Arkham War #3

I initially read this cover as "Frog Hunt." And then I read it again and giggled because it says "Craw Cunt."

I believe titling your comic book "Croc Hunt" is far worse than drawing a penis in Lobo's arm muscles! Who will be fired for this outrageous use of sneaky-minded rules breaking?! Also, why is Bane wrestling a green Venom?

Last issue, the cover told me the Talon would rise. But not one Talon rose of its own volition. A bunch of them sort of dangled from the claws of Man-bats stealing their frozen bodies from Blackgate. So I suppose they "rose" up into the sky. Not exactly the excitement I was expecting by the cover. It's a good thing I understand comic book covers and the outrageous lies they tell every single month and wasn't at all disappointed. I was actually quite pleased because I'm sick to death of fucking Talons and hope they all get killed off in this comic book. I'm hoping that Arkham War was conceived mainly to end the problem of having all of these super dangerous immortal zombie assassins waiting to be unfrozen. Batman couldn't kill them. But the Arkham Crazy Time Players can!

Also, the besterest Interim Blackgate Warden ever to grace the pages of a DC Comic Book, Agatha Greeklastnameopolis, was rescued from the prison by James Gordon, hero! She's my favorite character after all the other characters I've listed as my favorite. I think she ranks somewhere between 2-6-8-1-7-9-5 and Alysia Yeoh.

CROC HUNT!

Whoa! Calm down, fucker! Think about what you're doing for a second!

Everyone understands that Bane is a problem, Mad Hatter. But he's just one problem. One problem that you can understand because you can see what his goals and his motivations are. Is it really a good idea to let loose seven Talons on Gotham in the hopes that you can somehow control them and get them to kill Bane? This feels like setting the house on fire just to take care of a squirrel in the attic. Maybe a better analogy is letting seven raving maniacal murderers free in your house to tidy up a bit.

I just don't see anything good happening from this plan.

Crane and Langstrom were captured by Bane at the end of last issue but they've been rescued by Killer Croc at the beginning of this issue. That was all part of the plan! And for his part in kidnapping the Talons, Johnny Crane rewards Croc with Wayne Tower. I don't know how Scarecrow negotiated that great piece of Gotham Realty when Penguin divvied everything up. He must know some pretty juicy secrets that The Penguin doesn't want to get out.

Meanwhile Bane makes good on his deal with The Penguin.

Emperor Blackgate? More like Emperor Bit Off More Than He Could Chew...umm...gate!

The Penguin lets Bane know that the Arkhamites don't fear him and that they're all saying, "He's no Batman." But then, those crazy assholes don't fear Batman either, do they? If they really did fear Batman, they wouldn't keep coming back to Gotham to commit their crime sprees, would they? Unless none of them really see the difference between fear and love? Because they all seem to have some kind of a warm spot in their crotch region for Bat-Abuse.

Whatever their feelings toward Batman, Bane decides it's time to use it to his advantage.

So when does DC release the Cosplaying Bane Action Figure?

Bane's first act as Batbane is to throw Killer Croc from the roof of Wayne Tower. That's a pretty fucked up first move. Poor Killer Croc. He was completely set up by The Scarecrow. Killer Croc was nice and safe and cozy underground until The Scarecrow lured him into Wayne Tower and convinced him he should set up shop above ground. That only left Croc exposed to Bane while the others took to Croc's sewers to set up shop with their Talons. With everybody using everybody else in this War, I'm beginning to suspect the Talons are going to win once they're revived. The Talons may not even need to be revived with all the back stabbing going on!

Arkham War #3 Rating: No change. I'm disappointed that Warden Agatha wasn't in this issue. I guess there are just so many characters that can be spotlighted in any one issue of this thing. Arkham War shouldn't have been released as a comic book. It should be a Board Game! Or Video Game for those of us that don't have any friends.

Batman: The Dark Knight Annual #1

Scarecrow wants an article too!

I've often wondered if DC has standardized rules for whether or not any particular character should have "the" attached to their name. Does The Daily Planet have a style guide for this sort of thing? Is it Batman or The Batman? I don't think it's ever The Superman unless someone is trying to describe which super man they're talking about. "Superman, idiot! THE Superman!" In the case of this cover, I would have at least gone for consistency and said "the Scarecrow!" But that's why I think DC actually has some rules somewhere about the names! Why else would they ignore consistency if not for some mysterious set of rules for adding "the" to a character's name.

