Thursday, June 7, 2012

Resurrection Man #9

"Hurry up with that cover! Forget the background; we gotta get this shit to press!"

Last issue, Mitch was researching Mitch when he was shot in the head by the Suicide Squad dropping through the roof of the library. Secret covert black ops group my asshole!

Fucking comic books. It looks like Suicide Squad #9 takes place first. So I'm going to go read that first. It would be nice to have some editorial fucking note, DC! Be right back.

Okay! I'm back!

I didn't even need to hear it and now this song is stuck in my head. SRSLY.

This is Director Hooker's phone. Hooker is the guy that worked with Mitch Shelley on the formula that brought people back to life or reformed lost limbs or something. I forget. I don't think it was that important, right? It's probably just the thing that caused Mitch Shelley to become Resurrection Man! Anyway, I would think Hooker would have a different alert for each one of the Body Doubles calling. I doubt these two women share a phone! What if one of them calls up to rat out the other one? How is Hooker going to know which one is calling if both of them flash up on his phone as Body Doubles?

If a DC Black Ops group is ever truly secret, it won't be able to crossover with any other comic book series.

Director Hooker commands Body Double to go up against the Suicide Squad and get Mitch's body back. He calls them by name. He names Waller as the head of the Squad. Fuck! Why did any of the Squad have to go through that initiation to make sure they would never rat out Waller? Everybody fucking knows about her and her pet project Task Force X.

The Body Doubles lug out their big ass chain guns and tell Deadshot and the dozen or so Task Force X agents there to pick up the baggage (Mitch!) to freeze.

Actually, she kind of does look like she's kidding.

You know what? Deadshot and every man here is expendable! If I were one of the guys off to the side, I'd take the shot! No way are they swinging these monster guns around to shoot everyone. No way they're shooting these guns and not ending up ass over tits. I hope King Shark comes running out of the woods now! These chicks would shit their body suits.

While they're discussing who might get shot and who might start telling jokes, Mitch resurrects because that's what that fucker does! He's a fucking champ at resurrecting! Luckily he doesn't come back with the power to turn people pink but comes back as the Goddamned T-1000!

Tanks?! Who brought tanks? Were those Plan C?

The Body Doubles attack Mitch as well as Task Force X's tanks and Mitch doesn't take too kindly to that. Especially since they were getting along so well last time they were all together in Portland. Speaking of which, where the hell's the Transhuman? I was starting to like that elderly teenager.

Wait, does that mean since he can currently throw her very far, he can trust her somewhat? Or does that mean he can't trust her a lot because he can throw her? Or, um, what?

Secrecy means nothing in DC, so maybe I should stop being bewildered by everyone knowing everything about everyone else. Director Hooker calls Amanda Waller on her private cell phone. They discuss Mitch and who gets to keep him. Amanda doesn't mind turning him over and suggests her team just ran into him and were going to get him back to Hooker. You know, right after she draws his blood and experiments on him a bit.

Director Hooker traces Amanda's phone signal while talking with her so the Body Doubles know where to find her. Because Amanda Waller is at the field ops station. Sure. Okay. Also, Amanda would allow herself to be found that easily via her phone. Because she's only the leader of a top secret (not so secret) government operation. Oh yeah, he wants to know her location because Mitch Shelley has forced Deadshot to take him there because they have the Touch Psychic Rebecki at the field station.

Got all that? Okay. The rest of the Suicide Squad is waiting at the Field Ops Center when Deadshot's helicopter arrives. I guess they all recovered and hitched a ride back.

Yay! Lime is alive!

Deadshot is covered in Mitch like a suit of armor controlling him. DeadMitch defeats the rest of the Squad easily. He enters the base and Rebecki, now working a deal with Waller so that Waller will let them go free, convinces him to drop the alloy shape. He turns human and Waller shoots him in the head. How many bullets does this poor asshole have in his cranium?

Once he's down, Waller has a scientist cut off his hand. He then lets Rebecki and Mitch go. She calls Hooker and tells him Mitch got away. So sorry! Nice doing business with you.

Waller and her nano-bombs. She probably sticks one in the neck of every person she gets her hands on. I can't wait until they all start to accidentally go off.

The comic ends with Kim Rebecki and Mitch Shelley waking up in the woods. Mitch decides to trust her for now if she'll take him to the lab that Director Hooker now runs (MItch used to, I think) where they made Batch 1187 which gave the Body Doubles their powers. And it gave Mitch his powers as well when some Praying Mantis Armored Wannabe shoved injected Mitch with Batch 1187 just before Deathstroke jumped on top of it. So maybe Mitch and the readers will get some answers soon enough.

Resurrection Man #9 Rating: -1 Ranking. The comic wasn't that bad. It was really a decent no change in the rating kind of story. But the lousy comic has yet to answer what happened to Mitch when he was turned to dust in Portland and happened to wake up in an ambulance on the way to Arkham Asylum. Until I get that answer, this comic is going to get a negative one modifier to any other rating I would normally assign to it! Take that, Andy Lanning and Dan Abnett! Explain yourselves!

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