Suicide Squad Most Wanted: El Diablo and Boomerang #2

Parasite stars in way more comic books than he should because he's an easy villain to use if you don't want to think of a specific way to negate the powers of the protagonist.

The El Diablo Commentary!
• When you're in a hurry and you accidentally restart your laptop instead of shutting it down, what do you do?
A. Smash it with a hammer.
B. Smash it with a brick.
C. Kill yourself.
D. Burn everything.
E. Wait patiently because you're a good person who everybody fucking hates because how does it not make you instantly furious, you pathetic worm?!

• You may have guessed that I recently restarted my computer instead of shutting it down. Shouldn't the computer at least ask you if you're sure you want to restart before simply restarting? I mean, the two choices are right on top of each other! They're practically the same option when you live a swingingly chill lifestyle like I do! I can't be that accurate when shutting down my laptop! What am I? A boy scout?! I'm more the kind of person who throws a tomato at the keyboard and hopes it hits the off button as I stroll out of the house like motherfucking Jesus Christ!

• That was blasphemy, wasn't it? Not the part where I compared myself to Jesus! No, the part where I swore but it sounded like I was implying that Jesus fucks his mother. Although, I mean, is that really far off? Jesus and God are kind of the same person and God made Mary pregnant which sort of means Jesus made Mary pregnant which, if you said it crudely, might be something like "Jesus fucked his mother." You can't argue with logic! I mean, you can but why would you want to? Logic is a good thing!

• El Diablo has recently left the Suicide Squad to be part of a less exciting government black ops organization called Checkmate. You know they're less exciting because they based their entire organization around the game of chess. I know some of you are thinking, "But Tess, you ignorant slut! Chess is an exciting game that pits two people's minds against each other because luck does not factor in! It's all skill and mental acuity!" Of course, those same types of people thinking that will probably give you a fucking impossibly hard time if you want to take back a move in a casual game immediately after letting go of the piece. So, in a way, they really don't want to play against somebody playing their best. They really want you to make early errors so they can destroy you and push their glasses up on their nose and snort in derision at your feeble mental abilities.

• El Diablo is a horsey piece. That's a great piece in chess because it can leap over other pieces. In my Chess House Rules, you have to roll a six-sided die when the horse moves over one of your own pieces. On a six, the piece is trampled to death.

• El Diablo is on a mission inside of LexCorp Tower which has to be scrapped because he's run into Parasite. That's on the first page! Which means I still have like thirty-nine more pages to go! I've already been at this for an hour. Stupid internet! I'm always getting distracted.

How is this a proper response to that?! I guess he's trying to say "You can't always get what you don't want."

• The person speaking out of Parasite's face is Amanda Waller. Somehow El Diablo recognizes that it's her. I guess Amanda is constantly telling everybody in Belle Reve how much people in hell want ice water. I would think getting ice water would be the last thing on their minds. I would probably want my mouth not to be full of shit and maybe to be ass raped by demons with smaller and less barbed penises.

• Amanda is using some Jervis Tetch technology that enables her to control Parasite as if she were wearing him like a suit. For some reason, she doesn't want Parasite remembering this mission which is why she's taken control. You know, she's such a control freak, why doesn't she do this on every mission? Just stack five or six mind-control helmets on her head and then control the whole Squad!

• Amanda uses Parasite's powers (unless it's the Jervis Tetch Tech since I've never known Parasite to have psychic powers (unless he just recently drained them from somebody (like maybe the scientist at LexCorps!))) to infiltrate El Diablo's mind. She wants information on Checkmate and their recent goings-on. The way Amanda reads minds is by projecting a ghostly version of herself inside El Diablo's mind and then El Diablo creates a version of himself inside his mind so that they can stroll through his memories. That doesn't seem overly complicated.

• The original El Diablo winds up following Amanda and El Diablo through El Diablo's memories. That's overly complicating an aspect of this story that was already overly complicated!

