Constantine #17

Remember when people were up in arms about DC's new logo and then they immediately forgot about it and now nobody remembers what the old logo looked like at all?

When I purchased my stack of comic books last week, my comic shop owner asked me what I thought of Constantine. I said, "Eh. I didn't really like his involvement in super hero groups or his need to be shown as more 'heroic' in The New 52." I didn't realize I had Constantine rated at about #38 of Not Even Close to 52 Comics but I think that's an "eh" rating. Maybe worse. He then asked how I liked it compared to Hellblazer and that was a different question entirely! It doesn't even come close to comparing! Forget that Constantine can't say cunt anymore. Integrating the Vertigo characters into the mainstream titles severely limits what the writers can do with them due to the constraints of New 52 continuity.

I'm hoping Ray Fawkes and the Constantine editors have realized how limiting The New 52 is on Constantine and are beginning to cut his ties with the other characters. Last issue, Constantine removed a spell placed on him by Zatanna to be a better person. That sounds like a step in the right direction since two of my problems with him right now are his love for Zatanna and his need to be a mystic cop for the DC Universe. The further he distances himself, the better Constantine will be.

Winding up in World War I is a good start.

Due to magic hocus pocus, Constantine finds himself in Tanzania in 1914. That was like 100 years ago or something. Hey! Remember when one of the main reasons for Flashpoint and The New 52 was to put an end to time travel in DC Comics? Remember how that lasted hardly any time at all because shitty writers like Tom DeFalco and Scott Lobdell (Tott Dedell!) didn't realize what this meant and continued to write stories about time traveling characters from alternate futures? Remember how their editors were the worst because they didn't tell them that they were fucking up the whole Flashpoint idea? What a couple of silly guys!

Even though Constantine is now 100 years in the past, he's still thinking about time as if it's still currently running in San Dimas. He thinks that while sitting on the beach in Dar es Salaam in 1914, events he planned to take down Sargon and Tannarak and the Cult of the Cold Flame are taking place in 2014. I don't think that's how time works, John! I mean, well, wait. Maybe it is? I suppose whatever happens in 2014 happens in 2014 no matter what. So John can speculate on how the events played out even if they won't play out for another 100 years. And he could be right or he could be wrong or he could just light up a cigarette and realize he can't do anything about it in his current situation anyway.

Why does Foghorn Leghorn know more about history than Constantine?

Constantine continues to think about how the plan to take down Tannarak should be progressing. He was supposed to appear near the Cult of the Cold Flame, presumably to take his part in the plan. I'm willing to bet his part of the plan occurs at the end of Julia and Spellbinder's assault on Sargon and Tannarak, so he'll still arrive in time to light up and say something snarky once he figures out how to time travel into the future. You know, by some other means than the one we all use every minute since John will never make it to 2014 using the regular method of forward time travel. It's so slow!

Foghorn Leghorn had a posh accent?

Constantine remembers a few stories about Doctor Occult and what he was doing in 1914. Turns out he was in Dar es Salaam trying to cast a spell to prevent war for all time. Seven of the greatest mages of the time across the world were working on the spell. Too bad one of those mages was Anton Arcane who was always a huge dickhole and never wanted to see war end in the first place. But since Doctor Occult doesn't know that, he still thinks he can save the world. But first he needs to remove the interfering limey by casting a spell to send him back where he came from. Well, isn't that convenient!

Didn't Doctor Occult die in the House of Secrets? Poor House of Secrets! What did it ever do to get itself completely ignored by The New 52. It was supposed to reappear in All Star Western but that story changed for some reason. Hopefully the reason was because The House of Secrets is going to get its own title soon! And it will be as good or better than the one by Steven T. Seagle back in whenever that series came out!

When John is transported back through time, he tries to muck with Occult's spell so that he arrives in the time and place where John wants and not where Doctor Occult planned. In the process, he loses his Foghorn Leghorn Moonblade which remains in 1914 with Doctor Occult. Constantine shoots right past his arrival date and five years into the future so that he can be one of the few characters that's really participating in his Futures End comic book as opposed to the other heroes whose issues are just fantasy and speculation. I think. Or something.

Constantine #17 Rating: No change. Too bad Tannarak and The Cult of the Cold Flame got away again! Because that means they're still going to be involved in this comic book and I'm completely bored with them as antagonists. And what's up with Tannarak and that stupid blindfold? Does he have assholes for eyes? Man, I miss Hellblazer!

Constantine #16

The last time Constantine dealt with Werewolves was in I, Vampire. Will we be seeing some sweet, sweet Tig action?! Please?

I should discuss Scott Lobdell's writing advice a little bit more than I did in my previous commentary where I just made an offhand remark about how fucking weird it was that he capitalized entire words throughout the piece. So let's do a little bit of that.

If you were afraid to read it, what he basically says is that when writing a character, you don't try to see the world through the character's eyes. How can you do that?! You don't know what it's like to be Superman so it's too hard to write Superman that way! But you do know what it was like to be who you were! So the best way to write Superman is turn him into yourself! It works really well! Because now Superman's childhood of being raised by two loving parents that taught him how to stand up for truth and to be giving and selfless and caring doesn't have anything to do with the man he became. No, now the only thing that matters is that Superman's home that he never even fucking knew was destroyed and he's a big sad boy that never got to play Kryptonian football with the other kids. He's flying around with survivor's guilt! And now he's just Batman in a cape because he's not saving the world because he was taught responsibility and empathy and kindness by Ma and Pa. No, now he just wants to keep another world from experiencing the pain and injustice that Krypton experienced. Now you have a character that isn't Superman because Scott Lobdell wasn't trying to write from Superman's point of view. Instead, he manipulated Superman to act through Lobdell's point of view. And that's why the series sucked.

Lobdell also tells the story about how he broke into comic books which isn't flattering at all but completely makes sense. He couldn't break into comics for five years because he's shit at writing. So what did he do? He found a way to exploit and manipulate the system so that it didn't matter how shitty his stories were because it just made somebody else's job easier. And he's proud of breaking into comics this way! He's so fucking pumped up by his ability to cut the Gordian Knot of his shitty writing ability. That's his advice for everybody on how to break into comics! Find an editor that's run ragged and shitting himself over his responsibilities and give him a metaphorical hand job. Jesus Christ, that story just made him sound like a right cunt.

That's probably enough about Scott Lobdell. But if you really want to learn how to WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, you should follow that link to his writing advice. You'll break into comic books in no time thanks to Scott Lobdell!

Constantine is currently wandering through a forest in Germany coming to terms with his past mistakes.

Isn't that what I've been saying, John? You're so much better when you work alone!

