Superman Annual #1

Looks like a couple of brand new artists on this title. Except Rocafort's cover, of course.

The comic book opens on the Daemonite Homeworld 3,600 years ago. These Daemonites look human so I'm not sure how they connect to the Daemonites threatening the DC Universe in the present. That mystery will probably be explained later. For now, the Daemonites seem to have a problem. A princeling or something has brought his dead wife to the Queen as proof of this theory that their race is dying. She died during childbirth.

So perhaps 3,600 years ago, the Daemonites stopped being able to have children. Which would explain why Helspont's prophecy says that they must die to begin evolving again. They stopped evolving 3,600 years ago. This would explain why they all look like giant glowing jellyfish now because they're all bred in test tubes and incubators.

I'd probably spend less time reading comics if I just stopped putting the comic down every few panels to speculate on what was happening. I'll probably turn the page and it'll all be explained. But what good is my brain if I just use it as an input device? Typing out my speculations at least helps me to remember a large percentage of the comic books I've been reading. Although a good portion of them are probably best forgotten instead of taking up valuable real estate in my memory banks.

Look at that! I turn the page and it's explained!

The Daemonites seem to be losing their ability to reproduce because they've spliced their genes with so many different alien species. The Prince decides that he's going to save the Daemonite race no matter how long it will take. And it looks like it's going to take at least another 3,600 years.

Why are the Daemonites so involved in Superman's comic book? Because he's an alien of a race on the verge of extinction as well? They need to be simpatico? Superman really can't do much but fight one here or there anyway. According to all of the prophecies, only Grifter and Voodoo can do anything about the threat. So how about getting these dumb-ass aliens out of Superman's world?

The scene then shifts to Clark Kent's apartment and 3,600 years later.

Holy shit! Look at all the thought bubbles! Am I dreaming?

Here's my argument for thought bubbles versus the character's voice in narration boxes: it forces the writer to write things the character actually knows in the present. It removes the tendency to write as if the character is telling the story from some future point in time to some unknowable audience. I don't have a problem with Narration Boxes. I do have a problem with writers not having a good grasp on what they're using them for. I really don't know why thought bubbles have virtually disappeared from comic books. Are they just seen as old fashioned? I think writers just like using the Narration Boxes because it gives them a place to do basically what I'm doing here: comment on the story from outside of the story. What it also does is it takes away from the story itself telling the story. Lobdell has been a pretty big Narration Boxer up until now, so it's interesting to see this change of pace out of him.

Although as I continue to read, Lobdell is really filling up the pages with exposition. Just now it's in thought bubbles and not Narration Boxes! But at least it's Clark thinking to himself instead of speaking to some imaginary grandchild or writing some future diary entry.

As Clark is headed to work, he sees a gigantic ship in Metropolis's airspace. Using his magic vision, he notices Helspont is at the helm. And somehow, Helspont sees him. And somehow Clark knows Helspont sees him when Helspont says, "Hnn. Kryptonian." I guess I have to chalk that up to Super Duper Hearing or maybe Clark can lip read blue flames.

Clark changes clothes and then flies up to deal with Helspont.

Why does Superman suddenly think of Kurt Vonnegut's asshole?

Immediately after this, Helspont kicks Superman's ass with one backhand. Superman flies into the moon and then blacks out from a concussion. Was Helspont the Lobo of the Wildstorm Universe? How powerful is this guy? Most writers that have dealt with Helspont seem to want to portray him as the coolest super villain around. But since I have no history with him, it just seems cheesy and over-the-top. Anyway, Superman is once again unconscious and drifting in space.

Meanwhile outside Seattle, Martian Manhunter observes Helspont's ship. He considers getting Stormwatch involved although I have to wonder why Stormwatch doesn't notice an intergalactic threat and deal with it. Too small potatoes? If Stormwatch doesn't get involved then I have to believe that Helspont really isn't that powerful. But then Helspont's lackey that he sends to ask Martian Manhunter to join his cause defeats Martian Manhunter easily. So the two most powerful heroes in the DC Universe were just defeated by Helspont and his minions. But I'm supposed to believe that Grifter can defeat them?

And speaking of Grifter...

I know, right Superman?

I don't know how Grifter and Deathblow got Superman onto the escape pod. Probably a combination of Telekinesis and Deathblow's healing factor as he ran around on the moon with his blood boiling trying to retrieve Superman. It doesn't really matter since they're quickly attacked by Biomass (was that his name? From Grifter #12? Stupid!). Superman remains in space to fight Helspont's henchman while he throws Grifter and Deathblow's pod toward Earth.

Superman ends up on board Helspont's ship while more of Helspont's minions proposition some of Earth's heroes to join them. Starfire and Hawkman both get an invite to join something called the Thirteen Scions of Salvation. This was hinted at over in the pages of Red Hood as well. It looks like another Universe Ending Catastrophe is on its way and only the prophetic Chosen Thirteen can save the world. Helspont is trying to put together his team of thirteen.

Prophecy and future vision stories are just lazy. It's too easy to write a story where everyone is reacting to some vision from the future (this was the big problem with Heroes, the television show) or from some prophecy about the future from the past. I would rather read a story where someone seeks out a hero to help stop some coming crisis without everyone knowing somehow that this hero is THE CHOSEN ONE! How about everyone just fucking hope this asshole they've picked to help them works out? Or, better yet, how about finding thirteen assholes and hoping they can work together to stop some coming crisis. Also, the crisis should already be well underway so that it's obvious that something needs to be done. Instead of finding the CHOSEN ONE and then showing them the PROPHECY and trying to convince them to go on the QUEST.

Then it's time for Helspont's Evil Mr. Smarty Pants' Speech to explain it all to Superman.

That explains that!

Helspont finally leaves Superman to feel lost and confused at the end of the comic. Helspont wants Earth to be protected by Superman and the other heroes because Helspont believes the way to save his people is through the human meta-gene. And since Helspont and his minions are more powerful than every super hero on Earth, it's probably just best for Superman to forget about the Daemonites and just go back to his own comic dealing with the trivial day to day super villains he's used to. Just let Grifter and Voodoo handle Helspont, Superman. They may seem like weak, pathetic jerks compared to you and Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern and Stormwatch, but they have PROPHECY on their side!

Superman Annual #1 was really just a place to sort of set all Helspont's record straight. So while this comic book really had very little to do with Superman, at least it clears up what's going on with Helspont and the Daemonites. Okay, so it doesn't mention anything about Black Curate's side of things. I don't know what the Black Curate wants with Earth. Perhaps it wants the meta-gene to just splice into the Daemonites in their continued lifestyle has caused them to stop evolving and reproducing. And Helspont wants the meta-gene to fix the Daemonites so that they can go back to being a normal race of creatures that actually fuck to have children instead of putting an order in with the Master Geneticists.

I wouldn't recommend this comic book to anyone interested in Superman. But if Helspont's actions have been giving you a gignatic "What the Fuck?" across multiple New 52 books, then it might actually be worth picking this up. Or just reading that one page I scanned where Clarissa Helspont Explains It All.