Superboy #34

The final issue! Dun nuh nuh nuh! Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh! Duh nuh nuh nuh! Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, NUH NUH! Dun nun nun nun nun!

I sometimes wish that Europe's "Ninja" had become more popular than "Final Countdown." It's not a better song (which probably explains why it's not as well known) but it's certainly much stupider! And "Final Countdown" was not graduating from middle school any time soon itself! We're headed toward Venus?! Why are we going there?

Ninja survive! In dreams we make goo-goo eyes!
Oh!
Ninja survive! Is this a love song for some reason?!
Why is it about ninjas if it's also about love?
Do ninjas make chicks hot or is it just my gorgeous eyes?
Ninja survive! I'm Joey Tempest, dammit!
Oh!
Only one will survive! Marching on the trail of tears!

The first page of this issue makes me wish it had been canceled last month. If you thought it was funny, you're an idiot. That's just a helpful critique of your personality to enable you to gauge where you rate amongst the intelligentsia. A rating of "idiot" means you're better than the people that have ridiculously pretentious conversations over coffee drink with ridiculously high creation difficulty factors. It also means you rate slightly higher than politicians, lawyers, judges, and police because it takes less than an idiot to believe they've taken up a position of authority for "noble" reasons. Bunch of power hungry assholes is what that lot are. But a rank of "idiot" means you're slightly more annoying to be around than any kind of religious fundamentalist because I guarantee none of them are laughing at this first page of Superboy.

This page is presented in Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea Vision. It's a defense mechanism to keep me from having an aneurysm while I read awful dialogue.

The Green Lantern New Newsboy Legion member is far more skilled with the power ring than I'd expect from a rookie. Perhaps she knows Kilowog? She creates a bubble around all of her friends and escapes from the Evil Joke-el! They escape to a lower level where they can sit around and make a plan. I think the plan should be to have their two Superboys beat up the one bad Superboy. Plus maybe get some help from The Guardian, Rose Wilson, and Green Lantern Newsboy? Normally when I get in a gangfight and my gang has five times as many members as the other gang, I don't retreat. I press the attack and only when they slaughter most of my gang because we're not really fighters, more like dancers and lovers, then I retreat! But retreat shouldn't be the first choice in this situation. Unless that's what Sunny Sue says in her book, "The Art of War." Unlike everybody that scripts comic books and video games, I've never read the book. Although if I go by all the quotes I've seen used over and over and over again by various sources, I'd have to believe that the entirety of the text is "All war is deception."

Oh ha ha ha ha! I just can't get enough of the fat person always wanting food! Such a classic joke because it's so true! Fat people never talk about anything else!

How did this Superboy get so fat? Is there a color sun that doesn't provide strength and power for Kryptonians but instead just converts the energy into fat for later use? I bet Fat Superboy has the most potential of any Superboy here! I bet Kuder comes up with a good fart joke later because fat people fart all the time! Almost as much as they talk about eating.

I bet Mercury and Thallium "lead" up to this situation! Ah ha ha ha ha! Hey! Hey! Don't you Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea Vision my dialogue, you jerko!

Some more explication takes place in lots and lots of Narration Boxes beside cartoony pictures of supposed events. Nobody needs to know any of this stuff because Superboy was ruined by Scott Lobdell a long time ago. He cannot be fixed so just cancel the comic book and bring back the clone, Conner Kent, at some point. Give him amnesia and a large cock and everything will be fine.

A big fight breaks out between Joke-el and his Legion of Superboys and Kon-el and his New Newsboy Legion plus The Ravagers. I hope they all lose.

And that's nearly exactly what happens! Jon-el grabs Joke-el and removes him from the pocket universe which returns everything to normal. Jon-el and Joke-el are erased from existence (as it should be) and Conner Kent is back where he belongs as the only Superboy in The New 52. I can't tell how big his cock is though because his crotch is hidden in shadow in his final appearance.

Superboy #34 Rating: -11 Ranking. Holy shit, it's finally over! Does DC realize how shabbily they've treated Superboy since The New 52? He was constantly involved in crossovers and rarely had any stories of his own in his own comic book. He was killed and turned into somebody else and said to have triple DNA strands and turned into Silver Surfer Junior and won Wonder Girl's heart by trying to kill her and told readers that he was a living weapon no fewer than thirty times! Oh how I've hated reading this comic book. I can't say it was worse than Ann Nocenti's Katana but seeing as how it went for thirty four issues while Katana only lasted eight, it destroyed a little more of my humanity than Katana did. I can't bring myself to retire it at any rank greater than the worst rank of The New 52, #52. Poor, poor Superboy fans. DC really did them a disservice. As Othello near the end of the fifth act, "Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh. Duh."

