Forever Evil #1

Do you think The White Rabbit actually takes part in this or is David Finch just desperately trying to keep her from being forgotten?

The issue begins with Lex Luthor proving, in quite a nice little monologue, that he's a fucking psychopath.

Seems reasonable.

Obviously his story is completely reasonable except for that part where he throws the kitten in the river. Which is Lex's problem, isn't it? He believes he's doing the world a favor and when the world reacts negatively to his actions, he doesn't simply think, "Well, of course they reacted that way. They don't realize I'm trying to help them," and then takes some time to explain to the world how he's saving them. No, instead he just shoots the people he's saving in the face because how dare they get in his heroic way. Just like that fucking kitten. Ruining his good deed (a good deed that he still describes as "saving a cat from a tree" because he did! He just didn't save it from the river). Which really wasn't much of a good deed anyway since he was only up to the rescue to shut his fucking sister up so he could once again have his peace and quiet.

So that's Lex. He's got problems with not understanding his own selfish motivations. He has no empathy. And he's wicked fucking smart. Throw those things together and you've got a megalomaniac. Everything he thinks must be right because he's so Goddamned smart. Yet with the delusions he cloaks his selfish actions in and his lack of empathy, he's just a great big toddler throwing a super smart technological tantrum. And since he must have Daddy Issues which he's projecting onto Superman, well, that means Superman has got to fucking go, doesn't it?

Currently Lex Luthor is in a helicopter trying to buy some property from a man named Thomas from Chicago. This Thomas seems awfully familiar in that he sounds like one of them Waynes. But he's spent most of his life in Chicago, so it couldn't be Thomas Wayne. Could it? What Earth are we on?!

And then I actually spend a little time reading so that I'm halfway down the page and discover that this is Thomas Kord! FUCK ME! And he mentions his SON! Excuse me while I run out into the streets and shake a bunch of stranger's hands and tell them the good news!

Me: "Ted Kord is coming back! Ted Kord is coming back! Fuck you right in your mother's ass, Dan DiDio! Because Ted Kord is coming back!"
People on the Street: "Get the fuck away from me!"

Once I get back in my office, I realize I probably celebrated a bit prematurely. I mean, Dan DiDio is still running things. And this is just Thomas Kord here even though he's probably about to be killed by Lex Luthor for not selling to him. But that would give Blue Beetle a reason to fight crime! Just like Batman! So I'm optimistically hopeful! Too bad Booster Gold is lost in time right now because this news would cause him to weep!

I got really excited and stopped reading at the "Kord Industries" part, so I didn't actually know that Lex was threatening him in the next panel. But come on! Lex Luthor! Obvious!

Before Lex can get Thomas Kord to sign away his company, a strange VUMMMMMing sound erupts around Metropolis, killing the power to everything, including the helicopter. Since Lex has yet to have the scars covering half of his face, this must be taking place in the past. The only question is it when Darkseid first attacked or when The Outsider Mr. Pennyworth arrived? Or, you know, something different.

Oh yeah. The helicopter crashes into a building with Lex yelling at the helicopter pilot to "pull up!" What the fuck is he supposed to be pulling up, Mr. Genius? You can't glide a rock into a safe landing!

But then everybody in the world gets a text that says, "This world is ours." And it's Grid who sent the message as he knocked everything in Metropolis offline. So I don't know why Lex isn't scarred. Plastic surgery?

Grid's next target is Gotham where Nightwing happens to be visiting. He's speaking with Batgirl when Gotham loses power and Nightwing notices Superwoman smashing into Arkham Asylum. Unfortunately for Nightwing, the rest of the Crime Syndicate are also there. Not that I think Nightwing could have taken Superwoman but it's still unfortunate. He's taken captive by them for, most likely, nefarious purposes.

Back in Metropolis, Ultraman arrives to steal Lex Luthor's Kryptonite because Kryptonite gives Ultraman extra powers. Thomas Kord also might be in the act of dying since he just fell out of the window of a skyscraper. I can't say for sure that he's going to hit the pavement below though. Normally I'd guess Superman would save him but since the Crime Syndicate is running around Earth, I have no idea what happened to the Justice Leagues after their first encounter with the Crime Syndicate at the end of Trinity War.

