Oh boy. We've entered the era of the Darkstars!
I wrote reviews on issues #1-8 of Darkstars (not The Darkstars like half of the issues wanted you to believe was the title) in case you were interested in what I thought of a space cop comic book that was way more into the cop part than the space part. Pretty sure it was also the most '90s art of any comic book put out by DC. I stopped reading Darkstars with issue #8 which also happens to be the May 1993 issue of that series. And guess what? This May 1993 issue is the last issue I purchased of this Green Lantern run. Coincidence? Probably not. But I can't remember why I stopped buying each of these comics at the exact same time. Maybe I just fell on hard times! An extra $2.50 a month meant two less games of Cyberball!
This issue begins with a Darkstar trying to kill Flash (the apparently Barry Allen one) while Hal Jordan yells, "If you've killed him, I'll not finish this statement so you have to imagine what I might do to you!" And the Darkstar is all, "What? Who?" Typical Darkstar response upon seeing a Green Lantern. Darkstars know Green Lanterns are the real cops of the universe so they pretend they don't know anything about them. How would you like to be known as the second fiddle cops? The security guards of the Universe? You'd definitely begin to resent the Green Lanterns after the fifth or sixth time you saw the visible disappointment on the faces of the aliens on the planet you've come to save. You'd sink deeper and deeper into denial, first professing to the aliens that you're going to save them way better than a Green Lantern could and ultimately culminating in simply denying the existence of this other supposed space force that has kept law and order in the universe for so long that nobody in that entire universe has ever thought, "Shouldn't there be a back-up space cop force? Just in case?"
This issue begins with a Darkstar trying to kill Flash (the apparently Barry Allen one) while Hal Jordan yells, "If you've killed him, I'll not finish this statement so you have to imagine what I might do to you!" And the Darkstar is all, "What? Who?" Typical Darkstar response upon seeing a Green Lantern. Darkstars know Green Lanterns are the real cops of the universe so they pretend they don't know anything about them. How would you like to be known as the second fiddle cops? The security guards of the Universe? You'd definitely begin to resent the Green Lanterns after the fifth or sixth time you saw the visible disappointment on the faces of the aliens on the planet you've come to save. You'd sink deeper and deeper into denial, first professing to the aliens that you're going to save them way better than a Green Lantern could and ultimately culminating in simply denying the existence of this other supposed space force that has kept law and order in the universe for so long that nobody in that entire universe has ever thought, "Shouldn't there be a back-up space cop force? Just in case?"
How depressing for the Darkstar. Hal Jordan doesn't even know who the fuck he is or what organization he works for.
Flash has been going on a rampage in Central City and Darkstar, tasked with protecting the Earth (not like a Green Lantern protects it but the way a security guard sitting in a tiny hut in a parking garage stuffing doughnuts into his mouth protects it) tries to stop Barry from destroying the world. You know, the way Flash always destroys everything basically by just existing with his godlike powers of time travel and dimension hopping. Hal doesn't want to stop him though because Barry is his friend. Does that make Hal a corrupt cop? Yes. Yes it does.
It also makes Hal a terrible cop because this Flash isn't really Barry Allen.
Flash gets away while Hal and the Darkstar debate over if Flash should be killed or not. The Darkstar realizes Hal was stalling him and goes after Flash, threatening to come back and investigate Hal later. Because of the corrupt cop shit and helping Flash get away from justice! At that same moment, Hal's bug that he put on Carol Ferris to spy on her goes off, alerting him to everything she's saying and doing in the privacy of her own home. This guy thinks his power gives him the right to do anything he wants, doesn't he?
Hal decides to have a flashback to earlier that morning so that he can justify to himself (and the reader) why he put a bug on Carol. He'd refused her proposal that morning. When he did, Carol seemed to enter a fugue state for a moment where she threatened to make Hal marry her, as if Star Sapphire were coming to the forefront of her personality again. So of course Hal just had to spy on her, just in case! He wouldn't have gone to that extreme, choosing to help her in the moment, but he had to rush off to help Barry after getting a message from Power Girl because bros before hoes, dude.
It also makes Hal a terrible cop because this Flash isn't really Barry Allen.
Flash gets away while Hal and the Darkstar debate over if Flash should be killed or not. The Darkstar realizes Hal was stalling him and goes after Flash, threatening to come back and investigate Hal later. Because of the corrupt cop shit and helping Flash get away from justice! At that same moment, Hal's bug that he put on Carol Ferris to spy on her goes off, alerting him to everything she's saying and doing in the privacy of her own home. This guy thinks his power gives him the right to do anything he wants, doesn't he?
