Wonder Woman #51

What is it with Wonder Woman posing with allegorical penises on the cover of her comic books lately?

The Review!
Zola dies at the end of this issue. That's not a spoiler because I don't know if she's really dead or not. Plus I don't think anybody needs to read the rest of this issue only to eventually get to that revelation. The story spends a lot of time reminding the reader that Wonder Woman loves too well and that parents can sometimes fuck up their children. But none of that matters because everything that gets Wonder Woman to contemplate love and children and parents was a lie. By the end, Wonder Woman can forget all of the philosophical bullshit she's been contemplating since she met Hecate because Hecate turned out to be an evil liar. Although maybe it's still pertinent to the theme since Hecate was supposedly working for Gaia and thus is an allegory for how mothers manipulate their children. Fucking mothers! What jerks! Meredith Finch sure nailed that one in a totally not sexist way at all! It's also possible I'm projecting my own childhood onto the story at this point. Anyway, Wonder Woman learns that maybe she shouldn't trust people she doesn't know and has no reason to trust instead of not trusting the people she loves and trusts. I think there was some lesson about monsters being the most human of us all as well but it was so trite that I barely noticed it. This continues to be a pretty sexist comic book about the greatest feminist icon in comic books. What the fuck is DC thinking?! Just go read The Legends of Wonder Woman instead if you care about Wonder Woman at all.

The Commentary!
Wonder Woman is currently on a quest to save Zeus. Why she wants to save the symbol of the patriarchy, I don't know. No, wait, I do know! It's because he's currently a cute little toddler which is the one form he's ever chosen in which Wonder Woman is pretty sure he can't rape. Plus he's so cute and googly and drooly! To save the Patriarchy, Wonder Woman must help the Matriarchy. So she's on a quest to rescue all of Gaia's children. Apparently Meredith Finch decided the greatest role of Wonder Woman's life would be as an au pair to the Olympians.

Wonder Woman is currently in Tartarus to free the Hecatonchires when she remembers the last time she visited when Slade freed Iapetus. Oh, sorry. She still remembers the titan being named "Lapetus." I guess Meredith has decided to stand in solidarity with her husband who completely fucked up the Titan's name in Douchéstork.

Wonder Woman doesn't mind freeing these monsters from their prison because she's learning that not all creatures who look like monsters truly are monsters! What a fucking revelation! Although she's now gone too far to the other side and seems to believe that all creatures that look like monsters aren't monsters. So I hope she's surprised when she finds out the Hecatonchires are just super grabby assholes.

Wonder Woman continues to insist on thinking of Zeke as somebody separate from Zeus. That's mostly so she can keep up the theme of children being damaged by the conflict between their mothers and fathers. But since Zeke is also Zeus, it seems a bit of a stretch to keep thinking of him as being hurt by Zeus.

Wonder Woman runs into Zombie Zola and Dead Baby Zeke in Tartarus because it likes to torture people. Tartar must mean torture because tartar sauce is disgusting.

Zombie Zola accuses Wonder Woman of killing Zeke because Wonder Woman didn't save Zeke fast enough. That's a tried and true philosophy in DC Comics! If somebody failed to save somebody else, it's always the fault of the failed savior and not the person who actually caused the problem in the first place. So good job, Tartarus! You're just like every other jerk in The New 52 stemming back to that cop in Gail Simone's Batgirl #1 who pointed her pistol at Batgirl instead of the bad guy and blamed her for the death of some other person. I don't remember all the details! And I can't go back to remind myself because I took a black Sharpie and blacked out the offending panel.

Wonder Woman remembers being teased and called Clay by the other Amazonian girls. Dang Hippolyta and her lies! Diana suffered because of her mother's actions! Ew! I'm so angry at parents right now! They ruin everything! Except for those parents holding up their toddler at an outdoor concert which everybody on Tumblr tagged as "Parenting. You're doing it right." I guess those were good parents and they weren't harming their child at all by turning it into an accessory.

Diana runs into Superman next and remembers how she's always wanted to be a mother! Of course! What woman doesn't constantly yearn for motherhood! Even Wonder Woman can't escape the call of her uterus!

