Green Lantern #40 (Late May 1993)

Oh boy. We've entered the era of the Darkstars!

I wrote reviews on issues #1-8 of Darkstars (not The Darkstars like half of the issues wanted you to believe was the title) in case you were interested in what I thought of a space cop comic book that was way more into the cop part than the space part. Pretty sure it was also the most '90s art of any comic book put out by DC. I stopped reading Darkstars with issue #8 which also happens to be the May 1993 issue of that series. And guess what? This May 1993 issue is the last issue I purchased of this Green Lantern run. Coincidence? Probably not. But I can't remember why I stopped buying each of these comics at the exact same time. Maybe I just fell on hard times! An extra $2.50 a month meant two less games of Cyberball!

This issue begins with a Darkstar trying to kill Flash (the apparently Barry Allen one) while Hal Jordan yells, "If you've killed him, I'll not finish this statement so you have to imagine what I might do to you!" And the Darkstar is all, "What? Who?" Typical Darkstar response upon seeing a Green Lantern. Darkstars know Green Lanterns are the real cops of the universe so they pretend they don't know anything about them. How would you like to be known as the second fiddle cops? The security guards of the Universe? You'd definitely begin to resent the Green Lanterns after the fifth or sixth time you saw the visible disappointment on the faces of the aliens on the planet you've come to save. You'd sink deeper and deeper into denial, first professing to the aliens that you're going to save them way better than a Green Lantern could and ultimately culminating in simply denying the existence of this other supposed space force that has kept law and order in the universe for so long that nobody in that entire universe has ever thought, "Shouldn't there be a back-up space cop force? Just in case?"

How depressing for the Darkstar. Hal Jordan doesn't even know who the fuck he is or what organization he works for.

Flash has been going on a rampage in Central City and Darkstar, tasked with protecting the Earth (not like a Green Lantern protects it but the way a security guard sitting in a tiny hut in a parking garage stuffing doughnuts into his mouth protects it) tries to stop Barry from destroying the world. You know, the way Flash always destroys everything basically by just existing with his godlike powers of time travel and dimension hopping. Hal doesn't want to stop him though because Barry is his friend. Does that make Hal a corrupt cop? Yes. Yes it does.

It also makes Hal a terrible cop because this Flash isn't really Barry Allen.

Flash gets away while Hal and the Darkstar debate over if Flash should be killed or not. The Darkstar realizes Hal was stalling him and goes after Flash, threatening to come back and investigate Hal later. Because of the corrupt cop shit and helping Flash get away from justice! At that same moment, Hal's bug that he put on Carol Ferris to spy on her goes off, alerting him to everything she's saying and doing in the privacy of her own home. This guy thinks his power gives him the right to do anything he wants, doesn't he?

Hal decides to have a flashback to earlier that morning so that he can justify to himself (and the reader) why he put a bug on Carol. He'd refused her proposal that morning. When he did, Carol seemed to enter a fugue state for a moment where she threatened to make Hal marry her, as if Star Sapphire were coming to the forefront of her personality again. So of course Hal just had to spy on her, just in case! He wouldn't have gone to that extreme, choosing to help her in the moment, but he had to rush off to help Barry after getting a message from Power Girl because bros before hoes, dude.

"Great" is a surprising but ultimately fair reaction to hearing that Wally West is dead.

Back in the present, Hal tracks down Barry before Darkstar does. He's at the Flash Museum reliving his old memories and threatening all of the patrons with death if they don't vacate the premises immediately. I'm beginning to suspect that this Flash isn't actually Barry Allen! Hal Jordan doesn't suspect anything yet except that maybe Barry wants to kill him for some reason.

During the fight, Hal Jordan keeps thinking he's holding back so as not to hurt Barry when it turns out Barry keeps going easy on Hal. It seems obvious. Green Lantern might have the most powerful weapon in the universe but Flash has always had the greatest superpower in DC history. Mostly he just gets played as a guy who can move fast. But isn't that enough to make somebody the most powerful? Unless your opponent can move as fast as you, what chance do they have? You can do anything in the space between seconds to murder your opponent any number of ways. Even when they have a Green Lantern ring. Flash can just run out, get a pair of hedge clippers, spray paint them yellow, and hack off Hal's finger in less than a second. But Flash never does anything like that. Instead, he battles guys who throw boomerangs and shoot ice beams. How did Barry ever have any trouble against chumps like that?!

See? Going easy on him! He could spin to top speed so fast, Hal's feet would rip off and his head would explode against the far wall!

Darkstar hears the commotion at the museum and interrupts the fight. Hal doesn't want Barry dead so he has to stop battling Barry to defend him. I don't know why Hal thinks this Space Security Guard can hurt Barry when Hal can barely stay alive while battling him. Anyway, Hal fails to protect his friend and it seems like Darkstar has blown him to bits. Hal doesn't buy it but allows the Darkstar to believe it so that he'll fuck off. Before Hal can investigate what did happen to Barry in the explosion, he gets another update from his ring about what's happening with Carol. She's screaming and moaning about something trying to get out of her so Hal flies back to help her. He thinks it's Star Sapphire but when he gets there, Carol assures him it is not.

It's this guy!

I don't know how this guy was living inside Carol's belly but that's probably not important right now. What is important is that Gerard Jones just created a villain named The Predator. A bit too on the nose, don't you think?

Green Lantern #40 Rating: C. I don't know what the fuck was going on here. Why was a Darkstar involved? Why did this whole "Is Barry Allen back?!" shit have to bleed over into Green Lantern?! Maybe it's all this Flash tie-in crap that caused me to drop this series. Or maybe it's because a grown man just ejected himself from Carol's uterus. Or maybe it's because I was sick to fucking death of the Darkstars? I guess we'll never know because my memory is shit.

Convergence: Action Comics #2

This commentary will be quite short.

Superman and Power Girl do some stuff and then there's an earthquake and then the story ends.

Convergence: Action Comics #2 Rating: Well, I can't really rate it yet since I haven't read it! So maybe I should read it although I'm pretty sure I just summarized it in that first paragraph.

The issue begins with Power Girl fitting into her old costume even though she supposedly gained fifteen pounds over the last year. It's a costume that I barely remember because it doesn't have a boob window in it. It's the kind of costume that she could wear for many years and then when it is redesigned to show most of her tits, comic book fans don't have a problem with it. But as soon as you try to change the costume back to a non-boob window variant a few years later, the pro-Power Girl's traditional outfit voices come out en masse! How dare DC Comics change Power Girl's outfit for no good reason! I mean, I realize it had changed for no good reason previously and nobody cared. But this time you can't see her gigantic mammaries! Fuck that shit!

