Batwing #28

This is the kind of comic book cover that I'll stare at for well over five minutes before deciding I have absolutely nothing to say about it and skip the caption. It's the only way I can move on! It's difficult though! It throws off the entire routine by not placing a caption under the scan of the cover. And there's nothing I hate more than a break in routine! Except maybe my father. No, no! That was a joke! Ha ha! Look at me making jokes that aren't funny at all!

Last issue, Batwing was a victim of Gothtopia. This issue, I think he'll have forgotten all about Gothtopia because he has bigger concerns. His sister has been kidnapped by Rat Catcher. She's bait to lure in Lucas Fox so that The Victimizer can kill him. The Victimizer hates Lucas Fox because he knew him when he was younger and all that bastard Lucas ever did was try to help him. But he helped him in a way that wasn't the way The Victimizer wanted to be helped, so now The Victimizer hates Lucas Fox. Geez. Let it go! Now you've lived your whole life through the lens of your hatred of Lucas Fox who never tried to be anything but your friend, Victimizer! This is what people mean when they say forgiveness sets you free! Shit, you don't even need to forgive! You know how people say "forgive and forget?" The forgetting part is actually the only part you need to worry about! Then you can move on and live your life according to your own passions and not be tied up in vengeance and hate and bitter resentment!

I suppose The Victimizer also has a pretty steady drug business selling Viper to unambitious people whose dreams have died, stillborn and forgotten. So I guess he's moving on with his life a bit.

The Victimizer lives in Gotham Underground, "The most deadly new location in the DCU!"

Commissioner Gordon is trying to figure out a way to combat the rise in drug activity in Gotham, mostly due to Viper which is also called Snakebite and is commonly known as Crystaldeath. One of Gordon's coworkers thinks the public need to be educated on the dangers of Crystaldeath. Really? You think the name isn't a big enough clue? If people decide to take Crystaldeath even when it's called Crystaldeath (hell, even Snakebite and Viper are big clues that it's poison), I'd say they're making an informed enough decision! You don't see me going around eating Heart Attack Fruit or Cancer Causing Chitlins, do you?

I mean, I do ingest things that probably contribute to heart attacks and cancer but at least they're not labeled as such! Although if I'm being truly honest with myself (which I very rarely am), I'm pretty sure I'd still eat Oreos if they were called Death Cookies of Death. Which, I'm sure, some might argue they should be relabeled as.

Meanwhile Batwing takes to the streets for information so he asks some of the local gangs what they know about Viper and its distributors so that he can locate his sister, Batsister.

I dream of doing this to Lord Google, the sanctimonious bastard.

Batwing should probably rethink the way he deals with the public because instead of answers to his questions he gets bullets to his face.

After Batwing declares he's worse than Batman, he beats the shit out of the criminals in exactly the same way Batman does! Broken bones and grappling hooks through meaty, succulent, tasty flesh. And it works just as well because Batwing learns that the way to get in touch with the people that sell Viper is to find a rat and say, "Hello, Mr. Rat. Pleased to meet you. Would you like some cheese? No? You're busy? Okay, enough small talk. I want to get fucked up and possibly die so could you get me some of that sweet, sweet Crystaldeath? Okay. Thanks!" Then the rat skitters away and a few hours later, you have some Crystaldeath! And a few hours after that, brain damage!

Batwing is lucky that some rats nearby watch his interrogation of the drug dealer and relay the information back to Rat Catcher. This way, Batwing doesn't have to possibly embarrass himself by talking to a bunch of rats. Batwing seems like one of those guys that never wants to be fooled so he never believes anything he reads on the internet. Just in case!

Okay, DC! When are you going to release a monthly comic called The Rat Pack starring Rat Catcher, Mouse, and Pied Piper? And introducing Rat King who is made up of five friends who met in college and had themselves surgically sewn together. And they're all female which causes people to always ask the same question: "Why Rat King?" They then respond with several overly dramatic sighs during which they call up the Rat King entry on Wikipedia on their cell phones and force the person to read it.

The Victimizer comes to visit Rat Catcher and points out that the place smells really, really badly. Then Rat Catcher references Perfume because I guess that's how he stands the smell. Or does he mean he's created a perfume that smells like virgins from a virgin and he breathes deep of it in his mask to offset the rat piss smell? He doesn't really elaborate past asking The Vicimizer if he's ever read Patrick Süskind.

And then The Victimizer kicks the crap out of Rat Catcher and steps on his Bell Jar Gas Breather Rat Pal after breaking the Bell Jar Gas Breather Rat Pal helmet. And I instantly hate and despise The Victimizer! How dare he?! I hope Rat Catcher lives his entire life seeking revenge against The Victimizer in much the same way I just recently said that nobody should live their life!

Once The Victimizer learns that Batwing was asking about Lucas Fox's sister, he kidnaps Tiff, Lucas Fox's other sister, as well. He then leaves a note in the blood of a neighbor on the wall that says, "Master Torres was right." I suspect that alludes to the man that taught Luke and Russell (The Victimizer!) self-defense. So now Batwing knows who has his sisters. He just needs to figure out where they're being kept. Here's a hint, Batwing: "It's the most deadly new location in the DCU!"

Batwing #28 Rating: +2 Ranking. I really, really, really, really like Rat Catcher. And I really, really, really, really hate The Victimizer. I guess I just love rodents.