John might not be hanging out with a bunch of losers that would never sacrifice so much as their own dog for a good spell but he's still under the influence of Zatanna's suggestion that he should become a better person. I wouldn't mind that suggestion! I think to be a better person, I would stop doubting myself and start doing all of those things I really want to do but am too afraid to be caught doing! Casting a spell on a sociopath to be a better person simply frees them up to be even worse! I mean, better for themselves which is worse for other people. So if I think it's a weakness that I don't have the gumption to climb into my downstairs neighbor's open window one night and strangle him in his sleep, forcing me to be a better person would be motivation to get off my ass and finally go through with it!

Boy, I hope my downstairs neighbor doesn't die of strangulation ever!

Back to John, he spies some demons running through the forest hunting some old man whom John is also hunting and realizes a better Constantine would stop them before they hurt any innocent people or babies running around the forest at midnight.

A person who cheats at cards was called a "card sharp" because the ace they kept up their sleeve had razor edges so that it could be used as a weapon if they were caught. It's a fact! Also, "card shark" became more popular when the deadly cards were replaced by hidden throwing sharks.

Constantine finds the old magic guy just moments before The Stained Claw (that's the name of the demon troupe) find him. That probably means The Stained Claw are about to die and then the old man will have to feel grateful to Constantine for saving him and give John whatever he needs. I hope he needs a blow job.

The old man turns out to be the werewolf on the cover which means everybody is fucked because true werewolves are Constantine's weakness. Unless they merely make him piss himself. It's one of those. Maybe both! It definitely kicks his ass but the comic book doesn't mention if any pants were ruined.

I'm fairly certain you could create a Werewolf Taxidermist in one of the various role playing games I designed over the years.

John hunted down the old man to free himself from Zatanna's "eb a retteb nosrep" spell. And the old guy helps him for some reason. Maybe the old guy needs a blow job?

Before Old Albrecht can receive his payment, Constantine's head explodes in his hands. Either the old guy got too excited and forgot his werewolf strength as he pushed John's head down to his crotch, or Tannarak pulled the Papa Midnite Kill Switch that had been implanted in John's psyche. I'm sure you can figure out which one it most likely was.

It was the blow job!

Constantine #16 Rating: No change. I can't wait until the Cult of the Cold Flame implodes and Constantine doesn't have to deal with them anymore. Tannarak is boring! Even back when he was fighting The Phantom Stranger, he was boring! He's just some jerk that's afraid to die! So how does that make him any better than the rest of us?! Hell, he was into alchemy which makes him worse than most of us! Even Isaac Newton was worse than most of us because he spent so much time on alchemy. I'm going on record as saying all of his discoveries are bullshit since he could have discovered even more if he wasn't trying so hard to turn everything in his house into gold. Jerk!

Constantine #14

I had an online writer's group read through a bunch of my reviews so I could get feedback to improve my writing. Here were some of the comments:

"How much dick do you suck faggot?"
"your garbage"
"Fucking nigger jew spic asshole dyke."
"where did u learn 2 camp? KOA? hahahahaha"
"Fucking cheater. Reported."

Oh wait! Those are Xbox Live messages I got while playing Call of Duty. These were the comments from the writing site!

"You seem to have a love affair with run-on sentences."
"What is wrong with you? I mean emotionally."
"I stopped reading when you made a derogatory comment about Christianity."
"You are an asshole."
"Why do you think you're so much better than everybody else?"
"You're angry because DC Comics suck. You should read Marvel."
"Do you really masturbate as much as you say you do?"
"You sound like you hate comic books. Why are you reading comic books? Maybe you shouldn't be reading comic books."
"You should try taking things seriously. It would do you good. You might get more out of life."
"Genius. The irrationally angry persona you have created might be one of the greatest characters since Yossarian and, like Yossarian, the reader laughs at your struggle to find a means of escape. And also like Yossarian, the means to escape is right there in your face sharing a tent with you, constantly asking why you won't fly with him. When spiraling out of control due to a mistyped word or an overly contrived plot point, I felt as if I were reading McMurphy struggling against impossible odds. It is as if the reader is Chief Broom and you are teaching us, through your vain struggle, the way to freedom. At other times, it feels as if we, the reader, are lost with you, and you're Johnny Truant struggling through an essay, a house, an imaginary documentary, and a shattered familial history, losing and finding yourself as you stumble from one horribly written comic book to another. Sublime!"

That last one was the only piece of criticism that really made any sense. So I think I don't actually need to change anything! I'm already truly brilliant! Plus I'm really fucking good at Call of Duty which is why people send me horribly racist and misogynist messages. Bastards!

This issue of Constantine begins how I like my issues of Constantine to begin! Some fucked up thing happens and then Constantine happens along as if by coincidence to deal with whatever mystic hullabaloo has come up.

Inside the shack is a table full of dildos and seated around that table are a Muslim, a Christian, and a Rabbi? Yeah, I've heard that one.

A shack that loves to burn people to death is trying to burn Constantine to death. He's been following it for a couple of weeks but it keeps not killing him because John is too smart for it. Also, John doesn't want to burn to death. So instead of killing John, it's been killing other random people stupid enough to fall for its flaming embrace. I think most of those people aren't entirely random though. The first woman seen burned to death in this issue burned her own house down years ago. So I think it's trying to kill people who once burned their house down. Which John must have done after he killed his pet cat.

My theory is confirmed on the next page! Mostly because I'm too impatient to let the story tell itself and would rather hear my own thoughts on what the story is doing and how it might turn out. I'm so fucking entertaining.

I think less people would be bored if they were so completely entertained by their own thoughts. I'm never bored! I might sometimes be angry and sad and despondent because life is actually pretty horrible most of the time, but I'm never bored! Also, I like to keep busy because it distracts me from thinking about my own mortality. Talk about a bummer! I mean, you know, if we'd been talking about bummers.

John and his new friend discover the shack again and, this time, John decides to go in. He claims he's going in because he doesn't want the shack to kill some other stranger but we all know that John doesn't give a fuck if other people die. As long as he doesn't die, everything is peachy dory. He probably has a plan! And he can only execute his plans right when it seems like he's about to lose everything! It's his mantis opera Randy.

John's plan is to dispel the illusion of the burning shack. This reveals a pile of burned corpses and a burnt out shell of a teepee. It also summons whatever's behind this mystic trap.

Ooh, insensitive.

I'm trying being offended for other people but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Is this an appropriate image of a Native American? Should I be angry for all Native American tribes that a character has been drawn with stereotypical aspects of the Indian caricature? Sure, sure, I admit this could be an accurate representation of a certain tribe of Native Americans. But since I'm actually ignorant of that information, isn't it easier to just be upset at the depiction? It's going to take a little while before I get the hang of being angry over nothing at all!