I think, if you want to be absolutely correct, the only time you add "the" to Batman's name is if "the" is followed by "Goddamned."

This Annual takes place on no particular Halloween. The Mad Hatter has received a missive from Oswald Cobblepot to meet him at The Mad Hatter's old condominium, the Arkham Detention Facility for Youth.

I guess someone else sent the notes. What the fuck is this? A romantic comedy?

I think The Great Pumpkin sent the notes because there are pumpkins on them. Or maybe The Headless Horseman. Is there a Headless Horseman in the DCU? Maybe they were sent from Jack Pumpkinhead from The Dreaming. That's it. I don't think it could be anybody else, so it better be one of those choices or my suspension of disbelief is going to be strained to its limits.

It turns out Scarecrow also received a note with a pumpkin stamp. Now that I think about it for a bit longer, I guess this story isn't necessarily taking place in the present because Halloween hasn't fallen in June for a very long time. So now I'm really hoping that Damian sent the notes!

Speaking of consistency....

Oh, oh! I know this poem:

"Once upon a midnight dreary, The Jabberwock could see me clearly,
Masturbating quite furiously over some hardcore gay porn,
With my rod out, quickly fapping, suddenly I needed crapping,
Urgently I stopped my slapping, flapping through my bathroom door.
'You're disgusting,' he gallumphed, 'grappling with your vorpal sword.'
Snicker snack and nothing more."

I forget the rest.

While this motley trio discuss who could have sent the notes, some lightning flashes and some bats flap about. Now they're all quite sure that The Batman has brought them together to torment them. You'd think they'd remember that there's another guy in town that goes by The Joker and this is all a big joke! Or a prank and there's that creep called The Prankster. This could also be considered a trick and it's Halloween, so maybe it's the Trickster! I'm beginning to suspect that my earlier belief that it could only be one of three distinct people was a bit off the mark.

Now The Penguin is finally thinking! I've already said (somewhere and many times!) that the richest people in Gotham are insurance salesmen, doctors, dentists, glass repair men, and drywallers.

They continue to discuss Batman's faults as the lightning and shadows and kreeeeeeks and darkness scare the tea and stuffing and pellets out of them. They decide their best course of action is to escape into the hedgerow maze because they're idiots. I think The Penguin's best course of action is to just walk out the front door. He's an upstanding citizen! Kind of! Well, at least he's not a psychopath. He's just a sociopath! But he's terrified because it's Halloween and Batman is scary.

After running into a Batman-shaped scarecrow, they retreat back into the house.

I don't see these guys ever teaming up ever again in all of The New 52's future stories.

Their bickering and ineptitude eventually leads to low self-esteem and drug use. Hopped up on the Scarecrow's fear toxin, they all begin to revel in their self-loathing. They all end up huddled and crying and sobbing and broken at the bottom of a staircase. Only when the sun comes up, do they gather up their things and make their escape.

I don't think these three really cross paths much anyway. Now they'll probably actively avoid each other.

In the end, it was, of course, The Goddamned Batman that played a Halloween prank on these idiots. Which is probably why they fucked with him so hard later in the year! Stop antagonizing psychos, Batman!

Batman: The Dark Knight Annual #1 Rating: Trick and Treaty!

Swamp Thing #19

When I first opened this cover, I thought that was Bizarro and got way more excited than I probably should have.

Swamp Thing no longer has a human side so he needed a new writer. Maybe I've been wrong all along about new writers sticking to the old writers' characters and stories and histories. Perhaps Jim Starlin had the right idea by simply erasing the previous writer's characters from existence so he could start over. Except how am I supposed to care about any of these characters when they constantly flip personalities? I understand DC doesn't really have much of a choice about keeping a single writer on every title they do. But is it any wonder that I stopped reading comic books when Cerebus ended? Sure, Dave Sim kind of fucked himself at the end when he began obsessing with his religious beliefs that reintegrated Judaism, Islam, and Christianity as if they never branched out from each other. I guess that's a pitfall of having the same writer. But is it any wonder that after I stopped reading monthly comics, the two comic books I kept following via trade paperbacks were Fables and Walking Dead? The common link between those? A single writer across all issues (well, maybe Fables had a few guest stories here and there. But that hardly counts).

