Superboy #23

Oh fuck me. Two Superboys? I'm beginning to think I spent my twenties incorrectly and I really should have overdosed on Psilocybin.

Look at these idiots. Superboy can't throw a punch but it doesn't matter since Superboy also can't block a punch! I'm also fairly certain, with my intense knowledge of real world physics, that heat vision would not block heat vision. It's not like two trains barreling down the same track and smashing head-on into each other. Unless it is. I wonder if two Superboys staring into each other's eyes and blasting out some X-rays would be like a super collider? Also, how does Superboy's vision powers work? It's not like eyes emit anything! They just accept light into them. What's going in in the Kyrptonian physiology that's allowing for their eyeballs to blast out heat and x-rays and small, furry mammals? That's a power, right? Superman's Gerbil Vision? I'm pretty sure it's canon except Supes is just too embarrassed to use it.

The Kryptonians must have a special organ located behind the eyes that allows for emitting shit from them. But if that's so (and it has to be! I've watched enough House and Trapper John, M.D., and Doogie Howser to know all about biology and medicine!), why don't Kryptonians have these special eyeball powers on Krypton? Wouldn't Superboy be blind every time he was blasting shit out of his eyes? I suppose with his x-ray vision, he's not emitting any particles but somehow simply seeing on the ass end of the light spectrum. But somebody's going to have to explain to me how this Heat Vision works. I don't need an explanation of his Gerbil Vision because I can simply accept powers that I fucking love to death.

Last issue, Superboy was getting attacked by monsters. And by monsters, I mean high school students. And by high school students, I mean monsters that actually turned into physical monsters. I think this was an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or maybe three different episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Possibly the entire first three seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

This issue begins with bestiality!

Pretty soon, Superboy learns the most painful truth of high school: he was the true monster all along.

Also the girl that was invisible to everybody. She was the mostest biggerester monster of them all!

The lesson so far is that if you don't play high school politics, or you can't fit into a social clique, or you've never been good at making friends and spend most of your time in isolation, you're fucking up the high school experience for everybody else! Nobody wants to see you wandering down the hall with your binder pressed to your bosom and your eyes cast down on the floor, hurrying from class to class just trying not to be noticed. They don't want to be reminded of how they all feel on the inside by your total lack of ability to hide your insecurities and flaws. Stop bringing everybody else down, you monster! Smile! Make friends! Join a club! Run for Student Body! Just stop being picked on and bullied because nobody likes you, you monster!

Go get that fucking bitch, Superboy!

Does Krypto have "supersniffer" powers? How the fuck do you think he got to Earth? He followed Superman's crotch molecules from Krypton to Earth by way of The Phantom Zone! If he can't find this High School Monster immediately, I'm going to write Justin Jordan a strongly worded email about how he doesn't know shit about The New 52 Continuity and he's fucking up everything by not understanding Krypto's power levels!

I wonder who would win in a fight? Krypto or The Incredible Hulk? I should send that one in to Fantasy Face-Off!

Have I mentioned that the movie Face-Off is only one of two movies I've ever fallen asleep during in a theater? That's one fucking confusing movie to wake up in the middle of!

Krypto tracks down the Mousy Brown-Eyed Monster in just one page! Good thing because I really didn't want to have to lambast Justin Jordan after he had to work closely with Scott Lobdell for a couple of months. He's already had the worst year imaginable, I imagine! Justin Jordan also decides to make the "Superbark" canon. Now if he'd only make the Super Dogfart Canon, he'd be my hero for the amount of time before I completely forget that he was my hero.

Actually, I'm pretty sure lack of thumbs is absolutely an excuse not to be able to open a door.

California used to have billboards which read, "She said she's eighteen is no excuse." Actually, it kind of is, isn't it? I actually know someone that has had his life fucked in pretty amazing ways due to statutory rape laws. He's been labeled a sex offender for dating a seventeen year old woman online and then meeting her and having sex with her. I don't know whether he knew how old she was or not, and if he did, well, he should have known better. But the system also should know better and deal with these things case by case. He is now a sex offender. Exactly the same as child molesters and rapists. Even though he had sex with a consenting "adult". I understand why statutory rape laws exist. Because adults can and do corrupt and manipulate youths. But the age of consent is such a fabricated boundary that there are apt to be cases that blur the law's belief that these things are black and white. The woman's parents pressed charges against him, just as they'd pressed charges against two other men previously. And I believe he did jail time and mandatory therapy where he was treated as if he had to deal with his urges to have sex with children. Which he doesn't have. But, you know, sex offender!

