereby he...well, let's not dwell on what he does to anybody near him when that song begins.

Yeah, yeah. Let's put it back in our pants now, shall we?

I think even the artist and colorist are bored with these scripts. They're barely even trying.

And then there's the most important chase scene where Bane goes after Talon and eventually puts a pipe through his chest. Well! That ought to do it! Job well done! Thanks for ending this comic book, Bane!

I can now imagine Bane wiping his hands and turning to walk away proud of his work when from behind him he suddenly hears, "Just one more thing...." Calvin Rose really should practice his Peter Falk impression just to pull that shit off!

Meanwhile in Gotham, Batman shows up to defeat The Gotham of Butcher! Or something. I don't know. Look for yourself.

See that? James Tynion has been reading Snyder's Batman! And, um, helping write the back-up stories too.

Batman sends The Butcher hanging from a crane although he eventually gets away. But turning on the Bat-Signal did get James Gordon onto the roof screaming his fucking head off about wasted electricity! It's pretty awesome. What an old douche. Casey tells Batman he needs to work with Calvin Rose the Talon to help save her daughter. And then she dies.

No, I don't think she actually dies although when Batman says the word "gone," it sure seems that's what the writing is implying. I think she's just going to be comatose for awhile. She can't die or else Calvin will have to run around with Casey's daughter Sarah as his sidekick. Which means he'll have to fill her full of electrum and kill her first because she can't run around with a Talon and still be mortal.

Calvin beats Bane by escaping from Bane. Bane screams, "NO!" which is the universal code for defeat. Most of Bane's henchmen are killed or maimed and now Calvin is going to warn everyone about their secret invasion. I think that means the Bane part of this story is over. Now if they could just deal with the Court of Owls part of this plot, maybe it could find an interesting story to tell.

Calvin radios back to Gotham and winds up talking to Batman. Batman learns Bane is invading and Calvin learns Casey might die.

Oh, and the Bane story isn't over because Bane is joining forces with The Secret Society of Supervillains to star in a mini-series called Forever Evil: Arkham War.

Talon #11 Rating: No change. Coming in October: The Gotham Butcher Unleashed! More fuckers unleashed, eh? Whatever.

Yes! I finished that in fifty minutes!