Not that I'm already complaining that Swamp Thing has a new writer! I think changes in writers work on comic books when they have time to finish out their stories and create a moment where a new writer easily fits in. Like Swamp Thing losing his human side. Or Stormwatch breaking up. Oh wait. Stormwatch could have been anywhere in their story since they were just simply erased from existence when Adam One was killed at the beginning of the universe because they weren't selling enough Stormwatch books to old Stormwatch fans. So Starlin gets to bring back characters more like the originals even though they're the same characters that were just wiped from the New 52. What does this mean for the 19th Century Stormwatch tale being told in All Star Western? Adam One is currently recruiting them and now Adam One doesn't exist. But more importantly, how does this affect Swamp Thing?

And the first page of Swamp Thing gets all contrary on my comment that "Swamp Thing no longer has a human side." Because Swamp Thing is sitting in the desert thinking that all he is is his human side! I guess losing the body part of Alec Holland hasn't changed the fact that it's still Alec Holland's mind whereas the Pre-52 Swamp Thing didn't even have Alec's mind and was simply a confused plant. Now he's a man that looks like a plant but isn't confused about the fact that he still has the mind of a man. I guess hanging out in the desert as a cactus man can bring a new perspective to your life.

What I like about this new Swamp Thing (new? Or should I simply say, "Changed"?) is that he's actively listening to plants now. He's not just poor, abused Alec Holland trying to deal with his death and his own problems. He's opened himself up and is receptive to the voices of other plants. He is now ready to deal with problems that don't directly relate to his own ego. I'm not sure because I don't want to think about it for too long, but he might be the first of The New 52 characters to come to grips with his Rebooted self and is ready to simply have comic book adventures! Okay, maybe The Flash has long since come to terms with his role. But he should have! He's supposed to do everything faster than everyone else. And probably a whole bunch more but then I'd be arguing against my own point and I'd never get anywhere in my writing if I began doing that. Well, maybe I would. But it wouldn't be anywhere I wanted to go. It would simply be one digression after another and pretty soon it would all just end with me calling myself a cunt-faced motherfucker and storming away from the computer pissed off at myself. Oh, sure. That might be entertaining to somebody watching my office from a hidden spy camera. But since I'd be too angry to hit the POST button, nobody else would ever get to enjoy it.

You know what? I was going to scan a panel that had something to do with my original point. I forget what that was but here's the panel anyway.

I think he's painting all plants with a pretty wide and stereotypical brush!

Swamp Thing has come to the desert because the plants won't shut up about a new piece of tropical rainforest growing in the desert where it shouldn't be growing. Swamp Thing must be old fashioned because he heads to the desert and destroys it because, historically, this shouldn't be this way. So I guess Swamp Thing's against technological advancements in creating ecosystems outside their normal parameters? A nice piece of Tropical Rainforest can't exist where it shouldn't exist because mankind created it instead of nature? The new Swamp Thing is a complete and utter fascist! I think that's probably a good thing. I mean, he knows plants. I don't know plants at all! He must have a good reason for destroying this place that humans can't fathom.

Some guy named The Seeder is manipulating The Green to help people. The Swamp Thing is going about undoing all of his good work because The Swamp Thing knows better than The Seeder. Or else The Swamp Thing has become a Super Villain! Stupid jerk! Help the people, not the plants!

Oh! I bet The Seeder is Monsanto. He's probably fucking up biodiversity, sending the world into a place where one catastrophic disease will end all plant life because it's all been so closely tied together with all the same genes spliced into every single plant. Except it's not that at all. It's just like I said earlier about how The Swamp Thing sees how when The Green is manipulated unnaturally in one place (even if it helps humans), it hurts and changes The Green in another place. Eventually fucking with the natural order too much will collapse the whole system. And The Swamp Thing is just being a good Avatar of the Green. He's not trying to rule the world or defeat The Red or The Rot; he's simply keeping the balance.

