Sunday, July 10, 2016

Black Canary #12

The Review!
This is just The Last Temptation of Christ but starring Dinah Lance! At least it's shorter! And Brenden Fletcher's name is easier to spell than Nikolas Kazantzakis! Just a second while I consult Lord Google. Holy shit! I spelled the last name right! But I got the first name wrong. It's just Niko! But I bet that's short for Nikolas, right?!

The Commentary!
In this issue, Dinah Lance gets asked the stupidest question anybody can ever ask another person.

Stop judging me for not living my life the way you think I should be living it! I mean stop judging Dinah!

Nobody should ever feel obligated to live their life in a way somebody else expects them to. Even if they have a gift. Even if they have the ability to help others. Even if they could bring peace to the entire sodding world through some magic hoodoo. Nobody else has to live inside your own head. It's unfair to expect more than somebody is already giving. It's unfair to expect other people to view the world in the same way that you view it, and to act according to your desires, no matter how selfless or charitable your desires may be. We can only be who we are, and, in the end, we will only answer to ourselves. We can only answer to ourselves. And sometimes what we want is to not kick criminals in the teeth on a constant basis! Sometimes we just want to fucking sing!

But since Black Canary is a hero, I bet her singing is helping more than kicking people in the face! Somehow! It's, like, inspiring or something! It's making the world a better place! It has to be or else we're all going to judge her for only caring about herself and not others! How dare she!

Since the next scene is has another "One Year Later" tag, this must be Dinah's visions of her possible future as she lays dying with a katana in her gut. In her vision of the future as the lead singer of Black Canary, somebody (Izak Orato?) is convincing her that giving people joy is a noble way to live. But she doubts that because she remembers kicking people in the junk was an actual noble way to live! I don't mean I believe that but I think Dinah still believes that because she had all of that Team 7 brainwashing. I mean training.

Not that I think bringing people joy is a noble way to live either! Both ways are just ways to live. Nobility has nothing to do with any of them. Do what you want, Dinah! Stop being distracted and controlled by other people. I mean, you can even choose to just bleed out and stop struggling with your destiny, if you wanted to!

The Justice League can only be saved by roundhouses and leg sweeps?! Diana's subconscious has a really healthy self-esteem!

Black Canary's musical future begins to get bleaker and bleaker as she realizes at forty that she's become a commercial sellout. Her music reached a broader audience and her miserable little fans couldn't be any less happier for her! They accuse her of leaving her art behind to become a bland, moneymaking puppet! And, of course, her nemesis Ravedeath continues to wreak havoc on the world because she fell for his offer. Now she's a musician instead of a super hero and only her judo kicks can stop him!

Dinah tries to get Black Canary back together because her life has lost all meaning. I guess I was wrong about people choosing to live with their choices instead of being bullied by obligation! See what happens when you make the selfish choice? You wind up dying lonely and unloved! Except Dinah is already dying lonely and unloved and this is all in her imagination because she's really lying on a floor with a katana in her belly.

As all hallucinogenic temptations do, Dinah's passes in time and she returns to the present with the information she needs to create the proper future. She knows the Five Heavens Palm and means to use it on Izak to stop Ravedeath from destroying the universe. Although can you use hallucinations as evidence in your manslaughter trial? Won't Dinah just wind up in prison for killing a record producer?

Luckily Ravedeath decided to attack in demon form instead of human form. I think people are allowed to kill demons with karate moves. I suppose it was also self-defense. Whatever! Black Canary defeats the bad person and realizes she was never cut out to be the singer in a band! That's independent comic shit! She's a super hero!

So, you know, she quits the band and moves to Seattle. Which is great news! Not the Seattle part! The part about quitting the band. Because now Bo Maeve is the lead singer of Black Canary! The band just got five bajillion times better! And sexier! And mean-spiriteder! I love Bo! Hopefully the end of this comic doesn't mean the end of Bo.

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