Men of War #6

Last war story ever. Everyone dead. Go home.

Last issue, Sgt. Rock and his company were captured by a platoon of very old war soldiers. They weren't old like an old man is old! They were old as in they'd lived a long time but kept their middle aged good looks! Just before the issue ended, Sgt. Rock took the gun away from one of them and has taken the upper hand.

Sgt. Rock begins this comic by radioing General Schiff for help. But apparently Sgt. Rock is now part of some private detail and the army can't help him. Except Sgt. Rock, being smarter than everyone else, convinces the General that if he doesn't help Sgt. Rock and his men, America is going to get blamed for some really bad shit going down soon. Because the Undead Army Men will probably use the bodies of Sgt. Rock and his boys for a big frame up of America. Sure, Sgt. Rock has no proof. The Undead Army Men told Rock they didn't want to kill him or his men. So Rock surrendered. But then he thought twice about surrendering and now he's fighting back and looking for evac.

Is it unpatriotic to hope that a fictional American soldier dies? Because I'm sick of this new Sgt. Rock. I liked the Sgt. Rock that took part in real wars! This Sgt. Rock is just a tool of a corporate run America that needs to control every single action by every other country. And if they can't, they label that country as rogue.

Besides, the Undead Army Men are the first really interesting part of this comic since the other interesting part, Circe, barely did anything.

Rock takes the man he captured and tries to use him as a hostage to negotiate the release of his men. But the big grey Undead Army Leader does not negotiate with terrorists and he takes away Rock's advantage.

This guy is supposed to be pretty tough. I doubt two bullets will kill him.

Sgt. Rock dives from cover and begins shooting. He gets shot in the back right shoulder. And then he gets shot in the front right shoulder. But he shoots the Undead Army Leader three times directly in the chest. And this is Rock's big profound thought:

Is something someone would really think? As long as a soldier has a mission, no matter how bullshit, he can feel good about his death? An honourable death in service? But without a mission, Oh Noes! I died for nothing! Yeah, well get used to it. It's actually quite the revelation to make! Mission or no mission. Doesn't matter. Dead is dead.

Undead Army Leader is shot twice in the heart but he doesn't die. He tells Rock that he gave all of his men the gift of a long life. But "if enough of their blood spills, they will die." But he never will. He also seems impressed with Rock's ability to wage war. He offers Rock the gift of near immortality and Rock proudly refuses. Rock's last action before he believes he's going to be shot in the head is to give command to Private Korba.

Oh, you remember him. The Firestorm guy that saved their lives a few issues ago. The guy who, according to the cover, is about to save their lives again!

See? And he has some kind of control over his atomic blast power. So Rock and his men are fine and the Undead Army Guys are just knocked unconscious.

Rock and his men retreat from the building, carrying the Undead Army Guys over their shoulders. Korba's power tagged the building and the Air Force flies in to bomb the crap out of the weapons' cache located in the warehouse.

This is the big splash page. I could have drawn this! I know five year olds that could have drawn this. Okay, that's a lie. But I could probably find some five year olds that I don't know who could draw this!

And after this big explosion, are we going to get some profound after mission thoughts from Rock? Or maybe a few panels where he looks on pensively? Or maybe one more conversation with the Undead Army Leader where Rock shows him what a real, American Man is like! He convinces him that War does serve a purpose and that America only engages in war for the right cause and the correct reasons! Is that what happens next?

We do get a few panels of pensive silence.

But mostly it's just commentary from the American Undead Army Guy, the one with the red X on his forehead. He claims Rock is a lot like they are. They're all soldiers. Rock says he hopes not. And then Rock takes off with the Undead Guys tied up in the desert. The Red X Undead Guy yells at Rock to watch his back because there are other teams like theirs out there. It's an old conflict, older than most of these Undead Soldiers. And now Rock is involved. The End!

And maybe that's the end for good for Sgt. Rock because Ivan Brandon, the writer of the Sgt. Rock stories, is off the book for the last two issues. That's a good thing because these comics haven't been very good, right? Well, it could be except J.T. Krul is coming in to write Issue #7!

