Teen Titans #27

I'm tempted to pull out all my Teen Titans back issues to see how many of them show at least one member unconscious on the ground. My guess is 75% of them.

The Countdown Begins! Including this one, only 5 more Lobdell penned Teen Titans to go! Get the crackers and the party hats ready to go!

I almost made a "cracker" joke (as in white person) and then decided to say this instead: calling a white person cracker (or honky or any word for white person really since none of them hold any historical power) doesn't actually make any difference to that person. They may try to act offended because they also want some word out there to be as horrible as nigger, but the word doesn't actually carry any weight or meaning, so it's all false bluster and fake offense. Do you want to know a word that will truly fuck up a white person? You know, for those times you really need to piss one off because, well, I can't think of a specific scenario where you'd want to do that because there are just way too many to choose from. Anyway, the word you're looking for is "racist." Man, white people's heads just explode when they're called a racist. Especially if they are a racist because how dare you nail them to the wall without actual video evidence even though they know in their minds you've got them pegged. But now they have to present logical and angry and completely made up arguments against the accusation. That's usually a good time to get out the popcorn.

So, Scott Lobdell. Do you think we can play nice for your last few months on this title? How about you try not to ruin every single one of these characters before you leave. Don't go pulling any Sherman's March to the End of the Teen Titans Run bullshit here! I want to see everything left standing when you close the door behind you, you hear? Especially since all the Teen Titans have to be healthy and happy to receive Commodore 64's cash and sell out the Teen Titans Franchise at the end of this. I really wouldn't mind The Green Team becoming the New Teen Titans since they have so many historical DC artifacts (and Brother Power the Geek too!). Maybe Tim Drake and his crew can start a West Coast Franchise of the Teen Titans! I'm sure Commodore 64 will compensate them accordingly.

I hope Solstice's story ends in a Baby Sister Salad!

The Titans are still in the future and on the other side of the galaxy. They've all decided Kid Flash is an asshole. And now they have to figure out a plan to get home. Kid Flash will probably be found innocent but still a threat to this society, so ECHO will send them all back to the past with Kid Flash.

Solstice is telling her origin story to Tim Drake and it winds up being pretty fucking boring. She woke up floating in the air with super powers. Was it starving for three days that flipped her meta-gene on? Was she bitten by a radioactive piece of sulfur? Perhaps she rolled over in her sleep and wound up on top of The Orb of Ra? Maybe she dreamed herself into a super person! Oh wait! I'm missing the most obvious! She prayed for three days straight! Obviously, her prayers were answered. Solstice's powers are a gift from Dog!

Who added that "lost the plot" joke to this comic book?! Surely Lobdell isn't suddenly being honest about his story telling abilities. Is he?

Just before Tim Drake, the smartest kid in the DCnU, sees four ships arrive for Bart's Trial and declares, "It looks like every politician in the galaxy is here to attend this trial," Scott Lobdell uses this comic book to comment on his sexual harassment of fellow creator, MariNaomi, that came to light a few months ago. Perhaps he felt, like many others, his previous, personal apology wasn't very sincere. But putting it in a comic book and having Solstice speak it would.

It looks like Scott's main point is that we should give him a chance and a fair trial!

I have noticed that Lobdell has tentatively returned to Twitter after zero non-retweet tweets for about a month. One tweet was a plea for everybody to rush out and buy his sister's book, "My Brother Is Actually A Really Nice Guy and You Should Stop Being Mean Just Because He's Not Very Good at His Job and He Sometimes Says Stupid Things!" Alternate title is "The Toddler's Room."

Meanwhile, Wonder Girl is judging Kid Flash for being a revolutionary and killing the oppressive government's soldiers that were sent to kill him and his fellow revolutionaries. I'm not really a fan of Kid Flash but I have no sympathy for his teammates that suddenly feel compelled to judge him simply because he was a soldier in a war they have no context for and he killed people during it. They really have no right to judge. Although I feel as if I have a right to judge when Kid Flash says "chose" when he should have said "choose." Also, I like to believe that was Lobdell's error in his script and the Letterer just didn't bother to correct it. Also, the editors didn't bother either.

And then finally, after many, many months of declaring "Next Month: The Trial of Kid Flash!", The Trial of Kid Flash actually begins! Has the lost plot been found?! Please. Don't get crazy, optimistic side!

More of Lobdell venting. I guess Lobdell believes this is his trial. And he gets to write how innocent he is!

Oh! What is their one law that they've reduced all justice down to? "Don't be a dick"? "Follow the Functionary's orders or else"? "Keep on keepin' on"? "Be excellent to each other"? "Party on, Dudes"? Fuck! Even Bill and Ted's Excellent Future had two laws!

Tim Drake notices that the trial seems hardly fair when a bunch of disembodied lips say, "Let the trial begin." Yeah! It would be fairer to Kid Flash if the trial never began! Actually, the part Tim found unfair was the part where they announced that the case was Bar Torr vs. The State. Total fucking bias in announcing the defendant and plaintiff! The crowd screams hatred at Kid Flash which causes Joke-el to wonder why the fuck he's been backing normal humans all this time. Monsters! Animals! Emotional Sacks of Disgusting Fluids.

But I thought there was only one law! It must be a really fucking long run-on sentence.

Anyway, Kid Flash pleads guilty because fuck The Functionary. His plea of guilty is so surprising that it blows the roof off of the building. And the war begins anew. Somehow. I don't know. Whatever. Bart will explain it to all of us stupid Titans.

The gist of it all is that everything was planned. Just like everything is always planned in a Scott Lobdell book. Kid Flash manipulated everything to get them to this point. I suppose the hardest part was getting The Crime Syndicate to invade Earth so that Johnny Quick could send Bart back to the future. Maybe that was just an accident and they were all supposed to head back to the future back in that issue where the Titans saved Kid Flash from being sucked in that chronal portal. I bet Kid Flash was super pissed about that! He must have just gotten lucky that Johnny Quick appeared with an alternate method of time travel.

Kid Flash's rebels appear in the courtroom to kill all of those politicians from all across the galaxy that had nothing better to do than travel to this trial so they could be slaughtered in the first battle of a new revolt. But the Titans will not allow these revolutionaries to choose their own path because it will mean killing people. Although if they don't revolt, they're all going to die at the hands of the Functionary's justice system. But I guess The Teen Titans have to allow those deaths because it's part of the system and it's legal.

You know, I've disliked Lobdell's Teen Titans for a long time. But I think I actually hate them now.

Since the Titans oppose Kid Flash, he orders his fighters to kill them as well. So this book ends like most issues of Teen Titans ends with the Titans fighting amongst themselves.

Teen Titans #27 Rating: No change. It's already the worst book of The New 52 and this issue didn't help. You know what the very worst part of this comic book was? It was fucking Joke-el's thought bubbles as he judged everybody and everything as he observed it. How fucking annoying is that? To have to constantly hear somebody's judgmental fucking critiques throughout the story?!

What a dick.