Superboy #33

Hey! That's Superboy! The living weapon created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E!

I liked N.O.W.H.E.R.E. when it wasn't an organization. It was just an unknown place where certain Men were from! The Doom Patrol weren't sitting around going, "I wonder what N.O.W.H.E.R.E. is up to this week?" No, Doom Patrol were always sitting around going, "Nobody likes us." And then The Men From N.O.W.H.E.R.E. would appear saying things like, "Never oscillate wantonly! Hop energetically! Rotate elusively!" Then Rebis would be all, "I got my penis in my vagina!" And Crazy Jane would be all, "Cliff, fuck me!" And Dorothy would be all, "Does anybody have any pads?! The Candleman is coming!" And then Cliff would probably shout, "What the hell is going on in this comic book?!"

But N.O.W.H.E.R.E. no longer has any weird men. It just has Ravagers and Harvest. They're far more confusing than those other guys.

That's not a fair description of The New Newsboy Legion. There weren't any black cast members in Beverly Hills, 90210.

Before I get "actually'd" by everybody, Leash was talking about the original show with Shannon Doherty and not the recent show that was simply called 90210. How do I know? Well, I read the following panels that I didn't scan which make it clear that he meant the older show. It also meant that he was put into stasis by Harvest in 1997 which really throws a spanner into the continuity works! But I'm not interested in dredging up the past with this comic book! I'm carefully remaining within the continuity confines of Aaron Kuder's run of this series. It's the only way I can stay sane reading The New 52 Superboy. When it comes to his origin and his past, there's one simple rule: ignore, ignore, ignore!

Inside the N.O.W.H.E.R.E. facility which Hammersmith and Leash were lucky to be thrown out of, Superboy has become dozens of Superboys because he touched himself. Is that what happens to people on Krypton when they masturbate? No wonder they had such a huge problem with clones!

Jon-el and Kon-el have been kicked out of the universe for engaging in aberrant behavior. But now they have time to explain what's going on with lots and lots and lots of words! More words than you can imagine being in a comic book! Nope! You're not imagining enough! Even more than that!

There were just as many words on the previous page. It takes a lot of explaining to straighten out Superboy's New 52 history!

This is what happens when you let Scott Lobdell write a character unedited for too long! It's like he's sharfed (shit/barfed) all over the party. Now Aaron Kuder has been sent in to clean it all up while Lobdell does unspeakable things to Jason Todd, Roy Harper, and Starfire. Those poor characters.

Superboy and Superboy soon find themselves battling Superboy for control of Superboy's body. Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, and the New Newsboy Legion stand around watching the body of Superboy grow three heads and scream a lot. Then there's an explosion and the three main Superboy's separate, leaving everybody unconscious (or very nearly so) except for mean Superboy who laughs maniacally and leaks black shit all over everything.

Superboy #33 Rating: No change. It's hard to believe that this story is helping to clear up Superboy's past so that DC will be left with one uncomplicated Superboy who is simply a clone of Superman. I guess things are always most confusing before the clarity! That's a saying, right? Anyway, I don't see those assholes over at C.O.M.I.C.S.V.E.R.S.E. explaining it any better!

Superboy #32

The living weapon finally cracks!

This is a story about Superboy. Superboy was created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to be a living weapon, you know? Because the best kind of weapon is not the kind that sits there passively waiting for you to use it. No, no! That's conservative and traditional thinking! The best kind of weapon is the kind that you have no control over! The kind with emotions so that when somebody says "Guns don't kill people. Living weapons kill people," they're more accurate than that other stupid version of the statement. Who wants a gun that can't kill people?! What a useless object! That's why you need a living gun that can get pissed off all by itself and do the killing all by itself so that all those pinko lefties will finally be right when they say guns kill people!