Believe it or not, law, sometimes adults (especially nerdy, overweight, socially incompetent adults) can be manipulated by people half their age. But then this is just one example of why I can't stand the American Justice System. Because it has never been, and will never be, about justice. The majority of it is just about producing a false sense of security so that the middle class can feel that their HDTVs are safe from crackheads.

Let's get back to the "That's no excuse!" thing! I fucking can't stand when people say that and I would nearly lose my mind when I heard teachers using it in junior high and high school. "I don't want excuses." "That's not a reason; it's an excuse." "NO EXCUSES!" What they were all basically saying was, "I don't believe life happens to anybody so you'd better just get your shit together no matter what and do whatever the fuck it is I wanted you to do." Because even if you had a reason for being late or not turning in an assignment or dripping blood all over the floor from the knife wound in your side, they were never reasons to teachers! They were always excuses! Like everybody was just trying to get one over on them all the time and they weren't going to be fucking fooled by these asshole kids! I wish I could yell so loudly that it would time travel and blast every fucking teacher who ever said that to me right in the fucking face. I'm going to try. Here it goes! "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!"

I hope it worked! I'll probably have to apologize to all the neighbors tomorrow.

Back to Krypto crashing through the door, he comes flying back out through the wall on the next page. Because the Mousy Monster of McDuffie High has turned into Superboy #1!

Or something. I really don't know where this Superboy came from or why he's here or what he has to do with this High School. Maybe he was also undercover doing some detective work!

Superboy and Superboy end up by Little Miss Individualistic keeping watch over knocked out Doctor Psycho (who is surprisingly not very psycho). Bad Boy Superboy threatens her and that's when Superboy makes that realization I realized he was going to make earlier about how he's the True Monster. He's actually the only Superboy in the room, so now he has to stop punching things and begin thinking about things. Where did the Mousy Monster go? How is she involved in this? How is he going to get to second base with Eliza?

And by finally taking a moment to Instagram the entire mess so he can post it on Facebook with a caption of "WTF? LOL!", he figures out who is behind all of the hallucinations he's been having which have caused him to act like a monster. And it's not little invisible nobody at school likes me Shift. I mean, it's partially her. She's the person I think Superboy is supposed to find and help before H.I.V.E. could get her. No, the person behind even her is a guy I'm actually really happy to see!

At least his New 52 outfit is a better upgrade than Brother Blood's.

Superboy #23 Rating: +3 Ranking. Why is Superboy fighting everybody with "psycho" in their names? Why is he dealing with all of the psionics? I'm starting to believe this comic book is entering Steppenwolf territory. Did Superboy wander into a magic theater at some point? Is all of this just a journey through his inner psyche to learn who he actually is? That would actually be pretty fucking cool but I have a feeling it's all going to fall apart because Justin Jordan has walked off this title.

Looking up reasons for his departure, I stumbled upon an interview with him when he first took on the title.

Newsarama: Justin, I'm going to ask for some specifics right up front, because you've been telling people (including me a few months ago) that you're taking the Superboy book in a new direction. We saw the first issue, which was pretty action-packed. But as you move forward with this storyline, what does "new direction" mean?

Justin Jordan: Less Harvest and H’El for one thing. [Laughs.]

Ha ha ha! I see you winking at us all with that comment, Justin! I see what that wink means. It says, "Scott Lobdell writes the shittiest shit in a town that decided against naming itself Shitsville because they didn't want to frighten away the tourists." You the man, Justin!

Superboy #22

Either that or put them all in medically induced comas so they can forever picnic with their families. It worked last issue!