As Power Girl flies off to save Metropolis, she's attacked by an Invisible Jet! I guess the "invisible" technology is too costly to stick on the missiles because those are super visible. But Power Girl has Super Vision which enables her to see the contrails left behind by the jet. Hey! I must have Super Vision too because I can see those!

Was this a "she loves me, she loves me not" petal pulling joke? Unless it was a "the turbulence turned the invisible jet into a washing machine which turned Wonder Woman's underwear into a swamp of love" joke!

Wonder Woman bails out of the plane (or simply falls out as it breaks apart. But that takes away her agency which would be unfeminist) and is caught by Power Girl. A single page depicts them crashing through a building and to the ground. That's not the way I would have drawn it. I would have filled about ten pages of close up panels of their boobs rubbing together as they crashed to the ground. I think that would have really ratcheted up the drama and the themes of loss of control that have been permeating all of the Convergence titles. Unless permeating isn't the word I really wanted to use there.

Once the woman and the girl land, Wonder Woman kicks Power Girl in the face, sending her flying miles and miles away where she lands on the barren landscape of Planet Brainiac.

Meanwhile, Lois Lane looks fashionable and upbeat in her beret.

Also, Lex Luthor becomes ruler of whatever country Moscow is the capital of and Joseph Stalin was the leader of. I think it was Communististan.

Power Girl and Wonder Woman's battle devolves into the same thing that always happens when a person from a capitalist country battles a person from a communist country: they make it all about the ideology they inherited from the country in which they were born.

Wonder Woman: "So! You have capitalist pig Wonder Woman in your world?"
Power Girl: "That's right, you communist dog! She's so much better because she actually has plenty of toilet paper with which to keep her beautiful butt clean!"
Wonder Woman: "Bah! Plentiful toilet paper is metaphor for your country's waste and excess! I spit on your toilet paper! Ptui!"
Power Girl: "Oh yeah?! Well I spit on your optimistic belief that people can get along by sharing all resources and looking out for the community as a whole rather than just a few individuals within that community!"
Wonder Woman: "Why you spit on such beautiful belief?! You and your 'video games' and 'comic books' and 'free speech'! It is grotesquerie!"
Power Girl: "I bet you don't even have a word in Russian for 'hobby', do you?! But you have fifty words for work!"
Wonder Woman: "Da! Work is hobby! Is 'da' word for yes in Russian? I forget because I am constantly speaking English in comic book!"

Lex Luthor reminds Joseph Stalin that he has nuclear weapons (or something even more outdated than all the super robotic crap Lex seems to have put together simply to find out about the nuclear missiles) and Stalin is all, "Oh yeah! Good idea!"

Back on the streets of Moscow, Wonder Woman has seemingly defeated Power Girl when the real hero of Action Comics arrives.

It took Superman longer to get here because he's old and flies way slower with his left eye blinking the whole way.

Superman tells the females to stop being so emotional and to think the situation through logically. Wonder Woman is all, "But that's so hard to do with this vagina!" And Power Girl is all, "I can't think with these boobs!" But Superman is able to crack the Illogic Field of their Femininity and convince them of the truth!

Wonder Woman expresses how she feels at a man being right. Again!

Meanwhile underneath Moscow, a mirror image discussion takes place.

Luthor: "My penis is telling me we have to launch these missiles that look like my penis!"
Stalin: "Da! My testicles rage at the thought of people living and loving at my expense!"
Lane: "You guys are idiots! We can't destroy the world to satisfy your male genitalia!"
Luthor: "I don't care! I mean, I can't care! At all! Testosterone eliminating all empathy within me!"
Stalin: "Penis stiffening at the thought of power through violence!"
Lane: "If you guys knock off this display, I'll show you my breasts."
Stalin and Luthor: "Okay."

Actually, Luthor plans on nuking Metropolis even though Lois is completely against it. And since they're married, he's already seen her breasts so that probably wouldn't stop him anyway. But Superman breaks through the wall to stop him using the logic of his fists, the ultimate weapon of mankind! And it works or something. The cities are saved somehow and I think it involves hugs or something.

I already did the closing part about ratings but not the rating so here it is: 5 Boob Windows out of 10.

Divergence: Sinestro
"Who is the traitor in the Sinestro Corps who has set New Korugar on a path to certain destruction?"

Um, the traitor is Sinestro, of course! Duh! Before Cullen Bunn even began writing the story, he just sat down and thought, "What if there were a traitor in the Sinestro Corps? Who would be the last person somebody would guess? Sinestro!" And then he wrote the story.

The Sneak Peek introduces the main Yellow Lanterns to any new readers. It also shows Sinestro is still making his way around the universe trying to save all of the lost Korugarians. Plus the Corps' new home seems to be Warworld so who cares if New Korugar is going to blow up, right? He also keeps mentioning how the Green Lantern Corps fell apart and abandoned its mission and I don't remember anything about that. I remember Hal quit and became a renegade. But I don't remember what happened in the final issue of the Green Lantern Corps! I should probably reread the commentary on that and see if it explains anything. Maybe we're just supposed to assume that everything fell apart because the universe hates them and Hal's gambit of turning into the scapegoat didn't work. How come DC is making me do all of the work in my head to explain this whole "The Green Lantern Corps has dispersed" bullshit?! Am I supposed to assume as soon as the comic book was cancelled that they stopped existing?!

Convergence: Green Arrow #2

I miss Green Arrow's wacky beard. And his personality. And his being well written.

I feel bad way down in my nostalgia organ that I'm not enjoying Christy Marx's Green Arrow story. I really wanted to like it so that I could be an excellent critic and write, "Convergence: Green Arrow is truly, truly, truly outrageous!" Then everybody would golf clap and say, "My, my. How droll. Mmm, these cucumber sandwiches are delicious." But instead I'm bored by the story because it feels more like a GI Joe or He-man story than a Jem and the Holograms story. That's because it's teaching me a story about racism instead of a story about not talking behind my best friend's back.

That might have been a sexist statement but it wasn't sexist because I typed it! It was sexist because the 1980s were sexist!

The issue begins with Kingdom Come: Team Powerless monitoring the Bat-monitors.

Where's Ted Kord? I'm going to assume the bald guy with the whackadoodle facial hair is Kingdom Come Oliver Queen.

I really don't remember Kingdom Come that well. I should probably reread it.

