Batwoman #27

Remove the web and spiders and you've got Batwoman go-go dancing.

Last issue, some guy named Wolf Spider was stealing really creepy artwork of faceless people hanging out in parks. Is that what face-blind people see when they go out in public? That would be terrifying! Although I suppose if you can't remember faces, you don't know what faces should look like. Anyway, Wolf Spider did not get away unpunished. Batwoman broke his jaw before she was poisoned and thrown off of a building. Will she survive? The tension is non-existent!

On her way down, Batwoman forgets to deploy her Batgrapple either because she's been drugged or because Batman would sue her for using his technology. She also smashes her head on a satellite dish and crashes into water only to find herself at her sister's tea party. It's possible the drugs and/or the head wound have something to do with the odd turn in the narrative.

I attended my college classes one Halloween dressed as Alice in Wonderland. Alice Cooper in Wonderland, actually. I was dressed like Alice with the blond hair and the dress but with the Cooper make-up and carrying the decapitated head of the white rabbit dripping blood and entrails. Why the hell didn't anybody take any pictures? One of the classes I attended was Racquetball at seven in the morning.

As Kate continues to hallucinate, the art gets wilder and better and more beautiful. Bringing Francis Manapul on board to layout these Batwomanesque pages was a great idea. That fucker knows what he's doing. Not to take anything away from Haun though. I like his look on this book as well. How can this title still be a great looking, good read after the abrupt change in creative teams? Some super heroes have all the luck! Look at Batwoman flaunting her awesome comic in the Teen Titans' faces. Suck it, Tim Drake!

Kate's hallucinations are about her mother and sister dying (although her sister, it turns out, lived to become a big jerk) and her father being a military hard-ass acting ashamed of her sexuality. She sees her father stabbed by her psychotic sister, Alice/Elizabeth. She is chastised by Flamebird for not being there to keep her guts from falling onto the streets of Gotham. She's haunted by Chase and Bones and Bane and Werewolves and chafing until Batman tells her to snap out of it and you have to listen to Batman. So she snaps out of it. Will she be in time to save herself with a Batgrapple!?

You'd think I have money invested in the Batgrapple I mention it so much in my Bat-Commentaries. It's iconic!

But she doesn't use a Batgrapple. Instead she grabs a flag and swings into the side of the building. But she doesn't break all of her bones for some reason. I only took physics in High School so I don't understand gravity or momentum or angular flippercation, but it seems like simply changing direction wouldn't really slow her down at terminal velocity. Wouldn't it just change the angle of momentum? Or some other science thing that is actually correct instead of made up out of my face?

The bottom line is she lives! Batwoman lives! Because she also fell through an awning and landed in piles of soft garbage. She hit the "survive a fall from a great height without a Batgrapple" trifecta!

After pages and pages of cool art and beautiful layouts, I scan this.

Some people might think that Wolf Spider is actually Kate's old high school beard since he made such a show of being a great gymnast last issue but those people would most likely be right. Probably. I'm sure he has a good reason for stealing from himself. Maybe he wants people to feel sorry for himself? Or maybe he couldn't stand looking at those creepy no-faced people but the social circle he runs in would never understand if he sold or got rid of his Eisenstardtflurp painting.

Wolf Spider is stealing the paintings for some old guy named Natey-Boy. He still has two more creepy paintings to steal. This guy probably wants the paintings for some reason that relates to that 1929 opening at the beginning of last issue where the artist hung himself up instead of his paintings.

Kate winds up barely making it home where she discards her costume down the hall and bleeds on everything. As she's cleaning up in the bathroom, Maggie's daughter wanders in to meet her for the first time. Surprise! Your mom's fiance is Batman! Almost.

Batwoman #23 Rating: No change. This was a really quick read due to the hallucination pages. They looked great and were interesting but didn't really advance the plot much. I think they were just a reference by the new creative team for themselves so they could always refer back to this issue to remember what the fuck was happening in Batwoman before they took over the book. Like my commentaries are for me! Also, I didn't have an episode of Old Trivia That's Probably Totally Wrong Now! during this commentary because I've turned it into its own Tumblr. That makes four Tumblrs I don't have time to update!