• Once the stroll down memory whatever is done, Waller learns more about El Diablo than she expected.

El Diablo has an Old West DC character living inside his chest who emerges to punch people in the face just before they kill El Diablo?

• After putting Parasite down with his Cowboy Chest Punch, El Diablo meets a woman named Azucar. That's either "Sugar" or "Help!" or maybe "Rice" in Spanish. She's dressed like a Day of the Dead sugar skull so it could be any of those.

• Azucar tells El Diablo that both Checkmate and the Suicide Squad are using him. I expect him to say, "Duh!" Instead, he quits Checkmate and joins with Azucar to find out the truth! I don't know exactly what truth they're going to discover. I'm pretty sure the main truth is that El Diablo is a criminal with fire powers who people just want to use for their own ends. But I suppose there's another truth about why Checkmate needed El Diablo to catch the invisible metahuman Xolotl.

• El Diablo asks Arroz how they're going to get out of LexCorps without being caught by the Metropolis police. She says, "We have to play dead." He says, "I can't die." Who the fuck cares if you can die or not?! Can you pretend you're dead?! She said you have to play dead, not be dead! Fucking idiot. Anyway, Ayuda does her magic killing thing and the first half of this issue ends.

The El Diablo Ranking!
0! I know I don't have to believe everything that happens in a comic book can really happen but sometimes comic books do such outrageous things that I dismiss them outright. That whole bit with Amanda Waller walking through El Diablo's memories while being followed by a cowboy who wasn't part of the memory was too much for me! I did like when Lazarus Lane popped out of El Diablo's chest to punch Parasite in the face though. I have no fucking idea what that was about but any time a DC character from their western genre can get in on the action, I'm all aboard. Except when he's wandering around in somebody else's memories. That was dumb.

The Captain Boomerang Commentary!
• These comic books that are two comic books in one are a pain in the ass to do commentaries on. I don't have this long of an attention span!

• Captain Boomerang has been drafted by some kids living in a South American jungle to help them overthrow El Jaguar. That shouldn't be too hard since that was why he was there in the first place with the Suicide Squad. It's just now he gets to do it with kids instead of insane monsters micromanaged by an even bigger, more insane monster.

• While Boomerang plans the mission with his new team consisting of Breaker, Volt, Wave, and Boost, Amanda Waller tells the Suicide Squad that they need to go back to South America to rescue Captain Boomerang. I was sort of hoping they wouldn't show up again until the end of the story. How dare they take away any of Digger's limelight? This is his solo story!

• Remember Lime and Light? I still can't believe DC killed of Lime before Light. I'd much rather have had some idiot running around named Lime.

• Breaker screws up Captain Boomerang's plan to sneak in and assassinate El Jaguar. That's what happens when teenagers don't follow the orders of adults! I know as a teenager, you might be thinking, "But who would think a drunk, sort-of racist asshole like Captain Boomerang would know what he's doing? Fuck that! I'm going my own way!" And to that, I say, "Yeah. That's probably the right choice 99 out of 100 times. But this time, Breaker fucked up! She should have listened to the adult!"

• Anyway, now Captain Boomerang and the kids wind up in a huge battle that will probably burn about five or six pages. That's good because I never have much to write about comic book brawls.

What a jerk! Doesn't he know what a boomerang is? You have to dodge it twice before you start acting like a big shot!

• The epilogue features Breaker exploding El Jaguar and the Squad returning to pick up Captain Boomerang. And it's cute and adorable and just makes me love Captain Boomerang even more. Even Katana, who I've loved for as long as I've pretended Ann Nocenti didn't ruin her, has a cute moment with him. And then it's over! The story is over! So I guess Issue #3 will be El Diablo and Somebody Else. Unless Captain Boomerang is just going to begin another story. I'd be super cool with that.

