Friday, September 28, 2012

Teen Titans #0

The comic begins with Batman telling Tim Drake's origin story. It sounds like Batman has just pulled up a seat at the bar and decided to blab all of his and Tim Drake's secrets to the bartender. Or the drunk guy sitting next to him. Who would Batman actually be telling this story to? Maybe he's trading stories with The Joker. Joker just told him how he was the brains behind the creation of Jason Todd's Robin persona and Batman decided to tell Joker how Tim Drake came along.

Apparently Dick has already left the nest cave and Jason has already bitten the farm. Bought the bullet? And even though Alfred completely thought the last two Robins were a bad idea (and Jason's death kind of, maybe, proved that?), he's now decided to shop around for a new one for Master Bruce. I guess this is similar to buying a kid a new puppy after you backed over the previous one in the driveway.

He's come even closer than Dick Grayson who figured out your secret identity the first time he ever met you? Don't worry, Batman. That speech bubble can be edited in the Trade.

So Tim Drake spends every waking moment trying to figure out who Batman is? I guess while he's training to be an athlete and doing gymnastics and his constant studying, he's thinking about who Batman could be. All this statement tells me is that Tim Drake isn't very smart. If he's doing that much research and he can't figure out Bruce Wayne is Batman, then he's just a stupid chump. Especially since Dick didn't do any research and didn't put any thought behind it at all and he figured it out after meeting both Bruce Wayne and Batman just one time each. Tim, you suck at sleuthing.

Batman admits to having shitty detective skills. Oh, wait. I think this was meant as a compliment to Tim! Nevermind.

Batman sure is laying it on thick. No wonder Damian hates Tim Drake. Batman has a gigantic hard on for this kid. In a totally platonic way, of course!

Immediately after saying how close Tim has come to discovering his identity and how he spends every minute researching Batman's identity and then compares Tim's detective skills to his own, he continues the story which contradicts all of that.

I'm also digging Batman's change of tense. He's no longer telling the story; he's now narrating the action live!

Batman meets Tim at this location allowing Tim to believe he figured out Batman's identity. But then Batman points out that he planted all of the information for Tim to find so that Tim would come to this conclusion. Batman also apparently knew that Tim wanted this information so that Tim could meet with Batman. Which is how this whole meeting thing happens. This is pure Lobdell yet again. Long term plans that count on many random factors out of the plotter's control and yet they're successful every time. Tim wants to be the next Robin but he mentions Jason Todd and drives Batman away. Batman doesn't want t kid with a happy family life anyway.

Actually, he does get to decide for you when it comes to being his sidekick, you arrogant prick! Go be Red Robin and leave Batman out of your poorly written stories!

Tim continues to try to find ways to become Robin. He continues to look into Batman's identity. And Batman continues to tell the story in odd ways. At one point Batman says, "I know now that I was not going to stop him." Yeah, that's obvious, isn't it? He follows this with "But it didn't stop me from trying." Wait. What didn't stop you from trying, Batman? The knowledge that you learned later after he became Red Robin that you obviously weren't going to stop him? Is that what didn't stop you from trying? At least Scott Lobdell can make his deadlines.

Later, Tim transfers one hundred million dollars out of Oswald Cobblepot's bank account. Alfred learns this and lets Batman know although Alfred doesn't tell Batman where the money was transferred. Just "to the poor," I guess.

While at home, Tim's house comes under gunfire by The Penguin's thugs. Batman swoops in to save the day. Nobody ends up dying that night.

No, you almost died because you stole from The Penguin.

Tim's parents are placed in the Witness Protection Program so that The Penguin won't continually be going after them. But they had a meeting with Batman and told Batman to take their son because he deserved more than "a life of anonymity in the middle of nowhere under an assumed name." No, they felt he'd be better off with a life of anonymity in the middle of Gotham under an assumed name. And Batman agrees for some unholy reason.

So Tim Drake joins the team and decides to wear his own costume out of respect for Jason Todd. So he becomes Red Robin! And Batman already seems to know some of the people Tim will meet later in his life because he's looking at files on his computer of Skitters painted on ancient cave walls and Bunker and some guards from N.O.W.H.E.R.E. But then Batman did say earlier that he knows everything weeks before anyone else knows it. Maybe he gets information from the future from his Brother Eye satellite. Perhaps it hacked into Skeets?

The Teen Titans #0 Rating: I'll let Scott Lobdell give the rating for this comic:

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