Green Lantern #28

I haven't been this confused by a book since I read Danielewski's Only Revolutions.

Don't think I didn't consider doing a commentary for this comic book that when read backwards was the commentary for Red Lanterns #28! But even if I were some kind of genius of language, why the fuck would I put that kind of time into these commentaries? I already put too much thankless effort into this shit! Seriously, I don't know why I don't thank myself more! I should rectify that.

Hey Tess! Thank you for writing these synopses of every comic book that comes out each month so that I can look back from month to month and remember what was going on. Long gone are the days of picking up a new issue and not having any clue what had been happening in the book until I was five or six pages in and the fog began to clear and some of the memories, still half-covered in cobwebs, would begin to come back. Then I'd have to begin again with my newly remembered knowledge of the story. So, thank you, Tess. I really appreciate it. Although I'd appreciate it more if you would just fucking finish Places and Predators already! Jesus Christ. It's not even your magnum opus and you've been working on it for nearly ten years! You do know about mortality, right?

Fuck you, Tess! Stop wasting my time with some pandering, bullshit response to my commentaries! You're distracting me! How am I supposed to get anything done with your tongue up my ass? I only have a limited amount of time to get this shit done so how about you go fuck yourself?

Speaking of our incoming and unstoppable date with death, I saw a clip from Questioning Darwin where creationists talk about evolution and creationism. A guy named Doctor David Menton had this to say: "How do we deal with death? How does evolution deal with death?"

I'm not the arbiter of anything and I don't actually know what David is a "doctor" of, but I'm not sure you should be allowed to use a title that signifies to most people that you are intelligent when you clearly are not. If you have to ask "how does evolution deal with death" then you know fucking nothing of evolution. Which, actually, is the main problem with just about everybody I saw in the clip. They clearly knew nothing of evolution and didn't want to know. They simply dismissed anything in the world that didn't fit in with the things they desired to be true. They can't see that science doesn't think the same way they do although I believe they view it that way. They look at the world and go, "It's a miracle! I couldn't get pregnant and now God has given me seven children!" Science does the exact opposite. It looks at the world and says, "Oh, you can't have children? Let me inject you with menotropin which sciences the ovaries! Although it might cause you to have seven children, so be warned."

You know, I never set out to spew forth my thoughts about things that will cause me to lose Followers but I suppose that's what happens when I just let digressions and the random chaos in my brain take control. I should probably get to Green Lantern now since it begins with a Werewolf and a Frog flying through space and that has me interested.

Opposite side of the universe from what? From whatever is going on on page one of Red Lanterns #28?

Red Lantern Supergirl charges into these guys making me think, "Fucking what the fuck?" And then, of course, I get the helpful editorial note from Fucking Matt Idelson, Apparent Fucking Time Traveler, saying "How did this happen?" while putting one pinky up to the corner of his mouth and curtseying his miniskirt (which everyone from the future will be wearing, thank God). "Pick up Supergirl #28 in two weeks to find out! Tee hee!" How about you release Supergirl #28 two weeks before you put his comic book on the shelves, you booger eater? Now I have to feel inadequately informed while reading this super special double issue flipbook surprise! So my reaction has now gone from "Hey! This is a pretty interesting idea, DC!" to "Fuck you right in the fucking face you fuckers!"

Well, I suppose nothing can be done. I could stop complaining and simply put this comic off to the side and wait two more days since Supergirl #28 will be out this Wednesday. Or I could plow on mumbling and grumbling and swearing every fourth word. Yeah, I know which one I'd rather do too!

So what is Supergirl doing out in Sector 3014 which is, I suppose, on the "opposite side of the universe" *snicker*? Was she taking her cute little bum on an intergalactic tour? I sure wish I knew the story! Boy, that would be so much more satisfying if I knew all the components that led up to this moment! If only DC had the power to schedule their comic books themselves instead of being subject to the whims and machinations of God's will.

The Frog and the Werewolf don't so much defeat Supergirl as get beat up for so long that she eventually passes out from exhaustion. They case her up and head back to whatever end of the universe they're supposed to be in.

Back on Mogo, Hal Jordan is swearing in the new temporary recruits to fight against the Durlans.

Why the fuck did I read Green Lantern Corps Annual #2 when each villain gets a nice little synopsis in this one page?!

Why end the little oath with "so help you God"? Why not just end it "or we'll punch you in the nose"?

Vath and Graf continue to flirt with each other. It's only a matter of time until dicks find mouths with these two.

Froggy and the Werewolf (that sounds like a Morning Zoo Crew. Or a 1970s crime drama about two undercover cops working as long haul truckers) bring Supergirl to Mogo where she continues to hand them their asses. But the rest of the Green Lanterns subdue her and Hal Jordan discovers that she's Kryptonian. He hasn't been punched in the face yet by Supergirl. That's code for they have not yet met.

I know Mahmud Asrar isn't still drawing Supergirl's bum but I'm still kind of upset that it has yet to be shown.

Saint Walker is still moping so he's of no use to anybody but Mogo. They have grown to enjoy each other's company. I wonder where Mogo's erogenous zones are located?

Since Saint Walker can't help remove the Red Ring from Supergirl, Hal heads off to visit the Red Lanterns. He mentions something on the way that I've suspected: he did not want Guy and the Reds to be in charge of Sector 2814. Guy just jumped to conclusions. Hal is going to have a slight problem with that, I think. That's my Master Comic Book Reader of Dragons experience showing through!

Whoops!

Green Lantern #28 Rating: +1 Ranking. I forgot to be upset throughout the commentary over the mystery of how Supergirl became a Red Lantern! Oh well. This issue was good in a number of ways that made it good.