The Captain Boomerang Ranking!
+2! Digger Harkness is one of the greatest comic book characters ever created by a creator in an act of creation. And he lives up to his greatness in this story. Also he's kind of dead in the regular Suicide Squad as of Issue #2. I'm still hoping it was a great big fake-out! Maybe I should read Issue #3 out of order so I can see how Digger survived being heat visioned by General Zod!

Superboy #31

Aaron Kuder did write the definitive origin for The Parasite, so I'm not surprised to see him show up here. I mean definitive for The New 52 which is the only thing that currently matters!

Do I mention the time I met Aaron Kuder every time I read a comic book he worked on? Because I did! Let me tell the story again!

It was a day like every other day but unlike no other day ever. Unless those things are the same thing. Then it was better somehow and more different. A kinder day! It was the day of the Portland Comicon. The year was 2000 and something. The month was one of the rainier ones. A woman in a Tank Girl costume nearly ran me over in the lobby. Some other stuff happened and then I got to the part of the day when I met Aaron Kuder. He was sitting lonely at a table, weeping and desolate. The room dimmed about his area and people walked around his table as if he were handing out free injections of an insidious disease. Probably one of the worst ones you can Google if you took the time to Google deadly diseases. Three tumbleweeds bounced off of his pathetic face and I knew I had to approach him or my heart would die of sadness. His table faced the Slushee Stand and millions of people gathered around with green and blue stains all over their joyous faces. "These are so delicious!" they would say! Occasionally one of them would glance at Aaron Kuder and it would ruin their day. They would throw the Slushee into the trash and ask loudly, "Where is the nearest bridge which I can throw myself from, for I have looked into the Heart of Darkness this day and even the deliciousness of my Slushee could not save me!" But I was the hero of this story and I would brave the loneliness matrix created by Aaron Kuder's unpopularity! It would be me that he would remember!

"Hello," I began, trying not to break into tears. He smelled of old people's dying dreams. "Don't you draw Superman?"

"I wish!" he exclaimed and accidentally sprayed me with wailing-from-the-sadness-of-the-soul amounts of snot. I pretended not to notice because I had my brave face on. "No, I just draw stupid Kyle Rayner's stupid face."

"Aha," I continued. "Draw something for me, asshole." I threw my New 52 Big Book of First Issues into his lap where he eagerly pulled it open and found an empty space to draw on. He gasped as he saw the other signatures in the book. "You met Scott Lobdell?!" His eyes looked like run over turtles.

"Yes. Yes I did." I magnanimously looked him in the eye as I answered his question. "He was very impressed."

"I dream of becoming a legend like Mister Lobdell!" he said and I uncomfortably shifted my glance as a bulge began to appear in his pants. "Would you like a drawing?"

"Please," I continued, "Draw me something worthwhile. Perhaps Catwoman riding Superman's face as Batman watches and masturbates in a cup held by Alfred."

"I'm only contracted by DC to draw Kyle Rayner right now. But I've been promised to draw Superman soon! Tyler Kirkham told me so when I was cleaning up his lunch in the DC Cafeteria last week!"

"Fine. You may draw Kyle Rayner, if you must. But I won't be happy about it." Then the part where he drew the picture happened. It was during that part that I noticed hundreds of people gathered around and admiring my bravery for approaching a creator that was so uncool and sad. I nodded casually at them and they exploded into thunderous applause. Then I noticed Aaron was about done, so I snatched my book from him and said, "That's enough! You're welcome!" I then turned and marched away. And I swear, the area around Aaron Kuder became a little warmer after that and far fewer people threw away their Slushees.

I bet Aaron Kuder tells the story exactly the same way! What an amazing day!

Anyway, this comic book story is almost exactly like my story I just told! It's about Superboy (me!) meeting The Parasite (Aaron Kuder!). But first he needs to flirt with the New Newsboy Legion.

I really only scanned this picture because my story took so long and all these words needed a picture to break them up. Plus the story is taking forever to get to the meeting between Superboy and The Parasite!