This issue is called "Mother and Daughter" because it stars Black Canary and her daughter Olivia, Younger Black Canary. They're pulled into battle to fight against "Father and Son" team, Green Arrow and Connor Hawke. I hope Connor and Olivia don't have sex because that would be alternate timeline half-incest! It's not quite as bad as regular incest but thinking about it still makes me want to crawl inside my own butthole. That means it gives me the heebie-jeebies and not a hard-on.

Stop joking around and start punching each other! You heard the rules! Sheesh!

Christy Marx nails the interaction of two groups of heroes that have been thrown together to fight with each other. Probably because they're all so closely tied together through doing it and family but it still feels right. The weird thing about heroes being pitted against each other is how often it doesn't break out into conversation. Sure there's usually a misunderstanding so the conflict seems to make some sense. But ultimately the heroes fight because they aren't acting like heroes. They give in to fear and react instead of being courageous and patient and waiting to see how the situation plays out. Christy Marx throws people from different realities together but since they're so familiar with the faces of the others, they naturally react as friends (and family!). It's probably my favorite first encounter between Convergence opponents so far. It's also possible I forgot one that I really liked before this.

Dinah suggests they all work together to figure out what's going on. They all agree. Connor Hawke points out immediately that Olivia is practically his sister, just to kill the awkward sexual tension that all the readers were feeling.

The Arrow/Canary Gang find themselves in an abandoned version of Metropolis. They decide to head to the top of the highest building to get a look around.

I guess their real opponent hasn't shown up yet! And since I forgot what the fight card looked like, I don't remember who it might be. Ultron?

It's possible that Telos has lifted the city so that the combatants can't escape from the fight. It's hard to say since every writer seems to have been allowed to make up their own rules for the battle. The only thing they're supposed to add to the story is an earthquake. How is Christy going to put in her earthquake if the city is floating above the ground?

Dinah and Ollie finally realize that maybe they're supposed to battle each other and they're not waiting for somebody else. Am I going to have to take back my compliments to Christ Marx now? Is Ollie going to spin around and put an arrow in Dinah's neck now?!

Telos makes an appearance in this issue to let the Arrow/Canary Gang know that both of their cities will die if they don't fight. Which probably means Ollie and Dinah, knowing each other as well as they do even if they're from different timelines, are going to start fighting to protect their own cities. Of course they'll only be doing it for show but they won't be able to tell Connor and Olivia what's going on without alerting Telos to their deception. So Connor and Olivia will be all, "No! No! My sister! My brother! Mom! Dad! I'm rending my garments!"

The duos split up for awhile so that Connor and Oliver can bond as father and son. It's love at first sight! And now that they've spent two pages becoming best friends, they're ready to take on the other half of the family. Although they suck at it and lose almost immediately. At least they found each other!

Sorry they didn't get to have sweet, sweet interdimensional incest.

Green Arrow and Connor Hawke wake up back in their own Metropolis as losers. They don't seem to put out by failing to save their city. Instead they decide to enjoy whatever time they have left with each other. I'm sure the other citizens of Metropolis aren't so upbeat about their imminent extinction! Except, of course, the earthquake hits and Telos cancels the game and Deimos takes over as the enemy.

Convergence: Green Arrow #2 Rating: The meeting of the heroes on the battlefield was handled better than most. And even when they realized they had to battle and gave in to save their respective cities, they fought only to convince Telos they won. They respected each other but still did what they were obligated to do for the existence of their timelines. That's about all I can ask any of the heroes in this thing. Just realize that people from other timelines aren't actually real. Either they aren't or you aren't, so make a choice! Choose life!

Divergence: Green Lantern Corps: Lost Army
"John Stewart, Two-Six, Kilowog and Arisia are among a group of GL's missing in action! It will be a hard road to survival for The Lost Army!"

I think I can review this Sneak Peek without actually reading it because it was written by Cullen Bunn. Here it goes:

It's boring.

Since the writing will probably be mediocre, I'm at least hoping that Jesus Saiz does justice to 2-6-8-1-7-9-5!

As the introduction pointed out, a small group of Green Lanterns have become lost in space! I don't know where they are or how they got there and I bet Cullen Bunn doesn't either since he's always getting his sectors wrong. I bet the last thing Kilowog remembers is being beat up by Hal Jordan.

2-6-8-1-7-9-5 is not a robot. She should cuss in equations not binary. Besides, her binary is nonsense. But she looks cute!

Great! Their first encounter is with aliens who are, once again, immune to the power of the Green Lantern Rings. Typical!

The team also discovers that the enemies they are facing exist only to erase foreign matter from the universe. Typical!

And then they run into the greatest Green Lantern fremesis ever: Krona! Typcial!

I wonder if it's too late to take this off of my pull list?

Convergence: Action Comics #1

Superman's eyesight is so powerful that he has to squint everywhere he goes or he'll go insane.

The problems with feminism in the modern age are the same problems that plagued feminism in the seventies and beyond. One feminist will believe something that another feminist doesn't believe and they disagree on who is doing feminism better. You know, the whole splitters thing. The problem with this is that it isn't a problem. That's a feature of feminism! The disagreeing is a feature, not the accusing somebody else of not being a feminist simply because they're not doing it the way you would do it. Of course, if their feminism is all about subjugating women, I think we'd have to agree that their feminism might be missing the point. I'm not saying each person gets to define feminism so loosely that it loses all meaning. I'm just saying that, ultimately, feminism is about each individual being allowed to live the life that they want to live without society (you know, the Patriarchy) being a barrier to their dreams and goals. Unless their dreams and goals are, you know, the systematic enslavement and destruction of a certain subset of people based on...well, based on anything, really! Although who am I to genocide shame anybody?

I've always considered myself a feminist simply because I believe in the right of the individual to be who they want to be. But I certainly don't expect anybody to read any of my commentaries and come to the conclusion that I'm a feminist, especially in the current cultural climate. I'm (half!) white. I'm male. I'm heterosexual. I don't believe it's oppression every time the word retard or faggot or nigger or cunt is used (like that time!). Although notice that list (which can be expanded but I don't want to oppress everybody reading this!)? Where is the horribly offensive term for a white heterosexual male, right (even if the list were expanded, I can't think of a slur for a white cishet male (other than calling one a white cishet male! Zing!)? My theory (besides the theory about white cishet males doing all of the oppression in Western Society for so long that they've made up all of the best slurs (I mean best in most effectively used in conjunction with oppressing minorities and not best as in they're so awesome to use all of the time!) is that white males have historically been thought of as the "blank slate" or the "normal" members of society. So they're not told that they're "whatever" simply because they're part of a minority group. From the moment of their birth, they're considered an individual only and they grow up with that mindset. It's the ultimate privilege to not be told you should be a certain way because of your sex or skin color or religion. From birth, white cishet males get to be individuals. And as a "group of individuals," it's hard to come up with a slur that somehow targets and encompasses them all. Also to give credence to the "words as oppressive" argument (notice earlier I said using slurs is not oppression "every time" they're used. Just hearing or seeing the word in neutral context does not constitute being oppressed. Seriously. Buck the fuck up), the minority (and I use that phrase in the context of white cishet males as being the majority benefactors of the current (and historical) Patriarchy) voice cannot be used to oppress the majority. So any slur a minority group can come up with for the majority group will, at best, anger some of the individuals in that majority but can never truly be considered a slur. My high school friend Soy Rakelson used to turn red with rage whenever somebody attacked white males while I just never gave a shit. Because I don't see myself as part of the "white male" group. I just see myself as me.

