Justice League #4

Justice League #4 begins with some good old fashioned Teen Titans drama! Victor finds himself transformed into a super powered half-machine human (or half-human machine) and immediately blames his dad for saving his life. But who can blame him? His dad has yet to show an interest in him, only in super hero research. So when Victor finds his father has turned him into a Super Hero, how is Victor supposed to believe it's because his dad loves him and not because his dad wanted to change him into something that won't be allowed to play that stupid football game.

At least Victor doesn't have to remove his hand to attach his white noise cannon anymore!



The rest of issue #4 is just like the other issues except this time Aquaman has to prove himself to everybody. So to show Green Lantern what he can do that they can't, he makes a bunch of Great White Sharks breach and eat a bunch of parademons. And then Aquaman skewers one in the head with his trident. (By the way, why is his trident chained to the front of his belt?) So Aquaman just shows Green Lantern what he can do differently even though Green Lantern could have done all of that with his ring and left the poor sharks to live their own little lives instead of being manipulated into eating tainted Apokolyptic Genetically Engineered meat.

Oh, how do I know it's genetically engineered?!



Because Cyborg is going around assimilating data from anything he gets near and has discovered Darkseid's purpose by assimilating a Boom Cube!

So Cyborg ends up on the scene and the entire Justice League is now together! And then Darkseid appears!

I've never really understood what size Darkseid is? He looks kind of gigantic in the two page splash scene where he does something that causes a CHOOOM that makes the Justice League fall all over the place. I think Darkseid just raised his hands and caused an Earth Bounce.

So Cyborg discovers that the Parademons have arrived to set up a station that turns the local population into more parademons. So are the Parademons just innocent victims? Can they be turned back into the people they once were or does the, um, 'repurposing' cause death and then bring new life from the repurposed organics as Parademons? If the plan is to set up the station and create parademons, why is Darkseid arriving on the front lines of the first wave of attack? Is it because of the Super Friends? I mean, Justice League? He seemed to already know of their existence since he stuck a Boom Cube in cities where Super People lived. Maybe he's more interested in observing them!

If the Justice League defeats Darkseid in their first story line, what is left?! Isn't he the biggest, baddest, Villain of the Month there is?!

I guess I actually have to wait to find out now!

Justice League #3

JL #3 begins with Steve Trevor freaking out about Diana having escaped some government facility where he was keeping her out of trouble. Which makes me wonder: How much of our knowledge of the old DC Universe's history are we supposed to be relying on to understand what's going on in this new reboot? We've learned a tiny bit about what's happened in the time before this five years in the past moment. Flash and Green Lantern have apparently teamed up once to defeat Gorilla Grodd in Central City and have come to know each other fairly well. Batman has been active enough to become an Urban Legend that even people outside of Gotham City have heard about. Superman doesn't really seem to have any sort of past. He's squatting in an abandoned Daily Planet building and doesn't seem to have a secret identity. Wonder Woman, we find out in this issue, was brought back from Paradise Island by Steve Trevor after his test plane crash landed there. Oh, we also learn that Jim Lee is just another artist who draw children as if they're just tiny adults.




And is there going to be continuity between this title and all of the JL Members individual titles? At the end of the 52 maxiseries, the DC Universe had been broken up into 52 dimensions. So is each comic title supposed to be an individual dimension and thus have no relation to any other comic? Or should I believe that the comics grouped together in The New 52 #1 collection are supposed to be in the same universe? That would place Justice League, Justice League International, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Captain Atom, Firestorm, Green Arrow, Hawkman, Mr. Terrific and DC Universe Presents Deadman in the same Universe. If that isn't meant to mean anything, why are they grouped at all in The New 52 collected book?

I think I'll just take them all as individual universes for now. It seems the way DC wanted it by the end of 52. And it keeps continuity easy because continuity only exists within each title. But then how are they going to have Crossover events?!

I'm also now wondering where exactly is Metropolis and Gotham City located in this Universe's United States? Apparently the last couple of Universes never could quite pinpoint them in space. But here we already see that Gotham City and Metropolis are a plane's flight away from each other with Detroit lying somewhere along that path (since we see Green Lantern's plane fly over Victor Stone's football game). Gotham is probably still located on the Eastern Seaboard, probably in the New York City/New Jersey area. Metropolis is possibly in Kansas (most likely, historically) or possibly Iowa. Looking at a map of the United States, Green Lantern's flight pather over Detroit doesn't make any sense, so Green Lantern probably got lost along the way.