I don't think Superboy is even one year old yet. Tonight, a clerk at a 7-Eleven I clean told me she just turned 23 years old this week. I told her I can't even remember twenty-three. While that isn't technically true, it's so far away from forty-one that it may as well be. Your life becomes unrecognizable to the person you were. At seventeen, I was beginning college in new state. At twenty five I was unencumbered and traveling across the United States in a Volkswagen Bus. At twenty six, I was in fucking China. At twenty eight, I found myself back in Oregon to make it my home. In my thirties, I worked for a leather bag manufacturer, a company that distributed textbooks to colleges all over the world, gambled for a living for a few short months, spent a year buying and selling Heroclix and other gaming materials on eBay to make a living, spent some time in Germany, and bought the floor cleaning company that I had been working for for quite a few years. A job which I found on Craigslist one day out of desperation to do something else after programming a Places and Predators game with TADS hit a memory cap. Life changes so drastically from one point to another, nobody should ever feel that they'll never be capable of doing anything with their life. Unless, of course, they have some fucked up brain chemistry and then they should really get some drugs in them before they do anything rash. It's all so crazy.

When I was twenty or twenty-one, my Aunt, concerned about my lackadaisical approach to life, asked me, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" I immediately asked her, "Where did you see yourself now ten years ago?" She thought about it for a second and just said, "Good point." She was happy even though she never planned where she was and, I like to think, she understood that and trusted that I'd be okay after that moment. My grandparents always had that trust in me. They always treated me like they knew I'd find a way, that I'd be okay somehow. I just wish they'd lived to see me with my own business. Not because I'm in any way significantly proud about having a steady job of my own! I would have just liked them to see that their trust in me was founded and their trust in me helped me trust myself. I always knew I had two of the most kind, caring, thoughtful people in the world in my corner. You can't fucking fail with a safety net like that.

Superboy doesn't have any of that shit so he's bound to make some serious mistakes. Although he does have a doggy.

Oh! But he does have Jocy from the future keeping an eye on him! Maybe he will be okay! Because she, you know, knows the future!

Gui Balbi's name was a new one for me (and I think new to The New 52) so I wasn't sure about the art. But judging by only the first page, I like it! It's got that cartoonish, not so serious look that I really enjoy. Plus look at the way he draws her boobs in that kicking down the door panel! It's like two hedgehogs playing tag under a silk sheet. I never realized that I could be so turned on by hedgehogs!

Superboy isn't at home because he's on the run with Doctor Psycho and Krypto looking to help meta-gene kids targeted by H.I.V.E. Perhaps this is a different H.I.V.E. than Scott Lobdell is writing about in Superman because I'm having trouble putting together their different agendas. I suppose I need a smart comic book writer and/or editor to explain it to me very slowly. Queen Bee wants everybody to fall into some kind of Borg Mentality for Brainiac's coming out party. H.I.V.E. also wants kids with super powers. I suppose H.I.V.E. could be building an army of super kids to be the muscle behind the Viral Equality New World Order. But I can't just keep speculating on how the two plans will mesh since Scott Lobdell is writing one-half of the H.I.V.E. story and if I ever find myself thinking like Scott Lobdell, I'm going to drown myself in the toilet.

A few pages later and the art seems a little bit out of control. Superboy sometimes looks like his jaw is swollen from recent dental work and one of the cheerleaders he meets just looks chinless. At its best, I'm enjoying it. At its worse, it's still not bad since it's not going for a photo-realist effect.

Superboy is already super popular. High school is stupid.

The cheerleaders just get Superboy in trouble because they're dating the football players and one football player is a big macho asshole. Wouldn't you know it? Superboy had to go play Jumpstreet in the most stereotypical high school in New York. But it's also weird because this asshole seems to be dating two women named Coop! The one in the tie in the panel above introduces herself as Coop and then leaves with the football player at the end of the confrontation. But during the confrontation, he refers to the one with the ginger ponytail as Coop. She's the one he manhandles and states is trying to make him jealous. And then he walks off with the one in the tie. I guess none of it really matters because these aren't the people Superboy infiltrated the school to meet anyway. That person comes walking up afterward.

Look how much individuality she has! She must be an awesome person unlike those others that are into school roles!

Look at her being all unconventionally sexy with the different colored hair and the big boots and the Little Orphan Annie eyes! Bunker is going to be super upset when Superboy begins dating her!

Although maybe this isn't the person Superboy was meant to find that's causing other kids to go insane. They pass by another girl in the hallway that smiles wide and is simply ignored by Superboy and Little Miss Unconventional. Then she hugs her binder and makes the sadness face and wanders off down the torturous hallways of the high school no-man's land. I don't know where that is since I was always in the yes-man's land! That's where you eat lunch in the library talking about computer games and Dungeons and Dragons!

