Saturday, June 30, 2012

Justice League International #10

Should I even read this comic? Are the JLI just going to get beaten down again?

The Justice League International return from their vacation in Paris because New York is in trouble again. On the first page, August General in Iron gives a bio of all of his teammates.
Batman. Quiet. Determined. Driven.
Booster Gold. Irreverent. Brash. Leader-in-training.
Godiva. Lacks confidence. Secretive. A dark past.
Batwing. Enigmatic. Guarded. Cautious.
Guy Gardner. Forceful. Arrogant. Tries to hid the fact that he cares.
O.M.A.C. Young man in a monster's body--a breath away from losing control.
Here's my description of the team:
Batman. Competent. Intelligent. Bad-ass.
Booster Gold. Sell out. Failure. Not Batman.
Godiva. Creepy power. Boobs. Not Batman.
Batwing. Doing Batman a favor by associating with this team. Kind of Batman.
Guy Gardner. Green Lantern. Once knocked out by Batman in one punch.
O.M.A.C. Series canceled. Sucked Batman's dick to make the team.

How many issues before "the prospect of failure" simply become "failure"? I think it happened three issues back.

Guy Gardner is a bit upset that they had to go to France for no reason at all. I tend to agree with him. I'm pretty sure the Firestorms had things in hand. And they succeeded even after having to fight the JLI and the Rogue Firestorms.

If the Eiffel Tower was destroyed, how will comic book readers know when characters are in France?! It had to be saved!

Everyone had to rush back to New York immediately due to an emergency in New York. But once they get back, they have a little time off to visit their friends in the hospital. Guy Gardner visits Ice while August General in Iron somehow narrates the scene. Guy claims responsibility for whatever relationship they had in The New 52 falling apart. Big surprise there! Oh, but Ice is still in a coma so does that apology count?

David (Batwing) visits Mari (Vixen) in her hospital room where she claims she may never walk again. Who cares? She'll still be able to fly, right?

She must be delirious from the morphine. The world needs a team that gets its ass beat every mission? Hell, they get their asses beat when they're not even on missions!

The only reason the world would need the JLI is if the normal Justice League were too busy. I think the Justice League International needs to find their place and fight threats that are far less dangerous than the threats they've faced so far. Skeets needs to start running programs that estimate the danger of each threat. Then he can tell if the JLI should be called or everyone should just wait for the Justice League to take care of it.

Booster Gold and Godiva visit Bea (Fire) who is also in a coma. They nearly wind up making out on top of Fire. They don't, though, because instead of going for it, Godiva says, "Awkwaaaaaard." I think I remember the exact same scene between Booster and Beetle in Giffen's Justice League.

August General in Iron tries to convince OMAC that living like a monstrous freak has its good points. Most of those good points have to do with smashing other people's faces. But OMAC is more concerned about getting some poontang sometime in the future. I'm not sure why he's so concerned. There must be a group of women (and men) who would be more than happy to fuck a monster.

While they're talking, Batman drops out of the sky the way he does and tells them that the Justice League's monitors have detected Lightweaver's energy signature leaving New York and heading for Washington. So why doesn't the Justice League take care of it? Is it because Wonder Woman is on her Hell Honeymoon and Hal Jordan is in space and Barry Allen is in Gorilla City and Superman is, well, I think Superman is currently available. And Cyborg doesn't have anything better to do! I think they're all just too embarrassed to be seen with the Justice League.

When The Burners (that's the name of the terrorist group that killed Rocket Red and put Fire, Ice, and Vixen in refrigerators the hospital) begin their attack on Washington, the JLI are there to beat them up try not to get beaten up by them!

Look at how the industrialist billionaire deflects the subject by kicking him in the face! Typical fascist bully boy!

The JLI take out each member of The Burners one by one.

Oh, Godiva. So naive. Have you forgotten what comic book you're in? Just give it a few more pages.

Godiva and Batwing take out that guy who I don't know by name. August General in Iron takes out Lightweaver. Booster Gold takes out Breakdown. The only one left is Intersek (hee hee), the girl who looks like a pink Firstorm wearing Rogue's jacket.

Can anyone guess what is about to happen? Yeah, yeah. One character takes out the entire Justice League International in a few pages.

Intersek (hee hee hee) can "intercept any signal [and] alter any form of communication that emanates from or is received by a mechanical object. Including the fiberweave circuitry of a uniform or power ring." In other words, she can use Booster Gold's suit and Guy Gardner's ring against them. And once again, the entire Justice League International is brought down and should all be killed. But The Burners are dumber than the JLI because they decide not to kill everyone immediately (at least kill Batman!)! No, Breakdown has a better plan for next issue (which will cause him to lose everything because earlier in this issue, Batman did some detective work! Which means he knew about Intersek (hee hee hee hee). Which means they're all faking being unconscious! Right?).

Breakdown apparently has super strength as well as the power to make things decay and recay.

Justice League International #10 Rating: -1 Ranking. If the JLI are faking because Batman did his detective work, then this comic deserves a -1 ranking for the whole "it was all part of the plan" garbage cliche plot. If the JLI really did get taken down by these jerks, the comic deserves a -1 Ranking. Any thing I type here means the Justice League International deserves a -1 Ranking. Why do they suck so badly? Why does Jurgens insist on writing them this way? Give them some fucking dignity already!

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