Where was I? Parademons have busted loose from all the Boom Cubes and are beginning to grab people and fly away. Victor Stone is burning to death. Wonder Woman is having a great time killing her modern day harpies. And the other guys are doing something somewhere as well. Probably seeing who can pee the furthest. Oh no, they're fighting Parademons as well!


So far, I'm really liking Flash! And Batman is a close second.


But Superman is really going to have to work on his witty banter if we're going to be friends. What does that even mean, Superman?! It would make sense if you were hitting them with a camera! But a truck?!

So the guys beat up on some Parademons some more and we see them flying over a big body of water. Maybe I need to rethink that thing about Metropolis being in Kansas. Especially since Wonder Woman suddenly shows up to join the fight and she had just been in Washington, D.C.! So either Gotham is in Minnesota or Green Lantern really got fucking lost.

Meanwhile, Vic Stone is in a lot of trouble.

He's going into cardiac arrest with his heart racing up his spinal cord? Or is it the cardiac arrest racing up his spinal cord? Oh, probably the energy that is devouring him! Of course, that's T.O. Morrow with the medical know how and we all know how crazy he's going to turn out to be! Don't we?! Just ask Dr. Magnus!

One thing I'm realizing now that I'm reading comics again is that I've retained a whole lot of useless comic book knowledge that had no outlet until now!

Back to saving Victor Stone. They apparently fill him with Nanites recovered from...well, Dr. Morrow never finishes his sentence so we don't really know yet what Cyborg is going to be made from. But he seems to have some kind of mind-link with Darkseid because of the Nanites. So they must be Apokolypsian!

Flip flop yet again back to the Parademon fight! Green Lantern actually says, "Out of the ocean," when they see some great monolith rise up. So Metropolis is definitely on the eastern seaboard. And Gotham, I believe, is always a port city. So it's definite now: Green Lantern sucks at navigation.


And then Aquaman arrives to save the day! He's looking pretty good here even in his lame orange and green outfit. Check out next issue (along with Aquaman #1) when we find out how Geoff Johns really feels about having to script Aquaman in a comic!

Justice League #2

This kind of actually happens!

BIG SPOILERY VERSION
So JL #1 promises us Batman vs Superman! Awesome! Oh oh! And look at the cover! Look at them fighting! OH MAN! This is going to be awesome! Here it comes!



That's it? We missed the majority of the fight during a one page check-in on what Barry Allen is doing?! So after checking in on Bary having an ethical crisis at work where he wants to investigate murders but nobody is being allowed to investigate murders until they find out who The Flash is but Barry isn't going to let them find out who The Flash is so Barry isn't going to be able to investigate murders, we get back to Batman vs Superman. It's a huge two page splash with lots of tear gas

swirling about, a sonic disruptor lying impotently on the ground, Tasers stuck in Superman's chest and Batman back on his heels with a respirator clutched in his

teeth. Man! There's been a lot of action going on while we were away! Stupid month break and check-in on Wally! I mean Barry!

So back to the fight! After Batman gets a lot of information from Superman's non-weaknesses by trying lots of tricks on him and Superman gets a lot of information about Batman's gadgets by allowing him to try them all on him (seriously? Like Superman couldn't have put a stop to it as soon as Batman started?), Superman and Batman almost end the fight through *gasp* talking when Green Lantern starts it all up again.



So they say pictures are worth a thousand words but these Jim Lee and Geoff Johns guys end up using TWO FULL PAGES to tell the reader that Superman is more powerful than Green Lantern's ring. In a comic book with 24 pages that costs $4! That's .32! And 8 words! Except the two page image has no words at all! Maybe I can eke some more words out of the image since I hate to let an old cliche go to waste. Let's see: Green Lantern shields himself from the ring shrapnel but let's Batman take it full in the face. So a few more words might be Green Lantern is selfish and self-obsessed. Or maybe he just can't think too quickly which is right in line with Batman's critique of him in Issue #1. Also, Batman can seemingly dodge machine gun fire from three helicopters but he is pelted by this shrapnel. Is he smart enough to know that he won't be hurt by the ring's shrapnel so he doesn't try very hard to dodge it? Or is this an example of Superman's strength causing the shrapnel to fly faster than bullets? Anyway, I think 1000 words would have given more value to my $4.

So more punching and kicking and not talking ensues. Except there is talking because Green Lantern calls up the Flash and asks him to get over to Metropolis to help out. This enables everybody to see The Flash fight Superman now! And we learn some more stuff! The Flash claims to never have been hit ever ever never ever! Truly! But then Superman hits him. Luckily just flicks him with his finger or else The Flash probably would have been splattered all over Metropolis. I think by this point we've also learned that Superman has a bit of a rage problem.