Once Superboy finally makes it to class, he's the smartest person in the room. Which is weird since N.O.W.H.E.R.E.'s curriculum was all nonsense about traveling from Mars to New York by breakfast and coming up with a ridiculous answer involving Mars Standard Time and the Universal Chronal Chart developed by Salvator Grotto in 1856.

He's really not disagreeing with what the teacher was beginning to say. But God forbid somebody say something in a way that Superboy can misinterpret so that he can point out how much more superior he is than they are.

I'm not saying this teacher was going to spout historical truth, but Superboy didn't even give him a chance. Superboy could be shitting all over an ally but his own ego and self-righteousness will never allow him to find out. Like last night when people jumped all over Neil Gaiman for the way he phrased his belief that, in service to the current story, he thought it was best for the new Doctor Who to be male. People. Calm the fuck down. Neil Gaiman is an ally. You're not solving any social problems by trying to point out that Neil Gaiman may be unknowingly sexist. And, of course, when Neil Gaiman courteously tries to clarify the point and let people know that wasn't what he was saying at all, many won't believe him because they already jumped to the conclusion that he's a sexist bastard. And how could they, with their amazing intuitive abilities and grandiose perceptive skills, ever get something wrong?

Oh, and on the other side of things! You should see the asshole trolls Gail Simone deals with every day. I truly adore her mostly whimsical deflections of many of the more outlandish attitudes and beliefs of how comic books should be. I find it ludicrous that there are actually males out there threatened by comic books with female leads with actual female interests as opposed to female leads written merely as men with boobs. Variety is the Old Spice of Christmas Presents. That doesn't sound right. Maybe Lord Google could help if he wasn't currently off fucking Empress Bing.

After Superboy is sent to see adult after adult while looking completely different every time, it's time to get in a fight! Whew! I didn't think this comic book was going to have any action! Although being high school, I was hoping for a little under the bleachers, under the shirt action.

I suppose H.I.V.E. is simply interested in psychics like Hector Hammond, Doctor Psycho, and Psymon since they have the power to help in Holistically Integrating Viral Equality.

Superboy decides he isn't smart enough to figure out what's going on in the school so he accuses the one person he's been able to talk to, Little Miss Unconventional. She explains to Superboy how all kids are monsters and then all the kids suddenly ARE monsters! It's like an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! And then Krypto is there being a monster dog as well! And since Superboy isn't a detective, he's completely clueless as to what's happening. Maybe he'll figure it out by next month after Justin Jordan sends tons of notes to Scott Lobdell's office trying to find out where the whole H.I.V.E. story is headed in Superman and Action Comics. Perhaps Jordan will get an answer in time to put a coherent ending on this story. But more likely, Lobdell will just return the notes with notes of his own saying, "The story hasn't revealed itself to me yet! I can't wait to find out what happens though!"

Superboy #22 Rating: No change. The art really fooled me at first and then it was just all over the fucking place. I think given a longer deadline or more practice (I don't know if Gui is new to the comic art world or not because I'm too lazy to Google his name), Gui Balbi might be able to make a nice looking comic on par with Ig Guara's stuff. But right now, he's too loose with his work. Superboy tends to look quite different from scene to scene and people sometimes look cool and other times look like monsters. And that was before they're supposed to look like monsters! As for the story, I liked that it was fun but it wasn't quite funny where I think it was supposed to be. I like the light-hearetedness although I get the feeling that Jordan might be treading water on this story until Lobdell solidifies what's happening with H.I.V.E.

Superboy #21

If I hadn't been reading Superboy before now, I may actually have picked it up based on this cover. A Boy and his Dog Story. Go Krypto!

I have yet to open this comic book so I'm crossing my fingers that Justin Jordan doesn't go back to that whole "My name is Superboy" bullshit opening that Tom DeFalco and Scott Lobdell loved so much. I know Jordan obliterated it at the beginning of last issue but you never can tell what DC's editors deem is truly important. Someone may have been pissed and they might try to force him back to that bullshit opening. For all that is good and holy, please don't let that happen!

I actually would not have minded if this began, "My name is Krypto."

Interestingly enough, Justin Jordan seems to know the difference between the Arctic and the Antarctic! That's another reason he's a better writer than Tott Dedell.