While Superboy's half-naked body is being ogled by the New Newsboys, The Parasite is being molested by the delivery drivers. One of them has dared the other one to teabag The Parasite. Then The Parasite is going to suddenly have the powers of this guy's nuts. I guess he'll be able to shoot sperm at everyone? Which he apparently does with explosive results because alarms begin going off all over the complex. This looks like a job for Superman! But he's busy turning into Doomsday, so it's probably more of a job for The Guardian! And maybe with a little help from Superboy.

This entrance was so stupid it made me laugh out loud. I'm a connoisseur of stupid!

Superboy and The Parasite fight for a bit. You can probably imagine it. Punches and one-liners (mostly advertising campaigns). And then Superboy sucks out The Parasite's power and slices him into pieces. Then Joke-el realizes that he's been seeing Kon-el in mirrors and shit and that Kon-el is real! He just needs to find him and merge with him and this comic book will finally be cancelled!

Superboy #31 Rating: No change. This comic book has been much better than it previously was. I think Justin Jordan's short run on the book was promising but it got mixed up in more of Lobdell's stupid shit. At least Aaron Kuder has been given permission to write a Superboy story that's finally about Superboy!

Superman #27

Why does Lois have an IV hooked into her breast?

It's about time Lois gets her psychic powers taken away from her. I'm not sure what idiotic editors heard Scott Lobdell pitch an idea where Lois Lane becomes psychic so that she can be the greatest reporter in the world (thus cheapening her actual accomplishment as one of the greatest reporters in the world using normal means) but they were idiots. Hmm, did I already cover that? Maybe I should have thought more about that sentence construction. I suppose they came to their senses and realized what a bad idea it was, telling Lobdell he needed to fix it before the new creative team took over this book and made it interesting.

Let me reiterate before I go on to repeat myself over and over about how much Lobdell sucks at writing comic books: Superman has had 27 issues now and none of them have been interesting or worthy of the character. Confusing. Awful. Bullshit. Archaic. None of the various writers seemed to know how to tell a good Superman story. The best Superman story of The New 52 so far was in All Star Western #27. Now that fucker acted like the way I'd expect him to. Patient. Kind. Looking to help out however he can. And also willing to step away from a situation instead of forcing himself on another person's life that didn't need his help. That was a Superman I can respect.

Anyway, at the end of last issue, Lois Lane was getting her energy siphoned off by Parasite. This issue begins with Superman saving her in two pages. But Parasite has already taken a nice big bite of Lois's psionic power, so she's out of it and he's into it.

I'd rather just read a story about a day in the life of Joshua Allen Michael before he became Parasite. He seemed much more interesting than this monster that shouts horribly bad one-liners.

Here we see the subtle finesse of Scott Lobdell handling his characters. Superman choosing, once again, to use his fists over his brains, and The Parasite saying one stupid fucking thing after another. It's elegant in its laziness.

You wouldn't be surprised if I said it gets worse, would you?

It gets worse.

Jonathon blows up a tank of oxygen by shooting it at point blank range. This does nothing except force Superman to grab Jonathon and save his ass. He takes him to Lois where The Parasite (remember how I said the explosion does nothing?) appears instantaneously. Maybe not instantaneously. Superman did have a moment to lie to Jonathon and say that he has no idea why the Parasite is after Lois. So when the Parasite arrives, it just happens to point out that Lois is psychic and Superman must obviously know that because Jonathon needs to hear that Superman just lied to him and what more trusted source than the monster trying to kill everyone? All of that leads to this fucking ridiculous stupid piece of shit-I-wish-I-knew-more-fucking-swear-words moment:

Oh, fuck you, Jonathon, and your paper thin, sensitive fucking feelings. You twat. You berry picker. You old crusty yellow cumstain.

Meanwhile, Cat proves to the world that she's no fucking Lois Lane.

