"Let them use cock rings!" -- Famous French Clueless Royal Person Who Gave Out Free Cock Rings and Sparked a Revolution. Seriously. I would tell you to Wiki it but, I mean, someone probably accidentally deleted the entry or something. That's why I don't remember his name. He was an interesting figure because he thought no matter how little the people had, sexual pleasure could make up for most of life's disappointments. But he failed to take into account that most of the poor, unwashed masses he was tossing the cock rings to didn't have any sexual prospects. These losers were already really angry about how life was not only violent and hopeless but it was also withholding from them one of the few things even animals seemed to enjoy willy-nilly. Putting a cock ring in their hands just exacerbated the problem and it wasn't long before royalty, leaders, good looking guys, and fit women who said no were getting their dicks and vaginas chopped off in the public square. It was a time of great unrest although Fedora manufacturers and sellers made a killing.
I should probably put this review behind a pay wall so that Cullen Bunn doesn't accidentally see it and get butt hurt over people having opinions! I can see why he would get upset about my reviews of his work though because my opinions are so close to facts as to be indistinguishable. Was that sentence okay? Did I need a "from them" at the end of it? Why do words and sentences have so many rules? No wonder Cullen Bunn has trouble writing! I wish my Writing Assistant and Editor and Run To The Shop To Buy Sandwiches Boy, Pickle Boy, were still around to fix my writing mistakes. But no! He's gone off to have a family and live a life and grow old and have enough money for a funeral and a grave. What a show off! So now I have to try to make fun of Cullen Bunn's ability to write with a poorly executed and hardly refined writing style! It makes me look like a fucking joke, Pickle Boy! How dare you leave me! Why did you leave me when I needed you the most?! I'm so hungry for a sandwich!
The Commentary!
This issue begins with Sinestro thinking about things that never existed before this moment because they didn't exist before this moment. But now Sinestro needs to make some kind of point about life or something, so now New Korugar is a really harsh place to live. Before now, the Korugarians just wandered around the rocks pissing on Sinestro's reputation. But now they're all running about wildly while a massive dust storm rages around them and the shelters they are not in. Sinestro calmly watches them from a cliff protected in a yellow bubble with his motivational plot device and vagina, Lyssa. Not once does he think, "I guess I don't really fucking care about my people, do I? Has relying on a woman who sees the future crippled my ability to have any insight into my own self? Am I incapable of admitting that I made a mistake seeking out the last of my people? Being angry and a victim seemed like such a good idea at the time but now I'm burdened with a responsibility I never wanted. I just wanted people to not only stop criticizing me but to also maybe praise me for my compassion! By the way, remember to look up 'compassion' in the dictionary to see if I'm doing it right." I suppose this all makes sense because Sinestro is a serious Type-A Personality Dickfuck and will always be a Type-A Personality Dickfuck. He thinks anything he does is the absolutely right thing that should have been done and anybody who disagrees with him is a dumb cunt with delusions of rationality.
Oh! Excuse me! I meant a "dumb barn owl with delusions of rationality." I forget that some people have problems with words but they don't mind if I replace that word with an innocuous word but still infuse it with all the same meaning of the original word. Mostly because not many people know that when I say "barn owl", I really mean "cunt". Most of the time. The other night while driving to one of the stores I clean at about eleven at night, a huge bird swooped down and landed in the opposite lane. I slowly passed by and it was a barn owl just calmly looking at me. You shouldn't read the barn owl in that anecdote as a secret code! I don't think.
Sinestro believes he is making his people strong by making them suffer. Remember that part where I mentioned he was a Type-A Personality Dickfuck? Yeah. Anyway, his people are going to really grow strong in adversity soon because the Red Lanterns are on their way to shit lava and vomit blood all over New Korugar. Oh! I think this story is an allegory about Cullen Bunn and his time at DC Comics!
Soranik takes a bunch of Yellow Lanterns whose names I've never cared to learn and meets a bunch of Red Lanterns whose names I've never cared to learn to fight in space so a bunch of Lanterns whose names I've never cared to learn die.
The fight doesn't last ten years because Geoff Johns isn't writing it. It only lasts a page or two because this is the last issue and Cullen Bunn needs to pack. Besides, the whole point of the fight is to get some terraforming thing that I didn't remember the Red Lanterns had so that Sinestro can prove that he finally looked up compassion in the dictionary.
Ugh! I like him better when he's the hero of his own delusional story and just a Type-A Personality Dickfuck in everybody else's.
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