Last issue, Superboy and Doctor Psycho teamed up to battle H.I.V.E. Doctor Psycho just wants them to stop pursuing him (I think!) and Superboy doesn't really have a H.I.V.E. related agenda. He just kind of got roped into this thing because Doctor Psycho lied to him about being able to reveal some of Superboy's secret past. But Superboy doesn't just kick Doctor Psycho out on the streets when he realizes he was lying because Doctor Psycho tells him more lies about how H.I.V.E. can help somehow. I suppose Superboy is still too young and naive (he's only like six months old!) to realize he probably shouldn't be teaming up with a guy named Doctor Psycho.

And then Krypto comes for a visit!

I remember Krypto meeting Supergirl in H'el on Earth but I don't remember any stories where Superboy gets to know Krypto. That doesn't mean none have been told. It could mean my memory sucks. Even if no issues have shown a meeting, Superboy has spent enough time with Superman while going through his DNA woes that he probably was introduced. And Krypto, unlike everybody else on Krypton, apparently likes clones.

Doctor Psycho's research leads them to a runaway girl named Sarah that has some psychic power that puts her on H.I.V.E.'s hit list. She's currently being tracked by a creature called Decay, so Superboy, Doctor Psycho, and Krypto take her under their collective wing to protect her. Judging by the way Issue #20 began, I don't think they're going to be very good at it.

While they're putting some food in Sarah (who escaped from the same H.I.V.E. facility that Doctor Psycho escaped from), Decay attacks! And he's another one of those creatures that isn't affected by telekinesis! Go figure! Superboy's power is the worst because it's simply binary. If the writer wants it to work, it works and Superboy is a badass Super Person. If the writer doesn't want it to work, it doesn't work and Superboy can't do much of anything. Also, Superboy apparently can't touch Decay but Decay can touch Superboy. So can Superboy touch Decay while Decay's touching Superboy since that's the only fucking way that can fucking work?

See? He's holding his arm! Kick him in the privates now!

Doctor Psycho realizes that Decay is just a psychic manifestation created by Sarah. So he threatens her life and she suddenly changes into Decay herself. So now maybe Decay is physical? Also, I'm guessing kicking her in the privates wouldn't have been as effective a plan as I thought.

To stop Sarah, Superboy interrupts the blood flow to her brain, causing her to pass out. Then Doctor Psycho induces a psychic coma so that she'll remain in her happy place picnicking with her parents until they can find a proper way to keep her from turning into Decay. Superboy realizes that H.I.V.E. is exactly like N.O.W.H.E.R.E. in that they're creating warriors out of innocent people. Now he actually has a reason to battle H.I.V.E. And Doctor Psycho believes he knows where to go next.

Superboy #20 Rating: +1 Ranking. Once again, not that I think this individual issue was really very good but at least it was coherent and driven by a plot that has now remained consistent across two issues. So it's definitely better than it was. Also, I'd just like to point out that Psiphon's name was changed to Psyphon this issue. Editorial consistency! You know, in that they're never very consistent about doing their job.

Superboy #20

Could this be the Superboy everybody has been waiting for?!

It's nice to see how much pull I finally have with DC's decision making. I wanted Tom DeFalco off of Superboy and he was replaced by Justin Jordan. Sure, there was an interim Scott Lobdell issue but I think he's their go to guy for fill-ins since he doesn't waste time researching characters or bothering with writing well, so he always makes deadlines. I wanted Scott Lobdell off of Red Hood and the Outlaws. I trashed his writing month after month! And finally he's been replaced by James Tynion IV! During Death of the Family, I mentioned how The Joker was like a drunk uncle at a family reunion who puts his dick in the potato salad and then Gail Simone had The Joker refer to Batgirl as "his little potato salad"! That was before Gail Simone (or her husband, I suspect!) was following me but I'm sure that was a sly wink to me! Midway through reading the first Larfleeze back-up story, I claimed I wanted a Larfleeze comic book. And now I'm getting a Larfleeze comic book!

Anybody want to see any changes? I'm taking requests! I can start flexing my blogger muscle and we'll get some shit done!

Wow, you guys may have thought I was an arrogant bastard before. Now check me out pumped full of imaginary power! I'm going to be a monster!

So I pick up Superboy and two panels into the comic, I'm laughing out loud.

Thank you, Justin Jordan. You're my new hero.