I can't stand stories or articles or people who cannot believe that some people simply do not want children. There's too much projection going on in society. Just because you couldn't imagine a world without your precious shitty bundle of noise, it doesn't mean everybody else would feel the same way about having one. I've never wanted a child for any reason ever. Got a reason for wanting a child? I don't have that reason. Got a reason for not wanting a child? Just add it to the list of mine. Don't fucking care. Some people think I have some kind of obligation to be a father. I admit, I'd be a great father. Probably. I mean, I'm the best uncle and although there's a vast chasm between those two jobs, I'm fairly confident that if I had accidentally become a father at some point, I would have done the job well. But being fairly responsible in my choices, it has never happened (almost once! But, thank Jesus, he took care of that problem on his own! Who needs doctors when Jesus provides the most spontaneous abortions of anybody ever?!). But even if I were a great father, the Non-Certified Spouse, who doesn't want children as much or more than me (I only say "more" in that I don't want them at all and she doesn't want them at all even more somehow. It's weird math and I don't have a calculator with the proper buttons to explain it correctly), would be a terrible mother. Just awful. I don't think she'd be offended by my saying she would just completely suck as a mother.

Next Hera runs into the Mother of Olympus because the theme! Remember the fucking theme!

This is really Hera. Really, really!

Characters in comic books constantly mistrust the people they've grown to love and trust as soon as some Iago whispers any fucking thing in their ear. Everybody loves too well! Is this something people actually deal with on a constant basis? I'm guessing they do since Othello remains a popular story even though I read it and thought what I think every time I read the same ploy in a DC Comic book, "Why the fuck is the protagonist believing somebody they barely know over somebody they completely trust?!" I think I'm too full of esteem to understand that this is a thing. What's really going on is the bad person tugs at a string of self-doubt already inherent in the hero and carefully pulls it until everything unravels. So Wonder Woman already mistrusts the Olympians so when a stranger tells her somebody she loves is in danger from the Olympians, she decides to fuck everything up. Another option would have been asking the people she trusted if any of it was true. But, of course, she had to save Zeke in secret for plot reasons.

Anyway, now Wonder Woman knows she was set up by Hecate! Hecate is in for it now!

Is Batman as afraid of Wonder Woman as he is of Superman? Because Superman can destroy the Earth if he's possessed or magically controlled or given Joker Venom or infected by the Doomsday virus or mind-controlled. But Wonder Woman simply needs to have her emotions manipulated and WHAMMO! She's turned against everybody! That statement may be sexist but it's not my sexism. That sexism is courtesy of Meredith Finch and this story of hers!

Wonder Woman and Hera escape from Tartarus but find it was too late! While they were gone, Hecate escaped with Hera's "orbs", Zola has died, and Zeke is missing! Whoops!

Superman: American Alien #6

Where's Waldo Joke.

The Review!
This issue is about Clark discovering who he is and what he wants his place in the world to be. It's also a story about friendship. I didn't really understand the friendship part. There was hugging and saying nice things and feeling scared for the safety of others and empathy and sympathy. What are those things? I thought having friends was having somebody you could call a huge turd while making fun of their kids. Once again, it's the kind of Superman story that I enjoy, presenting Superman in fairly mundane situations and showing how they affect him. Usually these kinds of stories have a B Story that involves a lot of punching but this one decided to use that space for a bit of an argument between friends and then a space encounter with Green Lanterns. It was better than punching.

The Commentary!
This has been my favorite Superman comic book since The New 52 began. I should probably state how much I like this comic book in more specific terms because I could pretty much hate this thing and it would still be better than just about every other Superman story that's been published since The New 52 began. That isn't to say that the Preboot Superman stories were always magnificent. Fuck no! I don't want people thinking I'm one of those New 52 haters who don't understand how quality works and believes there's some kind of magic chronobarrier set up between August of 2011 and September of 2011 which has kept quality in the past. Although it was right about the Reboot time when all of the worst writers to ever work at Marvel were suddenly given jobs at DC! Now that was a shitty decision.

This issue is called "Angel" even though an angel isn't a kind of bird. But it does have wings, so I guess I have to not complain too much about how it fucks up the gossamer theme stringing these issues together. It begins with some of Clark's old high school friends visiting him in Metropolis. They know he's Superman so they're concerned that he's going to be acting like a big shot Hollywood movie star. I bet he does act that way! But not because he's a secret celebrity! I bet he acts that way because he's now had sex with a bunch of prostitutes!