If I had a living weapon, I'd probably take it on walks at the park and keep it off leash. Then when it ran up to people, I'd say, "It's okay! He's harmless!" And they'd be forced to uncomfortably smile and pretend they didn't hate my fucking guts for allowing my living weapon to shove its muzzle right in their crotch. Then if my living weapon ever did kill someone, I'll justify it by saying that my living weapon was always loving and had never harmed anybody ever so it must have sensed that the person it killed was a horrible person and probably the next Hitler. I'll blame the victim for all of my troubles and resent them for getting my living weapon euthanized. Afterward, maybe I'll start up some kind of cultural campaign trying to explain how living weapons aren't dangerous at all! I'll show pictures of a baby curled up with a living weapon and say, "See? That baby isn't dead! Living weapons are never dangerous!" I'll ignore the fact that a living weapon has a mind of its own and can go off for any reason and at any time simply because I love living weapons so much! And nobody will ever convince me that a person hurt by a living weapon wasn't asking for it or else why would the living weapon have hurt them, hunh? Answer that!

Superboy begins with a scene that's intensely insensitive to quadruple amputees and the decapitated.

As you can see, Aaron Kuder honed his writing chops on the elementary school playground. Next up, he'll place Parasite in various situations and wind up calling him Bob and Art as well as Matt. He'll probably follow all of that up with a rhyme about pee in Coke and a ditty about where milk, lemonade, and fudge come from. Then he'll finish up with a few facts about gross things and things that might be grosser than those already gross things.

Superboy has suddenly come into telepathic contact with the other Superboy. That Superboy was lost in time while destroying Krypton but apparently he's back in the Now of the DC Universe and being kept in a stasis pod by Harvest. It makes sense if you don't give a shit about anything that has happened to Superboy in The New 52 prior to Aaron Kuder taking the helm. I highly suggest not giving a shit about that past stuff because, so far, Aaron Kuder's work on Superboy has been the best of the series (aside from Justin Jordan's run that was cut short due to interference with a Lobdell story). Superboy hasn't really had a chance to be in a story that was just his story and contained within the pages of his comic book. Kuder is finally giving him that chance so I'm going to ignore all of the past history of this poor kid. For now, all I need to know is there are two versions of Superboy in the present due to time-shenanigans and they must merge with each other to survive.

Superboy and the New Newsboy Legion head off to save Kon-el who's being held in a N.O.W.H.E.R.E. facility in the Arctic. Or the Antarctic. Or at the Harvest School for the Gifted in some desert in Africa or something. Fuck if I know! See what happens when I try to make sense of Superboy's past?! I'm instantly confused! So let me start over relying only on Aaron Kuder's work.

Superboy and the New Newsboy Legion head off north to Alaska to save Kon-el who's being held in a N.O.W.H.E.R.E. facility. On the way there, Niti kisses him and then shows him her ass while making eye contact. That's like the universal sign for human presenting! Unless she's not making eye contact when she shows him her ass and looks back over her head. She might be looking to see if there is any movement in the crotch area since he's wearing that skin tight outfit.

I'm guessing there is a lot of movement in the crotch area.

In the N.O.W.H.E.R.E. facility currently being approached by the New Newsboy Legion, Rose Wilson, Hammersmith, and Leash are all thawed so they can defend the facility and keep Kon-el for themselves. Remember that thing I said about previous history not existing? I'm really resisting commenting on it right now! For all I know, this is the first appearance of Rose Wilson. And if you want to remain sane, you'd join me in my ignorance.

As Superboy and his friends arrive to battle some Ravagers, Aaron Kuder puts a few typos into the script in honor of Howard Mackie. It's really touching. I hope when DC unfreezes Howard Mackie because they're desperate for another writer to fill some quotas, they show him this homage to him. If I were Aaron Kuder, I would have also added about twenty extraneous punctuation marks as well as the typos.

And then there's the big fight scene. The fight scene is usually where I take a break from describing the action to talk about other things going on in my life. But nothing is going on in my life. So let's get back to the action!

If only Dave Sim were here to over-explain the injury to the eye motif!

I have to say, after seeing Superboy get his vile jelly stabbed out, I'm ready to petition Congress for another go at the Comic Book Code Authority! Ghastly! Just look at the eyeball flopping off into the distance! I can't believe teenagers are allowed to read this! Shouldn't they be studying and promising their purity to Jesus?

I don't really know much about Superboy's levels of invulnerability, so I'm just going to have to believe Rose has a sword that can easily enough lop out Superboy's eyeball. Plus Superboy's powers have been wonky from all the time travel and from battling parasite and from his genetic defect that is killing him, so it's easy enough to think this could happen to Superboy whereas it would never happen to Superman.

