Friday, September 28, 2012

Aquaman #0

Issue #0 takes place six years ago while Arthur's father lies dying in the hospital. His father's last wish is that Arthur find Atlantis, find his mother, and tell his mother that his father loved her. Which is what Arthur does after his father dies and the media begin hounding him to know more about his super powers. Too bad he didn't just answer their questions. They would have quickly grown bored and wandered away.

Aquaman: "Yeah, I can breathe underwater. That comes in really handy in all sorts of situations."
Reporter #1: "Wait. You actually breathe water like a fish? So you have gills?"
Aquaman: "No, no! My lungs are specially adapted to filter out...."
Reporter #2: "And you speak with fish?"
Aquaman: "Not in the way everyone seems to think I do. I sort of give them a telekinetic push to make them think they want to do what I need them to do."
Reporter #1: "So they don't help you of their own free will?"
Aquaman: "They think it's their own free will. So, really, what's the difference? Besides, they're only fish!"
Reporter #2: "Would your mother hate to hear you say that? What kind of fish was she?"
Aquaman: "No, no, no! My mom wasn't a fish at all! She's actually a...."
Reporter #3: "Aquaman! Aquaman! Can you speak with lobsters?!"
Aquaman: "Yes. Anything in the ocean."
Reporter #3: "What if an elephant fell in the ocean? Could you speak with it?"
Reporter #1: "So you swim really fast and rape the minds of the denizens of the ocean? How do you plan on helping save the world with those powers?"
Aquaman: "Well, sir, the world is mostly made up of ocean so that's a lot of...."
Reporter #2: "Yeah but how many banks are on the ocean floor?!"
All Reporters: *laughter*
Aquaman: "I'm also very fast and strong on land due to my Atlantean physiology!"
Reporter #1: "How come you don't explode on the surface due to the difference in pressue?!"
Reporter #2: "If you're only half-Atlantean, will you be crushed to death if you try to swim down to Atlantis?!"
Reporter #4: "Hey everyone! Superman has been sighted in town!"
Reporter #1: "Now THAT'S a story!"
All Reporters: *high five and high tail it into town*
Aquaman: "Fuck you all. No more interviews!"

After Aquaman dives into the ocean, he spends the next couple of pages swimming around in silence as the credits roll. He then spends a few pages battling a Great White Shark which he eventually defeats by simply telling it to go away with his Talks With Fishes power. And then he surfaces to seemingly take a breath. So maybe he can't breathe underwater. Or maybe he hasn't learned how yet because he and Mera swim pretty deep in that Trenches Storyline.

When Arthur surfaces, he notices a ship about to crash on the rocks.

The Lighthouse Keeper dies and all the boats immediately begin crashing.

When the people he saved are curious as to how he did what he did, he tells them his mother was the Queen of Atlantis. Being a sailor and sure to have heard a tale or two at all the salty taverns he frequents, the father has heard of a man that claims to have come from Atlantis. Maybe this man, Vulko, can help Arthur to find the lost city.

Arthur swims directly to Norway to speak with Vulko. I think Aquaman can eat plankton to survive these long swimming trips.

Well then. That was easy enough.

Turns out, Vulko was the adviser to the Queen. He's able to tell Arthur everything that happened to the Queen beginning with when she met his father all the way to her death at the hands of Arthur's half-brother, Orm. Orm now rules Atlantis. But Arthur is the rightful heir to the throne. Vulko gives Arthur a bunch of gifts and then they hit the road. Or whatever.

Vulko and King Arthur reach Atlantis and then the issue ends. I guess the story of his confrontation with his brother and his assuming the throne and his finally deciding to leave the stupid city are all tales for another month. But not next month since next month Aquaman needs to kick Black Manta's stupid teeth in.

Aquaman #0 Rating: Fishy.

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