The Indian is killing people that have killed other people in fire because he and his love were both murdered in a fire. Through this, we learn that John accidentally sacrificed his parents in a fire when he was first gaining the gifts of magic. Ha ha! That must be when he first learned that magic always has a price. And most people can't afford to pay it.

John also ends the curse because he knew what he was doing from the very beginning when he picked up the woman in the desert. He always knows what he's doing! Reading a John Constantine story is never about worrying if he'll make it through. It's about seeing how his plans and machinations work out in the end!

Dead love! How sweet!

After Constantine reunites the dead lovers, the spirit of Foghorn Leghorn that he has trapped in his Soul Sword tells him to visit Hong Kong where he can learn who put him on the path to killing his parents and becoming a mage from yet another caricature that's making me really angry!

Constantine #14 Rating: +1 Ranking. If Constantine has to keep putting up with the Cult of the Cold Flame subplot, I prefer it to unveil itself as it did this issue in just a few minor pages. The rest of the story was a one off little tale with bits and pieces of John's overall story. I can't say exactly why but Tannarak and his Cold Flame bore the fuck out of me.

New Guardians Annual #2

Does he suffer from White Lantern Guilt as well?

Apparently Carol and Kyle have decided to come back to Earth for a bit. Carol is busy dealing with a bunch of underlings that seem to think the CEO of a company actually does any work and one smart ass that thinks it's funny to quote Office Space. Making pop culture references is simply lazy writing. Kyle is busy trying to bring to life a girl drawn by a first grader. And he's the first grader.

Maybe the brain boiling destroyed his ability to draw! Although it won't destroy his career since he could always become Marat Mychaels protégé.

Carol turns on Kyle and accuses him of not being Kyle because Carol must suddenly think she's in Marvel or something.

Meanwhile in space, Kyle Rayner and the Bohemian Guardians are battling those pesky space sharks. So I guess Carol Ferris is on to something with the whole "not Kyle" thing. Kyle gets a love hunch that Carol is in trouble and decides to head back to Earth. The Bohemian Guardians try to stop him because they're getting too big for their space britches. Suddenly they think it's okay to manipulate Kyle and tell him what's best for him? I thought it would take at least a few thousand years before they began acting like the previous bunch of little blue assholes.

So Kyle heads back to Earth where he finds a Stephen King Dome over his dad's city where Carol and Not Kyle have come to set things right. Or something. I don't know for sure but aren't visits back home always to set things right? Even if the visits are initiated by your dark doppelganger?

This also happens. Dammit!

Does Carol always have to simply exist as a love interest? Fuck Sinestro getting his own comic book (especially after having read it. BORING!)! Give Carol her own comic book! Every month, she can fly around the universe being somebody else's love interest while never actually living her own life or following her own desires! That's how a woman's life is supposed to play out, right?

After the kiss, Kyle meets Not Kyle. You can tell this isn't the real Kyle because he's fucking horrible at drawing likenesses.

Look! No feet! I think Not Kyle might be Rob Liefeld!

I hate making a "Rob Liefeld can't draw feet" joke. Because in actuality, he draws feet just as well as he draws everything else. Poorly.

Not Kyle seems to be a version of Kyle from a universe that would have been if Kyle hadn't gone around fucking things up. It's possible he's left over from the time Volthoom tried to show Kyle what his life might have been like. It's also possible he's just one of those demon things like John Constantine had. You know, like the one that loved Zatanna more than John did? It's also possible that it's a new suit designed by a fan and purchased for $100 which eventually earned the company millions of dollars. Well, not a suit, actually. But some kind of parasitic alien life form.

Oh. I guess I'm wrong. Not Kyle says it isn't that. It sure looks like that, what with the tongue and all. But I guess it isn't.

It could also be a piece of Relic that escaped after learning everything there was to learn about Kyle Rayner. Or it could be one of Kyle Rayner's pubic hairs which gained sentience from exposure to the White Lantern Light. That one makes the most sense.

Kyle and Not Kyle begin to merge because isn't that the only real ending to meeting one's own doppelganger? First you react in fear and loathing. Then you begin flirting and small talk. Then dinner, maybe a romantic carriage ride. And finally, you're ass fucking yourself into nonexistence.

Kyle names Not Kyle "Oblivion" and remembers that he created him back when he traveled past the Source Wall. Whoops!

When did this become a John Barth novel?

After taking a shortcut through the Funhouse, Kyle winds up in War Games. I guess the equation on the back of the Source Wall was just a cosmic game of Tic Tac Toe because Kyle learned that the only way to win is not to play. Kyle stops fighting and then rewrites the Universal Equation in his mind. And he winks out of existence. Maybe. Or something.

Green Lantern New Guardians Annual #2 Rating: Boy are the people that hate buying Annuals but still buy New Guardians going to be confused when New Guardians #31 comes out and Kyle Rayner doesn't exist anymore!

Black Adam #1

Totally makes sense that Black Adam takes over Justice League of America. If we were on Earth 7!

The top five selling DC Comic books in August all had one of two things in common: Batman and Superman. Which tells me something nobody else needed to have told to them: comic book fans aren't interested in interesting or well-told stories. They're only interested in their favorite characters. But how do you get fans interested in other characters when they're spending all of their Comic Book money on all of the Batman and Superman titles flooding the stands? Oh, that's right. You don't. You just keep publishing comic books without Batman and Superman just to watch them slowly fail as comic book stores order less and less copies every month because they're not all selling which means less copies on the shelves for new fans to find which means the comic quickly begins circling the drain. I'm just a stupid fan of comic books that tell entertaining stories (like books not written by Ann Nocenti), so I don't know how to fix the problem so that book sales reflect quality. Perhaps it would help if comic book reviewing sites were honest about the quality of every comic instead of trying to get free advertising by being quoted by the comic book company for the trade paperback advertisements. Every comic book reviewing site that had an "It fucking rocks!" blurb associated with The Red Hood and the Outlaws collected trades should be labeled. I just have to determine what the labels say!

"We Will Suck DC's Cock for Page Views!"
"Shittiest Review Site on the Web Web Ring Member!"
"We Tongue Kiss Our Mothers With Mouths That Praised Red Hood and the Outlaws!"
"Sometimes Our Local Comic Book Shop Puts Dog Turds in Our Pull Boxes and We Don't Even Notice!"
"We Write Ambiguous Reviews That Fool Consumers Just to Get Free Advertising!"
"We Are Truly, Truly Sorry That You Can't Trust Anything We Say."

Maybe review sites don't help sales anyway. I'm not saying that I'm a review site but I do know I sang the praises of Demon Knights for pretty much its entire run and it didn't fucking help. And now All Star Western is nearly at the bottom of the sales charts. And The Movement is barely higher than Katana. Are you fucking kidding me?! If there's any proof that sales aren't linked to quality, it's that. Katana is the worst written comic currently in The New 52. And The Movement is exciting and full of interesting characters. But they're selling equally as well. It's all just so depressing. Why did I ever get back into reading comic books? The fans are a bunch of illiterate heathen Batman groupies!