Superboy knocks out Rose and kills Hammersmith and Leash. Okay, maybe he doesn't kill them. But he does throw them on a trajectory that crashes them through a solid fortress's outer walls and off into space. Or maybe just miles away into the harsh environment of Alaska. So while he might not have killed them, he certainly didn't try to not kill them. Then again, if I were to remember Joke-el's pre-Kuder history, I might remember he's murdered plenty of people already so these two hardly count at all.

Superboy continues on to find Superboy on his own. When he finds him, he realizes it isn't Kon-el at all but an alternate version of himself. He reaches out to merge with himself and then everything explodes.

Or multiplies. Or something. "Malkovich Malkovich!" "Superboy! Super! Boy! Superboy!" "Pika pi!"

Superboy #32 Rating: +1 Ranking. I can't help but rate this comic book on a curve. After all the confusing shit the character of Superboy has been put through, it's nice to see him star in a fucking story of his own. Even if he's still locked to the crappy baggage from the first two and a half years of The New 52. It looks like Aaron Kuder is going to put all of that history to rest and finish this comic book off with Superboy ready for a new start. Thank Christ. Seriously, thank you, Jesus Christ. This is a miracle that only you could have accomplished which is why I now accept you as my Lord and Saviour. With a "U"!

Superboy #31

Aaron Kuder did write the definitive origin for The Parasite, so I'm not surprised to see him show up here. I mean definitive for The New 52 which is the only thing that currently matters!

Do I mention the time I met Aaron Kuder every time I read a comic book he worked on? Because I did! Let me tell the story again!

It was a day like every other day but unlike no other day ever. Unless those things are the same thing. Then it was better somehow and more different. A kinder day! It was the day of the Portland Comicon. The year was 2000 and something. The month was one of the rainier ones. A woman in a Tank Girl costume nearly ran me over in the lobby. Some other stuff happened and then I got to the part of the day when I met Aaron Kuder. He was sitting lonely at a table, weeping and desolate. The room dimmed about his area and people walked around his table as if he were handing out free injections of an insidious disease. Probably one of the worst ones you can Google if you took the time to Google deadly diseases. Three tumbleweeds bounced off of his pathetic face and I knew I had to approach him or my heart would die of sadness. His table faced the Slushee Stand and millions of people gathered around with green and blue stains all over their joyous faces. "These are so delicious!" they would say! Occasionally one of them would glance at Aaron Kuder and it would ruin their day. They would throw the Slushee into the trash and ask loudly, "Where is the nearest bridge which I can throw myself from, for I have looked into the Heart of Darkness this day and even the deliciousness of my Slushee could not save me!" But I was the hero of this story and I would brave the loneliness matrix created by Aaron Kuder's unpopularity! It would be me that he would remember!

"Hello," I began, trying not to break into tears. He smelled of old people's dying dreams. "Don't you draw Superman?"

"I wish!" he exclaimed and accidentally sprayed me with wailing-from-the-sadness-of-the-soul amounts of snot. I pretended not to notice because I had my brave face on. "No, I just draw stupid Kyle Rayner's stupid face."

"Aha," I continued. "Draw something for me, asshole." I threw my New 52 Big Book of First Issues into his lap where he eagerly pulled it open and found an empty space to draw on. He gasped as he saw the other signatures in the book. "You met Scott Lobdell?!" His eyes looked like run over turtles.

"Yes. Yes I did." I magnanimously looked him in the eye as I answered his question. "He was very impressed."

"I dream of becoming a legend like Mister Lobdell!" he said and I uncomfortably shifted my glance as a bulge began to appear in his pants. "Would you like a drawing?"

"Please," I continued, "Draw me something worthwhile. Perhaps Catwoman riding Superman's face as Batman watches and masturbates in a cup held by Alfred."

"I'm only contracted by DC to draw Kyle Rayner right now. But I've been promised to draw Superman soon! Tyler Kirkham told me so when I was cleaning up his lunch in the DC Cafeteria last week!"

"Fine. You may draw Kyle Rayner, if you must. But I won't be happy about it." Then the part where he drew the picture happened. It was during that part that I noticed hundreds of people gathered around and admiring my bravery for approaching a creator that was so uncool and sad. I nodded casually at them and they exploded into thunderous applause. Then I noticed Aaron was about done, so I snatched my book from him and said, "That's enough! You're welcome!" I then turned and marched away. And I swear, the area around Aaron Kuder became a little warmer after that and far fewer people threw away their Slushees.

