Sunday, June 19, 2016

Scooby Apocalypse #2


Temperature-wise, I don't think Velma's overall outfit ever really made any sense.

The Review!
I'm not sure this comic book captures the heart and spirit of the old Scooby Doo cartoon. They're battling real monsters. Science is seen as dangerous. And they're using guns to settle conflicts. Scooby Doo is rather brave. It all just seems less...smart. And it's not like the cartoons were inscrutably high-brow! But that's the way a re-imagining of a beloved story often goes, right? As long as the characters all look like the old characters but with modern updates, it doesn't matter if the heart and soul of the concept is left intact. Velma is the smart one in the short orange skirt and orange turtle neck sweater. Daphne is the hot one in purple and green. Fred is the statuesque bit of man-meat. Shaggy is a slacker hipster doofus. Scooby is a great dane that with a speech impediment. The Mystery Machine is a van. This title has everything that identifies it as Scooby Doo! But it's not Scooby Doo at all. It has maybe a single digit percentage of the essence of the cartoon. Which, I'll admit, I'm actually fine with. Fuck that cartoon was stupid.

The Commentary!
Last issue, we learned that Velma was the only member of the team without a love interest. I guess that means she'll get to fuck all of the monsters. Normally that would be disgusting because the monsters were actually old white dudes but in the current end-of-the-world scenario of Scooby Apocalypse, the monsters will be real. That will make all of the sex scenes super sexy because monsters probably have huge penises.

Here's a thought! Remember how science was the hero of the original Scooby Doo cartoon? The bad guy always tried to use superstition, ignorance, and fear to increase his bank account but the Scooby Gang would use logic and science to put an end to his schemes. But now in Scooby Apocalypse, science and reason are the enemies! It feels like a cautionary tale about how scientists shouldn't play God because only God is seemingly allowed to fuck everything up. I always hate when people say science shouldn't play God because what science is actually doing is just playing science. It's all science! Every thing we do with science is science! Why don't we tell people who have babies to stop playing God because only God can create human beings, you blasphemous monsters!

Um, anyway, it seems science and reason have ruined the world of Scooby Apocalypse and now the Scooby Gang has to fix it. Probably with more science and reason! Because that's what science does! It comes up with solutions to problems, even if those problems were created by science. God doesn't come up with any solutions. God just sits there not existing and doing nothing about our suffering.

Um, double anyway, I imagine this comic book will continue on like the cartoon. The monsters are really just people except this time instead of wearing masks, they've been mutated by nanites. So the Scooby Gang is going to have to go around "unmasking" the bad guys which basically just means curing them of their condition and returning them to their old selves. But now instead of just one old greedy man per town, they're probably going to have to unmask just about every single person on earth. This comic book might run for a long time.

Pretty soon, the Gang meet their first real monster.


That's definitely not a rich old white speculator in a rubber mask.

Unlike on the cartoon where the Gang get to deal with one threat at a time, now they've got an entire world to deal with. The monitors show the complex they're trapped in overrun with monster people and their victims. So not everybody transformed into monsters. That's good because that means the Gang doesn't have to unmask the entire world. I bet as long as they defeat the four scientists behind the nanite plague, who have probably become big boss monsters, they'll save the world. It's also possibly the exact opposite and the Gang will have to collect all four scientists and bring them to the complex to turn the nanites on so that everybody becomes docile sheep. This whole monster thing might just be a side-effect of the initial nanites Velma let loose a year ago.

I wonder if this Scooby Apocalypse is what turned the world into Wacky Racelands?


Imagine if the Scooby Gang resorted to guns in the cartoon? They'd have been arrested for manslaughter after the first episode! Or, if they got away each week, they'd be serial killers!

On the way out, Daphne kills her first monster who was also a person and maybe could have been cured. I guess this would have been the fate of any modern Scooby Doo antagonists, right? You put on a creepy mask and act like a monster scaring folks, you're going to get shot in the face.

Velma tries to calm Daphne down by telling her she had to kill the monster woman or it was going to kill Scooby. Oh. So a dog's life is more important than a human life?! Really? I mean, sure, I think so but most people probably don't and I'd rather feel animosity toward the comic book I'm reading rather than kinship, so I have to act offended at the suggestion. Although maybe a dog's life is more important than a mutated human's life? I can totally accept that! Especially since, as I noted, I already think a dog's life is worth more than a human's.

The Gang crawl through the vents so they don't have to kill more humans until they get to the garage and the experimental vehicle, the Mystery Machine! This one's painted military green so it's not very groovy. Yet! I'm sure they can find some paints up in the ruins of Blazing Man.

Before the Gang can get inside the Mystery Machine, they're ambushed by monsters in the rafters. Or mechanics. Whatever. The murder and mayhem will have to wait until next issue.

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