Maybe DC could license Wolverine and they could have him star in comic books with low sales and grab up all the Wolverine groupie money! Holy shit! That would be a bonanza! Get your lawyers on that, DC!

Anyway, on to Black Adam, the greatest comic book you'll read this year! If you haven't been reading Geoff Johns Shazam, you've been missing out on the greatest serialized story since Tristram Shandy! Or maybe something by Dickens like Bleak House. Was that one serialized? Probably. It's so fucking long! I'm fairly confident the art in this comic book will blow your mind! I haven't actually looked at it yet but when DC uses my quote, they can just ellipses off the beginning of that last sentence!

Here's another blurb for the Villains Month Omnibus: "The art and story combined create bodily juices you never knew you could secrete! Although why the editor's didn't notice that Kahndaq is spelled wrong, I don't know. Perhaps they were distracted by their new bodily fluids!"

Kahndaq has this legend, see? About this superman? With a lightning bolt on his chest? Have you ever noticed how many seemingly literate and competent people type "lightening" when they mean "lightning?" They should stop doing that. I don't even consider it a typo. It's just plain ignorance. Man, I wish I had the guts to have typed "plane ignorance" there and leave it. But then I'd be the only one to get the joke and everybody would simply go straight to the comments section to correct me and point out what a fucking hypocritical moron I am. But I just don't have the strength of character to pull off a joke like that without feeling judged by everybody on the internet. How come everybody on the internet is so judgmental? Am I the only earnest, sweet, lovable, kind person left on the internet?

Speaking of earnest, sweet, lovable, kind people, Black Adam is not one of them. He is the mythical champion of Kahndaq but he's also a vicious bastard. But he's only an asshole to people that would harm Kahndaq. And to Shazam, of course! But Black Adam was turned into a pile of ashes when Billy Batson tricked him into returning to his mortal form that couldn't keep its shit together being that it was thousands of years old. But he might not be completely dead because he's on the cover of this issue! A terrorist group has an ancient scroll and they're ready to figure out what it says because it's probably a spell to bring back Black Adam. And by terrorist group, I mean oppressed people in trouble with the law who are just trying to make their way the only way they know how.

Every ancient scroll either comes from The Book of the Dead or the Necronomicon, depending on if the author is going for realism or complete insanity. Since this spell is about resurrection, I would have chosen the Necronomicon. Or the Necronomicomicon.

In the comic book world, nothing happens in secret. Somebody always knows something no matter how super secret something is supposed to be. And the Sons of Adam know that Shazam turned Black Adam to dust and that he collected the ashes and that he dumped the ashes in Kahndaq. And now they're at that exact location to cast the spell. I suppose the Sons of Adam have an ever-present news broadcast running in the background of their headquarters so they can keep up with everything that happens no matter how many people weren't there to see it. If people know that Shazam turned Black Adam to dust then they know that Billy Batson is Shazam since he was Billy Batson when he convinced Black Adam to say "Shazam" and transform into skin and bones (mostly bones. Very brittle bones).

If I want to be less cynical, I suppose if I were living in a country that believed in a great mythical champion with a lightning bolt on his chest and I saw a superhuman with a lightning bolt on his chest smash an urn full of ashes over Kahndaq, I might begin suggesting it has something to do with Black Adam. But that's only if I wanted to be less cynical. And I don't really want to be since I'm still pissed off that Task Force X is a super secret government organization that everybody fucking knows about.

Anyhow, it doesn't matter what kind of vitriolic pablum I spew onto the internet in a narcissistic need to make my ridiculous opinions known (which I'm not very good at anyway because who can tell when I'm serious or when I'm just making a joke? Maybe I need two blogs!). Black Adam is resurrected and all is now right with the world.

I think what I meant to say was "Black Adam is resurrected and all is now right with Black Adam."

Black Adam overthrows the current leader of Kahndaq and declares the people free. He shall protect and watch over them. But doesn't he feel the need to get vengeance on Billy Batson? What happened to his passionate hatred for Shazam? I suppose he'd rather just forget about that unfortunate incident in his life. Why would he want to repeat that encounter and get his ass kicked all over again, right?

And that's when Black Adam reads a message that appears on a tablet nearby that says, "This World is Ours." He completely flips the fuck out. Calm down, asshole. How do you know the tablet's owner hadn't just been playing a video game before you crushed him with a statue? Why am I always questioning comic book characters on their actions? They obviously have better instincts than I do because they always jump to the right conclusion and very rarely waste any time.

Black Adam #1 Rating: Aren't you all just loving the Reboot? The longer it goes, the more things return to the old universe! Here go again with Black Adam protecting Kahndaq! Just like it was before The New 52. My guess is everything will be absolutely back to how it was three years ago in five years time. But DC will have probably made more money than they would have otherwise and everybody else will just feel like nearly a decade of stories were lost as everything needed to be retold to get to where everything was when it was thrown away. Other than that, it wasn't too bad!

Superboy #21

If I hadn't been reading Superboy before now, I may actually have picked it up based on this cover. A Boy and his Dog Story. Go Krypto!

I have yet to open this comic book so I'm crossing my fingers that Justin Jordan doesn't go back to that whole "My name is Superboy" bullshit opening that Tom DeFalco and Scott Lobdell loved so much. I know Jordan obliterated it at the beginning of last issue but you never can tell what DC's editors deem is truly important. Someone may have been pissed and they might try to force him back to that bullshit opening. For all that is good and holy, please don't let that happen!

I actually would not have minded if this began, "My name is Krypto."

Interestingly enough, Justin Jordan seems to know the difference between the Arctic and the Antarctic! That's another reason he's a better writer than Tott Dedell.

Last issue, Superboy and Doctor Psycho teamed up to battle H.I.V.E. Doctor Psycho just wants them to stop pursuing him (I think!) and Superboy doesn't really have a H.I.V.E. related agenda. He just kind of got roped into this thing because Doctor Psycho lied to him about being able to reveal some of Superboy's secret past. But Superboy doesn't just kick Doctor Psycho out on the streets when he realizes he was lying because Doctor Psycho tells him more lies about how H.I.V.E. can help somehow. I suppose Superboy is still too young and naive (he's only like six months old!) to realize he probably shouldn't be teaming up with a guy named Doctor Psycho.

And then Krypto comes for a visit!

I remember Krypto meeting Supergirl in H'el on Earth but I don't remember any stories where Superboy gets to know Krypto. That doesn't mean none have been told. It could mean my memory sucks. Even if no issues have shown a meeting, Superboy has spent enough time with Superman while going through his DNA woes that he probably was introduced. And Krypto, unlike everybody else on Krypton, apparently likes clones.