And now for the back-up story! Fuck it. It sucked. Nothing to see here.

Men of War Issue #6 Rating: -1 Ranking. Poor ending. Poor use of the Undead Army Guys who could have been interesting. And lousy back-up story.

Men of War #5

Shoot him! Please!

Men of War has gotten so bad that I couldn't even bother to reread my blog posts about the previous issues. I remember what happened! Rock and his crew were trudging through sand that turned into acid when a car ran over rock and ended up in a lake and Rock was saved by a noose around his neck thrown by a guy who is going to kill him. So let's get on with it!

The first two pages of this issue repeat nearly exactly the last three pages of the last issue. So here's the first "Fuck you!" of this issue to Ivan Brandon. You just wasted two pages of story. Thanks.
My second "Fuck you!" comes from the grenade that Sgt. Rock somehow conceals in his closed fist. Now, I'd let it slide if maybe he decided it was some sort of mini-grenade that could be concealed in a closed fist. But before Rock hides the grenade by closing his entire hand over it, the artist gives us this panel:

Maybe Sgt. Rock has Plastic Man's powers?

One of the reasons I'm crapping all over this comic is because the creative team has already proven to me that it's an outhouse. I can see the comic this could potentially be, even with the current story arc. But it's just all been done so sloppily: the writing, the story boarding, the art. Let's see if I can find some good stuff to say about it too. And then I'll get back to trashing it.

The man with the X on his head has Sgt. Rock on the end of a noose and a gun on him. The X Man's compatriots have rifles, pistols, and vehicle mounted machine guns trained on Rock's men. When the X man notices Rock has something in his hand, he tells him to throw it down. So Rock throws the grenade at them.

Here's an example of the laziness in all three categories I just mentioned. After Rock threw the grenade, it explodes and the bad guys go flying through the air. Rock and his men must have been just at that point outside the explosive radius where it didn't affect them. You know, that one critical foot past the guys who go flying all over the place. Oh, anyway, that's not the lazy example I meant! These panels are:

After the explosion, Rock gets to the guns the men dropped and trains them on them as the top panel shows. Then the second panel shows the big guy charging Rock. Right? Am I the only one who thinks that? He's not. Okay then, is he stomping away in a huff? And Rock doesn't threaten him or shoot him? Who the fuck knows because that's the last you see of him! He just makes a threat and disappears into the smoke, apparently. But that's all you get. Those two panels. Does that mean the writer thinks the reader is smart enough to figure out what happened? Sure, if you want to like this comic so bad you'll pretend you're reading a good comic. Instead, it's just confusing and lazy.

Also, what happened to the noose around Rock's neck? Yeah. He took it off during the explosion and the two panels after the explosion which show the bald guy trying to crawl to the guns. Then the panel after that is the first of the two I posted. Rock suddenly has those two guns and the advantage. Most of this comic is like that. Just making huge leaps in space and time and leaving the reader to make up what happens in between those moments.

It may sound like I'm bitching that the creative team isn't showing every step of the action. But I'm not! I really can't convey how badly these scenes are laid out!

Rock knocks out the bald guy, leaving no more bad guys (or bald guys!) to deal with. At that point, one of Rock's men panics and he runs for higher ground. It's apparently a bad move.

See? Sunday Comics version of Sgt. Rock says don't do it!

McLeod gets shot in the stomach and the leg as he runs uphill. I was going to scan that big panel of him getting shot but after scanning the page, little Sgt. Rock just looked too cute to not keep.

And then the X Man reappears out of the smoke. He may have been the one to shoot the soldier. That's not really made clear. Just like everything else in this comic book.

Now Sgt. Rock is going to listen. Now that he's given his word. You sure you don't have just one more grenade, dumb dumb?

This time, Rock allows his men to be taken prisoner. Bags are put on their heads and they're taken to some secret location. A gray man that looks like Captain Atom or Batwoman's brother asks if Rock is the one that killed the man. Rock follows along but I have no idea whom they're talking about until I recheck Issue #4. They mention he killed him with a pistol and Rock says he also had a grenade, so they're speaking about the man in the truck that tried to run over Rock in the middle of the desert. Apparently he was a powerful or important man.