The Swamp Thing is doing an awful lot of Narration Boxing. It's almost like he's writing his memoirs. He is a plant though. And he did say how plants can't shut up. So the logic is consistent.

After Sudan, The Swamp Thing travels through the Green and regrows in Metropolis to visit the Metropolis Botanical Garden.

Well you'd better fucking destroy it then! Unnatural!

The Swamp Thing has come to Metropolis to hang out with humans. Or with super-humans, actually. He wants to speak with Superman. They've got that whole died and came back from the dead thing in common, so he probably wants to gab about that a bit. But I suppose The Scarecrow is also in town. He probably needs some ingredients for a Fear Toxin and he can only find those ingredients in the Metropolis Botanical Garden. Well, he could find them all over the world. But he can only find them all in one place for the cost of one ferry ticket across the bay here in the Botanical Garden.

Swamp Thing wants Superman to tell him it's okay to choose plants over people since Superman constantly has to choose people over people. Perhaps Swamp Thing and Superman can set up some kind of helpful exchange program. When Swamp Thing takes away an oasis that will cause a whole bunch of people to die, he can contact Superman to come and save those people by bringing them soup and bottled water. Hey, you try to think up a charity program on the first try! That's my best first guess. It probably needs to be workshopped a bit more to get it right. Maybe Superman will just tell Swamp Thing to stop doing things that put people in danger, you stupid plant. You're no better than Poison Ivy and Kudzu.

I love this portrayal of plants so much. "OH MY GOD! SWAMP THING IS ACTUALLY HERE! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! SWAMP THING! SWAMP THING! OVER HERE! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! IT'S REALLY HIM!"

Swamp Thing might not be very horrory right now (except maybe for the rats) but I'm really enjoying the new voice. Pouty and depressed can only go so far. Now he's a bit perplexed about his job but he's enjoying it and embracing it and making plant friends everywhere he goes.

I'm hoping the horror will pick up and the comic can be both of these things at the same time. If that happens, Charles Soule will have nailed his target audience of me.

Am I the only one that hates "squee" and is super sick of it? It just smacks of trying too hard to be overwhelmed by cuteness. Think up your own reaction, internet denizens. For me, "squee" occupies nearly the same space as "meh".

I think Charles is gently easing us into the horror part of the comic book. An underground nest of rats eating away at the roots of a Banyan Tree. Smashed and crushed rats bleeding everywhere. Swamp Thing walking off leaving a trail of blood. I think these are omens! Squee!

I hate myself. Even for using it sarcastically. Meh.

OH GOD I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF FOR REAL NOW!

Meanwhile The Scarecrow is sneaking into the Botanical Garden to steal some Nightshade. Or something. I already said I don't know my plants! But Swamp Thing is there to stop him before Scarecrow can clip any flowers. I bet the plants are going fucking bananas right now! Especially the bananas! "HOLY MANURE! THE SWAMP THING IS FIGHTING THE SCARECROW! I COULD LITERALLY WILT HAPPY RIGHT NOW!"

Does DC really need more Scarecrow stories? This fucker is everywhere! Well, he's mostly in The Dark Knight and then again in The Dark Knight and then in Detective Comics and then in all those other places I'm sure he's been. Oh! Like Justice League America #2.

After the Swamp Thing gets his fill of talking to another human (or a human. I still think Swamp Thing is delusional thinking of himself as a human) and giving him advice on how to raise the Terror Foxglove Flower Thing, Swamp Thing decides to come out of the shadows to try to scare the unscareable.

"PRUNE HIS APPENDAGES, SWAMPY!" "MULCH HIM!" "COMPOST HIM!" "POLLINATE HIS FACE!" "NO, NO! POLLINATE MY FACE!" "NO! MINE!" "YOU CAN POLLINATE MY ROOTS!"

I think that might be the first time I've ever written Plant Porn.

The fight goes poorly for Swamp Thing because he has no offense. He just stands there while The Scarecrow pollinates Swamp Thing's face over and over again. Well, that isn't totally true. Swamp Thing does begin strangling The Scarecrow by taking control of the hay in his hood. But since Swamp Thing doesn't want to kill him, he doesn't punch Crane in the head. I'm pretty sure a butterfly could accidentally fly into Crane's face and break his nose. He's a weakling!

