Thursday, February 27, 2014

Worlds' Finest Annual #1

Is this the line where I make the "Fist Contact" joke?

Another annual to get through! It's not too bad because I like these characters. Unlike trying to slog though an extra issue of Teen Titans. Plus a bonus cover by Emanuela Lupacchino! Let's just look at that awhile. Can I just look at it for an hour and then end my commentary? Maybe make punching noises? Socko! Blammo! Pow! Right in the cock sucker!

Maybe I shouldn't assume that The Huntress is into dick. It's not like she's flying around like Power Girl fucking every good looking boy she can get her super fast hands on. She could have a crush on her best friend. Or maybe she just doesn't ever think about fucking because justice is so important! "How can one, lone Robin think about a full pair of lips rubbing themselves gently across her blossoming lady flower when evil's tongue licks salaciously at the sight of Justice's full rump?" is what she would probably say.

This Annual is called "The Adventures of Robin and Supergirl" because it takes place years ago on Earth 2. It begins with Batman and Robin raiding the best little whorehouse in Gotham.

This guy is desperately trying to remember the policy on refunds. Or if his consort has time to finish her handjob before Batman and Robin turn their attention toward him.

Once all the hired muscle are unconscious, Batman sends Robin home because he doesn't want her dying like her mom did. That's actually the case they're working on right now: The Case of the Curious Cat. Batman is terrified of losing Helena as well, so he doesn't want her risking her life. But she probably will risk it! Just like Dick did in Batman and Robin Annual #2! Maybe I can just copy and paste what I said there and use it here.

I really can use my commentary from Tomasi's Annual! Batman realizes Robin isn't going home because she's a teenager so he follows her discretely to see how she does on her own. I hope she doesn't resort to using a gun. She doesn't use a gun but she manages to spear a guy through the liver with a fire poker! I think Helena can get away with murder because she's the daughter of Bruce's true love, Selina. Plus life is dirt cheap on Earth 2! Probably. It's a pretty shitty Earth.

Everybody on New Earth suffers from Daddy Issues and everyone on Earth 2 suffers from Stockholm Syndrome. That's why Superman became Flip the Fuck Out Superman after being kidnapped by Darkseid! And Batman became Bedlam and Wonder Woman became Beguile!

The second chapter is about Power Girl going out on the town to learn about how awesome sex probably is. I mean how awesome it definitely is! Especially when the one thing happens to the lady! And then that other thing happens to the person the lady is doing it to! So awesome. Power Girl wants to find out about that and her Cousin Kal refuses to show her! He won't even let her watch when he does it to Lois! So she's going to find out tonight no matter what the cost! As long as the cost is under twenty dollars because Kal is also a cheapskate when it comes to her allowance.

He must be a super villain because she didn't break his face with her super kissing.

Before Supergirl can find out what Ken's dick tastes like, the Worldgov building explodes. Ken becomes worried because his father, Kaizen Gamorra, was inside. He leaves Kara in the men's bathroom at the park where she's able to change into her Supergirl suit and fly off to save the day. But she's a big secret that has never been allowed to leave the house, so she can't be seen or Superman will be pissed. And since this chapter began with her crying and saying Superman will be pissed, I'm guessing she was seen!

Or maybe just responsible for Ken's death when the men's bathroom he brings his dates to collapses on him.

In Chapter Three, Helena and Kara finally get to hang out as they investigate the explosion that killed Ken. Supergirl says, "Duh!" And Robin says, "Leave the investigating to me!" And Supergirl says, "Duh!" And Robin says, "I think I found a clue!" And Supergirl says "OWIE!" as the clue punches her in all the lady parts.

All her parts are lady parts!

The clue flees when Supergirl has to stop being punched long enough to save Robin from being crushed in the rubble. But they eventually track her down and continue the fight because they had to change locations for some reason! Perhaps it's because they had to wind up where Wonder Woman was so the cover wouldn't be a total lie. Wonder Woman doesn't want Supergirl beating up the clue because the clue is her daughter, Fury. For some reason, Wonder Woman's daughter is now working with Apokolips. Also she Boom Tubes to safety while Supergirl and Wonder Woman argue. And that's the end of that for some reason.

Worlds' Finest Annual #1 Rating: I guess I just spent $4.99 to find out that Fury was Wonder Woman's daughter! I guess if you twisted my arm (and other things if I ask nicely), I'd say there was more to this comic book than that revelation. But not much more! Maybe the fact that we found out Batman of Earth 2 is ticklish! That might be important later. Maybe that's how they'll defeat Bedlam! By throwing a tickle party in his pants.

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