Friday, July 22, 2016

Earth Too: Society #14

Oh fuck. The Wonders all just came together in peace! Why are they at each others' throats this time?!

The Review!
More than any other book published by DC Comics, this one is exhibiting all the flaws of editorial process. At first it seemed like Earth-Too, the revamped Convergence world (I think? It doesn't really matter. Don't think about it too hard), was going to become an exact replica of Earth-2 so that we could get back to Justice Society of America stories. But then something happened behind the scenes which changed that idea and so nobody on Earth-2 was able to use the Genesis Machine and Bruce's cube of coded information. Earth-Too was going to proceed with a new story about how the Wonders were going to help remake the world in the face of shortages and border skirmishes and culture conflicts. But with Rebirth, it looks like the editors want Earth-2 back! So guess what story is taking place? That's right! It's the Genesis Machine story yet again! Except instead of Godlike Jimmy Olsen trying to steal the Terraforming MacGuffin, we have Ultra-Humanite trying to steal it. But I'm sure, according to this cover, we're still going to have the heroes fighting among themselves for the future of this planet. Will it continue to be Earth-Too or will it once again become the Earth-2 everybody's grandfather misses? I'm guessing, since this story is getting a second chance, it will end differently this time and we'll be left with Earth-2.

The Commentary!
Earth-2 Dick Grayson has been a horrible father. He wasn't able to find his kid for about thirty issues of Earth-2 and then after Convergence, he all but gave up on finding him. That's too bad because he was around to be found! It's just a sentient white-haired ape got to him first! Now Dick Grayson's kid is an instant teenager with super powers and severe Daddy Issues! He's going to fit in great in the DC Universe.

Since Tornado Lane failed to write a constitution of the world, the Wonders now need to come up with a means of governing that everybody will accept. Except that's not possible because the only way Wonders know how to decide things is with their fists. But usually while they're beating each other up, they're attacked by a real threat which leads them to all agree on punching that person together. So Ultra-Humanite will probably be the one to unite the Wonders and bring about world peace. And then I guess somebody will accidentally knock the Pandora Vessel off of a table and recreate Earth-2?

Oh, excuse me. It's the Pandora Casket this issue.

If I remember correctly (and I'm not claiming I am because my memory sucks and I hate remembering anything about any New 52 Earth-2 comic book anyway!), The Huntress was all for terraforming the world with the Genesis Machine and Power Girl was against it. Well now Power Girl is all for terraforming the world with the Pandora Vessel--excuse me!--Casket because why not? They tried things the non-destroying-the-world-to-replace-it-with-an-old-one way and it didn't work. Let's try destroying the world and see if that's any better!

Dick Grayson wants to return the old world so that he can be reunited with Babs and the son he lost eight times and finally decided to just stop looking for. But will that be any better than not having him? He'll spend every minute thinking, "But is this really Babs? Is this really my son? Or just pale imitations of people I couldn't really get intimate with anyway?" That way lies madness! Especially if the new Babs decides she doesn't like not-new Dick! Then he'll have lost her twice!

Meanwhile, Ultra-Humanite's Humanites begin their attack on Neotropolis. How can it fail? The Humanites are mostly composed of five and six year olds instantly aged to teenagers and given super powers. The Wonders are experienced fighters who have had years to hone their battle techniques! Although being older also means the Wonders have lost most of their passion, so maybe the Humanites will win the day on pure youthful exuberance and idealism! Oh to be young and credulous again!

Of course the youngsters get the upper hand! I was just listing the reasons why they really shouldn't win. But we all knew they would beat the Wonders in the first half of the story because that's how comic book stories work. After the defeat, the heroes rally together and rise up against overwhelming odds to save the day! I mean all of the heroes that are left.

Yeah! Nothing can cut steel! It's a known science fact!

All the battle stuff is your typical battle stuff so I should get to the big surprise twist ending that nobody saw coming. Firepattern is the last Humanite left after battling Fury and is about to get the Pandora Vessel--Fuck. Sorry again!--Casket when he sees a battered, broken old man leaning on it telling jokes about over his dead body or something. Firepattern is all, "Daddy?!" And Dick Grayson is all, "What? Of course I'm not your dad! You're like sixteen years old! I would have had to have fathered you at ten! Get out of here!" No wait! He doesn't do that at all. He's just all, "John?! I finally found you! I'm the hero dad!" And then the series doesn't respectfully die but continues next month.

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