I'm going to pretend I understand aeronautics as well as my grandfather who worked on the SR-71 Blackbird and nod emphatically. Talk about needing a cape! The SR-71, not me. Or my grandfather.

Clark's friends are trying to figure out why nobody recognizes Clark as Superman when he only has glasses to hide his identity. But that's not all he has! The real secret in maintaining a secret identity is to cultivate a personality that nobody would ever believe could be Superman. So Clark is clumsy and naive and nerdy which is totally the opposite of Superman. It's how Bruce Wayne used to keep everybody from guessing who he was as well! Nobody would expect an unfeeling playboy who spends most of his time carousing from one society function to the other might be Batman! At least that used to be the case. Now most comic books just allow Superman to seem cool and well-muscled and confident and everything Superman is. So it's no wonder people scoff at the idea that his whole costume is "glasses." Bruce Wayne is the same way. He no longer really puts forth the image of an unsympathetic rich playboy. He puts himself out there as somebody who is trying to help the community and also as a guy whose company creates all of Batman's gadgets. Because of the close ties and the similarities (right down to the young ward/son), Batman's cowl should be less effective than Clark's glasses. Apparently the only thing keeping the people of Gotham from guessing Bruce Wayne is Batman is their low intelligence quota.

Clark and Pete and Kenny go to an art gallery. I guess Clark wants to embarrass them by putting them in a place where they won't fit in! What a jerk! The gallery is presenting "Super-Villains!", Jimmy Olsen's photos of costumed criminals. He even has a picture of Count Vertigo that's totally in focus! He really is a good photographer!

Pete suggests Clark should meet all of the other people with powers appearing around America but Clark is all, "Those guys are dweebs!"

Pete should, I don't know, start a website about Superman's dickery or something.

Peter oversteps his guest boundaries and calls out Clark on a bunch of stuff that he really didn't need to call Clark out on. I'm not sure what Pete's motivation is but he seems to want to light a fire under Clark so that Clark becomes the Superman Pete thinks Clark should become. It's probably one of those doing it out of love things where he thinks Clark is wasting his potential and he wishes Clark would just live the life Pete and Kenny wish they could live. Or maybe Pete is just an asshole who would be using his super powers to get laid all of the time. Clark takes it in stride trying to explain his perspective right up until Pete tells Clark that Ma and Pa Kent are disappointed in him. Ooh! Pete's lucky to not be a pile of ash after that!

Not really. Superman probably hasn't begun killing yet.

Superman decides the best thing to do after ditching his friends is to fly to the moon. His mission fails spectacularly for reasons I don't quite understand based on the art and my previously mentioned lack of understanding of aerodynamics. I'm sure it had something to do with pushing too much air together too quickly so that the air doesn't have time to move out of the way and instead builds up a ton of pressure which causes the air in front of Superman to super-heat up and burn off his clothes and then Superman's in space and suffocating. But Abin Sur is there to save his life!

Also there is an advert for Preacher on AMC. Shitballs, that ignites some of that joy and exhilaration with life that I'd thought I'd lost!

Tomar Re is with Abin Sur and they mention Krypton in front of Clark which gets him all riled up to find out what the hell that means. But Abin Sur decides to pull the old "Green Lantern Memory Lapse" move that I suppose they do all of the time when they don't have access to one of the magic heroes or J'onn J'onzz to erase minds. Clark wakes up back in his apartment with his hungover friends.

The next morning, Pete reveals his real reason for getting on Clark so hard. It's just that Clark is his best friend and Pete feels powerless to help him, and he's afraid for his friend's life. They hug it out and everything is okay again. Also, Clark remembers his encounter with the Green Lanterns and the name of the planet he's from, so I guess Abin Sur went easy on him.

Harley Quinn and her Gang of Harleys #1

This "3D" cover is all fucked up.

The Review!
I was prepared to be super duper bored by yet another typical Harley book when I picked this book up. Which I was! So it's a good thing I was prepared for it! No, no! That was a dumb joke! I actually kind of enjoyed this issue because it's got a bit of a real, if a bit trite and cliche, plot behind it! And the Harleys all look super sexy which goes a long way to keeping me interested. Plus you'll never guess the risque nature of one of the jokes about Harley Quinn and Bernie, her burnt beaver! Oh my! It's so delicious! Some of that was sarcasm because I don't think you're actually so stupid that you couldn't guess what the risque nature of the joke might be. Anyway, as far as Harley books go, this one was better than average. So there. Take that compliment, Frank Tieri, and shove it up your ass! Or put it wherever you enjoy putting your compliments. I probably shouldn't assume that you're into butt stuff.

