Thursday, July 21, 2016

New Suicide Squad #21

Deadshot fisting Harley isn't the most disturbing thing about this cover. The fact that El Diablo just finished is. HashtagHarleyHadJalapeñoPizzaWithLinguiçaLastNight

The Review!
I'm sad that Tim Seeley wasn't given the Suicide Squad in Rebirth. Rob Williams might do the Squad justice but I already know that Tim Seeley definitely can do them justice! He even convinced me that Harley Quinn can be a proper member of the team as opposed to just being a reason for people to buy the comic book! I suppose Ostrander had Punch and Jewelee on the team and it could be argued that that isn't a whole lot different than having Harley Quinn. Although Harley Quinn will never be killed and Punch and Jewelee were the definition of members who could die any issue. I'm also glad Tim Seeley finally pulled the trigger on El Diablo. I've been waiting for him to die for years! Not that his death isn't as ambiguous as every other comic book character death. He'll be back! At the very least, I'm glad to have had these months with Seeley's Squad. They finally felt like the Squad I know and love. Sean Ryan (who it looks like is doing the next issue) had some moments as well. But I think Seeley came even closer with his style and humor. Please don't fuck up the Suicide Squad for five years again, DC Comics!

The Commentary!
At the end of last issue, Deadshot was shot in the face by GunGuns. Or Gunfire. Or DeathPistol. Or was it BulletLadenEjaculate? I don't suppose it matters what his name was because he probably didn't actually have time to pull the trigger before Captain Boomerang blew his hand off with a Boomagrenade. That actually sounds pretty dangerous. Who would cross a boomerang with a grenade?! I guess a suicidal aborigine?

Oh. That's where Captain Boomerang got off to. I should have known better than to expect him to save the day. Deadshot better have worn the heavy face armor today.

Elsewhere in Fleischhaus, Cheetah and Rose Tattoo continue their battle to the death (probably El Diablo's death) while Harley Quinn and El Diablo (soon to be El Muerto) hide around the corner. El Diablo is all, "I accidentally killed a woman and her child with fire!" And Harley is all, "I'm wearing hot pants!" Neither of these interactions is explaining how Deadshot survived being shot in the face! I guess I should turn the page!

On the next page, I remember that the guy who makes guns out whatever is lying around is named Deathtrap. No wonder I couldn't remember it! It's so incredibly stupid! For some reason, he thinks he's the man who killed Deadshot even though Deadshot is lying on the ground and none of the church pews around them have been decorated with Floyd's blood or brains. Adam, the guy vying for the position of Shepherd of the Fist of Cain, stabs Deathtrap in the throat so that Deathtrap can die thinking he's killed Deadshot. That's sweet! I hope somebody does that for me the next time I'm out disc golfing and my disc disappears around the trees and I hear the chink of the chains on the basket and I believe I've gotten a hole in one! I mean, if I didn't actually get one, that is! If I really got one, I want to know for sure and not be dead afterward. But if I just thought I got one, I wouldn't mind dying immediately! Or maybe right after having celebratory sex with whoever is standing around and willing to have unsatisfying sex in nature with the possibility of stumbling into blackberry bushes.

I guess Adam can now become the Shepherd of the Fist of Cain even though none of the Suicide Squad have been killed. Oh, sure, Hunky Punk died. But he wasn't technically part of the Squad. In fact, all the people who died so far in this story were potential members of a Suicide Squad UK that I think I would have fucking loved. What a waste!

Adam prepares his Shepherd acceptance speech and it sounds like it was cribbed from Fight Club. "You never know how to live until you're about to die!" Was that the message of that movie? Or was it something about material goods making people way more happy than punching yourself in the face and being addicted to recovery meetings?

While Adam talks about killing Amanda Waller instead of just doing it (always a bad choice!), El Diablo has a stupid revelation. He believes that Rose Tattoo came for him, so he's going to challenge her while Cheetah and Harley make a run for it. Poor, stupid El Diablo. Never play the hero when you're the most disposable member of the Suicide Squad!

If Voltaic can come back from the dead with Resurrection Man Semen, Yo-Yo can come from being eaten by King Shark, and Reverse-Flash will eventually come back from traveling through time, I suppose it's only fair to leave El Diablo the possibility of coming back from Hell because he prays hard.

It turns out Deadshot was shot in the head with a flower and Deathtrap can regenerate. I think Deadshot might be the only character with "dead" or "death" in their name who doesn't have any super healing powers. Although he got some of that Resurrection Man Semen one time too! Deadshot and Deathtrap save Waller and become big heroes and probably Power Shower buddies.

Ha! Apparently Harley agrees with me! Extreme Washing, here we come! Literally!

Harley chooses the OTP name of "Trapshot" which is terrible. It would obviously be "Deaddeath".

Also, Deathtrap may not regenerate. He just may take a long time to bleed out. However he's still alive, he doesn't accept the ride home when Captain Boomerang arrives to save the day and oversee the evacuation. Instead, he decides to stay behind and turn Fleischhaus into a giant gun. I guess the remaining members of The Fist of Cain will be the bullets?

Deadshot also tries to stay behind so he can die in the arms of his new lover but Captain Boomerang rescues him against his will. That's so gross! Non-consensual life-saving. Ugh.

Back at Belle Reve, everything ends happily ever after as Floyd shits while making up love letters for Harley. That's about as good an ending as Ostrander ever came up with! Can I just pretend this is the last issue of New Suicide Squad until the Rebirth Squad? Why, yes, I can, me! Thanks!

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