Issue #29?! I ran out of things to say about Harley by Issue #11!
The Review or Whatever!
I figured out the main ingredients to a Harley Quinn comic book last issue! I know, I know! How the hell did it take me nearly thirty issues to figure out what makes this book tick?! I suppose I was distracted by one of the main ingredients: lots of half-nude panels! This one starts off strong with the near nudity right there on the cover! Okay, so it's just a bit of breast smashed against a window. But you know what seeing a bit of breast means to a twelve year old boy¹? Plus the image of Harley as a gigantic robot on the first page is so sexy that I just fucked my toaster². Another main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic book is loads of innuendo. Consider innuendo the onions of a Harley Quinn meal. If prepared right, they'll highlight the flavors and bring it all together. But if you fuck up, you've got food that tasted like an onion farted on it. While reading this issue, I will almost certainly wind up with innuendo fart breath. On the first page alone, you have a picture of a rooster named Mike which is a totally great dirty joke if you're just the right mix of mature and immature to understand it, and picture of Harley's beaver. That's an innuendo because she has a real beaver. It's stuffed³. And the main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic which can successfully bring all of the other ingredients together: hinted at sex with Poison Ivy! I'm pretty sure that's the main reason fans read this book. Because they get some in canon material to help them jerk off⁴ to their Harley on Poison Ivy action. Oh! I almost forgot the spices! Sprinkle in a whole bunch of Holee Wordarollees and you're done!
This issue begins with a Japanese business man buying a Transformer to kill his unfaithful wife.
I figured out the main ingredients to a Harley Quinn comic book last issue! I know, I know! How the hell did it take me nearly thirty issues to figure out what makes this book tick?! I suppose I was distracted by one of the main ingredients: lots of half-nude panels! This one starts off strong with the near nudity right there on the cover! Okay, so it's just a bit of breast smashed against a window. But you know what seeing a bit of breast means to a twelve year old boy¹? Plus the image of Harley as a gigantic robot on the first page is so sexy that I just fucked my toaster². Another main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic book is loads of innuendo. Consider innuendo the onions of a Harley Quinn meal. If prepared right, they'll highlight the flavors and bring it all together. But if you fuck up, you've got food that tasted like an onion farted on it. While reading this issue, I will almost certainly wind up with innuendo fart breath. On the first page alone, you have a picture of a rooster named Mike which is a totally great dirty joke if you're just the right mix of mature and immature to understand it, and picture of Harley's beaver. That's an innuendo because she has a real beaver. It's stuffed³. And the main ingredient of a Harley Quinn comic which can successfully bring all of the other ingredients together: hinted at sex with Poison Ivy! I'm pretty sure that's the main reason fans read this book. Because they get some in canon material to help them jerk off⁴ to their Harley on Poison Ivy action. Oh! I almost forgot the spices! Sprinkle in a whole bunch of Holee Wordarollees and you're done!
This issue begins with a Japanese business man buying a Transformer to kill his unfaithful wife.
Here she is being unfaithful. And here I sit with an erection. I don't think the man's nipple had much to do with the erection.
The man the wife is fucking gets his head blown off in the middle of coitus. I think this means this comic book can't be sold in Germany! At least not to kids. Of course it's Rated Teen Plus, so obviously no kids in America are reading it either! If it weren't for the fucking bit, I bet this would be rated G for Goodness Sakes, Why Can't All The Little Tykes Enjoy It?!
After killing his wife's lover, his wife, and everybody in the company except his sexretary, the man makes the Transformer blows it's head off⁵. And since the head is where the pilot sits, the guy just killed himself. I suppose Harley will gain access to a Transformer herself before this issue is over. And maybe her Transformer will totally eat Poison Ivy's transformer's robot pussy!
After the robot death intro, Harley Quinn and Little Tony take to fussing with snow globes.
After killing his wife's lover, his wife, and everybody in the company except his sexretary, the man makes the Transformer blows it's head off⁵. And since the head is where the pilot sits, the guy just killed himself. I suppose Harley will gain access to a Transformer herself before this issue is over. And maybe her Transformer will totally eat Poison Ivy's transformer's robot pussy!
After the robot death intro, Harley Quinn and Little Tony take to fussing with snow globes.
First actual Beaver Joke of the issue.
I maybe should have read a little further because Amanda and Jimmy make the Beaver Joke more explicit, just in case all of these beaver innuendos are way too subtle for the sophisticated readers of Harley Quinn.
After filling her beaver with balls, Harley heads out to get lunch with Poison Ivy. I don't think editorial has allowed anybody to make Harley and Poison Ivy's relationship sexually explicit, so it's just a bunch of scenes of cheek kisses and ramming huge hot dogs down their throats and talk of how they would fuck each other if stupid editorial would just butt the goddamned fuck out.
To pay their bills, Harley and Little Tony head out to steal some Transforming cars. They don't know they're Transformers yet! They'll probably figure that out when later they're attacked by that mobster who wants to kill Harley.
After filling her beaver with balls, Harley heads out to get lunch with Poison Ivy. I don't think editorial has allowed anybody to make Harley and Poison Ivy's relationship sexually explicit, so it's just a bunch of scenes of cheek kisses and ramming huge hot dogs down their throats and talk of how they would fuck each other if stupid editorial would just butt the goddamned fuck out.
To pay their bills, Harley and Little Tony head out to steal some Transforming cars. They don't know they're Transformers yet! They'll probably figure that out when later they're attacked by that mobster who wants to kill Harley.
For some reason, they have a monkey with them.
After the job is a success and some bowling gets played, it's time for the robot fight. And then after the robot fight, it's time to kill the mobster who wanted Harley killed! And then after that, it's all over⁶!
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¹Twelve-year old boy is a synonym for "men of all ages".
²That didn't work out as well as I was hoping.
³I know it's stuffed because there's a formula for how many times that joke has been used. (X*Y)/(8=D) where all of the variables are equal to too many times.
⁴Jerk off is used here as a term for both male and female masturbation. Because it just sounds great even if women have nothing to jerk. Or do they?
⁵If it's called a cockpit, why isn't it in the cock? Not that this robot had a cock. But then shouldn't a synonym for vagina be cockpit?
⁶I suppose I could go into greater detail but it's all kind of silly.
⁷Is that enough underscores?
_____________________________________________________________________________⁷
¹Twelve-year old boy is a synonym for "men of all ages".
²That didn't work out as well as I was hoping.
³I know it's stuffed because there's a formula for how many times that joke has been used. (X*Y)/(8=D) where all of the variables are equal to too many times.
⁴Jerk off is used here as a term for both male and female masturbation. Because it just sounds great even if women have nothing to jerk. Or do they?
⁵If it's called a cockpit, why isn't it in the cock? Not that this robot had a cock. But then shouldn't a synonym for vagina be cockpit?
⁶I suppose I could go into greater detail but it's all kind of silly.
⁷Is that enough underscores?
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