The Scarecrow must have designed that spray specifically for Poison Ivy who was killed by Katana. Or not.

Whatever the spray did to Swamp Thing (probably made him scared, right?), it knocked him out and caused him to sprout all over Metropolis. Superman sees his city suddenly covered in vines like a scene straight out of Rotworld and quietly judges from the sky. "Holland," he thinks because he's super smart. Also he has super vision. And probably super smell. I bet Swamp Thing has a very distinctive smell. That would probably be the worst super sense. Super hearing would drive me mad because I'm really sensitive to certain sounds. But super smell? Disgusting. I imagine Clark Kent would be gagging and retching throughout his entire day. Lois probably thinks he's a wuss with a weak stomach.

Swamp Thing #19 Rating: +2 Ranking. I'm pretty sure I enjoyed every aspect of this comic book even though it was mostly Narration Boxes. I don't always have to hate them just for the sake of hating them. I only hate them when Scott Lobdell writes them simply for the sake of hating Scott Lobdell. I knew I could work in my distaste for him into another commentary!

Batman: The Dark Knight #15

So it was these guys playing Giant Rooftop Chess in Catwoman #13!

I did a quick consultation with Lord Google to make sure that it was Catwoman #13 that featured the game of Rooftop Chess and for once he was more than helpful!

Me: "Lord Google: Catwoman #13."
Lord Google: "Well, right mate, you could be a little more specific. I mean, what do you want to know about it? Raya Sandoval? Ann Nocenti? Rooftop Chess Game? Featured as a Death of the Family tie-in but was a waste of money for anybody reading it for that reason?"
Me: "Thanks, Lord Google! That's all I neeed!"
Lord Google: "Are you sure? You don't need to know anything else? What about the fact that Community Season Four begins airing on February 7th?!"
Me: "Oh! That's good news! Thanks, Lord Google, for actually supplying me with information I didn't know I was looking for but was! You're an evil, information-stealing, megagenius and you deserve to rule the world eventually!"
Lord Google: "Pip pip! Jolly ho! Nice of you to say so! I'll see you in hell!"

This issue begins with Batman in bed recuperating and watching television when he hears the news that The Scarecrow is fucking shit up in Gotham Square, blimp style! This looks like a job for Batman!

Are you fucking kidding me?! You could have prevented all of this shit from going down if you'd just worn that the first time you knew you were raiding The Scarecrow's hideout! Somebody has a secret desire to huff fear toxin.

At this point (and I'm sure I've said this at many, many points previous to this time saying it), I don't understand why anybody lives in Gotham City. How does anybody get anything done from day to day? Batman might eventually beat the bad guy but a whole lot of people are continuously dying and getting maimed before that happens. So far this Reboot, we've had Terminus scarring everyone to look like Batman, The Saturn Club turned a bunch of people into cannibalistic zombies (and I know this ended up being a Death of the Family tie-in but I'm fairly certain the Saturn Club will be back without the Joker when editorial gets off Tomasi's ass about crossovers), The Talons dropped explosive balloons all over the city, The Joker used dust spread by Kid Flash to turn more people into crazed Joker Thugs, children were stolen and people attacked by Urban Legends and mythological creatures, and now The Scarecrow is gassing everyone and turning them into raving lunatics. And I'm sure I've forgotten some in this synopsis! Every second of every day, a citizen of Gotham has to worry about being mugged, shot, set on fire, turned into a cannibal, turned into a crazy person, turned into one of Joker's thugs, having their children stolen, having their property damaged by Batgirl, Nightwing, Batman, Robin, Batwoman, or Red Hood, and so many other crazy, random happenstances. At least they don't have to worry about Jason Blood and Tommy Monaghan anymore!

Batman hits the front lines but can't do much. The people he needs to protect are the people violently attacking him and each other and themselves. He needs an antidote!

The toxin is made of Scarecrow pee and children's tears. So the antidote is probably old man tears and Batman pee! Hurry, someone make Alfred cry and Batman can pee on his face!

