Catwoman #9

Ouch! That's a pretty Goddamned serious wound, Catwoman! I don't think licking it and hiding under the porch for a few days will be the best cure.

Catwoman is on the hunt for the last dagger of a mystical set of five. They were probably owned by Vecna or Cuthbert. I know Cuthbert probably couldn't wield them but even a Cleric can use cutlery for mundane things, right? That would stink to not be able to cut into your steak because of a Class Restriction!

The last dagger is owned by Oswald Cobblepot aka The Penguin! Cat versus bird! A mythic fight of epic proportions! Hot, steamy, poured-into-her-outfit Selina versus sloppy, dripping, looks-like-a-sunday Oswald! Oh, it will be dramatic and filled with the high drama! Comic book readers will speak of the fight incessantly over their games of Magic the Gathering!

Customer #1: "Did shyoo read that fight betshween Shewina and Oshwald?"
Customer #2: "HO MY GOD DID I EVER! I tap my Berwillian Dragon Thumper to power up my Hooptek Powerbird and attack with it."
Customer #1: "Oh no you don't! My Ishy Manipulator will untap my osher Ishy Manipulator which will tap my original Ishy Manipulator which will then caushe enough tapping for me to casht Blanched for free! Your Hooptek Powerbird hash been cooked!"
Customer #2: "Just like The Penguin!"
Customer #1: "Oh ho ho! Jolly!"

That's probably a pretty accurate image. I haven't played Magic with strangers for about fifteen years but I don't think it's changed much. Except that it became a sporting event televised on ESPN 2 and big name players began to think they were rockstars instead of nerds. But they weren't rockstars at all. Take it from a self-confessed role playing, gaming, nerd: nobody watches a game of Magic and thinks, "I want to fuck the shit out of the guy who just defeated his opponent with the Ornithopter!"
Well, maybe that happens. Nerd girls can be pretty freaktastickly awesome.

I was going somewhere with this before I was distracted by whatever I was distracted by. Oh yeah! Issue Nine begins with a Court of Owls story from 1665! I think that might be the furthest back a Court of Owls story has gone. Batman and Robin's Talon was from 1778. The time and place caption also states this takes place in Gotham. Last issue, the Court of Owls stated that they've been around since before the town was even named Gotham. So these guys go back even further than this. Are they the founders of the hamlet that became Gotham? Are they Native Americans? Are they aliens? Are they not what they seem?

The pilgrims have spotted him!

How did the Court of Owls find their Talons way back when? Haly's Circus didn't exist. Perhaps whenever they just saw a young kid balancing well on a fence post, they'd have a new Talon!
The Court of Owls have a meeting about how this Talon failed. They mention he was "forced to kill ten British Soldiers." Does this mean the Court of Owls are not British? They sort of look French to me. Or do they just think of themselves as nation of their own? Anyway, the Talon also lost his sacred Owl Hilt Blade.

The shame! The shame!

This Talon whose name is Ephraim Newhouse is "retired." His body is pumped full of the chemicals that enable him to return to life and he's placed inside one of the Talon Receptacles for later use. He's placed in the coffin naked because remember the shame thing? And this was a pretty puritanical society, even if you were a member of the Court of Owls! So being naked is shameful! Except I think they expect the shame to actually come from not being laid in state with his weapons and his garb. But while doing so, the comic gives a naked man ass shot!

Bury him like this! Talk about shame!

In the room where Ephraim is laid to rest, at least three other coffins are already laid out. The Court has been busy but not yet busy enough to have perfected their Talon making process. So in 1665, The Court of Owls is well established but they've yet to perfect their business.

Back in present day Gotham, Spark flirts with Catwoman while she innocently pretends not to notice so that no denials need to be made and no feelings get hurt. She's a diplomatic pro at keeping a man at bay! Her and Spark are on a roof waiting for The Penguin to appear so they can steal the ancient Talon knife he's collected. I guess the Court of Owls are going to send their naked Talon to finally retrieve the stupid dagger he lost 350 years ago.

It looks like a lot of Talons were disgraced! Or maybe they were buried with their garb folded nicely beside them.

Ephraim is given the task to kill The Penguin to restore his honor. Isn't that lucky? Nobody in the Court of Owls knows that The Penguin has Ephraim's lost dagger. Hell, they barely even know about Ephraim's history, simply recalling some vague notes about being too honor-bound than needed (The Owl actually says, "more 'duty-bound' than needed," but it seems like they want lots of duty!).

Back at Cobblepot's home, a limousine leaves the premises leaving Catwoman and Spark believing that The Penguin has left for the night. But really he's just sent some hookers on ahead of him while he waits on a phone call.

The Penguin is a big jerk! That's as witty as I can get on an empty stomach! Jason! Bring me some breakfast! Jason? Jason?

Turns out Jason has been killed by Ephraim the Talon! It also turns out that this scene is taking place at 2 AM on the Night of the Owls which means Ephraim is a fucking procrastinator. All of the other Talons killed their targets six or seven hours ago! Or maybe The Penguin just has top of the line security.

The Talon is let in by Penguin's Scotch-getterer and instantly kills all of Oswald's bodyguards. He's about to tell the Penguin how he's been sentenced to die and blah blah blah when a sparkly on Penguin's desk catches his Owly attention.

"Hoot hoot!" goes the Owl! "(Insert Whatever Noise Penguins Make Here)," goes the Penguin! "Meow meow meow I've got a great ass Meow!" goes the cat!

Catwoman and Spark watch through the skylight as Penguin is about to be murdered. Spark gets ready to take off since the job is done but Catwoman's ethics organ kicks into high gear and she crashes through the glass to save Penguin. And maybe still obtain the dagger while she's at it!

The fight goes as these fights usually go. Power shifts. Knives get thrown. Whips crack. Boobs jiggle. Penguins cower. And then Catwoman steps up and takes control of the situation.

Gail Simone is probably kicking herself and eating dark chocolate wishing she'd come up with this scene for Batgirl.

I like this Catwoman a lot. She moves with her emotions and trusts that they'll see her through. Sometimes it fails spectacularly like when her fence friend was killed because she wasn't being careful. She was just doing what she wanted and what she felt. Perhaps fucking Batman isn't the best thing for her life overall, complicating things, causing trouble, but when she needs him, she needs him, and that's that. She doesn't simply live in the moment; she survives in the moments. Whatever needs to be done to get her to the next moment, she'll do. And that's all that matters.

It's this living on the frayed end of her emotions that gives her such a strong sense of empathy as well. She knows Penguin deserves whatever he gets but she can't allow his comeuppance to happen under her watch. This Talon she's fighting is an undead monster but she sees the person beneath that was manipulated and changed and deranged by others. Like I said: I like this Catwoman.

But remember that whole shifting of power thing I mentioned earlier that makes a story worth telling? Well, it shifts to Penguin on the very next page.

Penguin shines in this issue. You know, in his great big asshole way (shiny asshole?).

I don't know if giving Catwoman the dagger counts as his favor or if she'll be calling on it later, but Catwoman does end up with the dagger to finish her set. But not with the intention of keeping it or fencing it. She realizes something big is going down in Gotham with this Talon business and leaves the body and the knives to the only guy who matters in this town. Yeah, I said it. Fuck you, Court of Owls! You're fucking garbage!

Yay! Romancu!

Catwoman #9 Rating: +2 Ranking. I don't know what's wrong with the world. Was I just not paying attention? Is Judd Winick actually a good writer?! This was the best Night of the Owls crossover so far. And a very good issue of Catwoman that wasn't derailed by having to be included in that crossover.