Doctor Psycho's research leads them to a runaway girl named Sarah that has some psychic power that puts her on H.I.V.E.'s hit list. She's currently being tracked by a creature called Decay, so Superboy, Doctor Psycho, and Krypto take her under their collective wing to protect her. Judging by the way Issue #20 began, I don't think they're going to be very good at it.

While they're putting some food in Sarah (who escaped from the same H.I.V.E. facility that Doctor Psycho escaped from), Decay attacks! And he's another one of those creatures that isn't affected by telekinesis! Go figure! Superboy's power is the worst because it's simply binary. If the writer wants it to work, it works and Superboy is a badass Super Person. If the writer doesn't want it to work, it doesn't work and Superboy can't do much of anything. Also, Superboy apparently can't touch Decay but Decay can touch Superboy. So can Superboy touch Decay while Decay's touching Superboy since that's the only fucking way that can fucking work?

See? He's holding his arm! Kick him in the privates now!

Doctor Psycho realizes that Decay is just a psychic manifestation created by Sarah. So he threatens her life and she suddenly changes into Decay herself. So now maybe Decay is physical? Also, I'm guessing kicking her in the privates wouldn't have been as effective a plan as I thought.

To stop Sarah, Superboy interrupts the blood flow to her brain, causing her to pass out. Then Doctor Psycho induces a psychic coma so that she'll remain in her happy place picnicking with her parents until they can find a proper way to keep her from turning into Decay. Superboy realizes that H.I.V.E. is exactly like N.O.W.H.E.R.E. in that they're creating warriors out of innocent people. Now he actually has a reason to battle H.I.V.E. And Doctor Psycho believes he knows where to go next.

Superboy #20 Rating: +1 Ranking. Once again, not that I think this individual issue was really very good but at least it was coherent and driven by a plot that has now remained consistent across two issues. So it's definitely better than it was. Also, I'd just like to point out that Psiphon's name was changed to Psyphon this issue. Editorial consistency! You know, in that they're never very consistent about doing their job.

Deathstroke #20

It's strange that Majestic is the big threat in this issue and yet here we get Terra on the cover.

John Lynch has a problem. He manipulated the genes of a man named Bronson so that when Bronson's meta-gene was activated by a creature named Spartan, Bronson would become a living god. But now Lynch doesn't like the idea of having a living god that he isn't in control of running loose in the world. He has decided to kill or capture him. His plan? Well, Plan A was to nuke Majestic. But that didn't work. So Plan B is not get killed by the now pissed off living god. But what is Plan B?

Surprisingly, Plan B does not involve shooting many, many bullets at Majestic. That was an old Team 7 plan and Lynch retired it after Amanda Waller shot him in the face. Plan B does involve a Wilson Family Reunion. Besides winning Majestic to their side by offering him a bowl of the Famous Wilson Buffalo Chili Pancakes or Jericho's Homemade Jam-filled Chitlin Chunks or Rose Wilson's Sweet Potato Tea (I can't vouch for the deliciousness of any Wilson Family Recipe. They're a strange bunch), I can't think of any way the Wilsons will be of any help whatsoever. Well, okay, Jericho can control Majestic. But why did Lynch specifically need Rose along? To convince Jericho to play nice? How would that work when, according to Deathstroke #0, they never even had a chance to know each other? Fuck, Rose never even had a chance to be born! I suppose Adeline could have been pregnant when her and Baby Joseph pretended to blow up and left Slade forever. But that just gets into other problems as seen last issue.

Anyway, why did Terra tag along? Is she Plan C? And when is Geoforce going to send a fucking postcard to his sister? You would really think that a missing Markovian Princess would be a much bigger deal! Do they just not care that she's missing?

The title of this issue is "Prodigal Sons" and I understand why this phrase is used in this context due to the misunderstanding of the adjective used in the Biblical story. I've bitched about this before so I'll keep this short. Here's the definition of "prodigal":

Adjective: Spending money or resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant.
Noun: A person who spends money in a recklessly extravagant way.

So this story is about Majestic (as Lynch's returning son) and Jericho (as Deathstroke's returning son) going on a shopping spree?

At the end of last issue, Jericho took control of Majestic.

"Majestic: Having or showing lofty dignity or nobility; stately." It might be time for a name change, even without Jericho behind the wheel.

When Majesticho drops the plane on Lynch's base, Adeline is crushed under the rubble. Before she dies (again?), she's able to talk to Slade without Jericho's influence and tell him that she could never hate him and that there was nothing to forgive. I know deep down in the brain in my heart that I should simply ignore Liefeld's Deathstroke history but I just can't! According to Liefeld, Slade believed Adeline was dead for many, many years. He often visited her grave while carrying a framed photo of her underneath his trenchcoat. He also thought that Jericho had died. But here he is acting as if the Preboot relationship he had with his family takes precedence over the New 52 history! So shoddy, DC. The overall continuity on The New 52 is nearly as bad as the continuity on my first comic book, JC Presents.

The quality improves greatly when I get around to my second comic book, Arrogance, many years later.

Deathstork Deathstroke realizes they're all about hip deep in a whole batch of love gravy as he rounds up his famly. Terra is super pissed off to have been brought into this mess but since she's bound to be Deathstroke's surrogate child, she's ready to do her part. And her part, she realizes, has to do with the dormant volcano that John Lynch's base has been built on top of. I suspect Rose Wilson's part of the plan is to calm down Jericho. I'm sure Lynch knew Jericho would be seduced by Majestic's power and turn on them all. So now Rose has to make some banana sandwiches so Jericho remembers the good times before their dad left. I'm not sure how he's supposed to remember things that never happened. Perhaps Rose has the power to implant false memories.

I see he's familiar with her work.

This doesn't last long before Majesticho escapes and explodes through the floor yelling, "Was that seriously your best shot?" Come on, Jericho! When is the first attack ever the best shot? And yet the opponent always automatically assumes that it is and that it indicates the future outcome of the battle. I suppose Jericho would know for sure if he'd sent Stillborn or Deadstill or Miscarriage or whatever his name was to test out Terra's limits instead of Deathstroke's.

Speaking of the Deadborn issue, that was possibly the worst issue of The New 52 including all of Howard Mackie's grammar disasters. Zealot appears in the issue simply to sleep with Deathstroke and receives one entire line. A super hero in her own right, and she isn't even allowed to help battle Deadborn when he attacks. The battle takes place on foot and on motorcycle and on a train. Maybe. I forget all the details! And then it ends with Deadborn missing an arm and running from battle yet declaring that Slade lost by winning. Or something. Ugh. What a piece of shit!

