Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Cyborg #11

Diversity at DC Comics! Present Cyborg as the angry black man who can withstand fire! Such stereotypes!

The Review!
Isn't it about time to give up on Cyborg? He's not as fascinating as DC wants me to think he is. But I guess they don't have a great history of black characters to turn into star characters. My preference would be for Black Lightning. He's got a lot more personality and as long as the colorist remembers to make his lightning bolts black, his name isn't really racist! Of course, DC wouldn't have this problem of Cyborg not being interesting enough to be a star if they just had a more diverse cast of heroes who were popular. The problem is trying to make any character as popular as Batman! It's like there's no formula for how a character gets super popular that they could follow! I mean, Batman isn't anything like Harley Quinn! And Harley Quinn isn't anything like Lobo! Except for the really white skin. But you know what? That isn't going to work here! That's about the extent of my wisdom on this subject!

The Commentary!
My friend and yours, Marv Wolfman, is finishing up the Cyborg comic book because Walker's version wasn't radical enough. Probably because DC didn't want to alienate their angry white male readers by presenting an angry black man who discovered he wasn't emasculated at all and could bang all the white women he wanted. Not that Victor was necessarily only into white women. I think his main kink is women named "Sarah". Anyway, since Marv Wolfman invented Cyborg (I think? That's the best fact checking you'll get out of me!), he must truly understand the character! Like the way he's constantly saying "Holmes!" in 2016! Has a black man ever been portrayed more earnestly? Not that any one black character could represent every black person in the world! I would never say that! Probably 80-90 percent though, right?

Normally I would look at Cyborg and think, "That's a robot!" But I guess now I look at him and think, "That's the black character DC Comics has decided will be as popular one day as Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman!" They really keep trying and he really just keeps coming off as boring. I had high hopes for the Walker run but forgot about my high hopes almost immediately when the series caused me to nod off and spill my tea. Now I really don't have high hopes about Cyborg's future if he's back in Marv Wolfman's hands!

Whew! That's enough discussion about race! I think I may have solved racism in America! I'm going to go outside and see if all of my white neighbors congratulate me!

Currently, Cyborg is being experimented on by his father. Again! While his body is down, Cyborg decides to interface with the Internet and deal with all of the world's problems at once.

Such insightful political and social commentary!

Cyborg discovers a plane's electronic systems have been hijacked and he begins trying to figure out how to get control of the plane back. He knows the flight number immediately but doesn't realize it's Sarah's plane even though the first thing he did before his body was put in stasis was check on Sarah's flight. He's not the smartest computer in the server room! Did that make sense? I probably should just assume it made sense instead of calling attention to it just in case it doesn't make sense.

Cyborg can't seem to get control of the plane and he can't contact the Justice League because they're all in space on a mission. Funny how they're constantly in space on a mission when somebody needs them and yet I never read any stories where they're in space on a mission.

Cyborg notices there's a woman from Afghanistan on the plane so obviously she's the terrorist. Uh oh! I think Victor might be about to learn a little something about prejudice!

Cyborg stopped checking the passenger list when he came to this woman, Afrooz Abad. Is he crazy?! There might be other people from Afghanistan on board who might be the real terrorist!

After Cyborg stopped checking the passenger list because he obviously found the terrorist, he checks the passenger list to discover Sarah is on the plane. Even though he should have already known she was on this plane, remember?! I wonder if Cyborg will get nicknamed World's Worstest Detective?

Cyborg begins to investigate Abad and discovers she's totally clean. Which only makes him more suspicious! She must be the culprit!

Sarah begins acting even more strangely than Abad but nobody has security wrestle her to the ground because she's speaking English and isn't wearing a hijab. Unless it's called something else because remember that thing I said earlier about my fact checking! Sarah rigs up the entertainment system to distract everybody on board with Facebook. I'm surprised they're calling it Facebook in a DC comic book. Isn't the DC Universe filled with bad clones of real products?

Along with the plane catastrophe, Victor notices a bunch of warehouse fires around the world with similar modus operandi. Modi operandi? I really should see if I can rehire Pickle Boy to do the fact checking around here! Anyway, the warehouses that are all burning seem to be run by criminal syndicates. So it's a good thing! Except for the workers trapped in the warehouses and about to die because they don't know how to open an exit door.

This is a bad thing! Unless they're complicit in the crimes happening in these warehouses. Then it's a grey thing!

Cyborg alerts the authorities so they know that there will be burned bodies in the ashes of the burned down buildings. I assume that's why he alerts them since he already knows help is on the way but they're stuck due to the traffic lights all being down and chaos ensuing in the streets. Does he think the authorities will somehow get around that chaos because he told them people were trapped in the burning buildings? Maybe he should fix the traffic lights while he's doing everything else.

Cyborg realizes that everything happening isn't a terror threat but a gangland protection racket thing. I guess it's only terrorism if the wrong people use violence and destruction against the white people. I mean right people. But the plane is still having trouble for some interrelated reason, so Cyborg turns his attention to saving Dr. Charles. Plus the other people.

I wonder if by the end of this story, Cyborg is going to apologize to Afrooz and her fiance for getting them on the FBI's Terror Watch List?

So Cyborg's powers are sufficiently technological as to be magic now. Awesome.

Cyborg discovers that the real bad guys are Dark Net people. Ooh! The Dark Net! Now there's a good bogeyman for Cyborg to constantly battle! Although it might not be good material for a comic book since he'll ninety percent of the time, he'll probably be busting child porn rings.

Cyborg makes sure to feel really badly about his prejudice. Lesson learned! That lesson was that black people can be racist too, right? Is that what Marv was saying?

And finally, 19 hour hand job time!

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