I bet Aaron Kuder tells the story exactly the same way! What an amazing day!

Anyway, this comic book story is almost exactly like my story I just told! It's about Superboy (me!) meeting The Parasite (Aaron Kuder!). But first he needs to flirt with the New Newsboy Legion.

I really only scanned this picture because my story took so long and all these words needed a picture to break them up. Plus the story is taking forever to get to the meeting between Superboy and The Parasite!

While Superboy's half-naked body is being ogled by the New Newsboys, The Parasite is being molested by the delivery drivers. One of them has dared the other one to teabag The Parasite. Then The Parasite is going to suddenly have the powers of this guy's nuts. I guess he'll be able to shoot sperm at everyone? Which he apparently does with explosive results because alarms begin going off all over the complex. This looks like a job for Superman! But he's busy turning into Doomsday, so it's probably more of a job for The Guardian! And maybe with a little help from Superboy.

This entrance was so stupid it made me laugh out loud. I'm a connoisseur of stupid!

Superboy and The Parasite fight for a bit. You can probably imagine it. Punches and one-liners (mostly advertising campaigns). And then Superboy sucks out The Parasite's power and slices him into pieces. Then Joke-el realizes that he's been seeing Kon-el in mirrors and shit and that Kon-el is real! He just needs to find him and merge with him and this comic book will finally be cancelled!

Superboy #31 Rating: No change. This comic book has been much better than it previously was. I think Justin Jordan's short run on the book was promising but it got mixed up in more of Lobdell's stupid shit. At least Aaron Kuder has been given permission to write a Superboy story that's finally about Superboy!

Superboy #30

Apparently this comic book has been so bad, DC has finally decided to go with no writer on it at all!

Actually, asshole, that caption was a joke. Actually me? I'll actually you! Go fuck your grandmum.

Sorry! Sorry! Jesus Christ, that's no way to begin a comic book review! Especially after I've decided, from here on out, to do normal comic book reviews that will rival the shitty comic book reviews being put out by places like Newsarama or Comic Vine. I'm going to get serious about a career as a comic book critic and begin kissing Marvel and DC's asses so that they'll use some of my blurbs on the advertisements for the trade paperbacks. I'm going to actually start mentioning the art in my reviews instead of just discussing the writing and my own bowel movements. Today is the first day of the rest of my life! Just like every other day except different somehow. I think it's more inspirational or something.

Here's my Professional Comic Book Review of Superboy #30 (even though I haven't read it yet. Does that matter?):

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a superhero? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to shoot web out of your wrists and swing about the city? Have you ever thought about flying high up in the sky and writing articles for a major metropolitan newspaper? Have you ever thought, 'Gee! I sure would like to be Batman's best friend and wear tights!'? Have you ever gotten back from war only to have to see your family gunned down by bad guys and decided to go around shooting people in the face? I know I have! Not the war part, of course, since I'm only ten! But that's why Superboy is such a good book to read! Because it is about a boy (like me!) who is also super (like a superhero!)!

"This comic book is very exciting because Aquaman is killed on the very first page! That made me sad because Aquaman is a good guy and he talks to fish and I love fish a lot! It also made me confused because Superboy is not called Villainboy although I guess if you are a super-villain you could also take the name Superboy. But that seems disingenuous. Mrs. Traforsky helped me with that word! She said that would be a good word and it was better than the word I wanted to use which was 'stupid.' Then she left a book called a thesaurus on the desk by me and winked. I later told the principal and she was reprimanded. I was going to say 'yelled at' but remembered that I should use my thesaurus!"

Normally this scene would make me happy. But nothing Superboy does makes me happy.

"The art in this comic book is pretty good because Aaron Kuder is writing and not drawing! Although the art kind of looks a little bit like Jorge Jimenez Moreno (I wish I had three names!) is trying to ape (cinnamon for 'copy'!) R.B. Silva's style. But that doesn't make any sense because if you were an artist and you wanted to copy somebody else's style, you would probably not choose R.B. Silva's style to copy. If I were to explain R.B. Silva's style of art to an alien, I would show them a picture of me and say, 'This is one of his characters!' Then I would show him another picture of me with a wig on and say, 'This is a different one of his characters!' Then the alien would give me a spaceship and we would be friends.