Majesticho notices Adeline is dead and gets sadgry. That's where you get really sad at reality and then get really angry at whatever you want to blame on reality other than yourself. Majesticho takes out his sadgry on Deathstroke because he's the father. Remember my Phantom Stranger rant? It all comes down to Daddy Issues!

And then Deathstroke realizes the non-family reunion reason Rose Wilson was brought in for the fight.

I didn't realize Invulnerability was a "power" that could be on or off. How is it generated? Is it like a tiny field surrounding every cell of the body that acts like a force field? And Rose Wilson can kick right through that shit? Does that mean Rose could operate on Superman and fix his teeth and clip his nails and cut his hair and shave his back? Rose should become a personal assistant to the Super Powered.

Once they've uncovered Rose Wilson's super secret power, Deathstork Deathstork Deathstroke and Rose manage to knock Majesticho unconscious. That simply means that Jericho transfers his consciousness back into his own body and Grant's and Terra's for good measure. Deathstroke takes out Terra quickly since she's the only really dangerous one left. And then Jericho threatens to make Grant kill himself unless Deathstroke gives up.

Jericho, you stupid jerk. You don't need to stand directly behind him when he does it!

Sheesh. I really have to read the next couple of pages with my brain dialed into the off position (as opposed to the "barely on" position I usually enjoy setting it to). I get the need for finding a cool, actiony way for Jericho to get his throat slit that's still, ultimately, Slade's responsibility. But this! Jericho controlling him and standing right behind him? The long sword held up so awkwardly to not really slit Grant's throat but to drive it straight through? I don't normally like using the word "contrived" since all works of fiction are ultimately "contrived" to a greater or lesser degree. But this? Holy fuck. I can only imagine that Justin Jordan and his creative team were sort of looking askance at this whole scene with a bit of a grimace on their faces and kind of shrugging and thinking, "Eh. Good enough."

Really, I'd rather Jericho had grabbed a hostage that he couldn't control and threatened to kill the person as he held him/her to his chest. And then Deathstroke could have done this same thing but with his own sword. This set up is just ridiculous. But it's comic books and ultimately I find the ridiculousness at an acceptable level!

Rose freaks out and attacks Slade while yelling, "Do you know what you've done?!" Slade kicks her in the face and answers in his own mind. Yeah. He knows what he's done. And it may be the only time in this entire run of Deathstroke since he killed the young kids that wanted to partner with him in the first issue that I feel his character is being done justice.

I'm exaggerating a bit. I did like some of the Kyle Higgins stuff before Liefeld took over. SOME! Not all! Some teeny, tiny percentage! Like maybe the issue before Liefeld took over where it was revealed Slade's drive came from *gasp* Daddy Issues!

The issue ends with Majestic hooked up to an IV full of sedatives, thanks to Rose Wilson's latent gen power. A.R.G.U.S. comes in to clean up and they take Majestic with them to either get counseling or take over Gypsy's now empty cell in The Circus. Lynch is missing and presumed dead. Grant and Jericho are not mentioned but my guess is they're dead and Jericho now resides in whoever the fuck he wants as a ghostly consciousness since one of the A.R.G.U.S. agents has glowing eyes. And Deathstroke never has to deal with his family again! Well, I guess he does. At some point, he'll need to make nice with Rose and battle Jericho to the death.

Deathstroke #20 Rating: +2 Rating. For a comic book that didn't have any idea what it was doing for most of its run, it actually ended on a positive note. Well, not a positive story note! Lots of people died and shit! But it was done well and I liked Slade's characterization in this better than anything I've read him in yet. I think.

And let me say this about Daddy Issues versus Mommy Issues. I don't want to give the impression that I think everybody's lives are ruled by the relationship they have with their father! I think a bad relationship with a father can really screw up a person's life. The problem with Mommy Issues is that a good relationship with a mother creates Mommy Issues! A mother needs to walk a very thin tightrope to do a really superb job caring for her child while giving the child enough freedom to provide for themselves when it's time to live on their own. A person with Mommy Issues becomes a Momma's Child. They often allow their mother to over provide for them and feel way too comfortable living at home well into their thirties. So Daddy Issues and Mommy Issues really take two different tacks. Daddy Issues generally arise from an absent or emotionally unavailable father. Mommy Issues are generated from a mother that's too overprotective and too loving. Both issues can create wildly successful people or horrible failures. None of them indicate a specific adult that will be created. Except maybe Daddy Issues create more strippers and Mommy Issues create more virgins*.

*Most of my research comes from Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac on Poor Parenting. Pink Floyd based their rock opera, The Wall, on this book.

Deathstroke #19

Are we finally going to see how Rose Wilson fits in? I bet everyone just pretends she was part of the family from the beginning. Especially since you just have to ignore Rob Liefeld's stuff to believe it.

Hopefully nobody will ask Deathstroke to kill for free this issue. I don't want Slade to have to be offended.

Deathstroke begins five years ago with Grifter, Slade, and Steve Trevor escaping the place where the island of Gamorra used to be.

Slade's non-war Journal continues with his story about tracking Lynch down to kill Lynch for sending the 10,000 ninjas after him but then talking with Lynch instead of killing him and learning that Majestic was coming back from wherever he had been. Perhaps Majestic knocked himself out for five years when he hit the water at meteor speeds? And now that he's coming back, Lynch doesn't trust him in the same way that Batman doesn't trust Superman. Lynch tries to kill Majestic with a nuclear missile which probably just pissed off Majestic. I don't know what Batman would do if Superman ever went bad since Batman doesn't kill. Would he contain Superman in some kind of Kryptonite prison? Has Batman already built a Kryptonite prison? Batman has to be ready, right? I wonder if it's underneath Gotham?

Anyway, that's the basic premise of what's happening although I'm a bit confused by it because I think a little bit of the story has been told in both Team 7 and Deathstroke with some flashbacks here and there. I believe the bottom line is that Deathstroke has decided to help Lynch try to kill Majestic instead of trying to kill Lynch.

And then Deathstroke walks in with Rose Wilson and Terra and I stop reading this comic book to read The Ravagers #11. I already put this comic book aside once to read Team 7 #7 after the initial opening of underwater Gamorra. Now I have to read Ravagers too! Be right back. Again!

*soft, annoying music*

Well, that didn't explain anything! It was the best issues of Ravagers yet. Hmm, that means it still could be really, really shitty. So let me rephrase: Issue #11 of The Ravagers was really good and I could see the comic being successful with this story! Too bad it's over in Issue #12. So whatever happens after Issue #12, it looks like Rose Wilson and Deathstroke have dealt with their family issues and Terra is once again hanging about his side because she probably betrayed Beast Boy. Again.

I think I understand the plan! Unless Majestic is gay. Then I don't understand the plan at all.