"Clarkcatropolis.com! We get the news. We give it you!" Who writes their copy? Frankenstein, Tonto, and Tarzan?

Note she also fucking stumbles on an earlier sentence as well. Perhaps she should hire somebody to do the press conferences since Cat can get a little tongue-tied. Oh! Maybe this is just a sly reference to Cat's dream on Red Dwarf!



After Cat heads back to her office, Morgan Edge breaks into it and offers her thirteen million dollars for her company. Oh, in cash by the way. Which isn't too suspect or weird in any way at all. I would have immediately dropped my offer by two million dollars after pointing out how idiotic she sounded speaking to the press and how shit like that can lose shit tons of investor cash.

A shit ton is a very precise measure equaling 4.2 million corrupt dollars that have yet to be laundered.

After that scene in which Cat will not sell because she's an idiot (unless she does sell since that's part of cleaning the slate for the next creative team!), Lobdell gives us a single page of Sam Lane in DC where a shadowy figure asks him, quite ominously, what he knows about...THE TOWER! So that's two issues in a row now where Lobdell tries to build up some excitement for some shitty story that he hadn't figured out by the time he wrote this. And hopefully it never gets sorted before he's off this title.

Meanwhile Clark is proving that he's not going to be any better at speaking to the press on Clarkcatropolis.com's behalf.

"Pisonic"? Is Parasite just making everyone stupid?

Now that Superman has beaten the shit out of Parasite because Parasite must have made himself stupid as well and he forgot to suck off Superman and steal his strength, Superman is contemplating using Parasite to cure Lois of her psychic powers. Sure, Parasite could easily kill her. But Lois is the fucking asshole that threatened to expose his secret identity for her own glory as a newshound. What kind of a best friend is she? Jimmy Olsen wouldn't do that to you, Clark!

Don't be a dick, Supes.

Superman allows Parasite to feed off of Lois and the power overwhelms The Parasite, knocking him unconscious. Jonathon says, "Dude!" And Superman goes, "Suck it!" And Lois is all, "Now boys!" And everybody lived happily ever after.

Except Jonathon is bitter and angry at Superman for risking Lois's life and Superman is all guilty and ashamed for risking Lois's life to save his secret identity and Lois probably wouldn't fucking give a shit so these two assholes might as well just forget the whole thing. Plus I think Superman walks away from the scene leaving The Parasite to later gain consciousness and go on another rampage.

Finally, Helspont gets a message that he hasn't been humiliated and underused enough in The New 52, so he should probably get right back on that horse and go take a few more kicks to the balls.

Superman #27 Rating: No change. Poor Superman must be so tired of sucking ass in his own title. You know the biggest travesty?! I'm paying 25% off cover price for these comic books to comment on them in a fairly timely manner when they're going to be overflowing the Quarter Bins in just a few years! I'm investing backwards!

Rogues Rebellion #2

In Which The Parasite Gets Kicked Out of the House on Real World: Keystone City.

Call of Duty: Clan Wars began last week so I fell behind in my reading of comic books to earn some virtual patches that nobody will ever see. I wonder if I can get Sunset Embroidery (my aunt's business) to make some real world versions of my First Place Clan Wars Patches! Then I can affix them to a nice sport coat and pretend I attend a really hoity-toity Country Club where most of the members are probably racist and have never read a work of fiction in their adult lives. Hmm, if my Country Club is imaginary, why can't I imagine it better than every other Country Club that has ever existed? You can't say "Country Club" without "Cunt!" Or "lube" if you have a bit of a weird accent or speech impediment.

Last issue, the Rogues had one job to do and they fucked it up because they allowed their empathy and their ethics to get in the way of their greed. But The Crime Syndicate sent the 2000 Assassanition Bureau Committee to slap their wrists. But apparently they couldn't get the job done fast enough because now Power Ring and Deathstorm have appeared to take away The Rogues' powers and give them a rather severe tongue lashing.