With one beautifully inserted "moist", Justin Jordan destroys the lazy, bullshit, boring, overdone, horrible opening that Scott Lobdell and Tom DeFalco have been coasting on for nineteen issues. Maybe it hasn't been that many but it certainly has been too long. "My name is Superboy and I'm a clone created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E and designed to be a living weapon." I just typed that from memory and checking on the actual phrase, it looks like I almost nailed it. I missed the "an organization called" just before N.O.W.H.E.R.E. I hope I never have to see that phrase ever again.

A voice commands Krypto to heel and Krypto keels over. Then the person behind the blue fonted voice responds to Superboy's Narration Boxes (so I guess they're simply thought bubbles here) and punches Superboy in the head. Superboy's powers have been taken, so he's easily knocked unconscious. And then the title mentions H.I.V.E. Dr. Psycho from the previous issues was running from H.I.V.E. And now Superboy seems to have been picked up by their radar. And Superboy is suddenly hanging out with Krypto for some reason! This calls for a flashback!

Probably 24 hours earlier since that seems to be the favorite amount of time to flash back, Superboy was on the phone with his favorite date, Bunker, letting him know he was about to turn himself in for bank robbery.

I've been saying both of those were Superboy's problem for twenty issues now! His other problem was being written by Tott Dedell. But he doesn't have that excuse anymore!

Before Superboy can turn himself in, a small guy with with scars on the top of his bald head and a mask to cover his nose and mouth stops him. I think this is Doctor Psycho because who else is that short! He claims he knows Conner is Superboy and that he knows where Superboy came from. This gets Superboy mad and he telekinetically throws the Doctor into the street. It might save his life since somebody else suddenly throws a car directly into Superboy's face. That somebody else is a creature named Dreadnought. And he's somehow getting stronger while fighting Superboy. Doctor Psycho decides to astrally investigate.

Does this count as an Endless reference?!

While Superboy continues to trade punches with Dreadnought, Doctor Psycho decides to have a psychic battle with Psiphon.

That's cheating!

It seems Doctor Psycho knows better than to go psychic toe to psychic toe with Psiphon, so he pummels him with his fists. He may be a little guy but Psiphon's alien skin must be really soft and tender. He goes down pretty quickly and calls for Dreadnought to save him. Dreadnought is distracted by his little buddy's cry for help and Superboy knocks him into the bay. Then he knocks out Psiphon. Doctor Psycho convinces Superboy that H.I.V.E. wasn't just after him but after Superboy as well. I'm pretty sure that's a lie and Doctor Psycho is just using the current circumstances to enlist Superboy's help to save himself from H.I.V.E. Hell, Doctor Psycho might not even be interested in destroying H.I.V.E. This might be one of those situations where Doctor Psycho believes that if he gives H.I.V.E. a better prisoner for their psionic program, they'll let him go free.

When does Krypto come into this?

Well, Krypto doesn't show up by the final page. But Jocelyn Lure, Timecop, does! And all of her futuristic stuff in her lab is suddenly disappearing. It's like Back to the Future! Somebody must have gone to prom with their mother and fucked up all time! I bet it was Jesus.

Superboy #20 Rating: +2 Ranking. Now, this actually wasn't my favorite comic book. It would normally get a No Change rating since it was mostly a big fight with a few slight reveals. But it's doing something Superboy has had trouble doing for the last 19 issues and that's continuing to tell the story that was being told in previous issues! Plus it wasn't written by Tott Dedell, so that's a huge relief. And Justin Jordan destroyed that God-Awful My Name is Superman opening! Rest in peace, motherfucker!

Doctor Psycho! (as seen in Superboy #18)

Part 18 of an at least 52 part series of Who’s Who entries of New 52 characters (but probably a whole lot more what with cancellations and all).