The Commentary!
I put this comic book on the bottom of the stack the week it came out because I'm sick to death of Harley Quinn. It's also possible I'm sick to death of comic books. It's more than probable I'm sick to death of life. Being a cynical bastard isn't all it's cracked up to be. I would like to take joy in things! I want to once again feel wonder! I want to be dwarfed by the majesty of creation! Instead, I'm stuck in a constant state of eye rolling, jerk-off hand motions, and growling. I'm slowly drifting further and further away from all contact with other humans. What's the point? Maybe if other people were as entertaining as me, I'd seek out their company! But instead they're all just a bunch of bores who think I'm an asshole because I sometimes run around the street yelling, "Gi'bert! Gi'bert! Find me!" Why would anybody be upset about me actually squeezing the slightest bit of joy out of something?!

I wonder if alcohol is the answer! I sometimes think about doing LSD again but I imagine doing LSD at 44 is just asking to spend twelve hours contemplating my eventual demise. Taking LSD when I was young and immortal were some of the best times of my life. I imagine taking LSD now when I'm over halfway through life's labyrinth will just wind up with me constantly hearing snorting and huffing and the shuffling of hooves somewhere behind me as I start and look over my shoulder and scream, "WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT'S COMING FOR ME?! PLEASE LET JESUS BE REAL!"

For now, I suppose I can only hope that Frank Tieri completely shits his pants on this script. Pouncing on a writer's mistakes and discussing nonsensical plot points might be the last thing that truly makes me happy. Although reading really good writing also makes me happy! Perhaps I should take it as a sign that I found a copy of Catch-22 on the street while walking to the comic book store last week. It's been a long while since I've read it and it's one of my top five favorite books. Maybe I should reread One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest as well. Maybe I should reread all of my top five favorite books! Although rereading House of Leaves may have a similar result to dropping acid at this stage in my life.

My Usual Top Five Favorite Novels (in no particular order (list subject to change depending on if I'm trying to get laid or not)).
1. Catch-22
2. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
3. House of Leaves
4. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There
5. The Grapes of Wrath

I don't need to list the authors because duh! Stop being stupid. Also you're on the Internet if you don't know. Take advantage of it.

I once saw Ken Kesey perform his weird Wizard of Oz slash Earth Day play at San Jose State. It was a huge clusterfuck that never seemed to end. The best part was when my friend Aaron Voorhees waddled across the front of the stage with his pants and underwear around his ankles. I don't think that part was in the script though.

So none of that had to do with Harley Quinn, probably because I'm not that interested in reading this comic book. But as an adult, I've learned that sometimes I have to do things I don't really want to do. So I'm going to have to suck it up and read this fucking comic book! Although if that's the worst thing I have to do as an adult, maybe I haven't actually learned anything about being an adult.

Christ, Tieri! This is a fucking comic book! Not a...whatever you call a book with too many words in it! A wordopedia, I guess!

I think the Gang is supposed to be diverse and not racist. But it's hard to tell when you're a cynical bastard that can't just appreciate things for what they're supposed to be. So instead of reading about Harlem Harley and thinking, "Oh yeah! Bad ass bitch knows shit!", I read, "Oh? So she's too smart for a black neighborhood, hunh? Harlem is 'inhibiting' her with all of its constrictive black urban culture, is it? It's one thing to say somebody was bored out of their mind because they were so smart if they were living in a small town full of redneck farmers because everybody knows they're dumb as shit (even if it isn't true. At least it's acceptable to say!). But how can you say, 'She was a brilliant young black woman who was too smart to be living with all of those other black people who were just dragging her down?!' So racist!" It's also quite possible (although improbable because I am a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader) that my cynicism is more racist than the actual text that sent me off on a rant because I thought it was racist.

Oh, and Bolly Quinn's parents own a restaurant? Really? Is that all Indian immigrants are capable of?! I wish it were because I, for one, would certainly enjoy having a lot more authentic Indian restaurants closer to my home. And of course Bolly Quinn is spiritual because she's obviously Hindu and how can you not enjoy being spiritual when you have monkey and elephant gods and a god who can't stop eating butter? I may be an atheist but sign me up for some of that action! Not to mention they have female gods who generally go around topless. Can you imagine if Jesus had been a woman? I might have been more interested in church if that were the crucifix hanging on every wall.

