Teen Titans #20

I still can't see New 52 Raven without thinking, "Is everybody at DC blind and/or stupid?"

The Review!
Tony Bedard swoops in to salvage the mess this comic book has become and build a decent transition into Rebirth. It looks like his job is to lift the Teen Titans out of the super villain pit they've dug themselves into so that they can at least be not quite heroic but at least not lawbreakers by the time they get their Rebirth. Tony Bedard did a lot of work for DC in the early New 52 and I felt most of it was competent and entertaining. He doesn't disappoint even with this disappointment of a comic book. In fact, he actually does the impossible and writes a Teen Titans comic book that didn't cause me to question every one of my life choices up until this moment. Plus he writes Brain and Mallah as a couple although, as usual, it doesn't seem like he got the editorial thumbs-up to outright state that they're in a relationship. Mostly I'd say that's okay because I'm all for subtlety in writing over explicit declarations but in the current popular culture environment where mainstream companies are desperate to get gay viewers by playing games of "Homo or not homo?" with same sex character relationships, I think sometimes an outright labeling is more than appropriate. Editorial allowed a stupid "That's not a pickle jar" caption that really seemed like a dildo joke but they didn't okay a "Lovers" tag for the duo? I was going to say "Gay Lovers" tag because I think that's appropriate but maybe it's a little too confining for a sentient ape in love with a brain in a butt plug.

The Commentary!
Am I allowed to snidely ask an obviously sighted person if they're blind when they're aesthetic tastes are garbage? Probably not, right? But I am allowed to ask an obviously stupid person if they're stupid because nobody believes they're actually stupid even though, statistically speaking, most people are stupid, right? I'm including people of average intelligence in the stupid category because have you ever had a discussion with one of them? So stupid. Obviously I'm highly intelligent! But not in that "Nobody thinks they're stupid" way I meant earlier! I'm intelligent in provable ways! Like how I've...um...uh...well, I mean, I'm not ambitious or anything so my failure at life isn't proof of anything! Don't you dare think I'm stupid!

Because nobody thinks they're stupid, if you ever want to really anger somebody in an argument or a debate, just call them stupid. I can't be responsible for any violence that takes place if you dare to try this. Another way to anger somebody you're arguing with is to use one of the easily available appropriate racial epithets if they're not white (or if they're one of those ethnic whites that have a history of being trod upon, like dagos or micks) or call them a racist if they're just your average, run-of-the-mill whitey. "Racist" is about the only word you can use on whites that's equitable to a racial slur because when have they ever been, as an entire group, in a powerless situation where their humanity has been taken away by a single word (you know, excluding the dagos and the micks!)? But you call a white person racist and just watch their head explode!

Here's an offensive fact: I just now discovered that I'm a dago! I consulted Lord Google for the spelling because I might not mind sounding racist while getting a point across but I certainly don't want to look stupid by spelling something wrong! While doing so, I discovered dago refers to Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese people in the UK! Being American, I thought it was just a derogatory word for Italians. But apparently in UK English, you can catch a whole swath of swarthy foreigners in the net of your racism! Now when somebody calls me a spic, I can say, "I prefer the term 'dago'." Although then they'll just assume I'm Italian so maybe I should just punch them in the face instead.

My mother was fully Spanish although she was second generation born in America so I really only think of myself as Spanish when it comes to my heritage. More correctly, I think of myself as California Spanish. What that means is that I'm born from people who are constantly correcting people who call them Mexican or Portuguese because if there's one thing that my Spanish ancestors brought with them from Spain, it was the haughty attitude to feel better than other Hispanics based on the region from which they were born.

Can you tell I'm not really interested in reading this comic book? I should probably not judge it too harshly before reading it because Tony Bedard has taken over as writer and I remember once praising Bedard (when he was writing Blue Beetle) for being one of the few writers to set up a plot where the super villain actually had a motivation that wasn't his hatred for the hero. Might be this the first Teen Titans comic book ever to have the Teen Titans doing something heroic as opposed to something completely and utterly selfish?!