The other people Lynch brought in to stop Majestic are Adeline Wilson, Jericho Wilson, and Grant Wilson. Slade seems shocked that Lynch brought them here but he doesn't seem shocked to see his wife and Jericho alive. I don't know when he found out they were still alive. I'm not even sure if anybody at DC knows why he knows they're still alive. Perhaps everybody just decided to ignore Liefeld's take on the Wilsons. Rose is happy to see her mother though. So Rose is the daughter of Adeline and Slade. I guess if everyone is ignoring Liefeld's history, they can ignore the part where Rose didn't exist when Adeline and Joseph were apparently killed.

Lynch thinks the reason the Wilsons are here is so Joseph, now going exclusively by Jericho, can control Majestic for Lynch. But Jericho has other plans. He's taken over his mother and brother. He accepted the deal so he could take over Rose and Slade as well but he finds they're minds are too hard to take over. He also can't control Lynch. But he's hoping he can take over Majestic for his own use. So even though Lynch thought he was in control, he was wrong. Jericho is a great big evil jerk (like Liefeld reintroduced him!) who is manipulating everybody for his own ends.

He means he'll become nonexistent bullshit?

All hell breaks loose as Lynch, Slade, and Rose try to stop Jericho and his mind-zombies. Eventually Rose gets her sword up to Jericho's neck and threatens to kill him if he doesn't let everyone go. Or make him mute with a slit throat, right?! Except Jericho can still talk right now and before he loses his voice, he tries to convince Rose to join his side.

This directly contradicts Deathstroke #0 where Adeline and Baby Joseph were presumed killed by an explosion. While Narration Boxing about the night she and Joseph supposedly died, Adeline says, "If birthing two children had slowed me down, it wasn't by much." So no Rose when she "died". Joseph was a baby when he "died". So no honey and banana sandwiches for the baby before Slade "left" them. And although I didn't mention it in my Team 7 #7 commentary, that whole Gamorra fight and the way Slade gets his powers (I'm presuming a bit here but I'm sure it was from Lynch and the Genfactor) doesn't add up to the story in Deathstroke #0.

Lynch decides to just end it all and telekinesis everyone out of the way, TKs a gun into his hand, and shoots Jericho in the face. At least, that's his intention.

Gotta love the next month tease!

Deathstroke #19 Rating: No change. I think the bad balances out the good in this issue. The good is making up a new back story for Deathstroke and his family because Liefeld forgot about Rose and fucked up just about everything he touched anyway. The bad is that I was confused because I'm trying to remember all the history and stories of The New 52 and then they just keep changing shit willy nilly. But also the good is that tag line and a big brawl with Majestic. But the bad is that this whole story with Lynch and Slade across Team 7 and Deathstroke was a bit confusing at its best and barely comprehensible at its worst.

Deathstroke #18

I wish Deathstroke would pull out the glue and fix his title already.

Last issue of Deathstroke ended with Tomo, the guy that wanted to kill Deathstroke, killing Tomo's father, the guy that had no clue what was going on. I believe Tomo was trying to get Deathstroke to kill Tomo's father for him but his plan was stupid from the beginning. I was going to call it something else but I lost the word before I could type it. And since my vocabulary is chock full of synonyms, I decided to go with "stupid". That doesn't cover what I wanted to say but I'll go crazy trying to pull out the word I wanted at this point. The problem is before I could type the word I wanted, I thought about maybe using "hackneyed" except that wasn't even close to what I wanted to describe. But "hackneyed" did manage to drive the other word straight out of my brain and into the aether. Fuck you, getting old!

I've actually had that problem my whole life though. I'm really bad at remembering names and often give up immediately and just say something like, "Remember when we went to dinner with what's-her-name?" But other words I lose all the time. I know the word I want but I can't bring it forth. Often I can find it via Google because I can see it partially, so I can drop one letter at a time in the search bar and sometimes the word pops up. I did that with consummate a few commentaries ago. Knew that's the word I wanted. Could define it in my head and I could hear it starting but couldn't pull the rest of it out. Other times I can get to the word by circumlocution. As I use other words to define and explain the word I'm looking for, I'll eventually spiral down to the word I want and it pops up as if I had never lost it.

Maybe I have brain damage! I wonder if I can blame my sister for all the times she hit me in the head?

Oh! The word I wanted was convoluted. I wonder if I have a problem with "con" words?! No, I wanted to say "attrition" one time while walking back from a coffee shop with my girlfriend but couldn't access it. Although at the time, I thought I wanted a "con" word! Sometimes my brain tricks me because it is stupid.

Anyway, Tomo's plan failed and he ended up having to kill his own father while Deathstroke watched. I mentioned how many stories in Deathstroke deal with father issues and this issue begins with Deathstroke making a similar observation.

Actually, you should be sorry for stabbing him through the chest.

Tomo continues spouting his new age Japanese business philosophy that is actually very old school: killing, killing, and more killing! While he's lecturing anybody that still has at least one ear, Tomo's father is completing his final transaction.

That old man just wasted a dollar.

I'm pretty sure Deathstroke wouldn't have been too offended to kill Tomo for free at this point. But since the old man was Japanese, he had to save face all around and offer Deathstroke the dollar. Otherwise Deathstroke would have been offended and everybody would have been embarrassed and more bowing and apologizing than killing would take place. And nobody buys a Deathstroke comic book to see a bunch of embarrassed Japanese ninjas shame-faced and sorry.

Deathstroke shoots Tomo. It doesn't hurt him though because Tomo upgraded himself. He tears off his shirt in a very sexy and dramatic scene to show off his huge implants. They're actually pretty disgusting. So now Deathstroke has to kill a cybernetic ninja and 9,999 normal ninjas. And all for just one buck!

Now I guess the rest of the comic book will be a gigantic ninja battle!

Who is Stroger? I think Deathstroke may have already fried a few of Tomo's memory capacitors.

Deathstroke reminds the 9,999 ninjas (or however many are left) that Jenner Collins' will stipulated that the person that killed him be killed by their clan. 9,999 ninjas go, "Oh yeah! Duh!", and one of them says, "Jinx!", and then they all attack Tomo instead of Deathstroke. Honor is a sucker's game!

Oh wait! Deathstroke has something to say about Honor as he fights Tomo on the side of a skyscraper!

Why is there a "but" in there? Those all sound like problems with honor! Like I said: a sucker's game!

Deathstroke plummets to the ground with Tomo. He survives by landing on Tomo and then doing a stuntman roll. His healing powers and extra strength probably help him survive as well. But before Tomo dies, he whispers, "Lynch lied." And since Lynch is Captain Sideburns, the leader of Team 7 who is supposedly dead at this point in time, Deathstroke decides he's probably earned a free, non-offensive kill. Besides, you can't kill a man that's already dead! So it can't be offensive to not kill him for free, right?