Hmm. I've seen worse tongue lashings than this on Little House on the Prairie! Although to be fair, Laura Ingalls often deserved to be whupped. That child was a true monster. And yet Nellie Olsen gets all the bad press.

Remember Perfect Strangers? Man, no wonder so many Hollywood executives were doing cocaine in the eighties. They could put anything on television and the populace would watch it. "Hey, look at this, Ma! There's a guy with a funny accent on the television! And he's trying to live in America! What a hoot!" Advertising money would pour in faster than anybody in Hollywood knew what to do with it, so they just shoved it up their noses and thought up more half hour comedies where two to four characters with catch phrases argued with each other until wacky hijinks ensued. Some people may think that this country lost its innocence after we dropped a couple of nuclear bombs on Japan while still others believe that Vietnam brought the country into a cynical state of adulthood. But I can point to one single factor that shows most of our country had yet to lose its innocence well into the eighties: Growing Pains had a character named "Boner" on it without the slightest bit of tongue in cheek irony. That's some fifties era level naïveté right there.

I think that every organization should hire one person to be a cynical smart-ass, piece of shit motherfucker. That way, she'll be there to point out when they're putting out a product or starting an ad campaign that could be misconstrued as in bad taste or silly or just fucking messed up. I find myself inadvertently laughing at serious ads or news stories a few times a week because nobody sassed the people in charge about their stupid idea. Too bad I can't think of any examples right now to make my point seem legitimate! But seriously! Companies! You really need a Board of Cynics to look over every single thing you do. It'll make life much easier!

I know I called The Trickster "annoying" and "Toto" last issue but this made me change my mind.

Power Ring's paranoia takes over and he decides The Rogues need to be killed before they begin killing him. So a brawl breaks out between The Crime Goons and The Rogues. This scene already took place in Forever Evil #3 with some minor changes to the dialogue. In Forever Evil #3, Trickster replaces "You guys, obviously he's crazy--Am I right?" with "My mask has been itching all day!" This version is much better. I mentioned earlier that the Rogues had lost their powers but I was wrong. That happens in this fight and took place in Forever Evil #3 which my brain simply assumed happened in Rogues Rebellion #1. Go figure!

A little bit more of the action is covered here since the focus is on the other team members whereas the focus was on Captain Cold in Forever Evil #3. So now we get to see Trickster call Deathstorm "Skeletor" (he says, "Eat metal fist, Skeletor," which I, of course, first read as "Eat metal, Fist Skeletor."). We also get to see this juicy piece of non-information!

What are these two up to? Oh wait. Mirror Master just meant the fog. For a second there, I thought they were Nightwing and Damian disguised as Mirror Master and Heatwave. But then I remembered those characters are both dead. Or as good as, anyway.

Next on the agenda is to recount the pages from Forever Evil where Deathstorm removed Captain Cold's powers. Even though I've already read this bit, I like it much better with Hepburn's art over Finch's as well as some of the slight modifications in the writing. Also, Forever Evil doesn't have a post dick sucking shot of Captain Cold when all is said and done.

Somebody's got dick breath!

I'm sure this comic book isn't going to continually repeat everything that happens in Forever Evil, so my guess is that this comic book will continue to follow the other Rogues as they escape the Crime Syndicate while Captain Cold teams up with Luthor and Bizarro and Black Manta and Black Adam in Forever Evil.

I rant and I rave about the state of comic books today but I don't think I've ever offered any real solutions except for having Batman and Superman comics subsidize all of the other comic books. And I'm often hard pressed to explain what exactly I can't stand about a comic book and what I really like about another. I suppose that's because the real, initial, primary lure of comic books is rarely intellectual. It's visceral and emotional and feelsy. Buccelato tends to write comic books that satisfy my Comic Book Love Zone (yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds). And this here art of Scott Hepburn, who sounds familiar but I'm not sure where I've seen his work before, really rubs up against my Comic Book G-spot. And this page I'm about to scan in is a prime example of the things I love about comic books. This here ruins my Comic Book Underwear. I wish I could say that last sentence was metaphorical.