Meanwhile in Keystone Central, the Rogues are up to no good.

Okay, what the fuck is going on? Lex Luthor doesn't have any scars. Big deal. He's rich and a madman and he can get plastic surgery. But what about Mirror Master? Is that some kind of projection of his real self which is trapped in the Mirror World? Did I miss the story where he somehow freed himself? This must be a projection of him because I can't imagine this big of an editorial fuck-up. Unless all of these stories are taking place at some unspecified point in the future past when The Crime Syndicate defeated the Justice Leagues and stashed their bodies on Earth-3 for safe keeping. Perhaps Mirror Master's story will be told in the Rogue's Villains Month book.

Although Captain Cold says The Trickster has sat in his cell for two weeks. So, seriously, not much time has really passed since the big Gorilla Invasion of Central City, right? I don't remember exactly when The Trickster was captured (I think when he was blamed for the jewelry store robbery committed by Sprint's girlfriend whose name I can't remember now!), but two weeks sounds about a normal amount of time since it happened. It's definitely not any six months like in Aquaman!

Johnny Quick suddenly runs onto the scene in a flash, dropping puns all over the place. Okay, so he didn't drop any puns which is why I had to sound like a fucking idiot in that first sentence. He's with Atomica and they're breaking into Iron Heights prison because that seems to be the goal of most of the Crime Syndicate. They're freeing criminals across America. Except Ultraman who is just fulfilling his own selfish desires.

Over in Belle Reve, Power Ring and Deathstorm are freeing prisoners. I guess they want to make Earth Prime more like Earth-3 with as many assholes as possible running loose. Of course from an Earth-3 point of view, assholes are exemplary samples of human beings. I suppose Jesus Christ went around taking people's food out of their mouths and lowering the alive and the worst thing of all: turning wine into water.

Look kids! Superman is a man to be emulated, right?! Well then: snort up!

Ultraman's dealer, Grid, is giving him the location of all the Kryptonite on Earth so he can power the fuck up like a beeeyotch wwwwooooooooo that's good shit. Meanwhile his cohorts have freed as many super-villains as they were able and given them Secret Society Decoder Coins and an invite to their club. Which they pretty much all accept. So many that I don't think I even recognize them all as they gather around the remains of the Justice League Watchtower which apparently fell to Earth in Happy Harbor, Rhode Island!

Page One: Clayface, Signalman, Cheetah, ?Monocle?, Black Adam, ?Earth-2 Atom Look-a-like?, Despero, Killer Croc, Ventriloquist, ?Vampire Lady?, The Prankster, Metal-Zero John Corben?, Amazo, Starro, White Rabbit, Man-bat, Mr. Freeze, The Black Mask, and part of The Scavenger.

Page Two: Hector Hammond, Felix Faust, The Royal Flush Gang, Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, The Trickster, Captain Cold, Professor Pyg, The Parasite, ?Small Metal Man?, ?Grim Face Anime Hair?, Black Manta, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Rag Doll, The Riddler, Scarecrow, and Deathstroke.

Glider, Heatwave, Black Bison, The Hyena, Multiplex, Typhoon, ?Skull Face Hoodie Guy?, Plastique, The Mad Hatter, Doctor Psycho, Hugo Strange, The Weasel, ?Red Head?, and ?Dark Hair with Strap?

Page Four: ?Pandora looking woman?, Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang, ?Black Hand?, Emperor Blackgate, Doctor Phosphorus, Giganta, ?Bald Headed Woman Who I should remember?, Blockbuster, King Shark, ?Eclipso's human self?, ?Rocket Pack Baby Man?, ?Bra Woman?, Killer Moth, Joker's Daughter, Merlyn, ?Big Bearded Rock Man?, Gorilla Grodd, Copperhead, Two-Face, ?Sgt. Pepper?, ?Bolt?, ?Top Hat Confederate?, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, Killer Frost, ?Hot Dog Bandolier?, and Zsasz.

