Monday, June 27, 2016

Deathstroke #19

Why does the Lawman want revenge against Snakebite's crotch?

The Review!
This comic book made me think bad things. Really bad things! Bad things that no person ever wants to admit to thinking if they want to win the Holier-Than-Everybody-Else War that is going on in the world! But guess what? I survived! Survived to think more inappropriate things next time! That's a good thing because the next comic book I'm going to read is Cullen Bunn's Sinestro and I know I'm going to need a lot of inappropriate words and phrases to describe the writing in that one! As to describing this book, it was the usual crap it's been since David Finch took over. Or was it Tony S. Daniel who was writing it? Whatever. They're basically the same guy. Both of them draw fish-mouthed men drenched in shadows. Both of them draw woman who look like fourteen year old girls. Both of them love using double splash pages. And neither of them can fucking write. I can't really criticize James Bonny too harshly here because he's just remaining true and emulating Daniel's style. Unless it was Finch.

The Commentary!
Deathstroke has been mishandled for decades now. The most fascinating part about him isn't the love he has for his children. I hate stories that have his kids in them. If Jericho and Rose and Grant were so fascinating, why don't they get their own stupid comic books?! How about letting Deathstroke's book be about Deathstroke's life? His kids just keep getting in the way! They're liabilities! But for some reason, Marv Wolfman had no idea how to keep Douch├ęstork motivated without involving the kids. Even after Grant and Joseph were dead, Slade pouted about for about fourteen issues before discovering he had a new, still alive child! What a mistake! Now instead of reading macho man-stories about a bad-ass mercenary who kills wantonly, I have to read about a guilt-ridden father trying to prove his pretend love by keeping his children who hate him safe. I wish Slade would just kill Jericho again!

Currently, Ra's al Ghul is offering to let Rose die for the low, low price of having nothing whatsoever to do with Deathstroke ever again! I'd take that deal, Slade! I'd even throw in Joseph! But no! Slade wants Rose to live so now he has to trade his pretend love for his kids for Rose's life. Lame.

When looking online for a model of Rose for this shot, Paolo must have spelled "dying woman in pain" as "woman having orgasm."

Ra's just happens to have a panacea in his hip pocket. I wanted to type "a panacea for everything" but everybody would think I'm stupid instead of referencing the stupid local news reporter I once saw whose flub has now entered my and the Non-Certified Spouse's lexicon.

I am not going to ask what the panacea is made from. Looking at it, I already know.

Ra's confirms my suspicions that the elixir is his semen when he tells Deathstroke, "The effects are temporary. She will require a daily dose of the elixir, provided by me." I guess that's why the first dose is in a tube. The second dose is going to require consent.

More Dead Bastards begin showing up so Slade agrees to Ra's al Ghul's rapey terms. Jericho has to help hold Rose's mouth open so Deathstroke is on his own in the fight to come.

I realize as Slade kills another five guys that I've been forgetting to keep track of his Kill Count! I guess it doesn't matter since Rebirth will probably cause him to remember ten years worth of other kills he made in the past and screw up the whole system.

"Take the panacea, Rose! Take it all!"

Jericho enters Rose's mind to coax her back to the world of the living. She's hanging out on a mind-beach in the same outfit has Haley of the Bloodlines Gang: half a pair of shorts and white paint in the shape of a tank top. Jericho is all, "You have to live again, Rose! Can you smell that salty ocean air? Inhale it! Gargle it! Swallow it all!" And just like that, she's alive again! At least until she refuses to suck Ra's al Ghul's cock tomorrow.

Back in the non-rapey part of the story, Lawman and Snakebite have crawled out from under the rubble and challenged Deathstroke to hand-to-hand combat. Deathstroke does not pull out his guns and shoot them in the face. Instead, he drops his weapons and agrees to their after-school terms.

Snakebite stands aside for some reason and waits for Deathstroke to kill Lawman before he gets a turn. The fistfight goes something like this:

Deathstroke: "You're a doody head!"
Lawman: "You are!"
Deathstroke: "Nuh-uh!"
Lawman: "Are too!
Deathstroke: "Take that back!"
Lawman: "No way!"
Deathstroke: "Ewwww! I'm so mad!"

Between their witty banter, they punch each other a lot. Slade's mask breaks early into the fight so the reader can see him grimace. It wouldn't be the same without the grimace! I would be all, "I wonder what Slade is feeling? Is he upset? Happy? Noncommittal?"

A slight feeling of annoyance that you had to drop everything in your life to go after her so nobody would think you don't care which you totally don't?

Slade finally gets the upper hand and is ready to kill both Lawman and Snakebite when Mystasia finally figures out how to reform from mist. She blinds Deathstroke so that Lawman and Snakebite can kill him easier. But she also makes sure to tell Deathstroke that the blindness is temporary. Was that a joke? Temporary because he'll be dead soon? No, I think that was just so the readers know Slade's vision will return after he kills everybody while blind. He has heightened senses, remember!

Jericho and Rose appear and Victor commands the Dead Bastards to retreat. I don't think they were that scared of Rose and Jericho. I think it was Ra's standing behind them that made them flee. Luckily Victor yells out the latitude and longitude of Danger Island so that everybody can easily find them.

Everybody heads back to Nanda Parbat (the Arrow television version and not the real one that actually exists in the DC Universe (you know what I mean by real!). There Slade discovers that the deal with Ra's to work for the League of Assassins included Rose and Jericho. He's actually surprised and upset by this! How did he think Rose was going to get her daily tonic if she were working as a waitress in Eureka?

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