I'd also like to know how The Flash speaking while running at super speed works. Does the fight end and then you hear everything he said? Is his voice all doppler effected? Can you even hear his words over the sound of his body punching through air? It's so easy just to make quote bubbles!

Of course after all of these peacock displays of power (cock being the operative syllable), Batman stops the whole thing with a simple please! I guess Superman really is just a great big boyscout.



I appreciate that The Flash cleans up after the fight. Rarely do heroes take any responsibility over the damage they cause during their giant brouhahas.

And then back to My Dad Doesn't Care starring Victor Stone! Vic shows up at S.T.A.R labs where his dad is checking out a Boom Cube. And of course they don't recognize the kind of metal it's made from. Is there some idea in the fiction world that since different metal alloys exist, from electrum which occurs naturally to manmade brass, bronze, and steel, that the future will have discovered some super duper futuristic alloys? And even if they did, the scientists should still be able to tell what elements compose the metal and then say what elements the Boom Cube is made of and say that instead of saying "We don't knonw anything about the metal it's made of!" If they don't know what metal it is made of, my guess is that it's highly radioactive and unstable! Just like the relationship between Vic Stone and his dad Dr., um, um, Stone!

So Victor says blah blah blah football blah pro blah it's all I ever care about.

And Dr. Stone says blah blah blah football is a joke blah blah I don't respect my son blah blah.

And then a billion trillion Parademons explode out of the Boom Cubes! Surprise! And Victor Stone is burnt perty near to death! Surprise! I wonder if he'll live?!

Justice League #1 (October 2011)

Justice League #1 (August 31, 2011)
By Geoff Johns, Jim Lee, Scott Williams, Alex Sinclair, and Patrick Brosseau
Cover by Jim Lee and Scott Williams
Edited by Eddie Berganza

NON-SPOILERY AND BORING VERSION: It would have been nice if this comic started out with the Justice League already formed and filled in events throughout the series. It feels awkward having to see the heroes meet for the first time and, of course, fight each other a bit and have little power struggles between them. And I'm not entirely happy with the 'normals' versus 'supers' plot line. We've seen it in just about every X-Title ever and DC did a giant crossover way back when with the Manhunters story line. And I'm sure there have been more. It just seems like such an easy way to create conflict.

But it was a fun read. I just can't wait until the league is set up and they start working together. This really is not the Justice League yet. It was actually kind of like The Brave and the Bold! Maybe that's what Geoff Johns was going for in this one.

SPOILERY VERSION! But the comic is four months old so suck it up!

First off, there is no Justice League in Justice League #1. I think Geoff Johns should have started in the middle! Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you're writing an epic? But he starts at very nearly the very beginning. Actually, he starts five years before the beginning! The heroes don't know each other but they seem to have heard of each other.

Well, Batman probably knows all about the others already.

The comic starts out in Gotham where Batman is chasing a Parademon (it's revealed later in the comic) while Gotham City Police are chasing them both in helicopters and raining bullets down on them.

Why are they trying to kill Batman? It seems the entire world knows nothing about super heroes and they're suspicious and afraid of them. Really, Mr. Johns? Isn't that plot a little worn out? Later, during a conversation between Batman and Green Lantern, Batman reveals that the Parademon was seen setting up a bomb and setting fires with his mouth. So maybe the Gotham Police think Batman is in on it as well and they're trying to take out these dangerous super powered arsonists. But here's the real reason they're trying to kill Batman and the Parademon, from the mouths of the police themselves:

Popo #1: We have Batman in our sights. He's running after someone.
Popo #2: Man? Woman? What?
Popo #1: I can't tell. Face is covered.
Popo #2: Is it one of them?
Popo #1: The way they're leaping twenty feet at a time? I'd say yes.
Popo #2: Bring them both down!

I'm willing to bet this is fairly realistic police banter! "Hey, is it one of them?" "Yep, it's one of them!" "Get 'em!"

So the police are trying to kill Batman and an unknown person because they can leap far when Green Lantern shows up. Green Lantern is shocked that Batman is real. Batman knows all about Green Lantern and some sort of conflict he's been having with the air force.

Right from the start, we see that Batman is subtle and maintains secrecy. And he's always keeping tabs on everyone else. He's filing it all away and not giving anything back. So the Police open fire on Green Lantern as well and Batman just chalks it up to being Gotham.