Harvey Quinn's motto is "Be who you want to be" although I suspect there are some caveats to that. Like don't be a dick even if you really want to be a dick. And being a gay basher is right out even if it's the only fulfilling thing in your life. And probably don't be a sexist even if sexists have some of the funniest jokes. And definitely don't be a prejudiced scumbag because nobody likes to be around their dick grandson who can't stop going on about the Jews.

I think Harley Quinn's tits have gotten bigger since last issue. Eee! Is there something Harley wants to tell us?!

The story begins with the Gang of Harleys beating up on the Hipster Mafia. Oh please. As if a Hipster would ever be seen trying to accomplish something. Where does a Hipster Mafia get its muscle? From lifting cans of Pabst and Rainier? The men the Harleys are beating up aren't skinny enough to be hipsters. Although what's a hipster, really? Is a hipster merely a scenester trying to make themselves into the cool scene? I think it's just a label that many people want to fall under but don't want to admit to because admitting to being a hipster means you're not being your authentic self and actually just following somebody else's trends. One thing I do know, if you want to vomit, you might just want to read the top definition of hipster in the Urban Dictionary. Holy shit, the person who wrote that entry doth protest too much! Or something. Did I use that quote right? I bet if I were a hipster, I would know! According to that definition, they're the smartest and bestest at everything! I didn't realize how much we all depended on them!

Harley defeats the Hipster Mafia by poisoning one with milk and threatening the others. I didn't realize milk was to hipsters as garlic is to vampires. Of course, I'm still just confused by what a hipster is. That Urban Dictionary definition really didn't help. I think a hipster is just anybody you find annoying.

Harley gets kidnapped after the battle and after accusing her teammates of trying too hard to be like Harley, even though Harley is the one who gave them all Harley-themed names. The kidnapping is just a big fake-out to get the Gang of Harleys to prove themselves.

Obligatory beaver joke. Also, remember how her rooster's name is Mike! Ha ha!

But wait! There's a big twist where the fake kidnapping becomes a real kidnapping! And then the new and real kidnapper reveals herself as...no. NO! I can't bring myself to say it. It's too stupid to mention. I'm going to go drink some Clorox drain cleaner now so I can forget that I ever read it. Is drinking Clorox good for forgetting things? I forget.

The Legend of Wonder Woman #4

Etta Candy pulls off the most realistic Butt-Boobs Showcase ever presented in comic books.

The Review!
I know a number of people who think regurgitating other people's opinions of things is dialogue. Instead of consuming some kind of media (book, movie, sexual act), they'll read a critic's opinion of that thing and later express it as their own opinion, as if they actually experienced the media first hand. I would rather they just say, "I have no experience of that thing." I hate it when somebody tells me, "Thing A is terrible because of all the reasons I've heard expressed by other people." Then I will say, "Really? I thought Thing A was all of my opinions I formed after having experienced that thing." Only then will the other person reveal that they have no first hand knowledge of Thing A. I would say I hate those people but my friend Doom Bunny is one of those people and I'd hate to slag him off behind his back. I usually do that directly to his stupid face. Although if they're expressing my opinions, I'll give them a pass because my opinions are better than 98% of all other opinions that have ever existed (or will exist). And that other 2% is probably just statistical error. The reason I bring this up is because I don't really have a review for this comic book. It's just this book about Wonder Woman, you know? You'd find better reviews on sites that consistently deal with feminist issues. The only feminist issue I'm currently dealing with is that the female avatar I created in Sunset Overdrive is so cute that I think I've fallen in love with her. Although I don't think that's really a feminist issue. Anyway, I wonder if I can get a screenshot of her so you can fall in love too!

You can't see her adorable freckles in this picture but it's all I could manage since I'm stuck in some long-ass learn how to play part of the game.

Anyway, this Wonder Woman comic book is the Wonder Woman comic book fans of Wonder Woman comic books should probably be reading (and probably are!). It's well-written and looks great. Although I did have one minor complaint this issue.

