Deathstroke #9

Yet another Liefeld book where his Inkers, Adelso Corona and Jacob Bear, get not mention on the cover. What a dick.

This cover is a bit too polished to be Liefeld's work alone and you can see Matt Yackey signed it as well. My bet is Liefeld sketched out the form of Deathstroke and Yackey polished the entire thing up. I do like that Liefeld was given a book where the main character wears an eyepatch since he has so much trouble making symmetrical faces.

A group of heavy smoking underworld figures have gotten together to plan Deathstroke's death.

Okay, one point for Liefeld. This made me chuckles since I'm constantly unsure about which superhero names include the article. Is it Batman or The Batman?!

If Liefeld can bring a semblance of humor back to this comic book, I'm all for him taking the lead on it. I thought Kyle Higgins was going to keep the story fairly light (seriously, you have to make it fun and tongue-in-cheek! It's a story about an amoral killing machine!) but he kept the tone fairly serious and I lost all enthusiasm for the comic. Especially with that Legacy idjit showing up and mucking around every fucking issue.

This was sort of funny as well. A crime lord sleeping peacefully and not having to worry about his fucking major international crime! I guess Deathstroke is the only person in the DCnU stopping arms shipments. But, you know, moron, you could just hire Deathstroke to protect your arms shipment! Then you could sleep peacefully knowing they'd be safe! Dumb dumb.

These thugs are spending ten million dollars to hire somebody named Mr. Deadborn to take out Slade Wilson. Hey, Mr. Deadborn? What good is ten million dollars if you're not alive to spend it?

Hopefully this comic just doesn't become a series of pissing contests between Slade and the next bad-ass to come along. I say this because I already know Lobo is on the cover of Issue Ten because people think it's awesome to see pictures from upcoming storylines and then share it around because it's cool to be the first to know something. I wish I could follow more Comic Book Tumblrs to discuss comic books with other people but everyone is always talking about what's coming next. And I like to learn about what's coming next by reading about it! So thanks for all of the Alan Scott spoilers as well, internet!

So many fun things to check out in Rob's new story so quickly that I'm overwhelmed with the giddies! You all know what the giddies are! It's when you feel like a twelve year old girl about to experience her first orgasm. From self-pleasure or horseback riding, you sickos! Unless that still makes you a sicko thinking about it that way! If any of this sentence was offensive, just pretend you never read it. May I recommend drinking some alcohol and taking a few Rohypnol to help erase the memory? The only problem with that is once you've forgotten, you'll have forgotten reading this Deathstork Deathstroke commentary and then you'll reread it and be offended again! So maybe you should unfollow me before taking the Rohypnol and leave a note by your computer to never follow tessatechaitea again. But that might make you curious and then you'll be right back where you started when you delve into the mystery of why you forgot everything. So, you know, just forget it.

The first thing Liefeld decides to do is give Deathstork Deathstroke a better motive than the last issue gave for Deathstroke's need to kill for profit. SRSLY! Just last issue Kyle Higgins set up that Deathstroke lives this life to be the absolute best mercenary in the world to prove something to his asshole father. But now, it's because of the death of his wife.

Filling a gaping wound with blood might help if you do it correctly but the money stuffed in there would be better spent having a doctor, you know, put the blood in you correctly. And closing up that gaping wound.

Deathstroke now has Liefeld Face. You can see where David Finch learned to draw men.

Slade Wilson is at the grave of his wife telling her how empty he is and how he's ready to give up Mercenarying because it's leading him down the road to ruin. I guess he's accomplished enough that his dying father finally gets the point that Slade is better than him.

Deathstroke keeps a framed picture of his wife in his trench coat along with grenades, knives, guns, ammunition, and rocket launchers.

While he's gazing lovingly at the suddenly appearing picture of his wife, he realizes something is coming up on him fast and he immediately disappears the picture to deal with the assailant.

Note Deathstroke's clenched fists? Every shot of his hand, it has been in a fist excluding that one where he's holding the picture. And the guy attacking Deathstroke gets to have open fists because he has pointy talon-like fingers which Liefeld loves to draw.

And I'm still only on page three!

This guy attacking Slade seems awfully familiar. But not in that, "Haven't I seen him in a DC Comic somewhere in the past?" It's more like, "Hasn't Sabretooth already been created over in the Marvel Universe?"

Say "Cheese" as angrily as you can!

I like how Deathstroke identifies his wild attacker as "feral." That's a pretty good guess! But look! He's also cat-like with fangs! Sounding so fucking familiar! I hope his name is Crictor Veed.

This Sabretooth wanna-be is not the only person attacking Deathstroke in the cemetery. He senses more so he yells, "Armor up!" which means, well, taking off the trench coat. Oh, and putting on the mask! Can't forget putting on the mask!