Back behind the Suicide Squad at the top of the page next to what might be The Black Hand, it looks like there might be another person. In the same place at the top of Page Two, there looks to be mounds and mounds of fat but that might, for some reason, be part of Clayface from the previous page. Maybe it's his boner. The metal looking bearded guy may be Metallo but I haven't actually seen any pictures of him yet. Vampire Lady might be Shadow Thief but I don't really remember what she looks like. And why doesn't Giganta have one eye out? For a company that loves to ruin story lines with editorial control of continuity, they sure don't seem to care about the continuity of looks.

Now that I named as many as I could name, I should get back to reading this thing. Maybe they'll introduce them all on the very next page!

Bane is revealed to be here as well so maybe he's the body near Black Hand that I couldn't identify. And The Penguin seems to think The Joker is here as well! If he is, maybe he's Death Faced Hoodie Guy!

Did The Trickster's fake arm look this real last time he appeared? I seriously can't remember.

While they're all standing about, Aquaman's trident is tossed amidst them. And since Aquaman had his trident stolen for six months by The Dead King, this must be taking place before that story. Or after it. Or during and they borrowed it from The Dead King. One of those!

The other things the Crime Syndicate toss down are Superman's Cape and Wonder Woman's Lasso. No bat utility belt? And while fighting over Superman's cape, it turns out John Corbin Metal-Zero man is actually Metallo. Which means it could still be him. I'll just have to wait until I read the Metallo Villains Month book to find out.

Yeeeeeeeah. I highly doubt that. More like trapped in a Power Ring Bubble or on Earth-3 or in Limbo.

Ultraman delivers a message to the world. They've come to conquer and they've already killed all three Justice Leagues. And then I realize why Monocle is in the crowd. Because they needed a D-List Villain to obliterate when he mouthed off against the Crime Syndicate.

The Monocle: "I say, chaps! Pardon me for saying so, but you look extraordinarily similar to our nemeses except just a touch more ridiculous. So if you'd be an obedient bunch of blighters and just poo-poo along, we'll get back to our regular business, what? Hmm? Tally-ho and so forth. Good day."
Ultraman's Heat Vision: BLLLLAAASSSSTTTT!
The Monocle: *EXPLODE LIKE A BLOOD SAUSAGE*

After the crowd gets the hint, Superwoman pulls Nightwing up on stage and reveals that he is really Richard Grayson. "Who?" everybody and Lex Luthor ask. Well, a lot of people might not know right now how important learning Nightwing's identity is. But as soon as they realize this fucker was a ward of Bruce Wayne, things are going to get real fucked up real quick. Unless Batman really is already dead! Then, you know, no big fucking deal.

The Crime Syndicate threaten that any who oppose them will die along with everybody they know and love. So just sit down and keep your fucking mouth shut, mortals. Because it's party time!

Finally, Ultraman gets hit with some rays of the yellow sun, so he flies up and puts the moon in the way to create a perpetual solar eclipse. Of course this action does not fuck up everything by disturbing the intricate connection between the moon and the Earth. Nor do I suspect the moon will begin its orbit again because why would Ultraman even bother if this wasn't going to be a permanent eclipse? I suppose Power Ring can figure that shit out. And since the Crime Syndicate don't give a shit about other life on the planet, who cares if it all begins to die out due to lack of sunlight which fuels this entire fucking ecosystem? Bah! They can just get another world once they fuck this one up.

And Lex Luthor is finally having a change of heart because his life is in danger and it looks like only Superman can save him. Sure, he didn't want to be saved by Superman according to that scene in Superman Annual #2 when he was tiny and in a bottle. But now? Now he fucking needs to be saved!

Forever Evil #1 Rating: Spot #10. There's an open spot at #10 out of 52 and while I can't be certain that this comic book is really good enough for that spot, the ranks are based on my bias and my bias overwhelmingly loves a book full of super-villains over any other comic book that exists. And this comic book has about two million villains in it! So that makes it the best! Or 10th best, anyway.