Identity is key in the discussion of free speech and oppression (I know I'm all over the place here but what do you expect? This is a comic book commentary and not an academic essay!). I have never felt oppressed by speech of any kind because I don't consider myself a part of any overall group (again, this is the biggest privilege of all white cishet males. The ones that get offended by anti-white or anti-male speech are simply making a show of trying to be a victim by pretending that ultimate privilege doesn't somehow exist for them). One of the oppressors key weapons is absolutely language. To fight against the Patriarchy, minorities must form groups based on the traits which the majority uses to oppress the groups. So the Civil Rights movement, which would theoretically wind up benefiting all minority groups, was really a movement for equal rights for black Americans. Feminism is ostensibly about making gender a non-issue but ultimately about equal rights for, once again, all citizens. To fight the Patriarchy, a person in a minority group must ostensibly give up their individuality. They must identify with the group fighting against the powers that be. It's necessary to form a united front. At this point, splitters are dangerous to a movement. First and foremost, it must be about the group identity. And this is when words can (and are, constantly, used to) oppress. The Patriarchy pushes back and uses slurs that target everybody within that group. And everybody in that group must be offended because it is an attack on the movement and what they believe. Words are the front line of all civil rebellion so words used against minority groups must be taken seriously and deemed absolutely inappropriate, and often that's interpreted as in any context (even in a discussion about how these slurs have been used historically and why they should not be allowed).

As a white cishet male, words have never been used as a weapon against me so I can easily support free speech. The thing is, free speech really isn't in any danger of being curtailed no matter how many people angrily rant that their free speech is being eroded because they were called an asshole for calling somebody a retard. You can still call somebody a retard, or review a television show as being gay. It just comes with more social consequences than it did in the eighties. And being called out on being insensitive isn't curtailing your free speech. It's called having to take responsibility for your choices as an adult living in this current cultural climate (which is, believe it or not, a neutral statement by me and not a judgment on the "current cultural climate". Look, I love calling my friends retarded and gay! Because they are! But it's wrong so I don't do it anymore. Unless they do something totally retarded or gay). The fact that people are having discussions about whether or not free speech is dangerous or necessary is testament to how speech is, well, free. People get angry at something. Other people get angry at people getting angry at something. More people get angry at people getting angry at people getting angry at something. And so on and so forth. But nobody is being arrested for having these discussions.

The end of that last paragraph makes it sound like everybody's heads are constantly exploding. But I don't see that at all. Occasionally, you'll see an outbreak of outrage on a variety of levels and from all sides about something on Twitter or Tumblr or Facebook or Whtvr (trademarked!). But for regular, non-troll people that spend a lot of their time on those sites, those moments are few and far between. I see a lot more people just enjoying themselves. And a lot of people agree on a lot of stuff that is seriously good feminism. Yeah, I'm judging their feminism like I said shouldn't be done earlier. But I'm an individual with his own preferences and biases and horrible uses of language and that comes with my own set of horrible opinions that nobody should take any heed of whatsoever.

I know some people probably think I should keep my mouth shut and just listen but that's fucking bullshit propaganda so people don't have to have serious discussions with other people whose views differ slightly from theirs. It's a way to shut up splitters and I won't be a part of that kind of bullying!

Oh! Quickly getting back to the point of it all about splitters and movements and language being used to undermine the messages of those movements! Splitters are inevitable and not a bad thing, ultimately. They will fray a movement if a movement lasts long enough because no group will ever be a perfect representation of all of the members of that group. The group must try to keep from splitting long enough to make changes in the Patriarchy. The Patriarchy uses language to try to cause splitters and get the movement to implode. It's a balancing act for individuals in a movement to disregard their own needs and desires long enough to swing the pendulum of equality as close to the center as possible (dammit! The whole pendulum thing is another digression I should go into! About how the most extreme members of a movement are needed since they create a target for the pendulum to swing far past where it will eventually come to rest. Without the most extreme members of a movement (in feminism, the ones all the white, cishet males (and females too!) will term "feminazis" because they seem so radical (and scary! (not to me! (just to clarify!)))), the pendulum will never move as far as it eventually moves). Once the group has moved that pendulum, splitters will begin to focus on other aspects of the movement that they see as important that other members of the movement might not agree with. So whenever feminists argue about the details (which are important, of course!), they run the risk of eroding the movement which is what the Patriarchy wants, and which the Patriarchy actively encourages. The whole deal with people eschewing the label "feminist" is part of that fight to destroy the movement. If they can make the definition of a feminist seem awful, they can destroy the movement by simply making it unsavory to those that probably actually agree with most of its goals.

To summarize, in some ways (mostly white, cishet male ways), I'm the best feminist ever because I completely support everybody in their right to engage in their own individual pursuits (except for Scott Lobdell. He should stop doing everything he's doing). In other ways (mostly white, cishet male ways), I'm the worst feminist to ever exist! Although I'm not, really. But I can see how people that don't actually know me personally could think that, especially since I can never take anything seriously. I assure you all that I do take things seriously! Just not here on this blog. Sometimes I try! But then I always slip into being facetious and end up undermining everything I previously said. Stupid brain is an asshole.

One more secret about the previous paragraphs: I'm not trying to change anybody's minds or explain anything to them. The preceding is just an expression of what's in my head. It's individual thoughts from an individual and not a manifesto, lecture, treatise, or belief that everybody should view this issue in the same way that I do. I have no historical proof and cite no sources. It's just an expression of one person's opinion based on experience and reading lots and lots of shit. It's also just a lot of rationalizing to justify being whoever the fuck I want to be! Please send dissenting comments to YourMom@hotmail.com.

I don't think I have any space left for writing about Action Comics! This should have been a separate post!

It's surprising that Clark Kent doesn't have a Pulitzer after all of his articles about how great Superman is.