Trickster has flying shoes, so they'll probably be okay.

Not only is this page tense and fun, it also utilizes the medium of comics in a way that Kenneth Rocafort's staccato, crazy panel layout never can. We get depth and height and the seriousness of the situation in the first panel. It's also static and tame. They are safe for the moment. But it's the next series of panels that really make the page shine. We see the upward, hopeful movement of Mirror Master pulling Heatwave to safety in the first two. But the movement slowly shifts so that when Heatwave and The Trickster finally do slip through Mirror Master's fingers, the panels help to make the reader feel the downward movement. And to top it all off, the whole design feels natural to the eye because the panels also mimic the perspective of the windows on the building. Gorgeous stuff, this.

Trickster's flying shoes don't save them because they have Weather Wizard who is able to create a safety funnel and deposit the Rogues on a nearby roof. The Rogues dust themselves off and find that they're in Metropolis now after being rejected from Mirror World. That would make more sense than Captain Cold running into Lex Luthor in Central City like I thought was going on during Forever Evil #3. It also makes more sense for Black Manta to come swimming out of the ocean with Black Adam in tow! I knew there was something fishy about the set up in Forever Evil!

Captain Cold leaves the Rogues to figure out how to get back to Glider while he runs off to play with Lex Luthor. The next incident in the Rogues life is meeting up with an idiot with a death wish.

Ha ha! That's extra funny because Green Arrow is already low-budget. It's like calling somebody the uncool Aquaman!

The next person, if I can use the term "person," that attacks them is The Parasite. It seems that everybody's magic coin has proclaimed that the Rogues are wanted by the Crime Syndicate. And the Crime Syndicate is actually paying for this job instead of filling everybody's clutch purses with hope and promises. Did Twat Lobo get a coin? Because I think just hearing about a job that pays means that he has to complete it due to his ethics or something. Unless Twat Lobo is less ethical than Regular Flavoured Lobo.

Time for a What Not to Wear, Super-Villain Edition? I would vote for Signalman to be on the show.

Parasite usually fights Superman so I would recommend to the Rogues that they get the fuck out of there as fast as possible. Weather Wizard blasts the Parasite with lightning (not "lightening," Internet) and fills him super full of tasty good potential energy which he's just dying to make kinetic all over Weather Wizard's face. Weather Wizard desperately calls for a new plan five times although I already told him the best plan! In the immortal words of the Amityville Pig Ghost: "GET. OUT."

They decide to go with my (and the Pig Ghost's) plan and escape into the Mirror World. Which Mirror Master has no ability to control anymore. So they're quickly rocketed out of it into another random location. Although not the real type of random. The kind of random where they don't get to choose but the writer has already thought out and planned for them all along.

If it were truly random, they probably would have come out in San Jose, California.

Rogues Rebellion #2 Rating: +4 Ranking. Do I have to justify my rankings at this point? This blog was never supposed to be a review site and yet sometimes people feel incomplete if I just make jokes and don't actually give my opinion. I suppose it's the same sort of feeling people experienced when walking out of The Blair Witch Project. That movie made people physically ill and, I suspect, many of them probably blamed it on the way it was filmed. But I'll tell you why they really felt ill. Because the movie offered no catharsis. It built more and more tension throughout the film, building up to a crescendo and what should have been a huge scare or epic reveal. Instead, it just ended with a guy possibly masturbating in the corner and the camera falling on the floor. There was no huge release. No scream to get out the built up tension. Instead, it remained a tight ball in the pit of the stomach. I'm surprised more people didn't walk out of the theater and vandalize cars in the parking lot. Oh, I almost forgot my justification! This comic book was fun and I like fun comic books and I'm a big fan of Captain Cold.