Deathstroke #18 Rating: No change. This issue was like a bite-sized snack if the snack didn't taste like anything and cost $2.99.

Deathstroke #17

When does Slade have time to spend his money? Does he ever get a chance to relax?

Do I need to read this comic book? People try to kill Deathstroke. Deathstork Deathstroke kills people. Stupid lines of dialogue are said. If the story runs two issues, this one will end with Deathstroke in dire circumstances. But he'll overcome in the next issue and kill more people!

You know what would be a revolutionary idea? Having an interesting story backing up this violence and mayhem. Is that too much to ask? I suppose the story behind this fracas will be that Deathstroke is hurting someone's business, so they need to have him killed. And I guess that's good enough for a Deathstroke comic book at DC these days.

Whenever people wonder how to break into the business as a writer, they're always told to produce scripts that highlight something new about a character, or to show an aspect of the character in a different light. They always recommend taking a different tack than expected. So why is it once a writer is established, those rules go out the fucking window? I haven't seen one surprising moment in Deathstroke yet. Maybe Higgins did something somewhere but it's hard to look past the giant mountain of shit Liefeld placed in the way.

Oh wait! Liefeld took a different tack! Remember how Higgins' last issue showed that Slade's prime motivation was to prove to his father that he was better than him? And then the very next issue by Liefeld, Liefeld shows that Deathstroke's prime motivation is his dead wife! I guess that was surprising!

This issue begins with Slade confronting some guy named Tomo on a bullet train in Japan. Slade does this because he heard this guy was trying to kill him. So what better way to take care of the problem then by confronting it head on? Apparently this guy Tomo knew that Deathstroke would try this, because he's not alone on the bullet train (no, no! He is alone when it comes to other passengers. But he's not alone when it comes to his bajillion ninjas! Or 9,999 according to the cover).

Good thing he was "listening" then! He's very stealthy at it. I usually cock my head to the side while looking off at a distant point of nothing to listen.

Slade might not be that stupid, but he's definitely not as smart as he thinks he is. He's obviously pretty predictable if someone can put a hit out on him and then wait around paying 9,999 ninjas to act as bodyguards. Tomo didn't even have to go after Deathstroke. I guess you just Tweet "I'm going to fucking kill Deathstroke!" and Peabody gets an alert and Slade goes off to kill the Tweeter.

For those readers that haven't picked up a DC comic book in the last 30 years, Deathstroke mentions how he's no ordinary man and how he has strength, senses, and reflexes far exceeding those of a normal person. He doesn't say anything about his ability to regenerate so I'm still foggy about whether that power has continued in The New 52 [While perusing Issue #4, I see Christoph says, "If only we all could speed up healing with just a thought." So I guess he does have his healing powers! Although I remember they seem to be acting a bit wonky.].

Apparently nobody is that stupid. But all y'all sure are fucking predictable.

Tomo tells Slade that he and his ninja clan were hired to kill Deathstroke by some guy named Jenner Collins as "repayment" for Slade's assassination of Jenner. I have no idea who this Jenner Collins is. It's possible it's the guy that sent all the Legacy people after Deathstroke since his will stipulated that his fortune go toward killing Deathstroke even after he died. And then Deathstroke killed him. Or perhaps he's just some random rich guy that knew Slade was out to kill him and placed a hit on Deathstroke in his will. Or maybe after Deathstroke is finished killing 9,999 ninjas, he'll get the full story out of Tomo while dragging him face first behind the bullet train.

I imagine I'll read a bunch of pages of ninja fighting now. BRB!

Oh really?! Issue #2: Kills dozens of people for free while saying things like, "At least make this interesting," and, when more arrive, "That's more like it" and "Now we're talking." Then the news crews arrive and he says, "Keep coming. I want you to take your best shot--I welcome it. Because at the end of the day, all of this tonight...this is nothing but fun." Doesn't sound like an offended man to me! And just a few issues ago, Deathstroke accepted the job to kill Koschei because it was a challenge! The negotiations were shown and no mention of money was ever offered. Just "the challenge." Oh well. I guess now it's offensive.

Ignoring my cynical hyperbole in the last caption, I'd forgotten how decently Higgins kept up Deathstroke's going out on jobs while earning money and trying to keep up his fading reputation. He certainly didn't do freebies! And then Liefeld had him go after Lobo for a few issues and he was apparently paid well for that too. Then Stillborn attacked and he would have killed him for free because that guy was an idiot. And he might have been paid for the Koschei the Deathless job but I think he really just wanted to rid the world of a guy with better regenerative powers than he had. So I think Deathstroke actually makes a pretty good point here. He's being used by someone to try to thin the ranks of this ninja clan and he refuses to be manipulated like that. So there. I don't always have to obstinately misunderstand the comic books I'm reading for a rant or a joke! Although mostly I'll still do that. I just wanted to point out that I don't always mean what I say. I just mostly do!

Because there are too many ninjas and Deathstroke doesn't do freebies anymore, he blows up a train car and rides the front half of the train to safety. Because in the case of an explosion, the good half of the train would just keep heading on to its destination. Or perhaps Slade merely needs the extra hundred yards or so before the train stops as a head start to get away from ninjas. Deathstroke is forced to not kill the guy trying to kill him. But, I guess, in the end it doesn't matter since Slade "got what he wanted." I thought what he wanted was to kill the guy trying to kill him but then again, I'm usually wrong about shit like that. The losing participant of a fight always just seems to be seeking "information" about the fighting styles of her opponent. Like Deathstroke against Koschei the Deathless. And Stilldead against Deathstroke the Terminator. And now Slade again. Except I guess Slade didn't actually lose. He just kind of lost.

Deathstroke's goal was to plant a radioactive fingerprint on Tomo that Deathstroke could trace back to the person behind it all. And that's what happens! Deathstroke breaks in on Tomo apologizing to his father, Master Sukesada, for failing to kill Deathstroke. This must be the part where Deathstroke gets captured by the bad guys so that he can overcome next issue! See here in the penultimate page? It's probably where Deathstroke loses.

See how...hey! That's not supposed to happen! But if Deathstroke beat the bad guy, how come this story is going to continue?

Oh! I get it. That's why nobody knows who the fuck Jenner Collins is!

Deathstroke #17 Rating: +1 Ranking. Once again, a much better issue than Liefeld and his legacy left behind. I liked that Deathstroke's reason for not killing this old man and his son immediately was because he felt he was being used by someone to get him to kill for free. That really calls for restraint from someone who generally just likes blowing people up and shooting possible partners indiscriminately. One other thing about this comic book: has anybody noticed how many stories about daddy issues are taking place in this thing? Sheesh!