Hal decides to have a flashback to earlier that morning so that he can justify to himself (and the reader) why he put a bug on Carol. He'd refused her proposal that morning. When he did, Carol seemed to enter a fugue state for a moment where she threatened to make Hal marry her, as if Star Sapphire were coming to the forefront of her personality again. So of course Hal just had to spy on her, just in case! He wouldn't have gone to that extreme, choosing to help her in the moment, but he had to rush off to help Barry after getting a message from Power Girl because bros before hoes, dude.
"Great" is a surprising but ultimately fair reaction to hearing that Wally West is dead.
Back in the present, Hal tracks down Barry before Darkstar does. He's at the Flash Museum reliving his old memories and threatening all of the patrons with death if they don't vacate the premises immediately. I'm beginning to suspect that this Flash isn't actually Barry Allen! Hal Jordan doesn't suspect anything yet except that maybe Barry wants to kill him for some reason.
During the fight, Hal Jordan keeps thinking he's holding back so as not to hurt Barry when it turns out Barry keeps going easy on Hal. It seems obvious. Green Lantern might have the most powerful weapon in the universe but Flash has always had the greatest superpower in DC history. Mostly he just gets played as a guy who can move fast. But isn't that enough to make somebody the most powerful? Unless your opponent can move as fast as you, what chance do they have? You can do anything in the space between seconds to murder your opponent any number of ways. Even when they have a Green Lantern ring. Flash can just run out, get a pair of hedge clippers, spray paint them yellow, and hack off Hal's finger in less than a second. But Flash never does anything like that. Instead, he battles guys who throw boomerangs and shoot ice beams. How did Barry ever have any trouble against chumps like that?!
During the fight, Hal Jordan keeps thinking he's holding back so as not to hurt Barry when it turns out Barry keeps going easy on Hal. It seems obvious. Green Lantern might have the most powerful weapon in the universe but Flash has always had the greatest superpower in DC history. Mostly he just gets played as a guy who can move fast. But isn't that enough to make somebody the most powerful? Unless your opponent can move as fast as you, what chance do they have? You can do anything in the space between seconds to murder your opponent any number of ways. Even when they have a Green Lantern ring. Flash can just run out, get a pair of hedge clippers, spray paint them yellow, and hack off Hal's finger in less than a second. But Flash never does anything like that. Instead, he battles guys who throw boomerangs and shoot ice beams. How did Barry ever have any trouble against chumps like that?!
See? Going easy on him! He could spin to top speed so fast, Hal's feet would rip off and his head would explode against the far wall!
Darkstar hears the commotion at the museum and interrupts the fight. Hal doesn't want Barry dead so he has to stop battling Barry to defend him. I don't know why Hal thinks this Space Security Guard can hurt Barry when Hal can barely stay alive while battling him. Anyway, Hal fails to protect his friend and it seems like Darkstar has blown him to bits. Hal doesn't buy it but allows the Darkstar to believe it so that he'll fuck off. Before Hal can investigate what did happen to Barry in the explosion, he gets another update from his ring about what's happening with Carol. She's screaming and moaning about something trying to get out of her so Hal flies back to help her. He thinks it's Star Sapphire but when he gets there, Carol assures him it is not.
It's this guy!
I don't know how this guy was living inside Carol's belly but that's probably not important right now. What is important is that Gerard Jones just created a villain named The Predator. A bit too on the nose, don't you think?
Green Lantern #40 Rating: C. I don't know what the fuck was going on here. Why was a Darkstar involved? Why did this whole "Is Barry Allen back?!" shit have to bleed over into Green Lantern?! Maybe it's all this Flash tie-in crap that caused me to drop this series. Or maybe it's because a grown man just ejected himself from Carol's uterus. Or maybe it's because I was sick to fucking death of the Darkstars? I guess we'll never know because my memory is shit.
Green Lantern #40 Rating: C. I don't know what the fuck was going on here. Why was a Darkstar involved? Why did this whole "Is Barry Allen back?!" shit have to bleed over into Green Lantern?! Maybe it's all this Flash tie-in crap that caused me to drop this series. Or maybe it's because a grown man just ejected himself from Carol's uterus. Or maybe it's because I was sick to fucking death of the Darkstars? I guess we'll never know because my memory is shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment