Friday, September 7, 2012

Stormwatch #0

The issue begins in the present in Hyperspace. Stormwatch has just pulled a strange alien creature from the space just outside our solar system. Or just on the inner outer border. It makes Midnighter feel uncomfortable and I think that's all the warning anybody needs to get rid of the thing. The creature looks a bit like a cosmic fly with a crocodile tail and a bouquet of eyes growing out of its head. I'd scan the picture instead of describing it but that would be a waste of about 967 words.

Meanwhile, Jenny Quantum is doing philosophical math poetry when she's visited by Adam One.

Maybe she's simply finger painting.

I don't know if Adam One is really back or not. Harry has recently gathered some technology to help him act as The Fourth Man so he may be using it to impersonate Adam One first. Or he could really be back since he's as old as the universe itself and can probably do anything he wants. Merlin is the only other person in The New 52 that is as old as the universe. And Merlin created Stormwatch. Adam One must have a relationship with Merlin but I don't think any of that has yet to be explored. Unless they're one and the same since Adam One ages backwards. But I actually hope they're two different characters. And rivals! Also, if there is an Adam One, maybe there's also an Adam Two. Oh! And an Adam Three! Whoa! Or even more than that because numbers can't be stopped.

Adam has returned to tell Jenny Quantum a story. He interrupts her "eleven dimensional multi-linear game" (so that's what she was doing!) because this story is very important. Let this be a lesson to you! Stories are more important than games.

Fuck. Let that be a lesson to me too. One I should have learned that time I was really in a down place, so I called out to Ganeesha to remove those obstacles that were keeping me in this perpetual state of gloom and depression. The very next day, my Xbox 360 got the red ring of death. Fucking asshole smart-ass elephant god. If I were one to believe in a higher power, I'd be Hindu now! That's why the Christian, Jewish, and Moslem Muslim God (all the same God, really. What? You think three different Gods spoke to three different Abrahams who all had two children named Ishmael and Isaac? Now that's faith!) have such strong prohibitions against idols. Because if you've got an idol in the house (my Ganeesha bamboo curtain (and statue (and elephant-carved television stand (and...and...and....)))) and you happen to be looking at it when you pray, you'll believe that whatever you prayed at made your prayer come true! Anyway, I think the lesson I was supposed to learn was games weren't as important as masturbation stories.

Footnote in the middle of everything explaining the strike-thru Moslem: I've been reading "The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night" and Moslem is the spelling of Muslim throughout the book. That is all.

Adam One's story takes place in Araby in 1013 CE. It is the story of the Century Baby of this age as she learns of her place.

I believe this is the first blatant mention that Stormwatch and the Demon Knights are one and the same. It was hinted at before when Merlin mentioned setting up an organization to "watch the storms" of coming conflict and disaster.

Since this takes place in 1013 CE, it may help fix where exactly in time the Demon Knights comic book is taking place. From the hints gathered so far in the comic book, it takes place 600 years after one of the falls of Camelot that already looked as if it took place somewhere in the Middle Ages. Then the Demon Knights met a man in Briton that had a Viking ancestor which made me assume the time was at least past 900 CE. But the list of ancestors the man gave sounded like his family had yet to mix with the Normans. I believe my vague dating of Demon Knights was "somewhere in-between 900 CE and 1200 CE." I guess when this old guy takes Princess Janeen to meet the Demon Knights, we'll see what the current line up is. I'm sure it won't be the same so Demon Knights probably takes place between 900 CE and 1000 CE.

Princess Janeen hesitates and refuses to join because, frankly, it sounds like work. Who wants to give up the life of a princess for a life of fighting threats to the world? Gag me with a knife! I don't think spoons were invented yet! But then something completely and utterly awesome changes her mind.

My guess is they have opposable penises to be able to build these suits.

The Princess's family had been mysteriously murdered a few months earlier. As an orphan, she finds a new family in the Demon Knights and helps stop the Fin Assassins with her super powers derived from the technology of this century: geometry and solid algebra. So is she Jenny Mathematics?

Aha! Same Demon Knights just light a few mortal members. So this panel doesn't help narrow it down any further. But I've got a much narrower idea of the Demon Knights time and place now.

I like the Fin Assassins for a lot of reasons but I think mostly they're another great Stormwatch threat akin to the Neanderthals. A threat that originates on Earth and not from space. Not that space threats couldn't have been happening the entire time man has been on Earth. But it makes a lot of sense that the majority of threats would derive from the planet.

More story ensues...

If Adam One wasn't being so wishy washy about whether or not he is the old man in the story, this would answer the question if he's Merlin. Also, I like that she's been named Countess Jenny when her power is Math. Good one!

Countess Jenny is sent off to that other place by Planetary The Shadow Lords for using her power irresponsibly. Merlin shrugs his shoulders and gets on with his life.

Later in 1347, the Daemonites make their first invasion of Earth. Adam suggests that the Demon Knights are already familiar with them which is a good thing to have him say since the Daemonites have been trying to capture Camelot for hundreds if not thousands of years by this point. But this must be their first full scale invasion and the first time the common man becomes aware of them.

Is this the main part of the Origin of Stormwatch? The name?

Sister J was the Century Baby of the previous incarnation of Stormwatch against the Daemonites. The power of her century was Faith. Later, Adam One tells the story of the 19th Century Baby, Jenny Freedom, an escaped slave in America. Her powers were light and steam. So she's the one I assumed would be called Jenny Steam! I think I like Jenny Freedom a little bit better. But just a little bit! And after I typed all of that, I'm going to go ahead and scan in the panel because it actually brought a tear to my eye. Remember when I said I was a pantywaist? Yeah, sometimes I speak the truth!

Jenny Freedom needs a fucking comic book of her own. Right now. NOW!

And then he introduces Jenny Quantum to Jenny Sparks. And again, I just have to scan it because it's too perfect.

Jenny Sparks combined the power of Electricity and Punk Rock.

Adam One tells this history to Jenny because Merlin had a vision hundreds of years ago when Stormwatch will turn on itself. The vision took place in a time with costumed heroes. That time is now and Adam One wants Jenny to be prepared. It will be up to her to save Stormwatch.

Oh look! There's that creature I described poorly earlier!

Stormwatch #0 Rating: Peter Milligan nails it! "UNH UNH UNH! TAKE IT, STORMBITCH!"

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