It turns out the men who have captured Rock and his buddies are long lived war heroes. One is from Waterloo. One is from the Civil War. One is from, well, I don't know! Longer ago than that? One of Rock's men says the X man is a legend called The Gravedigger. They're supposed to be protecting the ship that Rock and his men were sent to blow up. I believe the man Rock killed was one of them. The fact that Rock killed an ancient being has impressed the leader of this group. And that's the only reason the Americans are still alive.

Rock talks them into letting him see his man who was shot to make sure he's okay. The bad guy that takes him is the guy Rock hit in the face with the gun. And Rock treats him like shit so that he'll get enraged enough to attack him. Which he, predictably, does. And Rock gets the gun out of his handcuffs and gets the gun away from him. The bad guy wonders how Rock escaped the cuffs.

Oh fuck you! I'd rather he said he went to Magic Camp.

Oh! Here's my nice thing to say about this comic. I like the introduction of a squad of guys who have lived for a very, very long time. They're instantly interesting! And I might have continued to be interested in how Rock and his men deal with and relate to these guys. But then Rock got an attitude and taunted the big guy and then said the Brooklyn line and I remembered I really don't like this character at all. How dare he judge if other people were raised right when he talks shit and, apparently, was busy in Brooklyn as a criminal and busting out of police cuffs.

Fuck you!

The back-up story was the best written piece in all five issues of Men of War so far. It was written by Matt Kindt, pencilled by Patrick Scherberger, and inked by Dan Green (oh, colorist, Thomas Chu and letterer, Rob Leigh. I might as well give all the credits!). It has some awkward moments and I think it ran one page too long. It's a female agent chasing a male agent. She's trying to kill him because she thinks he's going to detonate a bomb he planted on a ship. He's just trying to get away from her. And they fight and fight and run and run and fight. And lots of narration box thinking by both of them. It works pretty well.

I like how they interpret the situation so differently. And how the female character projects her feelings on the actions of the male. Both characters are fleshed out quite well in the small amount of space given the story. And I think it would have worked much better without the last page. But the last page doesn't ruin it. It just seems a bit much and ruins the possible reality of the situation by having them both survive a missile blast that destroys the mansion of the roof they're on.

But other than that final page, it was the first really intriguing back up story yet in these $4 titles. I've been expecting just cheap, thrown together crap for the back-up stories so this is surprising. And it shows what good use the back-up stories can be put to. Good job, back-up creative team!

Men of War #2

That's a pretty virulent strain of herpes.

Men of War continues with Rock and his company taking shelter in the house of a man who doesn't really want them there. In his house. In his city. In his country. Rock and his men are just as confused as the owner of their new shelter. The super being was an unknown factor. Nobody knows what it was or where it came from or why it appeared as they began the mission. But whatever it was, it seemed to be taken down by some "black muck" and it crashed into the ocean. But not before setting the entire city on fire, killing the group's Sergeant, and severely wounding Rock's right arm.

The team makes its way to the building where the senator is being kept hostage. They toss in a flash grenade and a stunner to take out the guards. And the senator! Even after they save his life, I bet he gets all angry and uppity about that. Except that would be unpatriotic and an unreelectable thing to do! So even if his hearing and vision is damaged, he'll still be patriotically pleased with the rescue.

As the team is cleaning up, the super powered being enters.

That's a pretty complicated question, miss. The answer probably isn't 'Patriotism' even though most flag loving Americans love to believe that's the main reason for everyone in the service.

This lady rockets up into the sky taking Rock with her. The woman calls herself Circe. I have no idea if she's meant to be Wonder Woman's Circe or not. She looks exactly like Batwoman though! She tells Rock that he and his people are not wanted here and to tell his leaders to not return.

Is this how Sgt. Rock becomes a protestor for peace?

Then she drops him out of the sky and he burns up but then he wakes up in a helicopter with the senator sitting in front of him and then it's a week later and one of Rock's team is telling him everything is gone, the helo, the black box... What the fuck? Is that how you end this thing? Sure, sure. The overall storyline is going to continue next month. But that's how you this thing ends? Is Rock just having lapses in memory and consciousness now? Does he only get to remember bits and pieces? I blame changing the format to 20 page stories for this bullshit! Gotta pack it all in!

