Green Lantern #9

Can someone just give Hal Jordan a real fucking ring already?

Before I get started, I don't think I paid proper attention to the last page of Green Lantern #8.

There's a fucking Indigo Pigeon? Is this Hatoful Lanterns? And why do they all have a construct of their angry versions? Is that something Indigo's do? Look at the one with the vagina face when it's angry! It's vagina gets teeth! Fuck that shit! Why is the Tribe of Compassion so fucking scary?!

I also received a query from A Smile Can Change Lives wondering why I had Green Lantern ranked so low. I think I'll also take a moment to discuss that list off to the right over there. ----------->.

For the most part, the best written comics are at the top and the worst written comics are at the bottom. When the question was asked, I checked it out and actually felt kind of bad. Green Lantern isn't a badly written comic (except for that part where Hal gets disintegrated at the end of one issue and then wasn't disintegrated at all at the beginning of the next issue) and yet I have it lower than G.I. Combat (which debuted way too high) and Teen Titans. Also Supergirl which really hasn't been going anywhere. And Legion Lost which just had its first six issues thrown away when Tom DeFalco came on as writer. So I feel a little bit badly about that. I also feel bad that Blue Beetle is so low because it's really become a fun comic book. But in the end, it doesn't matter. It's mostly bullshit.

Green Lantern ranks low because it didn't even participate in the Reboot. It's just continuing the story while renumbering the comic. New readers just aren't going to know the history of the book and what's going on. In terms of the Reboot, the comic deserves to be very low. In terms of Green Lantern fans, I have no fucking idea! Do you Green Lantern fans like the story? I can't make that determination since I was out of comics for eight years before the New 52. Green Lantern did a lot of wacky shit during that time. Fuck, he did a lot of wacky shit while I was reading the comic! Parallax, dig?

Mostly though, I wouldn't worry about my rankings. If you ever have a problem with the way I rank The New 52, just remember that I gave Blackhawks a +3 to its Rank while making up the entire story for issue #8. Pretty scientific, eh?

Enough of that technical crap! Let's read a comic book! Let's see, last issue, Hal wa making a jailbreak on planet Indigo. It wasn't working out so well since he was Nokked at the end of it by an Indigo Sinestro and his gang. Let's see what happens next!

I guess this is a flashback to see how Sinestro was Indigoized. I don't really care how it happened. I'll take Johns' word for it. I was ready for a fight between Hal and Indigestro!

His transformation takes place by being forced to remember how he turned into a fascist dictator to save his homeworld. His true love, Abin Sur's sister Arin, was killed during the people's rebellion against him. Or something. I don't know this history at all and this comic just gives a quick three page synopsis of Sinestro being a jerk while thinking he's doing the right thing but ending up costing many, many lives. He says, "I'm sorry," and is transformed into an Indigo Lantern. And now he can understand the Nok Nok Language!

Indigestro can speak English! Or whatever space language everyone in the DCnU cosmos speaks to be able to understand each other.

Instead of having a discussion here and relying on his own powers to protect him if Indigestro or the others get too aggressive, Hal Jordan decides to keep fighting. His ring currently can't do shit and Sinestro (Indigestro!) just apologized to him. So why hear him out? Why have a discussion? Let's fight for a few pages before Hal is finally forced to talk it out with the Indigos. If Hal were a real super hero like Batman or Martian Manhunter or Superman (hell, even Barry Allen!), he would realize he finally has a chance to speak with an Indigo Lantern that he can understand and get some information on them! But, no, Hal is a spastic asshole. Let's plow through this fight now.

Oh yeah! Sometimes, with the length of time between comic books, I forget some important things that are happening!

Hal doesn't want to talk or fight! He wants his fucking Power Ring to work! So he doesn't care whether Sinestro is now an Indigo and that the Indigo Lanterns are friendly to the Green Lanterns. You know, that would be an ideal situation! What Hal wants is to make sure that Sinestro gives him a fully functional Power Ring and Battery. And that has got to be the real motivation behind Hal remaining on Planet Indigo and trying to save Sinestro.

Hal runs off to find the Indigo Central Lantern believing that he can free Sinestro by using this. I'm not entirely sure he can free Sinestro at all! At this point, Indigestro will probably remain an Indigo Lantern of his own free will even if the process was first forced on him. Hopefully everyone will calm down soon, they'll all talk it out, and Sinestro will pass over his Green Lantern Ring and Battery to Green Lantern.

Meanwhile, The Guardians of the Universe continue to search for The Black Book. They've followed the trail to Starstorm. They kill him and go wandering off to find Sinestro since he currently has the Book of Black. I don't know where he's keeping it because Indigestro doesn't wear a backpack. It's probably wherever he's hiding his Green Lantern Battery. But whatever Sinestro was going to do with the Book of the Black, he needed Hal Jordan for. But then they were waylaid by the Indigo Tribe and that's where we are now!

Intelligence isn't a factor in determining whether someone is worthy of a ring. Yeah, it seems like it should be. But have you met G'nort?

Green Lantern delves deep into the Forbidden Jungles in search of the Indigo Central Battery. When he finally reaches the place his ring's GPS was directing him to, he meets up with Indigo Yoda. Finally, someone who will be able to answer some questions! I like where this story is headed!

This Indigo Yoda co-created the Indigo Lanterns with Abin Sur. He also refers to all the members as sociopaths, so that's apparently a qualification for entry. You need to have no empathy or compassion in your life before the Indigo Lanterns force you to apologize.

The Indigo Central Battery isn't a battery at all. It is a natural spring of light located deep within the Forbidden Jungle.

Indigo-1 is the mysterious Iroque that's been mentioned in a few other comics now.

The Indigo Rings and the army of murderers which Abin Sur created was not a program of redemption. It was a trial run of the ring's power. Abin Sur somehow saw the future (Kronos' Book of the Black?) and realized that after The Blackest Night, the Guardians of the Universe would destroy the Corps. The rings were created to change the Guardians of the Universe and stop their madness. But the plan relied on Abin Sur returning to Indigo Yoda. Once Indigo Yoda discovers Abin Sur is dead, he believes the entire plan is over.

I have a feeling that Indigestro will take Abin Sur's place in the plan. But before Indigo Yoda can meet Abin Sur's replacement, he shuts down the Indigo Central Battery! But just before the battery shuts down, the Indigo Tribe arrive to recapture Hal Jordan. The Battery loses power and all of the Indigo Tribe members are returned to their normal selves. Which means the cave is now full of unrepentant galactic murderers.

Yay! The shocking conclusion next issue! Which comes out in a few days, I think!

Green Lantern #9 Rating: +1 Ranking. The story is getting to that place where it's creating enough new history on top of the old history (that I'm slowly collecting via internet searches) that it's understandable on its own. This issue mentions Blackest Night but it shows that it's moving past it and explaining new DCU history with Indigo Yoda's help. This comic needs a few more guys like that helping the new Reboot readers!