PERSONAL DATA
Full Name: Unrevealed
Occupation: Psionic Researcher
Marital Status: Widower
Known Relatives: Marva (wife, deceased)
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Washington, D.C.
First Appearance: (Golden Age version) WONDER WOMAN #5 (modern version) WONDER WOMAN #289 [(Reboot version) SUPERBOY #18]
Height: 3'9" (as Captain Wonder: 6'1" [Oh really? He can turn into a big ass super hunk?])
Weight: 84 lbs. (as Captain Wonder: 187 lbs.)
Eyes: Blue (as Captain Wonder: Blue)
Hair: Black (as Captain Wonder: Blond)

HISTORY
"As a schoolboy, Doctor Psycho was laughed at by his classmates [Probably due to his name.] because of his diminutive stature and unusually large head [I'm sure the name didn't help.]. Psycho especially took offense to being laughed at by girls [Well sure! Because you can't punch them in the nose when they mock you! At least guys laughing know they're risking a bloodied lip! Damn girls and their free-wheeling attitude toward insulting short losers with horrible names.]. Throughout his subsequent life, Psycho felt both desire for beautiful women and a psychotic hatred of all women [Wait. That's not the norm? Hmm. I wonder how cheaply I can get a psychiatrist?].

Psycho went to medical school and began research into psionics [Where did he go to medical school? Mars?]. He fell in love with a young woman named Marva [The Martian!], who regarded him merely as a friend [What did you expect? You don't bring home a potential husband with the name of Psycho!]. Psycho decided to hypnotize Marva into loving him [Seems like a reasonable plan. Look, you don't become friends with a guy named Psycho studying to get his psionics degree and not expect to hypnotized once or twice! I'm pretty sure this was the Golden Age version where victims were constantly asking for it and no seldom meant no and occasionally meant hypnotize me so that I'll sleep in a twin bed about two feet away from your twin bed.]. He then discovered that he could use Marva as a medium through which he could draw ectoplasm [Okay. This got really weird really quickly.], the substance found in the spirit world, and materialize it on Earth in whatever form he willed [I'm more disturbed for Marva that Psycho was using her as an ectoplasm pump than I was when he was raping her with his hypnotism. I should probably really get on that search for a therapist.]. Psycho used the ectoplasm to materialize a handsome body around himself, and married Marva [Is that a better deception than hypnosis? Or is this still wrong?]. However, he could not maintain [an erection?] his handsome form when Marva was either absent or free from his hypnotic influence, and for that reason, Psycho came to resent her [Yeah. What a bitch! How dare she break free from his controlling influence and live her life on her own terms when it means he can't be handsome!]. Marva was finally hit by a car and died [I like how the finally statement says it all: she was finally allowed some peace from this little monster. That "finally" is like a sigh of relief], and it has been implied that Psycho was responsible.

Doctor Psycho eventually discovered that he could use Colonel Steve Trevor as a medium [So he's actually Doctor Bipsychosexual?]. Having captured Trevor, Psycho used a machine called an ectoplasmotron to draw ectoplasm from Trevor's mind in the form of Trevor's idealized, super-powered fantasy image of himself [Aha! Doctor Psycho was able to use Trevor as a medium because of Trevor's loser status in Wonder Woman's eyes!]. Inhabiting this ectoplasmic form, Doctor Psycho battled Wonder Woman (see Wonder Woman II) under the name of Captain Wonder. As Captain Wonder, Psycho fell in love with the Silver Swan, an ugly young woman whom he vindictive god Mars had transformed into a super-powered beauty (see Mars, Silver Swan). Both Captain Wonder and the Silver Swan eventually reverted to their original forms.

Recently, Doctor Psycho obtained a machine called an ectoplasmic extractor from the Monitor (see Monitor), which allows him to draw ectoplasm into this world without the need of a human medium [Thanks a lot, Monitor! I guess less people will be psionically raped by this guy. But who needs a world full of ectoplasmic goo?].

The original Doctor Psycho fought the Golden Age Wonder Woman (see Wonder Woman I) in the 1940s. He too bore an insane hatred for women [Come on! Do you have to categorize "hatred for women" as "insane"? So biased.] and used a medium named Marva to draw ectoplasm into this world."

POWERS & WEAPONS
"Doctor Psycho's only super-power is his psionic ability to shape ectoplasm according to his wishes [I can see why this was changed in the Reboot since ectoplasm isn't the super fascinating believable thing it was back when Doctor Psycho first appeared.]. Originally he could only do so while in hypnotic control of a human medium whom he used to draw the ectoplasm to Earth. However, he now uses an ectoplasmic extractor device to give him the ectoplasm he needs. He can maintain the form he gives the ectoplasm for as long as he remains conscious.

Psycho often has used ectoplasm to give himself the form of Captain Wonder, who possesses super-strength greater than Wonder Woman's and the ability to fly [How? Why? Come on! I need some scientifically accurate ectoplasm!]"