The guy asking for the Kent's autographs is a big fan of their love story. Or his mom was, anyway. He tells Lois that his mother thought Lois was "a hardworking, independent woman taking on the tough stories and always putting herself in harm's way to bring people the truth." After Lois's asshole was nice and clean from this guy's mother's tongue, Lois says that his mother "sounds like a terrific person." I also think everybody that praises me is a terrific person too! Although I really know in my heart that the people who praise me must live with the vilest of evils deep within their hearts because they instinctively recognize one of their own.

Clark revealed his identity to the citizens of Metropolis after the dome fell because that was the best way he knew how to inspire the populace and help them hang on to hope. If they knew Superman was dealing with the same problems, and more since he lost his power, but he was keeping a stiff upper lip about it all, maybe they would be more relaxed and calm about this situation over which they had no control. I guess it worked because everybody seems pretty calm. Except for, you know, that incident with Toyman earlier. But Robin and The Huntress handled that.

Shouldn't Superman be worried about all of the enemies he's made?! Maybe he's best friends with Lex Luthor now that Clark has lost his powers. Lex doesn't have to feel inferior anymore.

Are the geese a symbol I'm not understanding?! Oh! I bet they're Canadian Geese which represents how they're trapped away from home and family and are powerless to do anything about it!

Meanwhile in the Moscow Dome, Communist Superman and Communist Wonder Woman are having a meeting with Communist Stalin and Capitalist Lex Luthor to try to figure out how to control the Communist peasants and/or break out of the dome and/or how to supply everybody with enough toilet paper.

Lex has a theory that they are in a zoo which leads to his next theory that they will be called on to fight with other animals in the zoo. I don't know what kinds of zoos Luthor has been visiting! The closest I've seen to gladiator style zoos was at the Lincoln Zoo in Nebraska where they kept the Tamarin Monkeys in with the Sloths. I have my own theory about that! I think the sloth perceives time so slowly that it doesn't see the Tamarin monkeys at all while the Tamarin monkeys move so fast, they perceive the sloth as an inanimate object.

Nothing is accomplished in the meeting although they did determine that they all hate Lex Luthor.

I don't think Claude St. Aubin was informed that Kara gained fifteen pounds here.

I don't know who Andrew is because I don't know much about Earth-2. But he and Kara seem to be fuck puppets. They've invited Kal and Lois to dinner. I hope they're not interrupted by Planet Brainiac!

I can't really scan double page splashes as well as I'd like because I have a dinky little USB scanner, so I'll just have to say that I love the double page splash which occurs when Kara thinks of the past. It's Power Girl and Infinity Inc. battling Helix and it's glorious! Kara actually looks fifteen pounds heavier in the flashback. Sun-fueled Kryptonian muscle mass must weigh less than human fat.

Back in Moscow, Lex Luthor takes his wife Lois Lane to check out some Russian invisible plane technology. While they're looking at it, Lex throws some shade at the old comics and cartoons that had Wonder Woman visible while the invisible jet flew around the sky. This invisible jet actually hides the pilot! Isn't the future amazing?!

While they're underground, Planet Brainiac sends out the message about the coming Battle Royale. Communist Wonder Woman hears it so she must be battling Superman and Power Girl since Communist Superman is off fighting Robin and The Huntress. Superman and Power Girl hear the message on Kara's balcony after dinner. But nobody yet notices they have their powers back. That's for next time.

Convergence: Action Comics #1 Rating: I apologize for the way I began this commentary. I just want to reiterate that it's not a slam at the way anybody engages in feminism. As I said, I think the differences in everyone's ideologies is part of the point of equality. We are all going to differ by degrees. We should always be able to express our dissent when people put forth ideas with which we don't agree. Dissent is a good thing especially when it's directed at something we hold dear for it gives us an opportunity to expound on why something means so much to us. Unless that dissent comes from a sea lion. Then just fucking ignore it. Some people (and many would include me in those "some people") are dinosaurs that don't yet know they're extinct holding on to beliefs and ideals that have forever left them incapable of engaging in the modern world. I'm old enough to know how many of my own beliefs don't quite fit in with the youthful passion of change and rebellion seen on some places on the internet. But that's the benefit of my viewpoint. It's from a perspective that has seen time and time before what young people believe is happening for the first time. You're not engaging in anything new except for maybe changing the language and terms to try to make your argument more revolutionary. Although you might have to fight harder after the social debacle of the eighties. Take that decade as a warning! The harder you swing that pendulum, the further it'll swing back the other way. Those MRA guys that can't help looking like a joke because of the shit they get angry about? They're probably going to be the push back on the pendulum. If that happens, we're in for a sucky fucking decade.

Oh yeah! This comic was enjoyable. I think. It probably would have been better if Jimmy Palmiotti had been there to help Justin Gray with this typing.

Convergence: Green Arrow #1

Most idiotic melee ever! At close range, I don't think bows, uzis, or grenades are your best choice of weapon.

Green Arrow must have come to Metropolis to save his city. I'm so sick of hearing him talk about saving his city on Arrow. Ollie is such an arrogant asshole! Who put you in charge, sir? What makes you think people want to live in your saved version of Starling City? Just continue to fight crime where you can and stop projecting this huge, idealistic goal onto every move you make. Although I bet I'd feel better about myself if I pretended that every act I engaged in was saving the world! I'm beginning to feel heroic already! Every word I type is another dagger in evil's spleen! Take that, politicians! And this, cops! And this and that, journalists! And more of the same to you, dog owners that think leashes are a suggestion! I shall mock and mock until the entire world falls to their knees and cries, "Save us!" And I will look down at you all from my lofty office chair and whisper, "*fap fap fap* No. *fap fap fap*"

I'm going to be so confused by this issue of Green Arrow if Christy Marx writes Ollie as an interesting and likeable character. I suppose the bar for writing a decent Green Arrow story has been set pretty low by every New 52 iteration of the character. And I'm including Lemire's version only because while it outshone every other writer's attempt at New 52 Green Arrow, it simply felt like its own thing, perhaps an Elseworlds story that slipped into main continuity which was promptly ignored after Kreisberg came on board.

Are we taking bets on whether or not a Boxing Glove Arrow is going to appear? I think Post-Crisis, Pre-Zero Hour, goatee wearing Ollie North might be too dignified for a silly old Boxing Glove Arrow. But somebody might joke about one!

The issue begins with Green Arrow keeping Edgar Allan Poe from killing himself.

He really should be flipping off the dome. I think giving the finger should be allowed in Teen Rated comic books. Who does DC think flips the bird the most?!