Meanwhile, the parademon blows up the helicopters and gets away. Green Lantern lowers the helicopters safely to the ground by creating a bunch of giant green bats. Nice touch. Green Lantern also begins to question Batman about his powers. Of course, Batman gives nothing. But when Green Lantern says, "You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you?" you can see a slight smile on Batman's face. And in the next panel, Batman has taken the ring off of Green Lantern's finger to examine it.

This is interesting because it isn't just showing Batman is a good thief. Batman noticed earlier that when the parademon screamed, it broke Green Lantern's concentration and his Riot Shield creations disappeared. So Batman finds a moment when Green Lantern is completely distracted by his incredulity that Batman is just a man, and he takes advantage of it. At a time when Green Lantern is about to play up the fact that Batman has no power, Batman shows he has all the power. It's a nice moment between the two. And you can see who has more experience already. Green Lantern feels really young and full of bravado. Probably newly ringed. Batman has been doing this for a long time already.

The Parademon yells, "For Darkseid!" before it blows itself up and we now know who the Villain of the Storyline is. Darkseid. Already?! Man, this Justice League is going to blow its wad early! Slow it down, buddy! Suck on them titties a little longer before you shove it in! Sheesh!

So Green Lantern and Batman discover a Boom Cube (as opposed to the old fashion, non-52 previous universe Boom Tubes!) and figure out it's alien. Green Lantern's ring doesn't know what it is so Darkseid must not have made any trouble in the universe until now or else the Guardians would know who he was and where the technology came from. But Green Lantern and Batman know an alien! And all aliens must know each other, right?! So it's off to Metropolis!

Before they get to Metropolis, we get to watch Vic Stone score 42 (FORTY-TWO!) points in a high school football game. Then we get to see him be disappointed by his daddy. Awww. He's athletic and he has daddy issues! He'll make a terrific super hero once most of his flesh and bone has been burnt away in whatever accident Johns dreams up to turn this kid into Cyborg. It better be soon!

Where the fuck is the Justice League already? Shouldn't they have called this comic Soon To Be The Justice League?

So in Metropolis, they find Superman. Green Lantern talks some shit and Superman hears him with his super hearing and then blasts him with his eye lasers and then Superman asks Batman "What can you do?" because apparently every time two heroes meet up they have to pull out their dongs to compare. And the comic ends with "Next: Batman vs. Superman"! And since Batman doesn't know about Kryptonite yet, I'm putting my money on Superman!

52 at First Glance, Part Thirteen

49. Hawk and Dove
Writer: Sterling Gates
"Artist": Rob Liefeld

People are still giving Rob Liefeld work? How did this guy's art become the style of the early nineties (unless it was some other part of the nineties. Or perhaps the late eighties. You'll have to forgive me as my Super Power seems to be kicking in). I understand that companies will give him work. What I don't understand is people actually like his stuff which is why he gets work! Who are these people who like looking at distorted bodies and action scenes seen through a lens of retarded perspective? Maybe that's his Art Style, and a movement all its own: Retarded Perspectivism.

Maybe he can't be blamed for his style. Because I just noticed that he looks like a man who drew himself! Witness:



I guess I'd be drawing faces that most resembled the face I see in the mirror every day too if I drew stuff! (By the way, I do draw stuff: Pickle Boy Comics. Except that my face doesn't look like any of that stuff I drew. So maybe I made a hasty conclusion after too small a sampling of art.)

Oh yeah! Hawk and Dove! I wouldn't have picked up this title. Especially with this cover.

50. Blue Beetle
Writer: Tony Bedard
Pencils: Ig Guara
Inks: Ruy Jose

I'm not familiar with this creative team nor am I familiar with this Blue Beetle. I don't think I would have been interested in picking up this non-Ted Kord version of Blue Beetle. The original may or may not have been killed by Maxwell Lord in some super duper crossover I never read. Unless it happened in 52 and I forgot about it. I just Googled it and it happened during Infinite Crisis which led up to 52. And something I've never read.

I know I'll be missing Ted Kord while I read this comic. Bwa ha ha!

By the way, here's the cover.

51. Legion Lost
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Artist: Pete Woods

I don't know much about Legion. I think Lobo started in Legion. And that's all I know! I certainly don't recognize anybody on the cover.

52. Legion of Super-Heroes
Writer: Paul Levitz
Artist: Francis Portela

I also don't know much about the Legion of Super-Heroes. So much so that for a long time, I thought Legion and Legion of Super-Heroes were just two comics about the same team.

Maybe they are! That's how much I don't know!

The cover certainly doesn't mean anything to me and it wouldn't have made me interested.

It certainly doesn't look like there are a legion of them.

