Blue Beetle #9

Kyle's just passing through to recharge his ring, Ted Jaime! Just leave him alone.

Last issue, Jaime had a great idea to improve his reputation: get into a public fight with a super villain. Oh, and win! So he told the Evil Scarab to find an enemy to fight and the Scarab did. It took him to battle Green Lantern since the Green Lantern Corps are long-time enemies of the Blue Scarab Legion or whatever the fuck they call themselves.

Oh, look at that! Oh, you can't see what I'm looking at. Let me explain it to you. The Scarab arms Blue Beetle and targets Bleez the Red Lantern first. Jaime yells at it to stop because Green Lantern is a good guy. But the Scarab tells him that Green Lantern is an enemy of The Reach! So The Reach is whatever the fuck the Scarabs call themselves!

The cat-eating alien that was sent to capture Kyle is left to watch the fight from his apartment window.

Is Green Lantern using a Venus Fly Trap construct because he's fighting a bug? Does Blue Beetle look enough like a bug to make that creative call? Maybe. Or maybe Kyle just likes the cartoon ending to Creepshow 2.

Bleez later calls Jaime "that insect" so I guess his costume does scream bugsuit! I wouldn't have thought so. Maybe it's the wings. Oh, well, the next construct Lantern makes definitely shows everyone in the DCnU sees the Blue Beetle costume as a Bug Costume. Or maybe they all know him by name already. Maybe they remember the Charlton Blue Beetle?

Uh oh! Kyle didn't get a chance to recharge before the fight! He's going to lose!

Kyle's ring is running out of charge and what's going on with Bleez? Shouldn't she be sick from the Red Central Battery being poisoned? It's hard to tell what events have happened already from one comic to another.

Bleez comes back at Blue Beetle and is about to puke all over him when Kyle Raynor tells her she'll burn down his neighborhood and blocks her pie hole with a face mask. Doesn't Kyle have a secret identity? Should he not be screaming out loud and in front of a guy that he thinks is a super villain that this is his neighborhood? In any case, as he's distracted, the cat-eating alien fires his sniper rifle into Green Lantern and drains the rest of Lantern's power. He begins to fall to the street but Blue Beetle saves him. And then Bleeze attacks again!

Metabolic Arousal.

Since Blue Beetle is only a teenager, I imagine if Bleeze straddles him much longer, he's going to need to get his uniform cleaned. Wow, I'm just full of videos right now!

While Bleeze dry humps Jaime while threatening to vomit on him (fetish?), the police in El Paso tell Jaime's parents they have some good news and some bad news. The good news: Jaime turned up at a homeless shelter in New York. The bad news: Blue Beetle burned the fucker to the ground immediately! But the police assure them he'll probably turn up. And then under their breath they probably whisper, "Even if he's a burnt corpse when he does."

Meanwhile in New York, Bleeze feels a faint stirring.

How many other comic books have dealt with erections in spandex? Or Alien Armor, I guess. But imagine if Booster Gold were aroused! Now imagine that Booster Gold was aroused by Blue Beetle! Now you can imagine some of the pictures I had to wade through to find a shot of Ted Kord's head from the back. And I still couldn't find an ideal one.

Glommy gets shot next by the cat-eating alien's sniper rifle and he disappears in a POIT sound effect. Then the alien decides to show himself. I guess he felt the odds were even now that Green Lantern's ring was out of power and Glommy disappeared.

Back in El Paso, Brenda has a meeting with her Tia's lawyer. Since Brenda's aunt Amparo Cardenas disappeared, Brenda, being her sole beneficiary, has just been given access to an account to take care of her until her aunt returns, if she ever does. If she never returns, Brenda will inherit a shitload of money. One page is devoted to this and it might just be to keep the reader up-to-date with what's happening to Brenda. But it could be the start of something else involving Brenda, a large sum of cash, and Paco the super villain. Maybe Brenda and Paco will take the cash and start a team to bring down the Blue Beetle since everyone thinks the Blue Beetle is a bad guy.

Things aren't going very well for Bleez and Kyle in New York. Lantern's ring is dead and Bleez doesn't seem to be a physical match for the cat-eating alien. The alien also mentions to Kyle that the Guardians sent him, so now Kyle knows those little blue jerks are, once again, up to no good. Blue Beetle realizes the reason he's in this neighborhood was because the Scarab sensed Green Lantern's Battery. So Jaime flies off to get the lantern and save the day. Or at least bring back the tool that will let Green Lantern save the day.

The cat-eating alien's handler looks on from the window. He's probably the scarier half of this villainous pair.

After that's all taken care of, Jaime explains why he's in New York. He needs help from a real super hero to show him the ropes. Jaime explains that he wants to keep his family from getting killed. Kyle says he understands that and he'll help out.

What the fuck happened in Kyle's life where someone he loved ended up dismembered in his fridge?! Holy shit! I never followed Raynor at all, so this memory is news to me!

Later, back at Kyle Raynor's apartment (what's up with that? Kyle tells Beetle he won't tell him his identity but Beetle knows where he lives. Or has the lease on this apartment been signed by Green Lantern and not Kyle? Even that isn't a good idea! He obviously leaves his Battery in the apartment unguarded since Jaime was able to get it. I'm confused about Kyle's living conditions!), Green Lantern scans Blue Beetle with his power ring. He discovers that the Scarab is from The Reach and that the Scarab is damaged. He also discovers that the home of the Blue Lanterns is under attack! He's willing to mentor Jaime but first he has to help Saint Walker, so he tells Jaime to stay out of trouble and flies off to New Guardians #9. Bleez heads back to the Red Lanterns' comic. And Blue Beetle is left to hang around for Mister Bones to come investigate him (yeah, I've seen the cover for Issue #10!).

Blue Beetle #9 Rating: +2 Ranking. I'm giving Blue Beetle a freebie bonus +1 point for dealing with Jaime getting an erection in his bugsuit. Also because he asks Bleeze if she was Green Lantern's girlfriend. Awkward. The normal +1 is because this comic is a workhorse. It's just steadily getting better and keeping up the fun quality. This comic feels like the script for a Saturday morning animated cartoon.