I'm beginning to realize that Mr. Deadborn isn't going to risk his life for the ten million dollars! He's going to hire lots and lots and lots of other killers to take out Deathstroke for him. That's why everyone was calling it "The Extinction Agenda." Wasn't that the name of an X-Men storyline? And isn't sending lots of people to kill Slade Wilson what was going on previously except in a more boring fashion because each killer was named Legacy? But now it'll be exciting with lots and lots and lots of cool new villains created by someone else but revamped in Liefeld's style! And they'll all be battling Deathstroke!

Is he being attacked by toddlers?

Excuse me. Is he being evaluated by toddlers?

 

Who are these nobodies attacking Deathstroke the Terminator? Oh, wait! They're not even attacking him. They're evaluating what his capabilities are. Are there lives worth the information? Seriously, who are the minions or underlings or hired mercenaries who willfully give up their lives for something like this? I think they're brought over from a foreign country where they've never heard of Deathstroke and promised lots of money to participate in a Flash Mob! "Just act like you're going to attack the guy in the graveyard. It'll be filmed for a laugh and you'll make a ton of money."

While Deathstroke gives the readers a quick primer on who he is and what his powers are (you know, in case they've forgotten by the 9th issue. Or does Rob Liefeld think that a shitload of new readers are going to follow him to this comic so he thinks all the new Rob Liefeld fans need an update on who Deathstroke is?), he's suddenly attacked by someone with Telekinetic Powers. This takes him by surprise even though, in just the previous panel, he mentioned how he knows his opponents movements before they make them. Whoops!

Why would you expect a higher level Telekinetic to have Telepathy? And how long does it take to get to Level 7? I've never role-played a Telekinetic.

While Slade is held in the air, more foot soldiers head up the hillside to the gravesite of Slade's wife. But Slade is prepared for this! All the tombstones around the hill are actually bombs! He blows them all to hell with the detonator that came from the same place his wife's framed image came from. He must have found a Pouch of Holding on his way to becoming a Level 44 Assassin.

What must the Inker (whose name didn't appear on the cover) think when he has to ink over this picture by Liefeld?

The leader of this stupid little group appears to engage Deathstroke in small talk. You know how these things play out! I've discussed it over and over. First the fight. Then the talking after the realization that the fight was either a misunderstanding or a test or any other barely logical reason the writer can come up with to make some characters fight. This time, Maxim (the leader) tells Deathstroke that this attack was necessary to get his full attention. Yeah, wasting the lives of a bunch of your soldiers was probably the best way to go about hiring Deathstroke. How about just sending him a letter saying, "Hey! Big money to catch Lobo! You in?" That would probably have worked.

Meet the team Deathstork Deathstroke will probably be working with even though he doesn't believe in teams, only in competition. Are these the New 52 version of the Omega Men? Looking it up online, yep, looks like it. It took the Tigorr name to bring it back since they didn't have big old Broot who most represents the team to me.

Oh, and the next page Maxim calls them the Omegas! Deathstroke decides to go with them and hear them out. This offer means something to him and is saving his life because he was close to suicide by recklessness. Peabody comes out of hiding and hands Deathstroke his armor (which he called for at the beginning of the fight! I guess Peabody had to run down to the car and get it).

Deathstroke heads back to the Omegas' facility where he meets their head of security. She's the one that couldn't keep Lobo locked up and why they now need Deathstroke.

Does Slade feel he's being disappointing because he's asking his question or because he's so tiny with widdle bitty foots?

I'm sorry, it wasn't her fault that Lobo escaped. Lobo was being held in a maximum security prison in Colorado. Colorado? I've never heard of that planet? Is it one of Saturn's moon? I mean, it couldn't be the state, right? Um...right? Lobo wasn't being held in a normal prison in the United States? Was he? OMFG!

The final pages of the issue tell Lobo's story: how he ended up in the prison and how he escaped and what he plans to do now that he's free. I'll just scan some pictures from it and then get to my Rating.

Looks like Lobo received a nice cleansing of his past in the New 52 reboot if he's been stuck on Earth for many years. Was Lobo the cause of the Roswell crash?

Well, not your entire race! There is that one female Czarnian in the Red Lantern Corps. But your genocide of the Czarnians probably filled her with the rage that turned her into a Red Lantern.

I don't know who Sheba is!

Why do all of Liefeld's male characters grimace in the exact same weird way?

Deathstroke #9 Rating: +1 Ranking. I really have a good time boggling at Liefeld's creations! But the main reason I'm giving Deathstroke a +1 on Liefeld's debut is because I think the comic is going to be fun again. Deathstroke is over the serious freaking out phase he's been in the last few issues that were driving him to get more and more reckless. And with the offer from the Omega Youths, he's instantly turned around! He's optimistic and ready for battle! And he made a few stupid jokes but that's better than being grim and surly and no fun to be around.