"I should tell you the story of Superboy so you don't have to read it yourself. Once upon a time there was a boy that was born with a purpose so he already had a head start on most people that never find their own purpose. But he didn't like his purpose because it was to be a living weapon and he was all, 'Nuh unh! No way!' So he made some friends and traveled in time and then traveled in time some more and then forgot to travel in time this one time, so he died. But then he was replaced by a different Superboy from a different time because the reader of the story is supposed to believe that, across lots of timelines, the one the reader is being forced to focus on is the most important one of them all. I suppose that's true since the reader doesn't have any choice. The different Superboy is a bad boy and wants to kill everything. He also traveled through time a few times but he always remembered to travel in time so he never died. Now he is in New York and ready to kill Aquaman for realsies."

This is an accurate representation of a New Yorker.

"I ate a banana for breakfast and now I feel sick. I hope I don't have Monkey AIDS. Whenever kids in my school get sick, we always hope we don't have AIDS. My teacher, Mrs. Traforsky, says that we shouldn't say that because there was a time when AIDS almost wiped out everybody. But when we asked her how a person gets sick with AIDS, she wouldn't tell us. That's why we're always worried that we have it!

"The New Yorkers are afraid of Superboy because they think he might be as dangerous as Superman. I don't know why they are saying that because Superman is not dangerous at all. He is a nice guy and he saves people and their pets all of the time. I guess the people of New York don't know any better because they are also afraid of the police and the police are good guys too!

"At one point, Superboy gets a bloody nose and yells, 'Oh no! I'm dying of AIDS!' But then some guy called The Golden Surfer comes along and says, 'You shouldn't say that. I am an adult and I know better. You are probably not dying at all, so you should stop complaining and just get back to doing your homework.'"

The New 52 could really use the Newsboy Legion to save it!

"Superboy is captured by The Guardian! Will he be harmed by him? Will he be helped by him? What will happen? If you want to find out, you should pick up this book at your local library!"

"Umm. I'm back! I guess I didn't fulfill my page quota and was given my assignment back to fill a few more paragraphs. Umm. Superboy winds up getting medical treatment for his Time Travel AIDS because The Golden Guardian Surfer has a secret fort filled with people that are really good at curing things like Space AIDS and Time Travel AIDS and the flu."

Why is it that somebody always wants to fuck Superboy?

"The New Newsboy Legion now know all about Superboy. They know he isn't the regular Superboy. They know he's part human and part alien. They know he's having bad dreams. They know he's probably a time traveler. They know lots of stuff that scientists can figure out in a lab if they find you on the street with a nosebleed. The oldest New Newsboy Legion member, Harold, notices that Superboy's serotonin levels are out of whack. I looked that word up and it seems like if you do a lot of the love drug, your serotonin levels can get out of whack. But Harold believes that drugs are not the problem with Superboy because it's more likely time travel. That seems like a reasonable assumption! I bet Harold's kids used to come home all the time smelling like alcohol and sex parties. He'd be all, 'Where have you been, young people?' And they were all, 'Oh crapola! We've been, uh, time traveling, daddy!' And he'd be all, 'Well, I hope you didn't cause any temporal paradoxes! Now get some sleep.'"

And this is how Superboy discovered the meaning of friendship!

"Superboy begins to think that maybe he doesn't have to be a super villain if good people are going to constantly give him everything he needs anyway. So he decides to live with the New Newsboy Legion for awhile since they are providing free meals and free shelter and free medical. But he is still haunted by his past! If you think you would like to read a book about a bad guy that might stop being a bad guy and decide to become a replica of the good guy whose position he has taken over, you should read this comic book like I am doing! It is really exciting and filled with fun things like muscular guys without shirts and cute women drooling over them! It is possible that a future issue will reveal some of the mysteries of sex to the readers! Thanks for reading!"

Whoops! That was my Reading Rainbow Review and not my Professional Comic Book Review. Whatever. This was much better.

Superboy #30 Rating: +5 Ranking. Holy fuck! A well done Superboy comic book! I think I just shit my shorts. If you want to know the reason why this book was so much better than the other Superboy books, I can tell you! It's because I met Aaron Kuder and infused him with a bit of my local reality field. So he's a bit more real than everybody else in the universe.