Batman realizes the same thing I've just realized: he's the secret to the antidote! He rushes off to meet with Alfred in Lucius Fox's laboratory to begin work on the cure. While he's waiting, Alfred begins reading Chris Ware's Building Stories to get the water works going.

DC is making it so easy to continue my fantasy that the Scarecrow has been pissing in children's faces throughout this entire story line! I mean, that's what's actually been happening!

Since there isn't enough sadness in the world to make Alfred shed even one tear, Batman pisses directly into the aerosol diffuser. He intends to douse everyone in Gotham Square in Batpiss! I guess they're already crying from their fear, so that should mix with the bat pee mist which will create enough of an airborne antidote to counteract the airborne toxin! Batman is a super genius! He's found a way to save Gotham via a Golden Shower!

Batman is severely dehydrated from his earlier encounter with The Scarecrow, so he uses his blood instead of his pee. Or maybe that's how it was supposed to work all along. He flies about Gotham spraying his blood all over the citizens until he's about to pass out. He has Damian take over remotely because he knows Damian won't stop until the job is complete. And pretty soon, the job is complete!

And The Batman is dead!

Alfred manages to have enough tea on hand to save Batman's life but just barely. And he's not at all happy that Bruce nearly killed himself. Hopefully Bruce joking about nearly dying and Alfred's subsequent tea throwing response wasn't the last conversation they had before The Joker kidnapped Alfred. But I have a feeling it might have been.

Afterward, Batman tracks down The Scarecrow with the help of the little girl from earlier. The Scarecrow sees the little girl in Gordon's car and gives up without a fight. Or maybe he just passed out from the loss of blood since he never got that hole stitched up after Batman blew off half of his jaw with the Batgrapple.

After everything is said and done, Bruce goes to watch Natalya play her concert. They go home together so he can look like a fairly good guy before he dumps her ass for the next hot woman with a major career who comes along. See, he only goes for women who have invested a lot of time in becoming the top of their field. That way he can dump them while they think the relationship just wasn't working because they and Bruce are just both too busy with their respective careers! Also he probably pees on them a little bit and they get freaked out.

Next issue: The Mad Hatter!

Batman: The Dark Knight #15 Rating: +2 Ranking. This comic has come a long way since its first Scarecrow story. Wow that thing was horrendous. But now it's delivered the Scarecrow story that it probably should have begun with. I wonder if there will be another Scarecrow story after the Mad Hatter story?

The Dark Knight #13

Someone tell the cover artist Batman should be shirtless here! Oh wait. The cover artist is Finch, the interior artist. I guess he's too busy thinking up new outfits for the Justice League of America crew to remember what the fuck was going on in this comic book.

With Batman shirtless and tied up in the basement, Jonathan Crane continues working on his fear experiments. He pees on the children he has locked up. And then he collects the mixture of tears and piss that drip off of their faces. Then he sings a little ditty as he enters his findings into the computer. One of his captives draws him a picture and slides it under the door.

This kid is no use to Scarecrow anymore. The pee needs to mix with tears and this kid enjoys it.

See? Crane is disappointed that this kid is no longer useful.

After this good-for-nothing child sends Jonathan Crane into a depressing flashback of one of the times he was trapped in his father’s weird basement (I know I hate on David Finch’s style a lot but the two page spread of the Crane basement is really good looking. Maybe he’s at his best when he’s drawing skeletons? And fifteen year old girls, of course), Batman escapes. Or does he? He’s shirtless and chained on the slab and he uses his wrist laser (part of his armor) to cut through the chains and free himself. He then immediately has his costume on as he sneaks off. And then The Scarecrow attacks him!

Here comes the pissy tears!

Batman is either hallucinating while still locked up downstairs or he’s hallucinating wearing his armor because Crane’s sickle would not eviscerate Batman so easily. Also, Batman probably would not get eviscerated so soon into the Reboot. It’s possible Crane let him go downstairs to observe him and see what he does as he wanders around the basement. The basement is obviously a dungeon since it has a torture chamber and a mine cart track system.

Turns out Batman still is locked up. So the cover makes absolute sense because Batman’s escape is simply a hallucination. But this is Batman whacked out on Crane’s normal fear toxin. Crane now wants to try out his Way More Pee and Tears mix on Batman which even The Scarecrow isn’t resistant to.

