Thursday, June 30, 2016

Cyborg #12

Wasn't this the cover to Issue #11?

The Review!
I'm assuming this is the last issue because it said "The End." at the end and also I'm eating cake. You've got to celebrate the little things. And the things that are a little bigger than even the little things like not having to read this comic book anymore. I'm fairly certain it's dried up my levels of serotonin. Which might also be the reason for eating all of that cake. As for the actual review of this issue, it was a structurally sound comic book where the good guy defeats the bad guys while also showing empathy, compassion, and muscles. But it suffers from poor editing, especially at the end when the world is destroyed. Or should have been destroyed. Maybe the world is saved by bad editing because the editor didn't go, "Hey, Marv? Are you sure you wrote this ending correctly? I think the world would collapse into a black hole the way you've written it." But since the editor didn't say that, the world lived! Hooray for bad editing failing to catch bad writing! Or something?

The Commentary!
Just as Cyborg's twenty-four hours in a test tube are coming to an end, STAR Labs suffers a break-in by a super couple. Their outfits are like space suits or scuba gear and their skin is pale, so I'm guessing they're somehow sick. I bet they're love sick! They're probably lovers whose super powers won't allow them to do it and so they've come to STAR Labs for a cure! Their names are probably Rome and Jules. Cyborg just got done learning a lesson about jumping to conclusions last issue so let's see if he applies it to this situation! Maybe these two aren't breaking into STAR Labs? It must be the Fourth of July weekend because nobody seems to be around to answer the door so the two just snuck in using their powers. Maybe the lesson Cyborg learned last issue was that when he suspects somebody is a villain, he'd better make damn sure they're white so he doesn't feel guilty later.

If a reader couldn't tell the two lovers were white people, they mention their names are Parker and Autumn. Autumn accidentally kills the one guard on duty so now Cyborg is really going to think they're bad guys! Because bad guys kill people! Although they are white, so he probably won't rat them out to the FBI and ruin their lives until he's sure that they killed the guard with malice, intent, and forethought. I bet Afrooz and her fiance's life is more ruined than these kids' lives will be and they killed somebody.

Sure. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe the covers of Issue #11 and Issue #12 were similar for a reason! They're supposed to make the reader think they're basically the same issue. But in one, Cyborg sees an Afghani Muslim and instantly blames her for everything that is going on and reports her to the FBI to put on their Terrorist Watch List and completely ruins her life while she's just sitting around minding her own business. But in this issue, two young white kids break into STAR Labs, kill a guard, and assault Cyborg but he still thinks he can talk them out of trouble and send them back to being good little white citizens. Why is Marv Wolfman making Cyborg the face of racist authoritarian thought?! It seems like a fishy message to me!

Because Cyborg is willing to talk to these two criminals, he learns that they've simply come to STAR Labs to steal something. But in a good way! They're dying and the something was built by their father and STAR Labs killed their mother and, hey, Cyborg, did you notice they're skin tone? I'd say they deserve the benefit of the doubt and lots and lots of second chances, wouldn't you?!

Cyborg listens to the kids' story which has something to do with how lax security is for the Red Room but I'm not concentrating very well because I kept thinking, "This brother and sister are lovers? Gross!"

Cyborg learns that the kids just want to live normal white lives where nothing sad ever happens. But instead they have a disease that's killing them which is totally not fair at all. Cyborg is all, "Yeah! I totally get that! I also have lived an unfair life full of non-fairness! I mean, I was a high school football star and my parents were rich scientists and all the cheerleaders dug me. But then I was killed and I was all, 'Oh man! This sucks! Life is the worst!' So I totally get where you're coming from and I will totally help you and not once think of turning you into the FBI because I understand that you are individuals with an individual problem and do not represent all of the evil ever."

Sarah Charles and Silas Stone burst into the room after Cyborg administered an experimental cure to Autumn. Sarah is all, "Why weren't you responding to my texts?! You should be instantly responding to my texts! I just gave you a nineteen hour hand-job and you have the nerve to not respond to my fucking texts immediately?!" And Silas is all, "Oh, and by the way, these kids murdered a guard so maybe you should think about the other side of the coin of prejudice, privilege, you dumb skunk." It's at this point that everybody panics and a fight breaks out.

During the fight, Cyborg learns a lesson.

When Cyborg says "Maybe he could've preserved more of what I was," he means his penis.

Cyborg's father's love is proved beyond a shadow of a doubt when they learn that the criminals' father's cure has actually turned them into potential human black holes.

To contain the black hole, Autumn makes an impenetrable cocoon around Parker. I might accept that Autumn could make a strong enough cocoon to contain a small black hole created inside of a human being except for one small issue: Autumn is the one turning into a black hole. So, you know, whoops! World over! Everything sucked into Autumn as she encased her brother/lover! But at least Cyborg and his father have cleared up a few Daddy Issues. Except now that his Daddy Issues don't exist, neither does this comic book! It ends because Cyborg has nothing more to work through! And that's that for Cyborg! Except for the final surprise ending twist!

Oh my god! So tense and drama-like!

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