So, Rock falls to earth and comes to on the Helicopter with everyone else. Less pages and less care being taken to fill the pages with enough story, so it's easier to just skip forward and make Rock miss out on all the in-between as well. And then we need a lead-in to the next part of the story line! So we'll cram it all confusingly into the last page where Rock's buddy tells him how the Senator disappeared in a helicopter somewhere between New York and Washington, DC. I had to read these last three pages about five times to figure out that the Senator [probably!?] disappeared on a different helicopter than the one they show Rock on with his men. It's just all crammed in so haphazardly. I think the editor just looked at it and went, "What the fuck?" Then Ivan Brandon, the writer, explained to the editor what was going on in a way that should have been explained in the comic. And then the editor went, oh, okay, that makes sense when YOU FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT IT! The editor should have said, "Hey, why don't you write it so you don't have to fucking explain it, you stupid hack?" I bet the editor didn't say that because the editor didn't want to look stupid. The editor probably didn't even mention anything. He just read it and thought, "I don't get it. But I'm not telling that arrogant bastard of a writer that I don't get it or he'll think I'm just a stupid editor!"

Hmm. Maybe I should get something to eat! I think my low blood sugar is making me crazy!

The back-up story is the second part to the Navy Seals thing called 'Human Shields'! It's probably another eight pages of dumb. I guess I should read it to give it a chance.

Fuck, why did I read that.

The haphazard craptastic way the main story ended forces me to drop this title by one rank. And the back-up story is just boring bullshit yet it tacks another dollar onto the price of the comic. So that means Men of War is dropping two ranks this month! Losers!

Men of War #1

Why am I reading this when I can be experiencing it?! I mean on Call of Duty on the Xbox.

The beginning seems to be Rock's ending. Corporal Rock lies bloody and bruised with a broken arm at the bottom of a crater. He's going in and out of consciousness. He believes he's going to die. And then it cuts over to a military scene with Rock being interviewed by a Sergeant and a General.

But going back to the part where Rock feels like he's going to die. Death is coming for all of us. That's no surprise to anybody ever at any time. But we fill our lives with distractions to keep from going mad with the reality of it. The great thing about death is that it takes most people unawares. You can be blissfully ignorant planning your future and wham! You're dead. You probably won't even have time to figure out why or how or that it's coming. Just bam and done. It's probably one of the reasons people fear flying so much. It's not just being completely out of control. It's also knowing that if something goes wrong, you get to sit terrified for minutes knowing that your life is over. And that's what I imagine being in war must be like. Death constantly mocking you and hanging over your shoulder, whispering in your ear that the next bang you'll never hear because the bullet will be for you.

I forget what news show it was or what military incident it was describing, but a young soldier was talking about trying to take a mountain in Afghanistan, I believe to get to a downed helicopter with comrades. They were on the side of a hill exposed to mortar fire. Explosions everywhere. And this young kid described it absolutely perfectly. It wasn't about praying or crying or pushing on or being brave. He said he just kept thinking that it was just going to stop. He described it as if his life were a movie playing on a screen. And suddenly the images were just going to stop. The screen gone black. Done. That's it. It's a terrifying thought. And imagine living that day in and day out.

And speaking of the screen going black! I have never seen the Sopranos. But I heard about the ending because it upset so many people. But when I heard about the ending, I thought it was genius! Just perfect! If the show was about Gandolfini's character, then when his character gets whacked, that's it! Over! And just like I described earlier, you most likely will not know when your time comes. It'll just be over. Like The Sopranos. I may be entirely wrong about that and the ending since I never watched the show. But if the case is he was killed in the middle of just doing something normal and the show just went black without the viewer even getting to experience the kill, that's brilliant. Just fucking brilliant.