Green Arrow now spends his time stopping minor street crime. He should be hanging out in jail with his buddy Hal Jordan reminiscing about cross country trips where they made profound realizations about the country's problems which couldn't be fixed by a light construct or a properly placed Boxing Glove Arrow. Instead he's making sure long dead horror authors don't kill themselves with drink. Again.

Later, some white guys try to drive a Mexican family out of their block with crowbars and racisms. You can tell they're racist because they're white and love America. One even wears an American flag bandanna on his big fat bald head to show just how racist he is. The only way you'd know he was a bigger racist is if he were wearing a non-ironic trucker's cap. Oh! Like his buddy! You know their friend is racist because he's white and missing some teeth. Only no-good liberal socialist trash go to the dentist.

Um, Boy...can I call you Boy? Is that your superhero name?...you should work on your retorts.

The racists are wasting their time. Don't they know they're in a DC Comic book? If they just wait an issue or two, the Mexican family will end up Whitewashed. Although maybe knowing they're in a DC Comic book is what they're afraid of. What if the Dome drops and DC decides to reboot them as half-black or gay?!

Well for one, they'd probably wind up with a better wardrobe.

The bald guy is Connor Hawke. Most people reading this book probably knew that. I didn't know that. Perhaps if I had ever been interested in a comic book about a rich guy that wears a mask and uses primitive weapons to subdue criminals, I'd be reading Batman and then I'd have an excuse for not recognizing Connor Hawke. Instead, I just never cared about Green Arrow. Oh! That's my excuse. This whole paragraph was poorly put together. Why don't we surround it with caution tape and just walk away without looking back?

Meanwhile in the basement of the local church...

"While we're at it, somebody check out the purity levels of this guy in the red shirt. I think we've got a passer!"

These white guys might be on to something! They're fighting for a pure America and their American flag might be the first one since The New 52 began that actually got the flag exactly right! I mean, I didn't count the stars but at least the number and color of the stripes are correct.

The racists storm Connor Hawke's Race-Free Sanctuary where nobody sees color or hears cultural accents or smells strange spices sticking to people's clothes. Everybody is the same here! He fires his Green Arrow flares up into the air to create a huge green arrow pointing at his apartment building. Green Arrow sees it and thinks, "Hmm. A literal green arrow! I'm 75% certain that it's meant for me!" He then rushes to help his son save the day. I'm pretty sure Connor is his son because this issue was called "Father and Son." Perhaps I'm being too aggressive in my assumptions?

Fucking white people. And that asshole passing for white.

Green Arrow drives away the Boys of Purity and while they're running away (again), they threaten the person kicking their ass (again). They better come back with better weapons than boards with nails in them and meat cleavers. I bet they're going home to get their grenades and uzis!

With the vile, despicable, gross, problematic human beings gone (see how much I hate them? I have to make sure everybody knows how much I hate them so they don't think I like them by omission of calling them gross), Connor Hawke is able to tell Green Arrow that he's his son. Green Arrow is all, "No way! I can't be your father!" And Connor Hawke is all, "Is it because I have eyes and skin?" And Green Arrow is all, "Those are actually good things, dude."

While they discuss the upcoming Father/Son dance, Planet Brainiac drops the first, second, and other shoe. Immediately after the dome falls, Connor and Ollie wind up in a new city. Kind of. It must be Kingdom Come Metropolis because they round a corner and run into an alternate version of Dinah and a female version of Connor Hawke.

Convergence: Green Arrow #1 Rating: This felt like an episode of Jem and the Holograms except with less music. But I think I learned a lesson about racism in the requisite half an hour allotted to the story (minus commercial breaks for sugary breakfast cereal, fruit drinks in pouches, and toys). I learned that racism is ineffective as a defense against arrows; if your abandoned son ever finds you to deny, deny, deny; and if somebody winds up denying you for whatever reason, blame your stupid eyes and lousy skin and maybe your toes as well. Oh! I also learned one more thing: I'm still not a fan of Green Arrow. Keep trying, DC Comics!

Black Manta #1

Was Black Manta a member of his college color guard?

I have a very specific reason why I've never liked Black Manta: his neck. Why does his neck always look so long with that precariously perched saucer head on top? It always freaked me out a little bit to imagine that a human was inside that outfit with a neck long enough to make it so he could see out of the red eyes in the saucer. I never considered that maybe his head just barely poked up out of the neck and he could see through the big red eyes via some technological mumbo-jumbo. It just seemed like he had to have an enormously long neck. And once I had that image, I was completely freaked out and done with him.

You see, one of the scariest images from my earliest years was this picture from Alice in Wonderland:

It still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I used to flip through the book to get a glimpse of this picture and then close it really fast. But I was intrigued by it too, so I would keep trying to look at it but get freaked out and slam the book shut. Then I'd go off to have nightmares from being obsessed with trying to look at it.

Black Manta never gave me nightmares. But that fucking neck. Ugh.

So, Black Manta was in Belle Reve trying to be recruited by Amanda Waller. And since the Crime Syndicate tore Belle Reve apart, my educated assumption is that he's going to get free! And maybe recruit an army of Manta-Men to go take Atlantis while Aquaman is dead. Except I don't know exactly when this is taking place, so he might find The Scavenger on the throne or he might find The Dead King on the throne or he might find whoever ends up on the throne at the end of Aquaman's Dead King storyline. Probably Vulko.

This issue begins with Amanda Waller offering Manta a Task Force X job and Black Manta not really being that into the gig.

Why is Belle Reve full of crickets?

Amanda wonders what Black Manta will do once Aquaman is dead. Won't Black Manta be out of work? Doesn't he want to have another job lined up before he makes himself redundant? Amanda shows Black Manta what Task Force X can do for him by giving him a look at her tablet.

"We have the technology to photoshop kittens onto any image we find."

I just processed something I read earlier: Black Manta is the most highly disciplined killing machine that's ever been in Belle Reve? Of course. Amanda Waller is a big liar and she's probably just blowing the proverbial smoke up the proverbial ass (even though Black Manta is in no danger of drowning). Although Waller might be serious since she did qualify it as the "most disciplined." I suppose the other great killers in Belle Reve (like Deadshot) are chaotic nutjobs she has no hope of ever truly trusting.

Before Black Manta can agree, Power Ring and Deathstorm launch their attack on Belle Reve. Waller heads off to get things under control while Manta is freed by one of his Ocean Pals. That should be the name of an underwater super-villain team. Ocean Pals!

Does DC not have one fucking reference picture for King Shark in their offices? How many different looks does this fucker have?