The term "flying saucer" wouldn't be coined until 1947, not to mention the depiction of beings from other worlds as grey aliens! Also, the Nazis would be more apt to recruit Yetis than Sasquatches.

Other than that, terrific issue! Although Diana won't be taking a bath until next month. I can't wait!

Batman Loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5

Does The Penguin really belong in Arkham?

The Review!
You know. It's Batman and the Ninja Turtles. This issue includes Damian and a bunch of Furry-Flavored Arkham Inmates. So if any of those things are up your alley, you probably already know about it and have purchased this book because you're a nineties kid. I don't have anything smart to say about it because when do I ever have anything smart to say? Even when I know the smart things I want to say, I can't say them! Like today on the way to the coffee shop to get some iced tea, one of the Project-Cloverleaf, Blood-Transfusions-For-AIDS-Patients, chalk drawing vagabonds on Hawthorne saw that I was wearing my X-files "I want to believe" shirt and said, "So why don't you just believe?" I rolled my eyes pretty heavily and muttered and growled but I didn't tell the person to shove their agenda-filled comment up their fucking ass for simply ignoring the nuance of the phrase "I want to believe" and believing that the only reason I won't believe is because I don't have some kind of shit-eating faith. Stupid people believe just to believe, asshole. Some people want to believe in things that they know are complete and utter nonsense but are still attracted to the idea of it. I would love to believe that my ego will transcend death and I will live forever. But guess what? That's fucking bullshit. Believing it doesn't make it real. It just makes the person believing it delusional and missing out on the beauty of the truth of the world. So no, Mossad Chalk Lady, I won't simply believe. Go fuck yourself.

The New Titans #66 (May 1990)

Raven begins dating an asshole who sucks the life out of the people he fucks. The other team members don’t like him because he’s a fucking prick. Raven, of course, flips the fuck out because The New Titans is all about manufactured and cliché drama. It’s about as subtle as the CW’s Arrow.

On the plus side, Joey and Raven stop a bank robbery, so it’s not all about the Titans and their love life.

Oh! And Terry finally finished his fucking thesis! I mean, I’m sure Donna wrote most of it. But he signed his name to it and turned it in and now he’s a real professor! Maybe. It’s also possible he’s still just working in the bookstore and nobody is ever going to read his thesis and he’s never going to work in academia again and Donna will eventually realize she married a huge pervert and dump his ass.

Starfire #11

I find John Romita Jr's covers boring and I'm upset that my comic book store gave me so many of them.

The Review!
This comic book is like belly button lint. I can live with or without it. Sometimes it just sits there and I don't even care it's there and sometimes it provides me a moment's pleasure as I pick it out and give it a sniff. Some people might be more into belly button lint than I am, so they might appreciate this comic book more than me. It's not bad but it's the kind of comic book that winds up at the bottom of the stack each week because I'm not super interested in what happens.

The Commentary
In this issue, Starfire accidentally procreates with an overly sexually aggressive chipmunk-man whose species only lives for two days (which is why he's so insistent about getting his penis in something (I mean, getting the top of his head rubbed (if you get my meaning (actually, you don't have to 'get my meaning' because I meant it literally)))). That's the kind of wacky hi-jinks that take place in the monthly Starfire series. I should also mention, since it's cropped up in the zeitgeist again and since I'm one of the few reviewers I know of who constantly mentions it anyway, Sweaty Grabbyhandza...I mean, Eddie Berganza is the group editor of this comic book and he's almost certainly a serial sexual harasser. I wonder if somebody rubbed the top of his head, his back would explode with spawn and he'd keel over dead? Has anybody tried it?

Don't think of them as babies. Think of them as tomorrow's crop of sex offenders. And I mean "tomorrow" literally since these things will be dead by the day after tomorrow.

Starfire is worried that the life she's living and enjoying will one day be Rebooted and she'll lose it all. Ha ha! It will!

Starfire learns that she's a dangerous pest that is making life in Key West unsafe for everybody. At least that's what Stella tells her. Although Stella isn't wrong because the Teen Titans have a history of making things around them unsafe while never actually helping anybody ever. They're the worst.

Starfire decides to leave Key West for the safety of everybody living there. But then she decides to stay because Key West is having a ten day long party called Fantasy Fest. So her belief that leaving is the safest thing for everybody is only as strong as her desire to have a good time. It's good to know she still has the heart of a Titan.