The issue begins with Lex discovering he's been memed.

The other memes Luthor scrolls down will never become memes because they're aren't clever enough. But I did laugh when, on the next page, Luthor gets his first bit of panel time with the caption: Lex Luthor. Owns Metropolis.

Luthor points out that, like Blue Falcon, he does not take offense at thoughtless words. But he points out that some villains aren't as thick-skinned as he is.

Hit the sirens! Drop the confetti! Comic book history has just been made! The Gorilla/Guerrilla pun has just been used for the millionth time! Hooray!

So apparently there's a new superhero named Metatroll93 and his super power is pissing off super villains! He'd fit right in with the Teen Titans since the only villains they fight are villains gunning for them personally. Oh how I hope Metatroll93 joins the Titans! I would have guessed it was a Titan, like Bunker or Changeling, but my assumption is that the "93" is the birth year which would make Metatroll93 too old to be a Teen Titan.

I think there's a dildo or butt plug joke on the next page:

Speaking to Mallah like he's just some dumb ape diminishes their relationship more effectively than any Internet meme!

Brain and Mallah are definitely in a gay relationship here. It's as overt as editorial probably allowed it to be without actually having a caption that says, "Brain and Monsieur Mallah. Friends and Lovers." The dialogue is only proof that they care about each other. It's the visuals that make it plain they're also in a physical relationship.

Yep. Dildo and/or butt plug.

The Teen Titans are still on the run from the law and I have to give Bedard credit. He could easily have come on board and not mentioned that the Titans have continually broken the law for their own selfish desires making them unlikeable assholes not worth my time. Actually, maybe I shouldn't give him credit at all! He had an opportunity to bridge the gap between The New 52 and Rebirth by doing whatever he wanted with these characters. He could have simply pretended they were heroic the way Marv Wolfman would do month after month without any evidence to back up his claims!

The Titans are running a training exercise where they learn that they're all really poorly trained. Except for Red Robin, of course.

Do tigers breathe fire? I don't get it.

After the Titans learn that anybody trained by Batman is five batrillion-zillion times better than any other hero, I find out why Bedard chose to continue the whole "the Titans are acting like super villains" story arc that all of the other shitty writers on this comic book stuck him with.

See? I have so little ambition, I just wanted Bedard to use a shortcut to fix the Titans. But he's chosen to turn it into an actual story! Kudos!

Let me guess! The Titans will save Metatroll93 from Brain and Mallah which will show Metatroll93 that the Teen Titans really are heroes! Then Metatroll93 will start a new meme which everybody will pick up on expressing how the Titans are heroes. And since the populace of the DC Universe is so fickle and easily manipulated, everybody will agree that the Teen Titans truly are heroic once again! Although were they truly ever? Should I have left out the "once again" bit?

My guess immediately goes off the rails because I forgot to account for New 52 Red Robin's penchant for acting selfish and being a bully. His plan is to confront Metatroll93 and convince him to use his viral powers of propaganda to make the Titans look heroic. Failing that, he and the Teen Titans will shut down Metatroll93's site so that he can't make fun of them any more. I suppose this reasoning at least gets the Teen Titans on site so that they can save Metatroll93 from Brain and Mallah. Which can then dovetail into my prediction nicely. Bedard's version has the added bonus of keeping the Titans in character, no matter how awful that character has become thanks to Pak, Pfeifer, and Lobdell.

The Titans find that Mallah and The Brain have already gotten to Metatroll93 and taken over his brain with Brotherhood of Evil gadgets. I guess they were trying to harness his meme ability for their own uses. They were probably the ones who made the Red Robin meme since it was a bit more clever than most of Metatroll93's memes. Since the Teen Titans are used to getting caught with their pants down (Red Robin's phrasing!), Mallah and The Brain succesfully ambush them and stick a mind-control gadget on the back of Wonder Girl. Now Red Robin has to beat her ass again next issue!