Claude St. Aubin: "Hey, does anybody have a reference pic for King Shark?"
Brian Cunningham: "Just grab a reference pic from the internet!"
Claude St. Aubin: "But what kind of shark should I reference?"
Brian Cunningham: "Who cares? They're all pretty much the same."
Claude St. Aubin: "Fine. Hmm, here's an image labeled 'The Shark' from a website called flaccidpenisesandballoons.com. That should work."

Luckily amid the chaos, Black Manta happens to find the area of the prison labeled "Personal Effects" which houses nice little well-labeled lockers for the gear of every criminal in Belle Reve. I don't know. It seems like a bit of a design flaw to store the weapons of super-villains within the same building in which they've been incarcerated.

Black Manta's equipment is housed next to Ocean Master's. So they apparently organize super-villain gear by which hero the villain most wants to kill. These were probably the only two lockers on the Aquaman wing. And one of them they had to ship over from the Superman section. Just wait until they find out there's a guy named Scavenger who wants Aquaman dead as well! Three lockers! Crazy!

After the escape, Black Manta heads over to the Secret Society of Super-Villains meet and greet where Geoff Johns can recycle even more of his script from Forever Evil.

Hey, Scavenger? Is the suit really fucking necessary out here? I can forgive Black Manta wearing his suit on land because it does so much neat shit like shooting eye lasers. But your underwater gear looks like it was made in the 19th Century.

Black Manta grabs up Aquaman's trident when it's thrown in the crowd and then he rebuffs The Scavenger's advances. And then he walks out on the meeting and throws away his coin. Why does he need to join up when he's just found out the only thing that was driving him was the death of Aquaman and the Crime Syndicate has accomplished that? Now maybe he'll take Amanda's offer, join Task Force X, and get busy photoshopping kittens on shit.

Black Manta visits his father's grave to tell him that he's been avenged (although not in the best way possible) and that he's done with the stupid long-necked outfit (although it really wasn't very long or disturbing in this issue). But then Ultraman fucks with the moon and causes a bit of a tidal wave which uproots Black Manta's father's corpse and pisses Black Manta right the fuck back off. So now he knows where to direct his hate! He's going up against The Crime Syndicate! Which means he'll probably get to fight side by side with Aquaman!

No, that's too weird. Hopefully he'll just sock Aquaman in the mouth when he realizes he isn't dead and go back to trying to kill him.

Black Manta #1 Rating: DC Comics owes me about a sixty cent refund due to all the repeated panels from Forever Evil. Sure, they had new art. But I took that into account when figuring out my refund! Aside from that, I actually enjoyed Black Manta's slow and meandering journey from his prison cell to his father's grave. It was a kind of jeremiad showing one black man's journey across the twisted landscape of a racist America. I think. I haven't put much thought into it. I just wanted to say, "jeremiad."

Katana #2

Maybe DC should consider merging Katana and Catwoman so Ann Nocenti is only writing one book. Katwomana.

At the end of Issue #1, Coil inquired of Katana if she were ready to walk the tightrope. So I guess Coil is a recruiter for a Japanese-themed San Francisco based circus. I think the query was supposed to be dripping with tension and danger. But it was just a contrived question in a contrived situation that was all set up simply to end in that question.

It's at this point where I usually find myself at a loss for words while discussing Ann Nocenti's writing. Apparently I'm not a good enough writer to describe how bad of a writer she is. Her dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters rarely feel like they're reacting to the other person's dialogue. It's as if they both have rehearsed speeches that they aren't going to change no matter what the other person says. Or sometimes it's just one person with the speech and the other person spouting hysterical nonsense. I don't know! I just said I can't communicate what is wrong with it. Perhaps I need to really immerse myself in her work until I can figure out exactly how to mean what I say instead of just resorting to vague generalizations like "Ann Nocenti sucks" or unhelpful specifics such as "I'd rather be sucking a donkey dick than reading this comic book."

But I don't know if that day is today. We'll see how much time I feel like wasting on Katana #2. Who knows? Maybe it'll blow me away?

Well there goes any chances of me being blown.

The first page provides me with incomprehensible dialogue. I mean, I can parse it. I don't have a problem with that. But I can't understand why Nocenti would write it. I don't know why she would have Coil saying it. Is it because she's carefully crafted his redneck misogynist personality to a razor sharp point? Do razors have points? Fuck it! It's the type of description befitting Nocenti's writing! So you know, these days when a woman says no, you can't continue to try to stick your sword in her for some reason. I know, I know! It's silly! How many centuries has it been okay to interpret a "no" as a "yes" and now, all of a fucking sudden, that's not allowed?! Ridiculous! But I guess we have to respect her or people might get angry.

So as you can see from the first page, Katana bests Coil in their knife fight and she's refused to join the Sword Clan, so since "no means no", the Sword Clan needs to holster their weapons and get the fuck out of Dodge. Remember! This is Nocenti's writing, so I can use a gun analogy on a sword clan!

Also, they were in a Japanese Kawaii Sculpture Garden during the fight last issue and now they're in the San Francisco Zoo. I guess the mythical Kawaii Park was located right next door to the zoo.

Now you see that last panel I scanned, right? How Katana has Coil dead to rights, correct? Okay. Time for Ann Nocenti to do her thing in Panel #2!

So much goodness here. Where to begin?

Katana has the advantage on Coil and she's killed before, so she could take him out as the other Clan members scatter. But perhaps she needs him alive? Well, then let the Sword Clan run and take him away at katana point. Or begin threatening and questioning him here, if that's what she wants. But no. It's better to run around like the enemy! That'll fool them! So Katana decides she "can't fight him yet" even though that's what she just did and she destroyed his coil sword in the process. But can't fight him now! He's too good! He might piss on me and cut off my head! So later she'll decide to use "The Infiltration Game"! I think I remember that game from Junior High School parties. At least I think that's what they called the game. It was hard to hear the other kids from my position in the bushes outside of the house trying to stare through the window.

Katana decides to go after a specific young member that never tried to kill her. But why would the Sword Clan let her? Because "no means no"? If she's going to keep attacking them, shouldn't they all attack her en masse? Is that too much to fucking ask of a CLAN?!

Let's move on to Panels Three and Four for a nice juicy taste of Ann Nocenti's goods.

Aha! It's one of her Wikipedia moments! Classic Nocenti!

