Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Red Hood Loves Arsenal #13

I was in a bromance once. We did a lot of brock-gobbling and brodomy.

The Review!
According to Lobdell's retweets of people who like his Red Hood Loves Arsenal comic book (because I imagine he retweets every single positive mention he gets), he has about three fans of this book. I'm a nobody and I think I receive more appreciation for my stupid bullshit! That makes me feel bad for Lobdell. Now that this series is over, I truly hope he's decided to recommit himself to giving a shit about his Rebirth comic book. I doubt that will happen since he's been writing for DC for five years and he has yet to prove that he thinks about anything he's writing for longer than it takes him to jot the script down on the back of a bar napkin. He doesn't even seem to remember his scripts from month to month because there is no logical consistency in any of the characters in any of his DC Comics series. I suppose that's the main reason he continues to get work. With no consistency in his characters, he can change them as editorial dictates come down the line. Anything an editor wants, Lobdell does. I'm not saying that as an insult! I'm just saying he's easy to work with and he gets the job that's needed done. It's just that that never results in a compelling story. And it will never result in characters I will grow to love. It simply results in a superficial book that I'll forget about five minutes after closing the cover. I suppose comics has always had a place for that kind of fluff so Lobdell fills a niche. Plus people seem to love Jason Todd and Roy Harper no matter how poorly they're handled.

The Commentary!
I must have slept in on the day this book was released because I don't remember everybody dancing in the streets, fireworks displays around the world, and the end of all global conflict as everybody was united in their hatred of this piece of shit comic book. I suppose that would only have happened if this comic book had been mandated reading for everybody on the planet. Perhaps it should have been! It would have been like Ozymandias's giant space squid exploding into Times Square (except with more deaths from suicide). Everybody would have been united in their hatred and their need to end this threat to their existence! And then when DC cancelled it, everybody would have been so elated that they would have forgotten their petty religious squabbles or international border disputes or terrifyingly militaristic national foreign policies! I suppose we would have had to take to the streets and kill all of the fans of this comic book but that's a purge I believe we could all agree would be for the greater good.

This issue begins with Roy Harper about to die! But Jason Todd has one chance left to save him! And that chance is a mysterious arrow built by a rockabilly genius! It's probably the deus ex machina arrow. Roy can invent anything so I'm not sure why he hasn't invented one of those. He could enter any conflict, fire the arrow, and save the day! What kind of rockabilly genius is he?! He's an idiot for not having invented one already!

Red Hood begins killing the members of Iron Rule by using arrows that negate the nuclear energy that gave them their super powers and brought them back to life.

See? Roy can invent anything as long as he can scream out an explication for what the thing does!

For awhile, Jason Todd was killing people willy-nilly. Then the editorial mandate came down to make him more likeable by not killing (which goes to show how much editorial knows because the only redeeming quality to Jason Todd was that he was the Batman who kills). Just a few issues ago, he was yelling at Roy not to kill. So now that the only way Jason Todd's writer can think to get him through this conflict is by killing the bad guys, Jason Todd must provide some Narration Box Rationalizations for why it's okay to kill this time. Here's an idea! Just let Red Hood kill without compunction! Everybody understands why he kills! Just, you know, write him better. Develop his philosophy and ethics and write the character based on those things. Just maybe make his motivations consistent. Is that too much to ask? Because having him flip-flop from one set of beliefs to another from issue to issue is just one of the reasons why this comic book is so terrible.

Just a few issues ago, everything he was doing was based on giving people a second chance because he was given one. But, you know, fuck that. This is different!

I have a question about Roy's nuclear spill clean-up arrows! What does he do with the arrows after they've been used? Does he have a "Send Toxic Waste Into A Black Hole" Arrow? Show of hands: who thinks nobody will discuss the toxic clean-up before this issue ends?!

Jason Todd kills all but one member of Iron Rule and The Joker's Daughter (oh, he also didn't kill Roy or Tara Battleworth, if that statement had you worried because you're a dummy or an Actually Nerd). It's at this point when Roy Harper decides it's his turn to tell Jason Todd not to kill and that they're better than that. Oh, fuck you, Lobdell. No. Fuck you, DC Comics. Why do you keep giving this guy work? And fuck everybody who likes his writing because you obviously don't understand character, cause and effect, motivations, theme, plot, paragraphs, sentences, words, punctuation, and anything, really.

Roy convinces Jason not to kill the last member of Iron Rule because of Mommy Issues. That leaves just the Joker's Daughter to deal with because she's about ready to blow Tara Battleworth's head off for huge internet ratings. Although, for some reason, the awful people watching this horrible live feed have turned on her and now want to vote her dead instead of Roy. People on Earth-Main-Earth are so fickle.

Roy uses his Stop the Joker's Daughter Arrows to stop The Joker's Daughter before she can kill Tara. I think that's a good thing. I don't even know why Tara Battleworth was a recurring character in this comic book. I guess it's that fickle thing. First she refuses to hire Red Hood and Arsenal. Then she sends them on a field test which they fail so she doesn't hire them. Then she hires them for a special job. Then she never wants to work them again. I think. I don't remember. Once again, a character shows no consistency in this book. Simply put, whatever a character can do to serve the current issue's plot, they will do.

This is how Harry and the Hendersons ended, right?

And that's the end of that nonsense. Except for a back-up feature about how Jason Todd and Roy Harper began their homosexual romance. I mean bromance!

It's not Batman who will wind up killing you when you head out alone without telling Batman where you've gone.

Apparently Batwoman didn't stop the crime of baseball themed bad guys committing robbery inside baseball stadiums. The guys Roy and Jason battle are called the Batboys!

They're not very dedicated to their theme.

I don't like to spoil the ends of comic book stories but I'll just say this: long, passionate kiss and a hand-job.

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