Friday, July 8, 2016

Green Arrow #2

After Shado and Emiko nearly killed Ollie, did they piss on him too?

The Review!
Benjamin Percy is doing a much better job on Green Arrow than he was before Rebirth. Although the whole "Oliver Queen loses all of his money and identity and connections to others to become a cypher fighting for justice" is pretty familiar territory by this point. I guess Black Canary will take him more seriously if he's not able to help people using his money and has to only help people one at a time with a shitty bow and arrow carved from the wood of Monkey Puzzle Trees. So, anyway, I'm actually sort of enjoying Green Arrow because these stories since Rebirth feel like Green Arrow stories. Not that he shot any arrows this issue but at least he had goatee, I guess? The rest of the commentary you probably don't want to read because I'm just as sick and angry as everybody else because of events this week. I think even Black Manta would be sick of America's current answer to all of its problems. I wonder how we would solve problems if we didn't have so many guns at hand? Is "talk" too ridiculous of an answer here? Probably, right?

The Commentary!
How many times do I need to do nothing but rant on the internet about good cops not standing against bad cops before I can ever support any police officers at all? Maybe it's time to start shouting into the void about District Attorneys being complicit in the wave of police officers murdering African-Americans? The problem with the "not all cops" defense is that when one cop commits an atrocity, the entire force closes ranks and defends the cop, no matter how much evidence exists to show that they were violent for no reason and then lied about the brutality. And how is a District Attorney supposed to indict a police officer when the District Attorney relies heavily on police cooperation and support? The entire police force would see an indictment as a betrayal and the District Attorney would soon be out of a job due to being made impotent and toothless. But how crazy is it that people are dying for nothing more than a police officer deciding anything is resisting arrest and that resisting arrest is a capital crime? Something needs to be done before we're living in 2000 AD's Judge Dredd world. I don't know what that thing is because I mostly just hide in my apartment reading comic books. I think this is an extrovert problem! My toolkit allows for me to forage for food, barely sustain a roof over my head, and act like it's the end of the world when a comic book writer does a substandard job. One of my other tools is keeping things light-hearted but fuck me. I feel like a fucking cunt if I just start spouting off Green Arrow dick jokes without at least acknowledging that this world sucks ass. I should at least mention that I realize real world shit is going down before I start pointing out how badly Benjamin Percy wants to be World's Best Ally.

So comic books. Whatever. Let's go. I guess.

This issue is called "Erasure" because Benjamin Percy was totally into them in the eighties. Unless he's choosing that word because it's prime Social Justice Lingo! I wonder who Black Canary will accuse Green Arrow of erasing?! Probably poor bisexual First Nation crossdressers. I've never heard him mention their problems when he's gone on a rant about the underprivileged! Erasure!

Emiko and Shado dump Ollie's nearly lifeless body into the Puget Sound. But first they load up his boat with spilled booze and needles and bags of smack. Now everybody will know he got fucked up and fell overboard and was probably eaten by Killer Whales. I guess they think he's really dead or else I'm sure they would have slit his throat to make sure. Maybe Emiko is still on Ollie's side and made sure he's still alive before throwing him overboard. Then maybe she filled Ollie's pockets with dog treats and set George loose in the Sound to find him.

Shado now works for an organization called The Burned. They travel around the world on the most ostentatious ship I've ever seen called The Inferno. And they work in the service of the Ninth Circle. I think Ben is setting up some kind of theme here but I just can't grasp what it might be.

Meanwhile, some guy outside Abu Dhabi is Skyping some other guy named Dante. I wonder if Dante has anything to do with The Burned? Nah, I don't see the connection. Anyway, the guy Skyping in to Dante is named Mr. Kanoot and he has some familiar muscle keeping him safe.

Diggle is pretty boring on the television show. I hope he's more entertaining here. Maybe he'll have a hilarious quirk, or a really horrible tramp stamp that can constantly be mentioned!

Diggle gets a message via his Google Glasses that Queen is dead, followed by instructions on how to avenge Queen. You know, if he wants too. The upside is that by avenging Oliver Queen's death, Diggle will get to be a main character in a comic book! The downside? Oh, you know the downside! Don't make me have to say the punchline that you've already guessed! I mean, of course I'm going to say it because I can't just leave it hanging! Okay, okay! The downside is that the comic book is Green Arrow!


And, of course, before I'm even done reading my comic book, some police are shot by snipers at a protest for police shooting civilians. I'm starting to think my solution of typing words to nobody wasn't so bad after all! Way to go, America. You fucking suck. If only there were more guns, I guess?

I guess I'm done talking about non-comic book things because I'd rather remain in my denial bubble. Everything good outside my window with the shades drawn and the curtains closed? Yeah, probably!

The news breaks that Oliver Queen has died in a drug fueled murder/suicide with his secretary whose body was recovered. Oliver's body is still missing because he's really alive somewhere. But Black Canary sees the news reports and she's all, "This is all about me! I'm the reason for this! Tragedy follows me and this is my tragedy that somebody else died because they put their penis inside my vagina and probably my butthole too. Darn me! Darn, darn, darn it, me!"

Meanwhile, Oliver has washed up on shore and is found by the pudgy IT guy. I'm really bad with names! I would have said, "Remember how bad I am with names?" But I don't expect anybody to have read enough of my sprawling manifesto hidden within comic book reviews to have even read that about me. Emiko managed to put her emergency tracking beacon up Oliver's butt before throwing him out of the boat. I guess she might be against hetero cis white rich guys but she isn't up for killing them. At least not the rich one that is also her brother and hasn't put her name on his will yet.

Ollie finally uses Henry's name and it all comes back to me! Henry Fyff! Hmm, that wasn't as much "all" as I thought it was going to be. Henry took Oliver to his Grandmother's house and she's able to heal him with racist tropes. You know the one! A-word C-word S-word! So racist!

Oliver wakes up from his healing bed two weeks later to find he's, once again, poor and homeless and destitute and without an identity. How often is this going to happen to him? I guess as often as the plot demands that Oliver have money or not have money! He's like a yo-yo except totally different because yo-yos have nothing to do with money at all.

I am bad at the analogies.

Black Canary conducts an investigation of her own because she thinks she's Batgirl. She's not very good at it because investigating doesn't often require singing and kicking ass and picking pubic hairs out of fishnet stockings.

Pshaw! I was just about to point out how everything was pointing towards that Dante fellow!

All Oliver has left is a secret hideout he dug in the woods outside Seattle. He tries to get Henry to do some more work for him but Henry doesn't do IT work for free. So now Oliver is all alone. It's just broke-ass Green Arrow against the world! Just like happens every twelve issues or so!

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