The proper response to somebody yelling, "Hiding behind the lions? I'll toss you in the pit," is "FUCK YOU, BITCH!" Instead he decides to debate her on the efficacy of her plan. "They don't even look hungry." As if he knows what a hungry lion looks like! In fact, in Panel Five, he declares, "Animals in captivity overeat. They won't bother me!" which is probably what he should have said instead of this other thing. It would still be awkward but why not go with that bit of information since it makes this bit obsolete. That isn't the Wikipedia part though! That next bit by Katana is where she gives us the rundown on how to tell if a lion is ready to kill. Thanks for the nature facts, Katana!

Nocenti does this all the time. Instead of having two characters engage in dialogue for the scene, they end up discussing lions and captive animals. Maybe I'm reading it wrong! Perhaps I'm supposed to find joy in the whimsical back and forth wherein the characters measure their fact penises. Perhaps the fault lies within me and all of the other Green Arrow and Catwoman fans that currently hate Green Arrow and Catwoman.

But there is an awkward and shambling and horribly written method to her madness. This all takes place for a reason! Part of that reason is for the Sword Clan Kid to mention "animals in captivity" so that Katana can latch on to that idea and point out that this kid appears to be of like kind. Why isn't he attacking her? Why isn't he aggressive? How come he "wears his armor like a Halloween outfit"? Right? She can turn this kid around and get some information out of him! And maybe a sidekick!

What would she have said if their battle took them over the Penguin Pool? "Those Penguins sense you as a bad provider for your chick! They are cold and judgmental, waiting for you to drop your egg."

Now where the fuck are the rest of the Sword Clan? I guess they don't care about this kid? They should care about this kid! They should know he's the weak link and should be keeping him out of Katana's hands. Unless that's Coil's plan! Coil probably decided that if Katana wouldn't join them, they'd break away. He knew Katana, like a lion, would go for the weak prey and, like a crocodile, grind the information from his bones. Now this kid will give Katana the information she needs to play The Infiltration Game and she'll infiltrate the Sword Clan which means she'll have joined and Coil will have her! Ha ha! Brilliantly played, Coil! If Harvest has taught me anything, it's to remember that everything is part of the plan!

But wait! Katana's fun facts aren't over!

But they are completely inaccurate! "Prey is often, therefore, left in one spot to be finished off later. This has led to the mistaken belief that crocodiles like to eat rotten meat, hiding a freshly killed animal until it is 'cured'. In fact, they prefer fresh meat." -- From some non-Wikipedia DK-published Kid's Book.

The Pacifist Sword Clan Kid decides to strike back at Katana by saying, "I think your sword controls you!" He thinks this because of all the surely truthful information he received from Coil's power point presentation before this mission.

Coil: "Here we see not Katana talking to her sword but her sword talking to Katana!"

Coil: "Yes, the sword talks to her. She's not crazy because she hears the sword speak to her."

Coil: "She's crazy because she thinks it's her dead husband! Also, she never smiles."

But the Sword Clan member is obviously Dyslexic because he volunteered for the wrong Clan as he lets on when he surrenders to Katana.

"Hey guys! I brought my dictionary! Sword? Why would the Words Clan need a...oooooh. Shit."

Katana and Thrust (that's his name! I think I named somebody else Thrust in one of my other commentaries but fuck if I can remember where I did that!) go on a picnic where no Game of Words takes place. All that takes place is Thrust whining about his family's view of him and how he hates his family and the Sword Clan. So Katana says, "Double cross them!" and Thrust says, "Okay!" So they plan on being dates at a Sword Clan Sword Show later in the week.

Because Thrust is so likable and not as similar to Crocodile Food as Katana first thought, she shares a secret with him. One time in Tokyo, her sword did something very bad. That's the end of the secret. I thought it was going to be better but that was it. The pictures associated with the secret did involve bunny slippers though, so it couldn't have been too serious if you ignore the blood the slippers were splashing through.

Later Tatsu goes to sneak a look at more of Shun the Untouchable's skin. She spends the last of her money to see Shun's foot which has a tattoo of a dragon on it. Tatsu gets angry that she was cheated because the tattoo showed a mythical creature and she wanted to see something real. But later the drunken Master reminds Tatsu that her name means "dragon". You'd think somebody with the Japanese name of "Dragon" would realize when they're looking at a prophetic tattoo of a dragon that it probably represents themselves. Wouldn't you? I mean, I would! Wouldn't you?!

Maybe Katana didn't realize her name means dragon since using a translation utility online, it also means to stand up. Perhaps that's what she always thought her name meant. To stand up! Because she can stand up!

Oh, and her encounter with the Drunken Master ends with Katana learning a lesson she would already know if she simply watched a lot of Kung Fu movies.

Sheesh, Katana! Everybody but you knew he was a Drunken Master as soon as they saw him. Perhaps HE needs to learn the art of stereotypes!

Tatsu gets a job working for her landlady in the Sake bar next door to the apartments. And then it's time for her to come up with a disguise for her date at the big Sword Clan Sword Show!

Well. As long as we're being stereotypical about who and what constitutes intelligence, how are you going to hide your Japanese looks? They'll know you're smart instantly!

Tatsu's prejudices don't stop there

And I'm being generous when I ascribe the prejudice to Tatsu and not to Ann Nocenti. I know I wouldn't want somebody to think everything I write in character is something I actually feel! But Nocenti really is making Tatsu an unlikeable, bitter shrew here!

Once in the party, Tatsu ditches her stupid slutty blonde cheerleader outfit and gets back to her super smart At Seventeen brunette loner normality. Just in time to challenge Sickle in a display of skill! Thrust promised to introduce Katana to Sickle for some reason (the reason is never actually explained, as far as I can tell) but she apparently doesn't need an introduction.

I don't know if he's still in love with her but he knows her as Katana. I guess Tatsu's secret identity isn't that secret in the Japanese circles she runs in.

After Katana defeats Sickle's girls with the help of her sword (I mean, the sword controlled her movements not she used the sword to win. Or something), Sickle whispers to her that he knows her name but nobody else does. He threatens to expose her if she doesn't join the Sword Clan. Which she's now considering! Coil's plan worked to perfection! Although Katana thinks, "Yes, Sickle, I will consider getting close to my enemy, but only to kill him." If she means Coil then she already had that chance. So hopefully she means somebody higher up in the Sword Clan. Probably someone responsible for Maseo's murder. Maseo is her husband! I think. I suck at names.

And then Katana leaves and the last page is apparently for sudden plot changes and foreshadowing!

How come Katana needs money so badly if she's a member of the JLA? Don't they fucking have to at least pay minimum wage?

Katana #2 Rating: +1 Ranking. I know, I know! The writing is mostly atrocious and the dialogue is awful in a lot of places. But I like Katana (well, historically I do! She seems kind of douchey so far in this comic!) and I'm actually interested in this story. So sue me!