Friday, June 24, 2016

Detective Comics #935

Sure, Batman gets his name on the cover. What about Batwoman? And what about Black Canary in Green Arrow? And Mera in Aquaman? I'm beginning to suspect there might be sexism in comic books.

The Review!
This is the comic book where Batwoman has wound up so if you're into Batwoman, you're probably going to pick up this comic book. It's not as good as Batwoman was when Blackman and Williams were writing and drawing it. But I don't think we should try to make everything live up to its absolute best! Why should we ask for the highest standard possible from a company whose products we're buying?! I mean, most of you probably aren't buying the products anyway, right. BIG MANGA WINK. So you can't really expect DC to hire the best writers and artists when they aren't getting the money they might be expecting, can you? Plus it's better if the comic isn't absolutely stunning because then it's easier to justify pirating it! Oops! Sorry! I didn't mean to use the P-word! I meant easier to justify reading it on the sly? Reading it fairly for free? Why did I even bring up torrenting and theft and stealing anyway? It has nothing to do with this comic book! It's not my favorite book but it's a decent read and I like Batwoman. Plus Tim and Steph fuck while Cassie watches, so that's probably worth at least half of the cover price, right?

The Commentary!
This issue begins with Batwoman putting the Batkids through a training simulation. It's a super realistic training simulation too! One where Gotham is being attacked by five hundred Jokers while a plague of locusts devours everything in sight. If they can't prove themselves in this simulation, how will they ever be able to stop one Joker? Or two? Or three, at most?! They have to know how to take down five hundred at a time or they're not ready for even one!

Red Robin shuts down the simulation since he designed it. It uses pieces of Clayface to create the scenario which just seems insensitive to Clayface. It also sounds disgusting which is the part that would make me averse to using it. Which "spare" parts of Clayface does it use? Although this is pretty close to my idea of a training room heroes could use where they hire Multiplex to create copies of himself to be the antagonists. He'd probably cost less than robots or machines or this "Mud Room" of Tim's. Plus it would keep him out of trouble.

I guess Batman didn't want Clayface knowing where the Batcave was so he needed a new base to run Bat-School out of.

Wouldn't sharing this great 911 technology with the Gotham Police Department be the responsible thing to do? And ixnay on the aybay, Tim! Ayfaceclay is right erethay!

Tim has spent way too long doing whatever the hell he wanted while answering to nobody, so he's got a problem with Batwoman's training regime. He's probably lucky he's not in jail! He should just bite his stupid lip and keep his head down and do what he's told! You know, like nobody ever likes to do, or to be told to do. Tim decides to take the problem straight to the top. He goes off to whine at Batman.

Bully for Dr. Thompkins! Except her objection is like a Facebook post. It has not teeth or action behind it and she just goes on with the status quo while helping Batman put kids in danger.

I thought the "Doctor" in Dr. Thompkins' name was more of an educational thing. I thought she was into helping counsel orphans and runaways. Or maybe she was just into cutting up dead people! I suppose I should just admit I know nothing about her and should just accept that she has the skills to take care of a comatose Azrael, even when she's telling Batman she doesn't have those skills. I trust Batman more than Dr. Thompkins!

Dr. Thompkins tells Batman that Azrael is in no condition to talk and then the jerk begins talking. Way to throw the doctor under the bus, jerkbro! Luckily Azrael isn't disoriented or groggy when he comes to. He's able to tell Batman about the Colony before he passes out again. I'm no Batman but I think I'd take Azrael's message with a grain of salt. Why would I think he wasn't just ranting and raving about something he was just dreaming? I'm supposed to believe he wakes up from a coma and immediately spouts out helpful information before falling unconscious again? I guess the most important part of what I just said is the part where I said I was no Batman. Batman must have a way of knowing the difference between nonsense and plot devices.

Tim heads back to Steph's apartment to fuck so I guess that's something that's going on. Unless Tim is actually Clayface and Steph is fucking Clayface. I doubt that's happening because that would be rape and nobody wants fans being upset about rape in a story arc. Besides, Clayface already raped Poison Ivy some time ago in Detective Comics #896. For some reason, I don't remember that causing much of a hullabaloo. Probably because the people who get angry about stuff like this don't actually give a shit about reading DC Comics. They just give a shit about making a ruckus and feeling good about screaming at other people. Asking Lord Google about it, I don't see any mention of the rape aside from my own blog. I guess I should have been more vocal about it!

Kate has some family drama with her dad but since I don't like her dad, it probably wasn't an important scene. But it appeared in the story for some reason, right?! Maybe Kate's inability to tie a tie without it leaning to the left will be important later in the story! I'm sure that was the important part of the scene and not the part about how Kate is going to have to keep those kids together fighting the war against crime because Batman is a loner who isn't really good at teamwork.

Surprise! Batman has ulterior motives and is keeping secrets!

Batman is waylaid on his way home by The Colony! For some reason, they think fifty to one is good odds. Not against the Jeezly-Crow Batman, dum-dums! Plus, according to the cover, Batwoman will be along to help! Although not until next issue. So it's weird that that was on the cover, right?!

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