Green Arrow #0

I haven't commented on any of the Zero Issue covers so far because they're all the same. They all even use the exact same torn circle except with a variety of colors filling the void. So this is my first comment about a Zero cover: thank fucking Chaos that Harvey Tolibao is not listed as an artist! My enthusiasm is, of course, tempered by the fact that Ann Nocenti's name is still on the cover. Oh well. Let me predict now that this will be the worst Zero Issue comic book I've read so far.

The comic begins "several years ago", so it's the first out of eight I've read so far that decided not to specify when the Origin takes place. So, you know, a few years ago, this guy named Oswald or Olivier or something ended up on a desert island and he had to eat or something. So he learned to shoot an arrow out of a bow really good or well or whatever. Then he was rescued by Aquaman and he called Aquaman a fish fucker and Aquaman hated him ever since and Oswaliver Green turned into a super hero because shooting arrows better than anyone else in the world is totally a valid reason to don a mask and fight crime.

Is that acceptable? Do I still have to read this thing? I'm a bit nervous.

*sigh*

*deep breath*

Okay! Here I go!

And then I'm pardoned! It's a miracle! Thank you, Lord Chaos, for changing Ann Nocenti in Judd Winick because I believed! I BELIEVED!

I've never been happy to see Judd Winick's name in my life! Until now!

Ollie has been sent to an offshore oil rig owned by his father to "mind the clock." I don't know what that means. And he evidently doesn't either because he's throwing a rave on deck. He's getting drunk and showing his friends everything he's learned so far from his Archery Tutor. Which isn't much. But that's because you don't learn archery from a teacher! You learn archery from desperation and hunger games! You learn archery only when your life depends on it! Or at least I'm pretty sure that's how the Olympians train.

Ollie's job on the rig is really just a punishment handed down by his father. Ollie is nineteen and has zero work ethic. He's bitching about how his father's company is raping the ocean but he merely gets drunk and parties and refuses to do a good job at any of the jobs his father gives him. Merely bitching and going against the corporate ethic isn't being green and a friend to the environment. Ollie is nothing more than a spoiled rich kid. He shows no care for anything but himself. I thought maybe his time stranded on the island would show how he evolves into a crusader for actual change but this shitty attitude actually fits the same shitty attitude he displayed in Krul and Nocenti's runs on the regular issues. So I have no hope for this bastard!

And then the party ends rather abruptly.

Put your arms around me! Every little bit of your love! You know what you do! I'll make love to you! You got the right stuff and I do to! I've got a line on you, babe!

Iron Eagle and his gang are international oil thieves. Apparently the best way to make a lot of easy money is to fly out to oil rigs, siphon off millions of dollars worth of crude oil, load it into dozens of helicopters, fly it back to the refinery you own in some secret location (probably the Arctic which is sometimes the Antarctic), barrel it, and then sell it on the Black Gold Black Market. Easy peasy!

Oh yeah. The woman in the front there is Ollie's girlfriend of seven months.

Even though Iron Eagle assures everyone that no harm will come to anything, Oliver Queen decides to fight back using his horrible bow and arrow skills. This doesn't sound like a good idea. Hasn't Ollie ever seen Passanger 57? That movie, by the way, is on my list as the worst movie I've ever seen. Wesley Snipes plays some cop or something that's traumatized because his wife (I think?) was killed in a convenience store robbery that went bad because he interfered. Just like Ollie is going to do now! But what makes Passenger 57 so incredibly terrible is that Wesley Snipes is traumatized by this event. But then he ends up on a plane in a hostage situation much like this rig! Nobody acts up and everyone will be okay! But Wesley Snipes decides that he can save the day! He can find redemption! So he acts up to try to save the day and the hostages kill some people. The same Goddamn thing happens! But this time, it's water off a duck's back for good old Wesley. "Bah! This has happened to me before! Situation where everything probably would have went smoothly if I hadn't decided to act like a big shot! Bah! Big deal! And since people have already died because of me, I think I'll save the day by forcing the hijackers to land the plane so we can fight on a ferris wheel and then we'll get back on the plane and fly around some more before more people die but I save the day and become a hero!" Or something like that. It's been a long time since I've seen that stupid ass movie.

Ollie defeats some guards and gets into a position to save the day!

Raven? Who the fuck is Raven? That's Iron Eagle, you narcissistic jerk! Too busy stroking your own ego to give him a listen when he introduces himself amidst all of the explosions? Asshole!

Ollie makes the shot. Too bad for him the detonator has a dead man's switch on it. Which, I have to say, Judd Winick doesn't explain at all! He doesn't force a stupid Narration Box in so that Ollie says explains it while nearly dying. He just has Williams show the detonator fall over the side of the rig with the pin popping out and everything exploding. Nicely done although it won't be enough to save this story!

Ollie's friend who he kept mentioning by his full name over and over, Tommy Merlyn tackles him from the rig and they fall in the water. Ollie is unharmed while Tommy is burnt all over and apparently dies. But since Winick repeats his name a few times and the art focuses on the medallion around his neck, I can't help but think this guy is a major Green Arrow nemesis. Anybody want to catch me up on this guy if he's someone from Preboot history?

Oliver Queen ends up stranded on a tropical island, crying from his guilty conscious and learning to hunt with a bow. Twelve months later, Oliver Queen is back on land and bailing Roy Harper out of jail. Not because he knows him. But because of what he's heard about him.

Ollie finishes with "I need to make things right. One arrow at a time."

So this Origin story gives him so major motivation for doing the right thing. He does need redemption since he feels he's responsible for all the deaths on the oil rig. And maybe he is. My only problem with this motivation is that it doesn't come across at all in the pages of his comic. Especially the first run by Krul and the later run by Nocenti. Arrow is just a selfish bastard with odd and changing motivations. But I guess that'll happen when you're 12 comics in (plus a Zero issue!) and you've had four different writers! And not one of them has managed to write a really good Green Arrow story. Giffen's run was fine but dated. And this story is passable.

Green Arrow #0 Rating: Passable!