I think he needs a new name if he’s going to commit crime in this outfit. Sgt. Dickhead?

After Batman is sprayed with the super formula of fear, the story threatens to lose me. It’s as if The Scarecrow knows all about Bruce Wayne and is trying to show Bruce what his life could have been by showing him the life of somebody similar who chose to follow the light instead of entering the darkness. The Scarecrow cannot be reacting with Batman in this way because he doesn’t know anything about Bruce Wayne. So this whole thing is a hallucination and The Scarecrow must be just standing there watching. I like what’s being said here and I’ll get into that in a paragraph or two, but the way in which the concept is being introduced is clumsy, leaving room for the whole thing to only be a hallucination which The Scarecrow will learn nothing from. I guess he’ll at least learn that his Piss and Tear Formula is a real pants wrecker.

So this is how Batman’s hallucination begins. Notice The Scarecrow speaking with Batman before it beings? Even that Scarecrow (notice he’s not wearing the gas mask?) must be part of the fantasy since how would he know what Batman is about to experience? And what is his shadow supposed to represent here?

This Bruceaxton Wayneinthrop took on the mantle of Swanman!

Batman’s fear hallucination is simply being processed as if The Scarecrow were speaking with him. The real Scarecrow is probably observing but I’m sure he’s not getting much more than Batman weeping and wailing and rending his cowl.

In his hallucination, Batman gets to see this man Braxton that went through everything he did. His parents were killed in a small plane crash which he survived. He inherited a billion dollar business which he sold. Instead of becoming dark and lonely, he became a charitable family man. He sold the business and used the money in a number of philanthropic ways.

Okay, The Scarecrow does have his mask. Perhaps even The Scarecrow using the new formula on Batman was part of the fear hallucination?

Here the story explicitly shows The Scarecrow speaking with Batman as if he knew all about him, so this is all obviously a false reality. But it’s showing one of Batman’s fears that has yet to really be spoken of in this comic: his fear of regret. Could he have made more lives better choosing a different path? I’m pretty sure this is something Batman thinks about all the time. Every decision he makes he agonizes over whether or not it was the right one for his Gotham. So Crane isn’t really showing him something new. This whole scene is basically Nikos Kazantzakis’s The Last Temptation of Christ. What did Batman give up to take the path he’s chosen? Will he get lost in the fantasy, believing it’s a better way than the one he chose?

What I’m really hoping for is that Batman will come to with The Scarecrow pissing in his face.

Did Bruce Wayne not officially adopt Grayson, Todd, or Drake?

Batman begins breaking through the illusion as the hallucination begins to leave the Winthrop fantasy behind and begins getting more and more personal. Turns out that it’s fear of regret that’s driving Batman crazy right now; it’s fear of human contact. Now that’s a fear I can get behind!

Batman mumbles out, “…the hell happened…to make you like this?” And Crane remembers being locked in that basement when his dad died of a heart attack. A week later, the police showed up to investigate Crane’s father’s disappearance. They found the boy traumatized, locked in the dark. Batman chose the dark; the dark was forced onto Crane. I figured the two characters would parallel each other and was dreading the way it would come across, but this works nicely. The darkness broke Crane and turned him insane. Now he tries to force the fear, dark and pain on other people. Batman was afraid of the darkness when he fell into the cave as a young boy. But he faced the darkness to overcome his fear. He overcame his fear and turned it around so that it could be used to bring light to others who are scared and in pain.

Once Crane sees how well his new toxin worked, he heads off to get his scythe and put Batman out of his misery. But by the time he gets back, Batman has finally broken free from the chains and suited back up. Time for the big fight next issue.

Batman: The Dark Knight #13 Rating: +2 Ranking. This story has had a lot of hurdles to get over and it’s really working out nicely. It’s basically retelling the first story in his same title but doing a much better job. It’s concentrating on The Scarecrow and his past which I think is a great way for this title to go, concentrating on the antagonists. And it brought the parallel of these two together in a surprising and well-told manner. Things are really looking up for this bottom of the barrel Batman book!