Back to Men of War! I like that the beginning has Corporal Rock being told he could have made Sergeant many times over by now if he didn't have so many counts of insubordination against him. You know, because he's best known as Sgt. Rock. But his insubordination has always led his group (Easy Company!) getting the task done. Maybe not easily as their name suggests. But Rock leads as his team needs and not as the higher ups demand.

The Sergeant trying to motivate Rock mentions he knew his Granddad, Frank Rock. So I guess we get the new generation of soldier in the Reboot. Since Rock was known as a World War II soldier, DC needed a new generation of Rock to tell stories of the current retarded war the United States has gotten itself into.

Sgt. Torisi and his men, including Rock, are parachuting into enemy territory to rescue a senator who had been trying to negotiate a cease fire. As they're parachuting down, a super powered person comes streaking down from the sky and slamming into their landing site, catching the whole village on fire. The Company lands amidst the flames and begins to regroup.

Everything eventually turns to shit as the super powered being seems to begin to fight with itself. It is only shown as a profile, black and purple. But Rock describes describes it as one point as "his shadow itself turns against him." Reminds me a bit of Negative Man. Or Negative Woman. Or Rebis. But the being, whoever it is, starts flying erratically and smashing through buildings. The company tries to take cover but the being explodes through the building they're in, leaving them mangled, hurt, and possibly all dead. Save Rock and Sgt. Torisi. The timeline has now caught up to how the book started with Rock injured and barely conscious. Sgt. Torisi, dying, hands Rock his dog tags and tells him he's a Sergeant now. Oh, and Rock's first name is Joseph!

I really like the first issue. Adding the super being to the story was a perfect bit of military SNAFU since the being is apparently on their side. It's just a weapon out of control. At one point the men see him just hanging in front of the moon and one of the men says, "What kind of man...." Sergeant Torisi answers him with, "That ain't a man. Man's what you are. That there's an accident of nature." Just a nice moment to highlight the difference between the real grit and grime of the normal world versus the fancy world of super heroes. And then to have the company become casualties of the destruction that always follows on the wake of the super beings in a fight is also a nice perspective. Not nice that they all died! But nice to see that side of the tale told.

There's a back-up war story in the first issue about Navy Seals. It's pretty much just military bullshit. Nothing exciting happening here yet.

52 at First Glance, Part Twelve

45. Blackhawks
Writer: Mike Costa
Pencils: Graham Nolan
Inks: Ken Lashley

I looked at a list of all the new titles for 52 when I first decided to get a few more titles besides Suicide Squad. Blackhawks wasn't even a blip of a blip of a possibility. The whole idea of the Blackhawks never really excited me much. It seems like, possibly (I'm ignorant of mostly the whole thing), they're kind of a Suicide Squad Military Deal but without super powers. But looking at the cover of the comic has me curious. It looks sort of like G.I. Joe. But made up of figures that your mom bought for you for Christmas from K-mart that were just G.I. Joe knock-offs.

It's very possibly that if I had seen this comic with this cover, I'd have picked it up out of pure curiosity.

46. Men of War
Writer?: Ivan Brandon
Writer?: Tom Derenick
Pencils?: Jonathan Vankin
Inks?: Phil Winslade

Same deal as Blackhawks. I wasn't interested when reading the list of titles. But the cover has sort of a silhouette of an army guy with his dog tags that say ROCK. So I'm pretty sure I would have picked this up. I've generally been a fan of one shot Sgt. Rock and Easy Company stories. I don't really have any expectations for this title. Is it going to be too serious? Who knows?! I'll know!

47. Teen Titans
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Pencils: Brett Booth
Inks: Norm Rapmund

I've got a long history of reading the Teen Titans so why wouldn't I give their new title a shot? The members on the cover look to possibly be Wonder Girl, Superboy, Flying Robin Guy, Dark Vortex Girl, Sort of Impulse Looking Shape Changing Grow Boy, and Arachnalass!

My prediction is a lot of drama! TEEN TITANS LETS GO!

48. Static Shock
Writer?: Scott McDaniel
Writer?: John Rozum
Pencils?: Jonathan Glapion
Inks?: LeBeau Underwood

The only thing I know about Static Shock is that he had a cartoon. I never watched it.