52 at First Glance, Part Twelve

45. Blackhawks
Writer: Mike Costa
Pencils: Graham Nolan
Inks: Ken Lashley

I looked at a list of all the new titles for 52 when I first decided to get a few more titles besides Suicide Squad. Blackhawks wasn't even a blip of a blip of a possibility. The whole idea of the Blackhawks never really excited me much. It seems like, possibly (I'm ignorant of mostly the whole thing), they're kind of a Suicide Squad Military Deal but without super powers. But looking at the cover of the comic has me curious. It looks sort of like G.I. Joe. But made up of figures that your mom bought for you for Christmas from K-mart that were just G.I. Joe knock-offs.

It's very possibly that if I had seen this comic with this cover, I'd have picked it up out of pure curiosity.

46. Men of War
Writer?: Ivan Brandon
Writer?: Tom Derenick
Pencils?: Jonathan Vankin
Inks?: Phil Winslade

Same deal as Blackhawks. I wasn't interested when reading the list of titles. But the cover has sort of a silhouette of an army guy with his dog tags that say ROCK. So I'm pretty sure I would have picked this up. I've generally been a fan of one shot Sgt. Rock and Easy Company stories. I don't really have any expectations for this title. Is it going to be too serious? Who knows?! I'll know!

47. Teen Titans
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Pencils: Brett Booth
Inks: Norm Rapmund

I've got a long history of reading the Teen Titans so why wouldn't I give their new title a shot? The members on the cover look to possibly be Wonder Girl, Superboy, Flying Robin Guy, Dark Vortex Girl, Sort of Impulse Looking Shape Changing Grow Boy, and Arachnalass!

My prediction is a lot of drama! TEEN TITANS LETS GO!

48. Static Shock
Writer?: Scott McDaniel
Writer?: John Rozum
Pencils?: Jonathan Glapion
Inks?: LeBeau Underwood

The only thing I know about Static Shock is that he had a cartoon. I never watched it.

52 at First Glance, Part Eleven

41. Deathstroke
Writer: Kyle Higgins
Pencils: Joe Bennett
Inks: Art Thibert

Deathstroke is another favorite of mine so I'm glad to see he got his own title. Checking out the cover, it looks sufficiently bad-ass enough. Also, it looks like Simon Bisley did the cover. So I turned a few pages in to see the splash page but there wasn't one. So even though I might glance at spoilers, I dug through to the final pages to find the credits and, lo and behold, Simon Bisley did the cover.

I don't know the people crewing this ship but I'm aboard! Whoo whoo! Unless that's a train noise.

42. Suicide Squad
Writer: Adam Glass
Pencils: Federico Dallocchio
Inks: Ransom Getty

That guys name is really Ransom Getty?! Nice.

I may have mentioned it before but pretty much the whole reason I'm reading 52 and back into comics is because of this title. I'm not really sure why the cover doesn't feature Deadshot more prominently since he's the big star of the team. Although it features the new and improved Harley Quinn, punk rocky style, so I'm guessing that is going to attract all the new kids who just want to see sexy girls in skimpy clothes with crazy personalities.

43. O.M.A.C.
Writer: Dan DiDio
Pencils: Keith Giffen
Inks: Scott Koblish

I would never have picked up this title. I vaguely remember OMAC in an issue of DC Presents way back when. I believe it stands for One Man Army Corps? Possibly something else but very similar to that. I know Dan DiDio from somewhere but I'm currently too lazy to Google it. Maybe he did Blue Beetle or Booster Gold or something. But Keith Giffen is a hero of mine! Yay!

When I was buying a buttload of comics at my alternate comic shop, the guy ringing them up stopped at O.M.A.C. and said, "I'm really surprised at how much I'm enjoying this title." That, right there, is the reason I'm doing this experiment. I'm hoping to find some really interesting and unexpected stories.

The cover just shows a big guy smashing stuff. It looks like Giffen did the art for the cover but I'm not going to check. I trust my abilities!

44. All-Star Western
Writer: Justin Gray
Pencils: Jimmy Palmiotti
Inks: Moritat

I like westerns and I like Jonah Hex. So I would have picked this up as soon as I saw him looking all gritty in front of a Welcome to Gotham sign on the cover of issue one.

I never saw the Jonah Hex movie. Just thought I'd throw that out there so nobody thinks I love Jonah Hex because of the movie. I don't know if it was good or bad! But since it's based on a comic book, it's probably bad. Hollywood sucks at translating comics to film.

So this is another comic I'd have purchased even though I don't know any of the creative team.